Page 5 of Hidden Vows (Love in Ashford Falls #3)

three

JUDE

I don’t know what I was expecting when I arrived at the hospital, but it’s not Gage dressed in a suit with a petite woman, in what can only be described as a bridesmaid dress, tucked into his side.

Even disheveled, they make a beautiful couple.

A little pinch in my chest at that thought makes me miss a step. I’ve spent a lot of my life regretting the decisions I made seventeen years ago, but over the last year I’ve been thinking more about how I’ve grown over that period.

Is it possible I would’ve grown in the same way if I stayed in Ashford Falls? Yeah, it’s definitely possible. But there’s no way to know for sure, and for that reason alone, I can’t live in the past anymore.

It’s a new mindset, but it brings me a little peace—probably a peace I don’t deserve.

It’s the woman who notices me first. I see the way she straightens and elbows Gage lightly in the side. I’m pretty confident it’s unease I see filling her eyes.

“Jude, it’s good to see you,” Gage says, releasing the woman at his side and pulling me into a hug. “I wish it were under better circumstances, but it’s still good.”

It takes me a second to return the hug, and I know it’s awkward. I honestly can’t remember the last time I was hugged. Probably the last time I saw my dad, which I hate to realize was almost six years ago. I should’ve made more of an effort to see him.

Gage doesn’t even acknowledge the uncomfortable air. He simply steps back from the hug, pulling the woman back into his side. “This is Ava Day, my girlfriend. Funnily enough, she’s from Harborview.”

“Gage, I don’t think now is the time to point out the small world we live in.

” The uneasiness I saw is completely gone when she looks at me.

Now all I see is sympathy. “It’s nice to meet you, Jude.

Your dad always speaks so highly of you.

” She reaches a hand out into the space between us.

This time, I don’t hesitate and return the handshake immediately.

“Ava Day, the lawyer?”

“Oh, um, yeah.”

I nod my head, a small smile forming on my lips. “My dad talks about you a lot as well.” I’m sure I should expand on that more, but I’ve never been one to fill the silence. It’s where I find the most comfort.

Over the last few months, Dad has spoken more and more about Ava Day. He told me about her when he first met her, how she seemed haunted by something and how he hoped she’d find some peace in Ashford Falls. Lately, those conversations have drifted toward how happy he’s been for Ava and Gage.

Through him, I know he watched their entire story unfold. Looking at the two of them now, I wouldn’t have needed all those conversations to know just how much they love each other .

“Well, uh, can we take you up to his room?” Gage asks after a few moments of awkward silence.

“No. You both have clearly been here all night. You don’t need to stick around. I’ll keep you in the loop on any changes.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah. You can come back in a few hours. After you’ve had some rest.” I squeeze Gage’s shoulder, trying to convey my appreciation for all he’s done.

“Okay. He’s in the cardiac unit, room 211.”

It’s moments like these that make me wish I was a little more effusive, but it’s not who I am—who I’ve ever been. Instead of saying anything else, I simply give Gage and Ava a quick nod before moving around them and entering the hospital.

The clerk at the front desk smiles kindly as I move toward him. “Can I help you, sir?”

“I’m here to see my dad, Walter Murphy. He’s in the cardiac unit, room 211.”

“Of course. Just take those elevators there to the second floor and follow the signs for the cardiac unit. Someone there will buzz you in.” His smile turns more sympathetic when he looks back at me, and I wonder if it’s just his go-to expression when dealing with people coming to the hospital to visit loved ones or if he knows who my father is.

I don’t wait around. I follow the clerk’s instructions and take the elevator to the second floor.

As I step off, the sign right in front of the elevator directs me to the left and I have to think—yet again—that luck is on my side.

As I walk down the hall, I end up behind two doctors who are apparently headed to the same place I am, because when I get to the unit doors I’m able to sneak in right behind them.

The unit is shaped like a horseshoe—a nurse’s station in the center, with rooms lining the walls around it.

The doors to each room are glass, allowing clear lines of sight to all the patients.

As I circle the unit, looking for my father’s room, I notice most rooms have curtains pulled across, granting a little bit of privacy.

My steps falter as I pass room 205. Across the unit, I see her. She’s in profile, her head turned so I only catch a glimpse, but I’d know Abbey Selbey anywhere. I’d be able to find her in a crowded room no matter what.

