Page 18 of Gratification in Gluttony (Passing Through Cafe #2)

Chapter eighteen

Hundred Percent Douchebag

Toni made it to work with five minutes to spare. He entered through the back so he could store his guitar case by the jackets and not garner attention from either Oliver or Gem. Zipping up her wetsuit, Tad watched Toni tuck the instrument out of sight, her bulbous eyes narrowing.

“You smell weird,” she said as she waddled toward the dishwashing station.

Thoroughly offended, he sniffed under his arms, smelling Jude’s soap and, sure, a hint of clean sweat. “I do not! I just showered.”

“I said weird, not bad,” she said.

Questioning his choice to use Jude’s shampoo, Toni fought to keep his tone chill and not get defensive. “Maybe you shouldn’t go around smelling people. It’s rude.”

“Smell normal, and I won’t have to investigate,” she retorted.

“Stop investigating my smells!” Toni cried as he fled to the kitchen, Tad’s suspicious gaze on his back making him itchy.

“Morning, Toni,” Glyma greeted as she rolled out the dough for her famous kriltcake.

Beside her, Willow was topping the mummet blood fruit tarts with kiriberries. She glanced up at Toni and smiled softly. “Hi, Toni. Your aura is so bright today. Did you have a good weekend?”

As he donned an apron, he adopted a casual attitude as he shrugged. “Yeah, it wasn’t bad. How about you?”

“I did, thank you for asking! Krul and I celebrated our eight-year anniversary,” Willow said, and Glyma gasped.

“Oh my gods, I can’t believe I forgot. Congratulations.”

“Eight years is quite the accomplishment,” Zef said as they chopped herbs for the salad dressing. “A congratulations is indeed in order.”

“Thank you. We had a lovely picnic at sunset. Then he chased me through the forest.” Willow’s rough cheeks darkened further. “I won’t tell you what happened after he caught me.”

With a giggle, Glyma hip-checked the Dryad. “I was chased once by an old boyfriend. It was very exciting.”

Willow nodded exuberantly as Zef cocked their head. “Why would you run from your partner? Were you in danger?”

Securing his apron around his waist, Toni leaned close to whisper near Zef’s ear. “It’s a sex thing, baby.”

Zef’s face scrunched. “Oh. I would not enjoy being chased. I do not like to run.”

“I don’t think I’d wanna get chased either,” Toni said, wiggling his eyebrows at the blushing women as he added, “Though doing the chasing? Yeah, I could work with that.”

“I do not understand the nuances of coitus,” Zef said dryly. “It seems like a lot of work for not much reward.”

“That’s ’cause you’re asexual.” Toni pulled out a cutting board and retrieved a chef’s knife from the block. “For us allos, the work is usually worth it.”

“Then I will leave the copulating to you,” Zef said primly, flipping their curtain of long, white hair over their shoulder with their upper left hand. “I much prefer herbal tea and a documentary, or a good book.”

“Sometimes, a good book helps with the copulating,” Glyma teased, making the Mantodea roll their eyes with a huff.

“Oh, Krul loves erotic novels. It’s led to some very interesting encounters,” Willow said.

Pointing his chef’s knife at her, Toni said, “You’re deceptively unassuming, but I know you’re hiding a very kinky girl under that innocent persona.”

Neither confirming nor denying, Willow simply waggled her head and smiled, sharing a knowing look with Glyma. Zef’s brows drew down, like they were deep in thought.

“Kink is not inherently sexual,” they finally said. “I watched a fascinating documentary about bondage a few years ago, and so many participants agreed that, while it deepened intimacy, it did not always have sensual connotations.”

“It’s true,” Glyma agreed readily. “I had a friend in university who enjoyed rigging, and she practiced on me a few times. But it was never sexual for either of us. I did feel closer to her though.”

Willow sliced human mint leaves to garnish her tarts. “That makes sense. It takes a level of trust and connection to be that vulnerable. Depending on how they tie, you can be left entirely incapacitated. Intimacy seems like a natural outcome.”

