Page 18 of Hidden Vows (Love in Ashford Falls #3)

thirteen

JUDE

“Come on, Dad.” My eyes never leave his face as I lean forward, taking his hand in mine. “I need you to wake up. I need your wisdom.” My grip tightens, hoping he’ll respond in kind. It’s only when he doesn’t that I let my eyes fall on our clasped hands.

Laying his hand flat on the bed, I let my fingers trace over the tattoos across his knuckles.

He’s had these tattoos my entire life, but I’ve never paid much attention to them.

I remember asking him about them when I was young, but the true meaning of the symbols never resonated with me—not until I started getting tattoos of my own.

On his thumb, he got the Irish harp to represent joy, music, and celebration. Dad always said the Irish harp was meant to bring prosperity and health.

On his index finger, to bring protection, he got the Triskelion to represent the physical world, the spiritual world, and the afterlife—the idea that life will always carry on.

On his middle finger, he placed a shamrock—one of the most common symbols of his heritage—to represent good fortune and bring good luck .

On his ring finger, instead of wearing his wedding band, he got the Dara Knot to symbolize the union of two people—to bring happiness.

And finally, on his pinky, he placed the Celtic cross. He could never tell me exactly what it meant, but he liked to say it represented knowledge, strength, and the compassion to manage life’s ups and downs—for life would always have many ups and downs.

“I guess we’re going through a pretty big down right now, aren’t we?

” I whisper as I trace the final tattoo.

“I don’t know what to do. I know what I want to do, but I don’t know if it’s right.

” I let my hands fall back to my lap, clasping them tight.

“I shouldn’t have listened, but I heard her talking to you.

I know there are still feelings there.” I fall back into my seat, my eyes moving to my dad’s face.

“Who am I kidding? I didn’t need to hear her talking to know that. I see it every time she looks at me.”

Abbey may have said we can only ever be acquaintances, but how her body melted at my proximity tells a different story.

I know she wants her words to be true, and I should respect that, but I’ve never stopped loving her, and the idea that I might have a chance to have her in my life again is something I can’t pass up.

My need for Abbey is as strong as my need to breathe.

“I need you to wake up so I can tell you everything,” I whisper, leaning forward, my elbows on my knees. “I know you’ll be disappointed, but I need to tell you the truth. It’s time I stopped hiding.” I’m silent as I watch him for a moment, hoping and wishing he’ll open his eyes. “Come on, Dad.”

I hear the steps before the person clears their voice, alerting me to their presence. I know it’s her even before she speaks. I could go an entire lifetime without her in my life, and I’d always know when she’s near .

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt. I can come back later.” Her voice is like a blanket draped over my shoulders on a cold night, comforting in all the best ways.

Shifting in my seat to look at her, I offer her a small smile. “No, it’s fine. I interrupted your time with him; it’s only fair you get to do the same.”

She wavers slightly, her weight shifting back and forth before she steps further into the room and places her bag in the empty seat beside me. “Any changes?”

“No, but the doctors say that’s not necessarily bad.”

Abbey moves to the other side of the bed, taking his hand in hers before bending to place a kiss on his forehead.

“Hey, Walt. Don’t you think it’s time you woke up now?

” she whispers, still bent over his frame.

“I think you’ve milked this long enough.

” Her eyes shift to me for only a moment before returning to my father’s face, but I can’t take my eyes off her.

I’m transfixed. “You got him home. Don’t sleep through your time with him. ”

“I’m not—” Her eyes cut to mine so quickly, a clear message of “shut up” pouring through. I stop talking.

It’s not until she takes the seat next to me that she speaks again, her voice so quiet I have to lean closer to hear. “He doesn’t need to know you don’t plan on leaving—not yet anyway.”

“You believe I’m staying?” I don’t mean for the words to come out, but when she walked away Friday night, I thought I may have ruined the small bit of progress we’d made. But the fact she’s sitting next to me, looking at me with such kindness in her eyes, I can’t stop the hope from burning inside.

“I know you’ll stay until your dad is back on his feet.

I knew that the second you walked through those doors.

” Her eyes stay trained on mine like she’s trying to make sure I don’t miss the words she’s about to say.

“And I believe you’re going to do everything in your power to make things right between us.

I just don’t know if we agree on what that looks like. ”

Shifting in my seat, I angle my body toward hers. “Abbey, I need to talk about what happened back then. I want to tell you everything.” I want to reach for her, take her hand in mine, but I hold back, unsure if I could withstand her rejection in this moment.

“And I wanted you to tell me everything back then.” There’s no malice in her tone, just honesty.

“Now, I need to move on.” She’s the one who reaches for my hand, sandwiching it in hers.

“I’m not trying to be hurtful, but I’ve lived in this weird stasis since you left, and I’m finally starting to go after the things I’ve always wanted.

I need that to be my focus, and rehashing the past with you won’t help me with that goal. ”

I let my eyes roam over her face, studying every inch.

It’s been seventeen years since I’ve been this close to her, since I’ve been able to count the faint freckles across her cheeks, and I never want to go that long again.

I never want to miss seeing how her face changes over time.

I know the only way I’ll be able to do that is to show her I mean what I say, and that means giving her what she’s asking for.