I knew I’d run into her at some point. Ashford Falls is a small town, and the chances of avoiding her—not that I wanted to—were never strong, but I thought I’d have more time.

I’m not entirely sure why, but I guess I assumed, since Dad never talked about her, that she wasn’t part of his life.

But then again, why would Dad talk about her?

He may not have known all the details about what led to me leaving town or the end of our marriage, but he knew how much pain I was in when I left.

Seeing her now, dressed like Ava was downstairs, the breath is stolen from my lungs.

I can’t move.

I can’t function.

She looks so different and yet exactly the same.

I thought I was ready to see her. I thought I’d be able to handle it, but even across the unit, through the open door to my father’s hospital room, I realize I’m never going to be ready.

Taking a deep breath, I slowly make my way closer to her, only stopping when the two doctors who entered the unit before come into view and step into room 211.

“How’s he doing?” the female doctor asks, placing her hand on Abbey’s shoulder.

“I don’t know. The doctor hasn’t been in yet. The nurse said he should be here any minute. ”

Seeing her stopped me dead in my tracks, but hearing her voice does something to my soul. It’s like this wave of comfort washes over me at the smooth sound, and I want so desperately to close my eyes and bathe in it.

“Dr. Croft is one of the best. Walt couldn’t be in better hands,” the male doctor says as he lifts a tablet, tapping away and searching for something. He looks familiar, but my focus is entirely on the woman sitting next to my father. I don’t have the brain power to figure out who the man is.

“I know.” Abbey chuckles, but it’s a hollow sound.

“You mentioned that multiple times while we were in the waiting room.” Abbey sighs, her shoulders sagging as her head falls forward.

“Sorry, Caleb, that was harsher than I meant.” She lifts her head, looking to the male doctor, while reaching to take the female doctor’s hand.

“Quinn and Declan still don’t know, right? ”

“As far as I know, no one’s told them, but this is Ashford Falls we’re talking about,” the female doctor offers.

“What about Max and Fiona? Who’s with them?” Abbey asks.

Who the hell are Max and Fiona?

“My mom picked them up from the reception hours ago. We already planned for them to stay the night with her since we didn’t know how late we’d be.”

“I can’t find his chart,” Caleb mumbles as he messes with the tablet. It’s said so quietly I almost miss it from where I stand in the doorway.

“They probably blocked you from it. You know you shouldn’t be looking at it anyway. He’s not your patient.” It’s a gentle reprimand, but it’s enough for him to lift his eyes to look at the female doctor, and when he does his eyes stop on mine.

“Sorry, can we help you?”

I swallow, taking the final step into the room, shoving my hands in my pockets as my eyes finally travel to the man lying in the bed.

I’ve always thought of my father as a pillar of strength.

While being the biggest teddy bear at heart, my father can appear menacing with his large frame and tattoos.

But seeing him now, lying in the hospital bed with tubes and wires all over the place, he looks so small and unassuming.

Nothing like the man I’ve always seen him as.

I bring my eyes back to the man standing at the foot of my father’s bed and finally answer him. “I’m Jude, Walt’s son.”

At the sound of my voice, Abbey’s entire posture goes taut. She doesn’t turn to look at me, but I can feel the tension pouring off her, and I hate it. Almost more than seeing my father in that bed.

“Oh. Sorry, I didn’t recognize you. Caleb Marks,” he says, sticking his hand out for mine in a request for a handshake.

I remember Caleb from before I left town. He’s a few years younger than me, but growing up in a small town, you know who most people are.

Trying to appear like I have my shit together, I remove my hand from my pocket and accept the request for a handshake. Unfortunately, I’m unable to form any words.

But, like it has a few times this morning, something—or someone—is looking out for me.

“Sorry! I forgot to bring Abbey her things.” Ava breezes through the door, Gage right on her heels.

Ava only stops once she hands Abbey her bag and registers the tension in the room.

“What happened? Is everything okay with Walt?” Ava’s eyes bounce around the room, never staying on one person for long.

It’s Abbey who finally answers her. “The doctor hasn’t been in yet; we don’t know anything. ”

And as if right on cue, another doctor enters the room, pausing just inside the door when he registers how many people there are.

