Page 38 of Hidden Vows (Love in Ashford Falls #3)

twenty-nine

ABBEY

“I’m sorry. It’s been how long?” Ava asks in disbelief. “Why the hell haven’t you told me sooner?”

“Yeah, that’s the most important part of this?” Quinn rolls her eyes in exasperation.

“You two are like children,” Emily murmurs, her eyes focusing on me. “We’re gonna need you to go back to two weeks ago and tell us what happened, because last we all talked you weren’t sure what really happened when you were a teenager.”

My eyes wander to Jude where he stands with the guys by the grill. It’s nice to see the small smile on his face as Declan, Gage, and Caleb laugh at something Max must’ve said. Unsurprisingly, his eyes meet mine a few seconds later.

Ever since he came clean about everything that happened with his author career and my dad, we’ve been so connected to each other.

I felt connected to him the second he walked back into my life a little over two months ago, but this link between us is different.

There’s a peace now that wasn’t there before.

I still find myself staring at him whenever he’s around, like I’m afraid he’ll disappear if we’re away from each other for too long. But that thought evaporates quicker and quicker every time it shows its ugly head.

“I didn’t go home after I left your place that night.” I bring my focus back to the ladies in front of me and tell them the truth. “Well, I mean, I did. But instead of going into my apartment I went to Jude’s.”

“And he told you what happened?” Ava raises a hand to cover her mouth at the look Quinn and Emily throw her way. Not that it stops her from talking through her fingers. “Sorry. I’ll hold my questions until the end.”

“No, he didn’t tell me what happened, but only because I wouldn’t let him.

” I fidget with the bottle in my hand, not loving the light I’m about to paint myself in.

“Honestly, I threw myself at him, begging him for sex, and then I ran out just as things were getting good because I realized it was a mistake.”

“Oh-kayyy…” Quinn drags the word out, emphasizing each syllable, but there’s no judgment in her eyes.

When I look at Ava and Emily, they’re both staring back the same way, simply waiting for me to continue.

I don’t know what else I’m expecting. If there’s one thing I’ve learned about these women, it’s that we’ve all used sex in one way or another.

Whether it was to prove we still had power and control in those moments, or because we just needed to feel something, we’ve all tried to make sex the answer to our problems.

Taking a breath, I give them the rest. “I missed helping out at the bookstore because I ran away to my dad’s in an effort to avoid Jude.

There was no way he wasn’t going to try talking to me when I work and live next door to him.

Of course, my dad came home from his business trip and made it very clear his feelings about Jude have not changed.

” I pause, taking a gulp of air and then my drink, letting my mind settle before I continue.

“I asked him point blank why he hates Jude and he refused to tell me. All he said was that I’m just like my mother and no matter what I’d always choose Jude over him.”

“Wow. Did your mom ever choose Walt over your dad?” Ava asks quietly.

“I have no idea.” I throw my hands up in the air, more than exasperated with the entire situation.

“I can’t think of any time my mother didn’t drop everything to be there for my father when he asked, but then again, I know I don’t know everything about their relationship.

Is it possible?” I shrug. “Of course, it’s possible. ”

“What happened after you talked to your dad?” Emily asks in the silence that follows.

“I went home.” My eyes move back to Jude and I feel my shoulders relax. I didn’t even realize I’d been holding so much tension in them until I felt them physically deflate, just from laying eyes on the man across the yard.

“You went home and…” Ava probes when I don’t continue.

“And Jude showed up at my door. He refused to walk away until I agreed to talk to him.”

“So you opened the door, and he confessed his love for you and told you it was all a lie!” Ava rushes to say, interrupting me yet again.

I chuckle softly, shaking my head at her antics, and the glint in her eye tells me that was exactly what she was aiming for.

“I opened the door, and just as we started talking Chuck showed up.”

There’s no need to explain who Chuck is, Ava met him once when he showed up at the bookstore one night while we were closing, and she didn’t pass up the opportunity to know more at our very next ladies’ night.

Chuck has been the topic of conversation a few times…

none of them loved the idea of me and Chuck, not that I can blame them .

It was clear from the start nothing serious was going to happen, and considering the three of them have found their happily ever after, they want the same for me.

“That couldn’t have been good.” Quinn grimaces.

“I mean…it could have been worse. Him showing up made Jude reveal more than I think he’d been planning on.”

“Oh? Like what?” Ava bounces in her spot slightly.

“Like the fact he’s never slept with anyone else…ever.”

“What?” all three of them shout.

