Page 8 of Gratification in Gluttony (Passing Through Cafe #2)

Chapter eight

Thirty-Four Percent Flirting Margin

Later that night in his flat in Gluttony, Toni lay in his bed as Gem snored beside him. He tossed and turned, sleep eluding him, even though he was tired and still hungover. With his face buried in his pillow, his attempt at sleep was thwarted by his phone beeping with an incoming message. His head rose, and he propped himself on his elbows as he retrieved the device from the side table.

It was from a contact titled, “The Hottest Human I Know A.K.A. Jude,” and Toni smiled.

Still alive?

Alive and sexy. You?

Lol Same.

The sexy I already knew, but good to hear you’re still breathing.

Such a charmer.

I can charm the pants right off you, if you want. You know, in a friendly way.

Your dedication to friendship is admirable.

What can I say? I’m an admirable guy.

Gem mumbled nonsensically in his sleep, turning on his side and curling up tight. He was shirtless but wore a pair of Toni’s sweatpants that bunched above his leg fur and pulled too taut on his ginormous ass. He looked ridiculous, but it warmed Toni’s heart.

He liked having the people he loved in his space, in his clothes. It was an Elas thing, and Gem never minded staying over when Toni was feeling lonely or insecure. In fact, they slept over at each other’s places far more often than he thought was normal for two adult men.

From an outside perspective, he could understand why people thought they were more than friends. They hung out almost every day and cuddled while watching TV. Most Saturdays were spent together, out at the clubs or shopping in the flea markets of Envy, and every Sunday, they watched the latest episode of their favorite, trashy soap opera, Desperate Desires . Toni even had a standing invitation to the monthly family barbecue at Gem’s parents.

They were close, closer than brothers. Platonic soulmates, Gem had called them once, and Toni had liked that; he’d liked it a lot. Though, titles didn’t matter. They were just Gem and Toni, inseparable since they were fourteen. Couldn’t have one without the other. It just wouldn’t make sense any other way. And Toni wouldn’t change a thing about it. Not for the fucking world.

Tugging the blanket up to drape over Gem’s exposed shoulder, he pressed a chaste peck to the nape of Gem’s neck, where his cinnamon and coffee scent was strong and comforting. Gem hummed but didn’t wake.

Toni turned his attention back to his phone when it buzzed against his palm.

You’re something alright.

I’m choosing to take that as a compliment.

Of course you are. It’s not not a compliment.

Not not? English is weird.

You don’t have double negatives in your language? What is your native language actually?

Grew up speaking Hellia, the universal language of the Pentagram. But at home, we spoke Elani. It’s a dialect specific to Elas people.

And that’s what you are? An Elas? Or is that offensive to ask?

Toni chuckled.

Nah, it ain’t offensive. And yeah, I’m an Elas. What about you? I mean, I know you’re human, but you have sub-genres of human, right?

It took Jude almost a full minute to answer.

Oh my god! Sub-genre of human is now my new favorite way to say ethnicity. I’m American, born and raised. But my great-great grandparents moved here from Jordan. So, I’m also Jordanian.

Don’t know where either of those places are but very cool. Why did your great-great grandparents move?

Religious persecution. They were Jewish.

People get persecuted for their religion? That’s stupid.

Agreed. I’m not religious, but I still think people should have the right to believe what they want.

Well, yeah. It’s no one else’s business, right?

Toni could almost hear Jude’s scoff in his responding text, “You’d be surprised.”

Unsure what to say to that, Toni responded with, “Well, in my opinion, people as a whole are stupid.”

Jude replied with a laughing emoji but nothing else, and Toni’s fingers hovered over his screen without typing anything. The conversation was technically complete, but since he didn’t want to stop talking to Jude, he wracked his brain for something else to say.

What did you do the rest of the day?

Laid on the couch with Oliver drinking Pepto-Bismol. I will neither confirm nor deny that I threw up again.

I don’t know what Pepto-Bismol is, but it sounds gross. No wonder you puked again.

Yeah, it’s supposed to help you not feel nauseous, but it tastes so bad that it makes you puke anyway. I’m not sure why humans thought it was a successful medicine.

What about you?

How did I spend today? On Gem’s floor for several hours.

Toni hesitated, not wanting to bring the vibes down by mentioning his family. But he also wasn’t one to beat around the bush about anything.

Then I got a call from my sister about my mom, and Gem and I had to rush to the hospital in Envy. Not the best activity when you’re hungover.

The checkmark next to the message turned blue, signifying Jude had read it, but instead of a text response, Jude’s contact name filled Toni’s screen as his ringtone trilled shrilly through the quiet night.