“Well, I know the two of you know better,” he says, gesturing to Caleb and the female doctor. “Besides, only immediate family should be in here.” The doctor’s eyes bounce to Ava and me before stepping to the side and signaling us to leave.

“I’m his son. I don’t mind if they stay.” I don’t know much about these people, but I can see they’ve been here for Abbey, and if they bring her comfort I don’t want them to leave.

“Sorry, I didn’t realize. I’m Dr. Croft, your father’s surgeon.” He glances around the room and sighs before looking back at me. “I had a chance to speak to your sister before the surgery. Did she fill you in?”

At the quick intake of air, my eyes shoot to Abbey briefly. Now I understand why the doctor never indicated that Abbey should leave.

“Yeah, they’ve kept me updated.” It may not have been Abbey keeping me updated, but now I know why Gage had as much information as he did.

I knew in his position, he could get some information about my dad’s status, but he shouldn’t have been able to get all the details.

“Good.” Dr. Croft turns to face Abbey, addressing her when he speaks next.

“Your father’s surgery went well. We were able to clear the blockage in his heart and place the stent without any problems. The bigger issue is that he hit his head when he fell due to the heart attack.

His CT scan does show some bleeding of the brain.

We’re monitoring it, but doesn’t look like it will require surgery.

Neurology has recommended he be under sedation to keep him comfortable after the trauma.

We’re not sure how long he’ll stay under, but we’ll be monitoring closely.

” Dr. Croft pauses, glancing over his shoulder at me briefly before turning back to Abbey.

“Do you have any questions for me right now?”

“Oh, um, no. I don’t think so.” Her gaze shifts to mine for only a second before she turns to look at my father.

“Dr. Winters, the neurologist, should be in shortly to answer any questions that might come up. And, of course, if you need anything just let one of the nurses know. They can page me if needed.” Dr. Croft turns to me and shakes my hand before leaving the room.

It’s silent, minus the beeping from the machines attached to my dad. The tension in the room rises like the tide, making me wonder how many people in this room truly know the history between Abbey and me?

Without thinking about it, my eyes fall back to Abbey. I want to shout at her to just look at me, even if only for a minute. Long enough for me to clearly see the woman she’s become.

I thought I knew how much I missed her before but seeing her now—for the first time in fifteen years—I realize I was wrong. Seeing her now, seeing her refuse to look at me, I realize I never knew the meaning of the word.

How can I miss someone who’s sitting right in front of me? Someone I have no right to miss?

“Have you been introduced to everyone, Jude?” Ava asks cautiously from her spot next to Abbey.

“I think I’m the only one he needs to meet. You probably grew up with everyone else.” The female doctor steps forward, a tentative smile forming on her lips. “I’m Emily Marks, Caleb’s wife.”

It’s more of a struggle than I think it should be, but I turn from Abbey and meet Emily’s eyes, offering her a small nod in acknowledgment .

“I’m gonna go.” Abbey stands so suddenly from her seat, the chair scratches across the floor.

“You don’t have to.” I wish the first words out of my mouth to Abbey were so much better than those, but I don’t want her to leave.

Selfishly, I want her to stay and tell me everything I’ve missed since I left, but I know even if she stays, I’d have no right to hear anything about her life.

More importantly, I know how much she means to Dad. He’d want her here, and I hate that my presence is running her off.

Abbey’s gaze finally meets mine, and that comfort I felt hearing her voice is back.

There’s a shield that was never there before, but her eyes are on mine, and that warmth washes over me again.

She’s changed over the last fifteen years; she’s older, more mature, her features more developed than the last time I saw her, but she’s still Abbey.

“Abs.” I don’t even realize the word leaves my lips until I see something spark in her piercing blue eyes.

“You should have some time alone with your dad. It’s been a long time since you’ve seen him.” Abbey doesn’t wait for a response before she grabs her things and marches out the door.

I want to go after her, but I know it’s not my place anymore.

Stuffing my hands back into my pockets yet again, I let my eyes fall to the floor for a second before lifting them to look at Gage. “Can you make sure she gets home okay?”

“Yeah, no problem.” There’s a question in Gage’s eyes, but being the man he is, he doesn’t ask it. He simply reaches a hand out to Ava, waiting for her to take it before they both leave.