Page 6 of Hidden Vows (Love in Ashford Falls #3)

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ABBEY

“Okay, look, I know we’re supposed to be at work in thirty minutes, but I can’t wait until the morning rush dies down,” Ava says as she squeezes past me into my apartment the following morning.

“Ava—”

“No, Abbey, you alluded to something months ago, and I let you keep your secrets, but I saw the look on your face at the hospital yesterday. I think you need to let it out.” Her voice softens as she continues.

“If there’s one thing I learned from everything I went through, it’s that you can’t hold it all in.

” She pauses, reaching for my hand. “I know I haven’t known you long, and you tend to keep people at arm’s length, but I’m not going to let you do it anymore. ”

My lips tip up in a stilted smile. I know Ava’s concern comes from a place of friendship, but it doesn’t make it easier for me to hear. We’ve grown close over the last several months, along with Quinn and Emily, but opening up to others doesn’t come easy for me—not anymore.

Ava went through a lot over the holidays and at the start of this year. I know it was a call from her brother that brought her to Ashford Falls, but it was running from her problems back home that kept her here—at least at first.

Ava’s close with her brother, and he’ll always support her in everything she does, but Ava still struggled to share the problems she’d been having when she first got here. It was Gage who ended up being the person she first leaned on, and it was him who convinced her to be honest with Declan.

She eventually shared the whole story with everyone she’s grown close to, me included, but it took her until she was put in a really bad situation.

Now she’s happier than I’ve ever seen her, even with the recent loss of Scott, a man who was more like a father to her than her own ever was.

“Abbey,” Ava whispers when I don’t respond.

“You’re not alone. I don’t think you ever have been, but I won’t let you think you are anymore.

You told me I’d be a perfect fit, and I know you meant at the bookstore, but I’m a perfect fit as your friend too.

You’re stuck with me now, so you’ll just have to learn to live with it.

” Her tone is light in the end, but I see the truth in her eyes.

She won’t let me out of this apartment until I tell her something.

Even if that means we’re late in opening the bookstore.

“There’s not much to tell.”

That’s such a lie. There’s a lot of history between Jude and me, thirty years’ worth, but I don’t think I’m ready to share that story quite yet.

“Great, we’ll be right on time for work.” Ava waltzes over to my couch and takes a seat before turning to look at me expectantly.

I take my time joining Ava on the couch, trying to figure out where to start. The truth is, I don’t even know the full story, but I know it starts with our parents.

My mother and Walt were born and raised in Ashford Falls.

They grew up next door to each other and were best friends.

From the stories I heard, they were practically inseparable.

But Mom went away to college, where she met my dad and fell madly in love, while Walt stayed close to home and met Kimberly.

They both lived their own lives while still making their friendship a priority.

But when Mom graduated, Dad asked her to move with him to DC, where he was trying to open his own investment firm. She agreed, especially since she’d just found out she was pregnant with me.

The year I turned five was the year Dad made it big with his investment firm, and it was also the year Mom finally convinced him to buy a house in Ashford Falls.

Which, I guess, is where Jude and my story officially starts.

“Jude and I met when I was five, shortly after my parents bought a house here in town,” I tell Ava. “They hadn’t intended to live here full-time, but Mom loved Ashford Falls, and DC isn’t that far away, so we stayed while Dad commuted back and forth.”

“You say there isn’t much to tell, yet you’re starting the story thirty years ago. How is there not a lot to tell?”

I chuckle lightly. “I’m just giving you a bit of backstory.”

“All right. Sorry. I’ll be quiet.” Ava smiles, lifting her hands slightly in apology.

“Jude and I became the best of friends. We did everything together, and shortly after I turned fourteen, we started dating. I know it’s ridiculous to say, but I knew I was going to marry him.”

I remember the day Jude and I met like it was yesterday.

We’d only moved to town a few days earlier, but Dad had been called back to the city before we could finish unpacking. Mom had gotten a little frustrated with me and needed a break, so she took me to the park, hoping other kids would be there to play with.

Unfortunately, the park was empty when we got there, but I was used to playing by myself. Mom was always around and tried her best, but she couldn’t entertain me twenty-four seven.

Shortly after we got to the park, Walt showed up with Jude, and without even giving him a chance to do anything, I ran right up to him and introduced myself. From that moment on, he was my best friend—and I was his.

“There’s something about falling in love with your best friend.

They understand you in a way most people never will, and that’s what I felt with Jude.

He truly was my other half.” We were each other’s first everything.

There was a comfort in knowing Jude knew all of my secrets—or at least most of them.

When it came to him, I never felt self-conscious or afraid.

He was my safe place, and I thought I was his.