“Okay.” I squeeze her hand still holding mine, a soft smile spreading across my lips. “We’ll focus on getting you your dreams.”

This was a bad idea. Why did I agree to this?

The mantra for my day continues on a loop as I walk up to the front door. My knuckles barely touch the door when it opens, and Ava’s smile greets me.

“I’m glad you could make it. ”

“Happy birthday,” I say as I pass her. “I had no idea what to get you, but I remember Dad saying you like Guinness, so I took a chance and bought you some good Irish Whiskey.”

“Oh!” She smiles, taking the bottle. “You didn’t have to get me anything, but thank you.” She gives me a quick one-armed hug as she studies the bottle. “Redbreast? Is this what you served Abbey and me at the bar last week?”

“It’s the same brand, but not the same bottle. My dad would probably disown me if I gave out shots of this stuff without charging.” I chuckle, trying to make a joke.

“Twenty-one-year-old whiskey…” Her brow lifts. “That can’t be cheap.”

I shrug, trying to act like I didn’t spend 450 dollars on a bottle of whiskey. “Benefits of running a bar. You can get some pretty nice discounts if you know the right people.”

Ava doesn’t believe me, if the glint in her eye is any indication.

“All right. If that’s the story you want to go with…

” Her words trail off as if giving me a chance to tell the truth, but when I don’t open my mouth, she laughs softly, shaking her head.

“Come on. Everyone’s out back. Let me introduce you. ”

“I didn’t get anything for your brother. His birthday is next week, right?”

“Tuesday, but I don’t think anyone will blame you for not getting a gift for someone you’ve never met. I didn’t expect you to get me a gift when you barely know me.” She laughs as she pushes open the screen door to the backyard.

“I was always told to never show up to a party empty-handed.”

Ava glances at me over her shoulder, that brow lifting yet again. “I’ve met your dad, and while he’s a very kind man, I wouldn’t have guessed he was teaching you about proper party etiquette. ”

I can’t help the chuckle that escapes. “No, it wasn’t my dad who taught me that.”

Ava doesn’t get a chance to respond before Gage walks up and pulls her into his side. “Hey,” he says, extending his hand to mine. “Glad you made it. Did Ava introduce you to everyone?”

“What do you think?” She pushes at his stomach, but the smile on her lips shows that she’s not actually upset with him. “We just walked out the door.”

“You’re slacking in your hostess duties, Rebel.

” The look the two of them share—one of an intimacy I’ve rarely seen between two people—has me glancing away.

I try not to look too closely at the fact that my eyes, without even trying, immediately find Abbey.

She’s like a magnet, always drawing my gaze to her, no matter where she is.

She’s stunning. It’s the first thought that crosses my mind. In her cutoff shorts and loose shirt, with her natural waves pulled up in a messy knot on top of her head, and not a stitch of makeup on her face, she takes my breath away.

The fact she’s laughing with another man shouldn’t cause the pinch of pain in my chest, but it does all the same.

“You got a little something…” My eyes whip to Ava as she flicks a finger to the left corner of her lips, a teasing smile growing.

I grunt. I know it’s childish, but I do it anyway, making Ava and Gage laugh.

“Everyone,” Ava shouts, gaining the small crowd’s attention. “This is Jude. If you don’t already know him, introduce yourself; if you do, say hi. We want him to be happy with his decision to return to Ashford Falls and maybe fall a little in love with it again while he’s here.”

A chuckle goes around the yard, but most people return to the conversations they were having before Ava interrupted them. One couple breaks away from the little group they were talking to and makes their way over to us.

“Jude Murphy, as I live and breathe.” It takes a second for me to recognize the woman walking up to me, but I place her as soon as I see her eyes—Quinn Marks, Caleb’s younger sister.

“It’s good to see you.” She pulls me into a brief hug, the smile on her lips shining in her eyes. “This is my husband, Declan.”

The man in question extends his hand. “Nice to meet you.”

“You too,” I say as I shake his hand. “And happy birthday.”

“Oh, thanks.”

My eyes drift back to Quinn’s. “I was sorry to hear about your dad. He was a good man.”

“Thanks,” she whispers. Declan wraps his arm around her waist, pulling her into his side.

“I’m glad I was home with him the last few months.

I don’t know what I would’ve done if I’d missed out on that time.

” The silence that takes over becomes awkward the second she remembers why I returned to town.

“Oh god!” She slaps a hand to her forehead.

“I didn’t mean for that to sound like it did. ”

“It’s fine.” And I mean it. I know it’s been three weeks since Dad’s heart attack, but the doctors are adamant he’ll wake up soon, and that’s what I have to keep believing. I can’t let myself think about the possibility of him never waking up.

“No.” She reaches for my hand, squeezing tightly. “That was so insensitive of me.”

“Quinn, it’s all right.” I squeeze her hand in return, wanting to make sure she hears my words. “Never feel bad about having time with your dad. What I’m going through doesn’t take away from your experience.”

She doesn’t shy away from me as the tears build in the corner of her eyes. “Thanks, Jude.”

I give her a quick nod, and Ava jumps in, changing the subject to something brighter. My eyes drift back to Abbey. She’s still talking to the same guy, but this time, her eyes are on me, concern pinching in the corners.

This was a bad idea. Why did I agree to this?