Page 22 of Gratification in Gluttony (Passing Through Cafe #2)

Chapter twenty-two

More Toni All Over

As the summer came to a close, Toni still hadn’t heard from Jude. When Oliver was working upfront, Toni would strain his hearing to pick up any mention of Jude, but it was few and far between.

Oliver said, “Yeah, we’re going to a hockey game with Jude in October. Liel is really excited.”

He said, “Jude’s coming to the ranch. He said it’ll help soften up my parents because we both know they like him more than me.”

He said, “Jude’s finally done with his summer school, thank god. He’s been really stressed out. Like, I told him he should get laid, because it helps with stress, and he totally bit my head off. It was weird.”

Over the past few weeks, Toni had almost texted him. Just to check in. But he didn’t. Jude had been the one to first set the boundaries, even if those boundaries had moved and flexed, sometimes shattering entirely. So it had to be Jude who reached out first.

It stung when, even after Toni knew his summer school had ended, he still hadn’t called. But it had to be his choice. Toni knew what he wanted, and he’d communicated that. The ball was in Jude’s basket now.

On a Friday in September, the cafe closed early and everyone chipped in to clean it top to bottom until it shined in preparation for their weekend away at Oliver’s ranch. Gem stuck close to Toni, his concern already bleeding through as the clock ticked closer to the hour when Jude—according to Oliver—would arrive.

“Are you gonna be okay?” Gem asked for what felt like the millionth time.

“Yes, Gem, I’ll be fine,” Toni whispered. “It’s no big deal, okay? It’s not like we were together and we had a big break-up. We just… hung out and then stopped.”

“Right,” Gem said doubtfully. “And you saying you loved him was just, what? A joke?”

“I said I was half in love with him,” Toni defended.

Pressing a kiss to Toni’s cheek, Gem murmured, “If he acts like an asshole or treats you badly, I’m taking him down. I don’t care if he’s Ollie’s best friend. You’re mine, and I’ll kick any ass necessary to defend your honor.”

“Aw, thanks, Gemmy. That’s nice.” Toni kissed him back, turning it into a raspberry halfway through, and Gem squealed, shoving his face away.

“You’re such a child.”

To be honest, Toni was nervous. He didn’t want things to be weird or awkward, and not just between him and Jude. He didn’t want their quasi-break-up to ruin the weekend for everyone else. So he was determined to act completely normal.

Of course, it was easier said than done when Jude walked into the cafe, wearing jeans and a neon green button-up shirt with pumpkin heads all over it. Toni wanted to cross the room and drag him into a hug simply so he could soak in his scent. He wanted to shove his tongue down the human’s throat too, but that was secondary to the scent thing.

Mostly.

It had been easier to ignore the ache in his chest when there’d been no contact between them. But seeing Jude again, looking beautiful and well-rested, had Toni’s heart twisting.

Jude searched the room, eyes gliding over even Oliver before he found Toni, and his lips parted on a sharp inhale Toni could hear from across the room. His heart tripped, then started racing, and for a moment, he looked almost scared.

Wanting to ease him, Toni smiled and offered a little wave. The relief was instantaneous, and a smile broke out over Jude’s face as he waved back. He took a step toward Toni, but Oliver diverted him with a hug. Toni released the anxious breath he’d been holding and shook out his hands.

“Are you alright?” Zef asked from beside him, and Toni yelped in surprise.

“Where did you come from?” he demanded, hating how the Mantodea could so easily sneak up on him. They were so quiet sometimes; it would have been creepy if Toni didn’t like them so much.

“I was standing here the whole time,” Zef said with a frown. “You just did not notice. You were staring at Jude.”

“Oh.” Toni’s face heated, and Zef quirked their head.

“Your cheeks are flushed. Are you ill?”

“No,” Toni said defensively. “Stop looking at me.”

Zef turned away immediately, their antennas twitching. “Okay. My apologies.”

“No, not like that, Zef.” Toni huffed. “Ignore me. I’m being a dick.”

“I have always found that phrase so strange. What about being a penis is such an insult? You do not hear people call each other vaginas or prehensiles or a cloaca.” Zef shook their head. “But being a penis is so unappealing as to be an insult.”

As Toni had come to expect, he was left speechless and amused by the things that came out of Zef’s mouth. “You know, I’d love to spend a day inside your head. Just a passenger, along for the ride.”

“I fear you would not survive it,” they said, entirely deadpan, though their wings buzzed subtly, giving them away.

“Oh, you’re sassy today.”

“I am practicing,” they said primly.

“Being sassy?”

“Teasing. I hear it is a common and enjoyable exchange between friends.” A slight flush darkened Zef’s light green cheeks. “I fear I am not very good at it.”

Toni grinned. “You’re perfect, baby. Don’t let anyone tell you different.”