“It is an artform to be sure,” Zef said. “The elegance of the knotwork and the patterns left on the skin. It can be very aesthetically pleasing.”

“I got tied up once,” Toni chimed in. “Though that was for sex. Handcuffs. Not much elegance there.”

“Did you enjoy being immobilized?” Zef asked curiously.

Toni thought about it. “I mean, I wasn’t entirely, like, trapped. I was still a very active participant. I just couldn’t use my hands. My jaw was very tired by the end of it. She rode my face for, like, an hour.”

“I love when Quin rides my face,” Glyma said dreamily.

“I would like to change the subject now,” Zef said.

The kitchen doors opened, and Gem walked in, stopping short when he spotted Toni. “There you are! Did you come in the back?”

“Yeah.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s the employee entrance?”

Gem frowned. “But you always use the front door.”

“What is this? An interrogation?”

Toni hadn’t meant for it to come out as harsh as it did, especially when Gem flinched. “No, I just thought maybe you’d called in sick or something. And I haven’t heard from you all weekend, so I was worried, I guess.”

“Don’t gotta worry about me, Gemmy. I was just busy,” Toni dismissed casually.

“Right,” Gem whispered, glancing down at his hands for a moment before he seemed to shake off whatever weird vibe he was putting out. He smiled widely and gestured toward the front. “I’ll just get back then.”

As Gem disappeared back through the doors, Toni refocused on cutting the dried hunlet for their most popular selling sandwich. The kitchen was silent for several long seconds, and he paused in his chopping, looking up to find Glyma, Willow, and Zef staring at him.

“What?” he asked, and all three turned back to their own activities.

“Nothing,” Glyma said in the way Toni’s sisters had always said nothing . When it really was something, but he never knew what.

Later, with only two hours left on his shift, Toni finished his last tasks in the kitchen before joining Gem behind the counter. The Araknis was cleaning the espresso machine, hands and eyes multitasking in a way that always amazed Toni. But Gem was always multitasking in some form or another. His brain needed that kind of stimulation or else he’d get jumpy and fidgety and borderline manic.

Toni was the opposite. He’d fixate, sometimes so narrowly that the rest of the world and responsibilities would fade away. He’d gotten himself in trouble a time or two because his laser-focus would shut out everything else, to his detriment. Or the detriment of others.

“Hey,” he said as he hopped onto the back counter.

“Hey,” Gem said without turning to look at him, hands moving almost too quick to track.

“You okay?”

“Mhm.”

Toni frowned, stretching out a leg to nudge Gem’s ass with the tip of his boot. “Hey.”

With a huff, Gem straightened and turned around. “What? I’m busy.”

“You clean that thing, like, three times a day. I’m pretty sure it’s the cleanest espresso machine in the universe.”

“I like taking it apart,” he said, somewhat defensively.

“I know,” Toni said.

“But I have to put it back together or else I can’t serve customers,” Gem said, like he was explaining brain surgery to a toddler.

“I don’t appreciate the condescension,” Toni said.

Rolling several eyes, Gem turned back to the coffee machine. “Do you need something?”

“Do I need to need something in order to hang out with my best friend?”

“Oh, now you want to hang out?” Gem asked, feigning levity, but there was a bite there that made Toni pause.

“What?”

Gem’s shoulders slumped. “Sorry, that wasn’t—I didn’t mean it like that.”

“How did you mean it then?”

As Gem turned to face him, Toni hopped off the counter and reached out to take one of Gem’s hands. The Araknis offered a smile, but it cracked halfway.

“Hey, Gemmy? What’s wrong, baby?”

“I’m sorry. I’m trying to be a good friend,” he said, big eyes welling with moisture. “But I’ve just missed you. You haven’t come over for Desperate Desire Sundays, which I totally understand. I get that it’s the only day you can see Jude, but it would have been nice if you’d given me a heads-up, you know?”