“Shit.” Toni quietly crawled out of the bed as he clicked the green button to answer Jude’s call so the ringing would stop. Gem grunted and turned over but didn’t wake as Toni tiptoed toward the door. He waited until he was slipping out of his bedroom before he brought the phone to his ear and whispered, “Hello?”

“Is your mom okay?” Jude demanded. “Are you ? What happened? Why are you whispering?”

“Gem’s asleep, and I don’t want to wake him. He’s kind of a bitch if that happens,” Toni said in answer as he clicked the bedroom door shut behind him. “And yes, I understand that Gem and I sleeping in each other’s beds does little to support the whole we-aren’t-fucking vibe that we’re going for.”

Jude snorted. “Platonic sleepovers are a thing, you know? But don’t change the subject. What happened to your mom? Is she okay?”

Heading to the kitchen, Toni raised his voice from a whisper to a murmur. “Yeah, she’s fine. I mean, I thought she was dying because my sister was very dramatic about the whole thing, but turned out, it was just a botched boob job. Nothing life threatening.”

Jude laughed, throaty and wonderful, and it made Toni smile. “Sorry, I know I shouldn’t laugh, but a botched boob job?”

“No, by all means, laugh. It’s the only logical response. I nearly had a heart attack, thinking my mother was on her deathbed. Then I find her sipping mimosas as she complains about her left breast being off-center. It was very scarring, if I’m being honest.

“And if you haven’t noticed, I tend to use humor to deflect from unpleasant emotions,” he added, bringing another chuckle from Jude. “So, please, laugh about it with me so I don’t have to cry.”

“Wow, I’m so sorry you went through that. It sounds like quite the ordeal,” Jude said, voice heavy with amusement.

“It was! There is something very wrong about a son discussing his mother’s breasts with her, you know?”

As Toni poured himself a glass of water, Jude asked, “You and your mom are close, huh?”

It was an innocent question, but it robbed Toni of his humor. “Oh, uh, I mean, not really. Maybe when I was younger, but the last few years have been… It’s complicated.”

“Oh.” Fabric rustled on the other end of the line, like Jude was shifting positions. “Sorry, I didn’t mean—”

“It’s cool. Don’t worry about it.” Toni took a drink to wet his parched throat. “That’s just life sometimes, right?”

“Yeah,” Jude said softly. “I haven’t talked to my parents since I was eighteen. So, I get it.”

Leaning his ass on the counter, Toni rubbed his thumb through the condensation collecting on the side of his glass. “Was it your choice? Not to talk to them, I mean.”

“Yes and no. When I turned eighteen, I told them I was going to transition, and they kicked me out. Apparently, only their daughter was welcome in their home.” Jude’s voice cracked, and he cleared his throat. “I tried a few times over the years to reconnect, but it never ended well. It hurt worse than their silence, so I stopped reaching out.”

“That’s fucked up. I’m sorry.”

“Me too. But I had to protect myself, you know?”

“Yeah, I hear that.”

“Yeah?” Jude asked.

Toni set his glass down and scrubbed a hand over his face. “It ain’t the same, but yeah. I wasn’t the son my father wanted me to be, and it wasn’t for lack of trying, I’ll tell you that. But I got so tired of pretending, of being someone I wasn’t. I couldn’t do it no more.

“He, uh, didn’t take kindly to that.” Toni traced his jagged teeth with his tongue. “So, I figured, maybe it would be better for everyone if I just didn’t come around no more.”

A humorless chuckle rose up his throat but died halfway out of his mouth. A heavy but comfortable silence followed, settling between them as they shared breath through the phone connection. It made him fidget, but he didn’t break it.

“I’m sorry, Toni,” Jude eventually said, gentle as a whisper. “You should never have had to be someone else to earn your father’s acceptance.”

Rubbing the back of his neck, Toni nodded. “It took a lot of therapy, but I know that now. And it is better this way. Maybe not all the time, but…”

“It’s still better,” Jude said when Toni trailed off, and Toni nodded, humming in agreement when he remembered Jude couldn’t see him. After an extra beat, Jude asked, “And you’re happy, right?”

“That’s a broad question.”

Toni heard the smile in Jude’s voice as he said, “With who you are now. With the life you’ve built. Are you happy?”

It took Toni several long seconds to answer, but he was honest when he finally managed to croak out, “Yeah, I’m happy.”

“Good,” Jude said. “In the end, that’s what matters. Makes the shitty parts worth it.”

“What about you? Are you happy?” Toni sent the question back, and Jude exhaled heavily, half a scoff, half a sigh.

“I’m getting there.”

“Good,” Toni said.

After a beat of silence, Jude inhaled deeply and exhaled in a rush. “Well, I should get some sleep.”