Their wings flared out from their back in pleasure. “Thank you, bitch.”

At that, Toni nearly lost his composure, but he managed to swallow down his laugh as he said, “Come again?”

“I also read that friends call each other such names as a sign of affection, not an insult. Did I do it correctly?”

“Yeah, bitch, you’re doing great,” Toni said, and Zef smiled, ducking their head.

“I have not decided if I like that particular term. It seems to be rooted in sexism.”

“I don’t suggest calling women that; it is very offensive. But you can call Gem a bitch all day. He lives for it.”

Turning toward Gem, who was finishing up putting the espresso machine back together, Zef called out, “Gemae?”

Gem’s head popped up. “Yeah, babe?”

“You are a bitch,” Zef said.

Gem blinked in a wave from left to right. “Like, a bad bitch? Or, like, a bitch-bitch?”

“Bad bitch,” Toni whispered, and Zef reached out with their lower left hand and fleetingly touched his wrist in thanks.

“A bad bitch,” Zef said confidently, and Gem simpered.

“Aw, thanks, Zef! You’re a bad bitch too.”

Their wings flared again. “Thank you,” they said smugly, giving Toni a haughty smirk as they strode purposefully toward Rusty, who’d just stepped through the kitchen doors. “Rusty, you are a bitch.”

Rusty’s eyes widened in offense. “What did I do? I just walked in.”

And Toni lost it, hiding his laughter in his arm as Gem scrambled toward the pair to intercede before the conversation escalated.

As he wiped amused tears from his eyes, Toni’s ears picked up the heartbeat that had become so familiar to him, and he turned to find Jude coming to a stop beside him. Jude was watching Gem, Zef, and Rusty, a smile playing at his mouth.

“Do I want to know?” he asked, and Toni chuckled.

“Just Zef being Zef.”

“Never a dull moment with you all.”

“Wouldn’t have it any other way,” Toni said honestly, and Jude smiled fully but didn’t speak.

Silence fell between them, and Toni wouldn’t have labeled it as awkward. Strained, perhaps? But not awkward.

“Hey, bitesize,” he said when the silence stretched.

“Hi, Toni.”

“You’re looking good.” Toni reached out to trace the clear skin below Jude’s eyes where he’d had bags for so long, but stopped short of actually touching, forcing his hand back to his side. “Looks like you’ve finally gotten some good sleep.”

Jude’s throat bobbed as he tracked Toni’s withdrawal. “Yeah, I swear I slept for a whole week after I turned in my final paper.”

“How’d you do?”

“B-plus average,” Jude said.

Since Toni had no idea what that meant, he said, “And that’s good?” Jude nodded, and Toni grinned, unable to stop himself from reaching out again, this time to tuck a curl behind Jude’s cute, curved ear. “Of course it’s good. Mr. Smarty Pants.”

Jude tilted his head just enough to press against the brief touch. “Can we talk? Not here, but later, maybe? I know you have no reason to give me a chance to explain—”

“Why wouldn’t I?” Toni asked, genuinely bewildered. “I told you, all you have to do is give me a call.”

“I know.” Jude looked away, shoving his hands in his pockets as he worked his jaw. “I picked up the phone a dozen times. Just chickened out before I actually dialed.”

“Chickened out? What’s that?”

Jude snickered. “Um, sacked out? I think that’s how you all say it.”

“Ah, got it. Yeah, I wanted to text you too, but I didn’t wanna, you know”—Toni pantomimed vaguely—“get even more of my Toni all over you. Shit, that sounded way stupider than it did in my head.”

Covering his mouth with his hand, Jude laughed, and Toni’s entire body lit up at the sound. “I’m, uh, not opposed to getting more Toni all over me.”

“Is that so?” Toni arched a challenging eyebrow, and that beautiful blush colored Jude’s cheeks.

“But I’d like to talk first. I think you deserve that,” he said, smile fading. “You know, if you want that.”

“Yeah, Jude, I do. How about after we get settled at Oliver’s parents’, we could—”

“Okay,” Jude said quickly. “Yes. I’d really like that.”

“Me too,” Toni said honestly, and Jude’s eyes glossed over momentarily before he blinked it away.

“Thanks, Toni.”

“Nothing to thank me for, baby.” Toni grazed his knuckle over Jude’s cheek, and the human smiled again, showing those adorable dimples.

“Alright,” Quin said sharply, getting everyone’s attention as she pointed to the open space in front of the bakery case. “Form a circle, and everyone hold hands.”

With a parting wink at Jude, Toni grabbed his backpack full of clothes for the weekend and joined the circle. At Quin’s prompting, everyone clasped hands, even Zef, though they hesitated slightly before slipping their dry palm against Toni’s. Toni curled his fingers around their hand, and it twitched but held firm.