Utterly blindsided, Toni filtered through his memories from the last few weeks. “What do you mean, Gemmy? I did tell you. I said… I-I said…”

But he hadn’t told Gem, had he? He’d made his plans, and Jude had come over. And Gem had called him.

“Hey, where are you?” he’d asked.

And Toni had said, “Uh, home. Jude is teaching me guitar, remember? Hold on. Listen to this.” Then he’d proceeded to strum a poorly executed G chord over and over again.

“Oh fuck,” Toni said, and Gem shook his head, already opening his mouth to, presumably, try to make Toni feel better. “I thought I talked to you about it. I thought—shit, Gem, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. I get it.”

“No, it’s not okay. I stood you up for Desperate Desires Sunday.” Toni made a disgusted noise. “That makes me the biggest asshole. Like, hundred percent douchebag.”

A watery laugh burst from Gem’s chest, and Toni cupped his face, thumbs rubbing under his eyes. “I’m so sorry, Gemmy.”

“It’s okay. I mean, not okay. But I forgive you.” He curled himself into Toni’s hold, tucking his face into Toni’s neck. “I just missed you.”

“Ah, baby, you’re breaking my heart.” Toni kissed Gem’s head, squeezing his best friend tight. “How about I come over Saturday? We can hang out, just the two of us.”

Backing away enough to meet Toni’s gaze, Gem smiled tentatively. “Really?” Toni nodded, and that smile grew. “I’d really like that.”

“Then it’s a date,” Toni said, pressing a chaste kiss to Gem’s nose. “A Toni-Gem date.”

With a wiggled squeal of excitement, Gem hugged him again, all six arms squeezing Toni until he was short of breath. “I love you,” Gem said.

“I love you too,” Toni gasped out. Gem loosened his hold, and Toni caught his breath, rubbing soothing circles over the Araknis’s back. “It’s me and you against the world, right?”

“Yeah,” Gem said. “Me and you.”

When Saturday did come, Toni bought the ingredients for Gem’s favorite meal—homemade Araknis-style noodles slathered in a sweet, spicy sauce—and together, they cooked an early dinner. Well, Toni cooked while Gem danced to the music playing over his speakers and snuck bites of the vegetables Toni was chopping.

As the noodles boiled, Gem dragged Toni to the middle of the kitchen, forcing him to dance too. With him wrapped around Toni, chin propped on Toni’s shoulder, he whispered, “You and me. Always, right?”

And Toni promised, “Always.”

After gorging on sweet and spicy noodles, Toni collapsed on the couch, nursing a beer as Gem propped his paws on Toni’s lap and wiggled his toe beans. Setting his beer on the coffee table, Toni ran his hand through the fur on Gem’s lower legs, then proceeded to massage the thick pads of his feet, steering clear of his sharp tarsal claws.

Gem sighed, sinking lower into the couch cushions. “I’ve missed this.”

“Me rubbing your feet?” Toni asked, pinching Gem’s left toe bean.

“I mean, that too,” Gem said, flexing his barbs, nearly snagging Toni’s wrist.

“Watch it,” Toni warned.

“I’ve missed this,” Gem repeated, pushing the foot Toni wasn’t massaging into Toni’s stomach. “I’ve missed you.”

“Of course you have,” he said with mock bravado. “I’m the best part of your life. What have you even been doing without me?”

Gem blew a raspberry. “I have a very active social life outside of you, I’ll have you know.”

“Yeah, okay. Ow!” This time, Gem caught Toni’s hand with a tarsal claw, and Toni carefully slipped a pinkie finger under the curved keratin, lifting them free of his skin. “Be nice. I cooked for you.”

“Stop being a dick, and I’ll be nice.”

“Okay, okay. For real, what’ve you been up to?”

Picking at his chipped nail polish, Gem shrugged. “Getting, like, so much dick it’s unreal.”

Toni threw his head back with a laugh. “That’s my boy.”