“I thought I knew him better than I knew myself.”

“You didn’t?” Ava probes when I don’t continue.

“I honestly don’t know anymore.” I stand from the couch, unable to sit still. I move back to the kitchen, where I was packing up the s’mores bars and lemon cookies I made last night before Ava knocked on my door. “We got married, but we kept it secret.”

“What?” Ava shouts, standing from her seat and marching into the kitchen. “Married in secret?”

“Yeah, my dad really didn’t like the idea of Jude and me being together, but we didn’t care. We loved each other, and that was all that mattered.”

The love I felt for Jude on our wedding day was like nothing I’d ever felt before—like nothing I’ve ever experienced since.

And I thought Jude felt the same. The way his voice wavered as he said his vows, the love that showed in his eyes, the gentle caress of his hands against mine, all of it spoke of the love we shared.

It may not have been the wedding I’d always imagined growing up, but it was perfectly us, and that was all I wanted in the end—a wedding solely about us.

“That’s all that should matter,” Ava whispers in the silence. “Why didn’t your dad like you with Jude?”

“I honestly don’t know.” And that’s the truth. I have some suspicions, but I was never able to get an answer from my mother, and my father refused to talk about it at all. “There was always this perception that the Murphys came from the wrong side of the tracks.”

“What?” Ava asks in disbelief. “Why the hell would people go to Murphy’s if they thought that?”

“It wasn’t everybody in town who thought it, but it was enough.” I snap the lids closed on the containers before I continue. “Of course, Murphy’s is the only bar in town, so people didn’t let their opinions of the owner stop them from spending their money there.”

“Right,” Ava scoffs. “So, your dad just went along with parts of the town and assumed the Murphys were bad news? Without actually knowing them?”

“My mom was from Ashford Falls. She and Walt grew up together. They were best friends.”

“Was it more than that?”

“I don’t know.” I spin away from her and move to the sink to wash my hands.

Ava doesn’t need me to say the word to understand I truly have no idea why my father feels the way he does about Walt and Jude, but that doesn’t stop her from returning us back to the original conversation.

“What happened with you and Jude? After you got married? ”

I keep my back turned to her, not wanting to see her face when she hears my next words. “We were married in June, shortly after I graduated high school, and three months later I filed for divorce.”

“I’m sorry. Did I hear you correctly?”

“You did.” I turn back to face Ava, leaning back against the sink.

There’s so much more to that statement, but I’ve walked down memory lane enough for today. And the truth is, I’m already raw from simply seeing him yesterday. Anymore, and I’m not sure how I’ll be able to function.

“That’s it? That’s all you’re going to tell me?” Ava asks incredulously.

“Yes, because I may not know Jude like I used to, but I know how much he loves his father. And until Walt is back on his feet, Jude won’t be going anywhere.

” It’s not the complete truth, but it’s not a total lie either.

No matter how much I still hurt from what happened between us, I know what it’s like to see a parent lying in a hospital bed, and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.

“So?”

“I don’t want to influence what you think of Jude. The town will try to do that enough and no matter what, he deserves to have a little peace while he deals with everything.”

“You’re too nice sometimes,” Ava mumbles.

“No, I’m not.” I push off the side of the sink, moving to collect the containers of sweets.

“It’s been seventeen years since I’ve spoken to Jude.

I have no idea what kind of man he is now, and it’s not fair to judge someone based on the mistakes they made as a child.

Because no matter how grown-up we thought we were, that’s what we were—children. ”

“Abbey,” Ava calls as I walk to the door, making me stop to look at her over my shoulder. “You looked devastated when you saw him yesterday.”

Turning to face her head on, I give her another truth. “Because the boy I remember had such a light about him, and the man I saw yesterday was shrouded in darkness. No matter what happened between us, I don’t want him to be unhappy.”

I’m not entirely sure that’s the truth, but it’s how I want to feel about him. I want to wish him well in all of his endeavors. If I can do that, it will mean I’ve moved on from all of it.

And it’s time to move on—it’s more than time.

“I don’t even know the details, but I can imagine based on your face right now, and I don’t think I could forgive Gage if he hurt me like that,” Ava offers as she moves to open the door for me, grabbing my bag from beside the door and twisting the lock on her way out.

“I’ve had seventeen years to come to terms with all of it. If you asked me how I felt right after it happened, I would’ve had a much different response.”

“Still, you’re a better person than I am.”

No, I’m really not.

I don’t know how to respond, so I don’t.

In the silence, we make our way downstairs and enter Falls Book Haven from the back door. My eyes wander to the right just before I step inside, to the back door of Murphy’s, and I wonder how long it’ll be before I’ll have to start avoiding the bar again.