The silence that washes over the yard is a little comical. Everything goes still as the guys turn to look at us, concern evident in all their expressions.

“You all okay?” Declan asks from his spot behind the grill.

“Yeah, we’re good,” Quinn yells back, waving him off like he’s the one who disrupted the story. “I’m sorry, but I think you’re going to have to explain that one.”

Before I say anything else, I feel the weight of Jude’s stare on me and let my eyes meet his, silently telling him I’m fine. With a slight nod of his head, his attention turns back to the guys in front of him and mine comes back to the ladies in front of me.

“I mean, there’s not much else to it than that. Jude’s never been with anyone else.”

“Hold up.” Ava shakes her head, her brows pinched. “There’s so much more to say. I mean, the whole reason you broke up was that he had an affair. At least, that’s what he claimed.”

“The affair was a lie.” I lift a hand when I see Ava’s mouth open.

“Look, I said it that night, I didn’t trust the affair was real.

He’d been telling me for weeks before that we should get a divorce, I just refused to listen to him.

I thought it was nerves about being married so young.

I thought it was something we’d be able to move past. ”

“I don’t blame you. The way you two were with each other was enviable.” Quinn reaches out and squeezes my hand before releasing it.

“Honestly, if I didn’t have Caleb I’d be envious watching you two together now.”

“Ditto. Well, I mean, if I didn’t have Gage.

” Ava raises her drink in an imaginary toast, making all of us smile.

“So, the affair wasn’t real. Not that I thought it was.

That man has looked at you like you’re his entire world since the moment he showed up in Ashford Falls. Anyone with eyes could see that.”

“What really happened?” Quinn whispers.

“My father.” It shouldn’t surprise me the lack of shock on their faces.

My father’s been showing his true colors more and more lately.

“He told Jude if he didn’t leave me, and Ashford Falls, he’d take my mother to DC and make sure I never saw her again, and that he’d destroy Murphy’s and make it so difficult for Walt to be here, he’d need to leave to find peace.

He threatened to destroy the people Jude cared about most.”

“And instead of talking to you about it, he decided what was best for everyone involved and left?” Emily asks in bewilderment.

“Hindsight is twenty-twenty,” Ava whispers, her eyes shifting to Gage for a few seconds before they return to me.

But when they do, there are tears building in them.

“You can’t take what you know now and apply to a situation from the past. At nineteen, Jude probably thought Edward could do some horrible things if he wanted to. ”

It’s my turn to reach out and offer comfort. Ava was the queen of beating herself up for decisions she made that she thought she should have known better. It wasn’t until Gage came into her life that she started to believe what she just told me.

“You’re right.” I offer her a small smile. “I’m still angry with him about it, but I understand it. We were kids and he thought he was doing what was best. My mom had just been diagnosed with ALS and I was going to lose her no matter what, he wanted me to have as much time with her as I could.”

“He still could have given you the option,” Emily mumbles.

“But that’s just it, he knew me—he still knows me—better than anyone else. If he’d told me back then, I would’ve chosen him. I would’ve been devastated not having those last two years with my mom, but I would’ve chosen him because she would’ve been so mad at me if I’d made any other decision.”

Quinn doesn’t say anything, but she grabs my hand and holds on tight, a tear slipping down her cheek. It’s the worst club to be in—the one where you’ve lost a parent—but sometimes having someone to lean on who truly understands the pain makes it just a little easier to bear.

Quinn’s gaze shifts away for a minute before she pulls herself back together. “So, he didn’t cheat, he’s been faithful to you this whole time, and you’ve forgiven him.”

“We’re still working through some of the trust issues—it’s not something that can be fixed with the flip of a switch—but we’re both more than willing to work on them. So, yeah, I’ve forgiven him.”

Ava releases a massive sigh, her entire body deflating.

“Oh, thank goodness. When you first told us about the alleged affair, I hated him on principle, but he just kept worming his way back.” A soft chuckle escapes my lips.

“Seriously, that man is obsessed with you and you deserve to have someone obsessed with you. You’re fucking amazing.

” She springs forward, pulling me in for a quick hug before she practically skips away.

“I feel sorry for anyone who doesn’t have an Ava in their life,” Emily murmurs quietly at my side as Ava joins the guys by the grill.

“She’s definitely a force of nature.” Quinn laughs.

“Honestly, I feel lucky to have all of you in my life,” I tell them.

It’s crazy to think how much my life has changed over the last year. I never thought I’d have friends like them—I wasn’t open to that possibility—but here they are, and I wouldn’t change that for anything.