He’d teleported with Quin once or twice in the past, and he’d never enjoyed it. It was a rather uncomfortable feeling, like a Sypent circling him and squeezing until he almost couldn’t breathe. But the moment before his lungs protested, the tightness faded, and Toni wasn’t in Purgatory no more.

They stood in the middle of a strange living room full of old-looking furniture covered in floral upholstery. It smelled weird, and Toni’s ears rang with an array of unfamiliar sounds. Then someone screamed, and a creature nailed to the wall turned its head toward them and started singing, and pandemonium exploded around him.

When the chaos finally settled, after much shouting and dramatic wailing—mostly from Gem—Oliver managed to calm down his parents before his dad got trigger-happy, and introductions were made. They were invited to choose their rooms and get unpacked, and Gem excitedly claimed the “cow room” for himself and Toni.

As Gem unpacked his overflowing bag of clothes, a knock sounded at the partially open door, and Jude peeked inside, giving Toni a small smile as he said, “Hey, do you, uh, have a minute?”

“I have lots of minutes,” Toni said, waving him inside.

“That’s my cue to leave, right?” Gem said, sounding rather disappointed that he couldn’t stay and watch. Kicking his bag out of the way, Gem made to leave the room. He paused beside Jude and cocked his head, studying the human. “If this conversation goes well, then I’d really like to hang out more and get to know you.”

Jude blinked, a slight flush coloring his cheeks. “Uh, yeah, me too.”

Gem nodded. “Cool. Though if it doesn’t go well, be prepared for me to hate you for all eternity.”

“Sounds fair,” Jude said, and Gem beamed at him.

“Awesome, though I’m hoping for the former.”

“Me too,” Jude said, his cheeks darkening further.

With several supportive thumbs-up at Toni, Gem left the room, swinging the door mostly shut. Jude watched him leave, inhaling deeply as he faced Toni once more. He fidgeted with the hem of his pumpkin shirt, shifting his weight from foot to foot. It wasn’t until Toni patted the bed beside him that Jude moved.

He sat down beside Toni, leaving a few inches between them. He chewed his bottom lip until Toni worried he’d break skin. It took almost a full minute for him to speak, but Toni waited, giving him time.

Finally, he turned to Toni and lifted those ochre eyes to his. “There’s a lot I want to tell you, and not all of it is easy for me. Well, most of it isn’t easy. I don’t… open up to people a lot. It’s hard for me to say how I feel, but I’m working on it.”

He looked down at his hands, and Toni wished he could make this easier. He wanted to reach out and take Jude’s hand in comfort, but he didn’t know if Jude wanted that. So he stayed silent and still and waited.

“First off, I need to apologize to you,” Jude said, swallowing thickly. “That night, when Oliver came home and I told you to stay in my room, that was shitty, and you were right to leave. It was wrong and cruel of me to have treated you like that, and I hurt you. And I’m really sorry.”

“Jude—” Toni started, but Jude held up a hand, setting his jaw.

“I need you to know that I’m not ashamed of you, Toni. You’re one of the most incredible people I’ve ever met, and if anything, you should be ashamed of me. Of how I acted and how I treated you.”

His eyes glossed over, and Toni’s heart twisted. He couldn’t stop himself from touching him, from cupping Jude’s face in one hand and rubbing his thumb over his cheek.

“Baby—”

“But you had every right to feel what you felt,” Jude pressed on, blanketing Toni’s hand to keep it pressed to his cheek. “I wasn’t ashamed, but my actions clearly communicated that I was. I’m sorry for that too. I’m also sorry I sent a lot of mixed signals. I said friends, but then clearly didn’t stick to that.”

“I didn’t give you much of a chance,” Toni said with a sheepish smile, and Jude scoffed.

“But still, you’ve been open from the start about how you felt and I wasn’t. I didn’t mean to play with your feelings, but that was still the result. Which is super shitty, and I’m sorry for that as well.”

The ache in Toni’s chest eased some with that, and he lowered his head until their foreheads met. “Thank you, Jude. You have to know I forgive you, and I ain’t mad. You told me straight-up that we couldn’t be more than, I dunno, friends with benefits or whatever it was we were doing, and I didn’t listen. I thought I could change your mind, but I shouldn’t have tried.”

Jude shook his head, blinking rapidly. “You have nothing to apologize for. You’ve been nothing but understanding and patient and—you’re just wonderful, okay? And that scares the shit out of me.

“You called me brave, and maybe I am with some things. But I’ve never been brave with my heart. And then there you were, and you put yourself out there like it was nothing. Like, how do you even live like that?”