“Yeah, okay. I should too.”

“I’m glad your mom’s okay.”

“Yeah, me too. Could have done without the death scare, but as Gem likes to point out, my family can be a tad dramatic.”

Jude snorted. “Coming from Gem, that’s honestly terrifying.”

“Tell me about it. I’m the youngest of five, and the only boy. My childhood was very loud.”

“Four older sisters, huh? No wonder you have such a healthy view of masculinity.”

Toni scoffed, “Ha, my father would beg to differ. He was always on me for liking, in his words, girly shit. But come on. I had four sisters; it kind of set me up for failure when it came to ‘being a man,’ you know? Or what he thought a man should be, at least.”

“You never stood a chance, did you?” Jude teased, and Toni chuckled.

“Nope. I don’t understand why my father was so surprised when I came out as a raging homosexual. Or wait, that’s not the right word, is it?” Toni pinched the bridge of his nose as he sorted through his limited English vocabulary when it came to sexuality. “What do you call it when, like, you’re super gay but also not?”

Jude was laughing fully now, and Toni ran a hand through his hair, adding a playful growl to his voice as he said, “Don’t laugh at me! I’m doing my best here.”

“Not laughing at you,” Jude said, clearly laughing at him. “Um, I think you mean bisexual? Like, you’re attracted to multiple genders?”

“Yeah, that, I guess. It’s not even about gender, really, and the equipment don’t matter either. It’s just… I’m an equal opportunity fuck, you know?”

“So pansexual, maybe?”

“Don’t matter much to me. Never cared for labels.”

“Well, you don’t have to choose a label if you don’t want to.”

Splaying his hands, even though Jude couldn’t see him, Toni shrugged. “I’m just Toni, and Toni thinks people are hot.”

“Well,” Jude said around another laugh, “Toni viewing attraction that way makes him very hot himself.”

A more genuine rumble of satisfaction vibrated up Toni’s throat. “Is that so? Toni likes that very much.”

“Easy, killer,” Jude said, and Toni grinned. “Friends, remember?”

“I remember. I’m just saying, sometimes, friends kiss.” Toni reveled in the amused huff Jude sent him. “Would that be so bad if we were friends that kissed?”

Instead of answering him, Jude tisked. “You’re dangerous, you know that?”

“Only if you want me to be,” Toni purred.

“Toni,” Jude reprimanded, sterner this time.

“Okay, okay. Sorry.” Toni emptied his glass of water and set it in the sink. “You know I’m just teasing.”

“Are you?”

With a noncommittal head waggle, Toni see-sawed his hand. “Teasing? Yes. Joking? No. Because if you ever wanted make-out, I’d be so on board for that. But also, I want to be your friend more than I want to suck your dick.”

“I don’t have a dick, remember?”

“Equipment don’t matter, baby. I’ll enjoy having my mouth on any part of you. With your express consent, of course.”

“Oh my god, the things you say.”

Toni waited for Jude to finish his thought, but when he simply trailed off, Toni said, “Life is too short to not say what you want, and I’m a man that knows what he wants.”

For the first time, the silence between them was strained, and Toni regretted being so forward. His mouth ran away with him sometimes, and while he liked playing with the line between socially acceptable and outrageous, he never wanted to make people genuinely uncomfortable.

“Sorry,” he said when the quiet stretched. “I talk a big game, but I don’t ever want you to feel disrespected.”

“It’s not that,” Jude said carefully. “I told you last night, I don’t have space for anything except friends.”

“Okay,” Toni accepted readily. “Then we’re friends. I’m still gonna flirt with you, though. Unless you don’t like it.”

“I don’t want to lead you on,” Jude side-stepped.

Toni blew a raspberry. “You’re not. You’re being very upfront with what you’re offering, and I’m accepting the terms. And as a good faith gesture of friendship, I promise I’ll pull back on the flirting by… sixty-six percent.”

The tension in the atmosphere cracked, then broke as Jude snickered. “Okay, I can live with a thirty-four percent flirting margin.”

“Then we have an accord,” Toni said with an air of pomp and circumstance.

“We’ll sign the treaty the next time we see each other,” Jude joked.

“I’ll draw up a contract. I got a guy for that.”

“Sure,” Jude said, then he yawned. “Okay, I’m going to bed now. For real.”

“Get some rest,” Toni said.

“You too.”

“And thanks,” Toni added. “For calling. I like talking to you.”

“I like talking to you too.”

“Cool. Then, uh, talk to you later?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay. Goodnight, Jude,” Toni said.

“Goodnight, Toni,” Jude said.

Then the line clicked, and Jude was gone.