“How else am I supposed to live? Worrying about all the things I can’t control? Sounds like a pain in the ass to me,” Toni said, and Jude made a noise of disbelief. “I just say what I feel because life’s too short not to. I ain’t naive; I know shit doesn’t work out sometimes, but if I never take the chance, then I already know the ending.”

“Exactly,” Jude said. “Knowing the ending is safe.”

Toni could give him that. “I suppose, but safe don’t always mean happy. You can know the ending, but what if it’s not the ending you want? I’d rather risk looking stupid or getting my heart broke a little if it means I have a chance at getting what I want.”

“And you want me?” Jude asked, and Toni nodded, angling his head to hover over Jude’s mouth.

“Yeah, baby, I want you.”

“That’s crazy.”

And Toni grinned. “I ain’t opposed to crazy.”

“There’s more,” Jude whispered, even as he leaned in, lips ghosting over Toni’s. “We need to talk about—”

“We got time,” Toni interrupted because, for now, he was done with talking. He wanted to take Jude’s face in his hands and lick into his mouth until his human was breathless. But before he could, the door swung open, making them both jump apart as Oliver poked his head into the room.

“Gem, Toni, we’re heading—oh, hey, Jude. Good, I found you too. Um, we’re heading outside…” The human drifted off, quirking his head, brown eyes darting between them as they composed themselves. “Wait, what are you two doing?”

With a playful smirk at Toni, Jude adopted a casual air and said. “We’re clearly having wild, animalistic sex. Can’t you tell?” Toni’s brows rose as Jude started slapping rhythmically against the headboard with his palm. “Oh yeah, Toni. Don’t stop. That’s the stuff.”

And because Toni was a bitch, he grinned at Oliver and started bouncing on the bed, making the mattress squeak under his ass. “Yeah, you like that, baby?”

“Oh yeah,” Jude said, voice almost bored. “So good.”

Oliver scowled fiercely. “You guys are gross!”

“For the record,” Toni said, still bouncing on the mattress, “if we were having sex, he would not sound so lackluster. I’ll tell you that right now.”

“Damn right.” Jude lifted his hand, gaze still locked with Oliver’s, and offered his palm to Toni. Toni high-fived him exuberantly.

“Why does everyone have such weird vibes today?” Oliver demanded, crossing his arms over his chest. “Zef called Rusty a bitch, Gem wants to fuck the cows, and now you two are… doing whatever this is! I’m too stressed out right now to deal—”

“Oliver, love,” Liel said as he appeared at Oliver’s side, cupping Oliver’s face in his yellow hands. “Deep breath.”

Toni and Jude stopped their fake-lovemaking as Oliver sucked in a breath and released it slowly. Then he pressed his forehead to Liel’s and sighed.

“Better?” Liel asked, and Oliver nodded.

“Yeah, sorry.” He nuzzled his nose against Liel’s flat one before turning his attention back to Toni and Jude. “I’m trying to corral everyone outside before my parents implode. Can you help?”

Jude smiled softly and nodded. “Of course. We’ll be out in a minute.”

“Yeah, we gotta get dressed,” Toni teased, leaning back on his hands. “I mean, what would the neighbors say if they saw my dicks right now?”

With a snort, Jude burst into laughter, and Toni cackled along with him as Oliver pinched the bridge of his nose and huffed. Liel’s sharp teeth dimpled his bottom lip to stave off an amused grin as he rubbed Oliver’s arm soothingly.

“You know what?” Oliver finally said. “I don’t know what’s going on here, but I’m washing my hands of it. Jude, you’re on your own.”

“I’m sure I’ll be fine,” Jude said, copying Toni’s position leaning back on his hands. The tips of his fingers blanketed Toni’s, and Toni couldn’t help but smile.

“Gem is cornering your mother in the kitchen,” Liel said, and after the whole Gem-wants-to-fuck-cows debacle, Toni didn’t blame Oliver for immediately sprinting toward the kitchen with a distressed, “Eep!”

With a chuckle, Jude stood and ran a hand through his hair, and Toni followed him up. He stepped closer until there was barely any space separating them. Looming over him, Toni grazed his knuckle along Jude’s jaw, ending at his chin. His thumb pressed to the human’s full bottom lip, and Jude’s mouth parted.

“To be continued?” Toni asked, and Jude’s breath trembled out of him, warming Toni’s thumb.

“Yes, to be continued,” he whispered, and Toni smiled.

“Good.”

He released Jude’s chin and made to step back, but before he could, Jude grabbed his face roughly and hauled him down into a hard kiss. It was short and fleeting, but Toni felt it all the way to his toes.

“We’re gonna continue that too,” Toni declared as Jude backed toward the door.

A dangerous smirk curled his lips as he nodded, eyes dancing with dark promises. “Yes,” he confirmed, giving Toni a filthy onceover. “Yes, we will.”