“Actually,” Gem sobered some, fang catching his lower lip and dimpling it. “I’ve been—and you can’t be judgy, okay?”

“Judgy? Me?” Toni pressed a hand to his chest, aghast at such an accusation. “I’m never judgy.”

“You’re always judgy,” Gem said as Toni’s phone pinged.

He lifted his ass to wiggle his phone out of his pocket as he said, “Okay, I won’t be judgy.”

“You promise?”

Toni glanced down at his phone as another text appeared, both of them from Jude. He couldn’t stop his grin as he unlocked his screen.

Remind me why I signed up for this course again?

This final paper is making me wanna pull my hair out.

“Toni?”

Toni glanced up from his phone. “Yeah?”

Gem’s smile had dimmed marginally. “Don’t you want to know my secrets?”

“I very much want to know your secrets,” Toni said as he typed out a response to Jude.

Please don’t pull your hair out. I happen to like your curls attached to your scalp.

Setting his phone screen-down on his thigh, he gave Gem his undivided attention. “Sorry. Your secrets?”

“Well,” Gem said, scratching harder on his thumbnail, “I’ve actually been hanging out with—”

Toni’s phone pinged again, and he glanced down at it. Gem fell silent. Toni grimaced apologetically. “Sorry, two seconds, then I’m all yours.”

“It’s fine,” Gem said softly as Toni woke his phone back up.

How attached are you to my brains? Because I’m seconds away from searching out a bullet. (And no, I’m not serious. I’m just being dramatic)

Toni chuckled.

I happen to love your brains even more than your curls. Keep them inside your skull for me, okay?

“Is that Jude?” Gem asked brightly, scooching down the couch to read over Toni’s shoulder. “You’re not sexting, right? ’Cause I don’t wanna know about that.”

“No, he’s just frustrated with school.”

Toni let Gem skim over their conversation, feeling warm and squishy to be sharing this with his best friend.

“He’s kind of sassy, isn’t he?” Gem commented as he scrolled. “Aw, he said your stripes are hot. That’s cute. Okay, he called you ‘good boy,’ and you didn’t tell me? I’m personally offended. Also, go Jude. Way to wield that power, short king. Oh, ew, I don’t wanna know his thoughts on your dicks.”

“Then don’t scroll much higher, or you’ll see things,” Toni warned.

“You’re sexting?” Gem leaned away, pushing Toni’s phone back into his waiting palm. “Well done. Is it hot?”

“Is it hot? This is Toni we’re talking about it,” Toni boasted, and Gem pantomimed throwing up. Dropping the attitude, Toni thumbed lazily through the text thread. “But, uh, yeah, it’s hot. Wednesday, we were talking on the phone, and I asked him about, you know, anatomy stuff. It was very educational.” Toni grinned lasciviously. “Then it got sexy.”

Gem giggled and clapped his upper hands, wrapping his lower arms around his legs, hugging his knees. “I love phone sex.”

“Yeah, it was good.”

They cackled like little kids.

“And what about when you’re together? How has it been the last couple weekends?”

“I slept over last Sunday,” Toni said, and Gem’s jaw dropped.

“And you didn’t tell me?” he screeched. “Way to bury the lead. Spill!”

So Toni spilled, and Gem listened with rapt attention. Halfway through, Toni paused and said, “Wait, you were gonna tell me something, right?”

“I’ll tell you later,” Gem dismissed. “Keep going.”

So Toni shrugged and kept going. And by the end, Gem was simpering. “So you slept together all night but didn’t even fuck? That’s so sweet.”

“I guess.”

“So other than some heavy petting and phone sex, you haven’t actually fucked at all?” Gem clarified.

“Not for lack of trying,” Toni said. “Not that I’m only in it for that. I… I like him, Gemmy. A lot. He’s just so fucking hot. But also kinda confusing.”

Gem propped his chin on his knees. “How so?”

Getting more comfortable, Toni settled in. “Okay, so we flirt a lot. Like, the tension is very real. And then we get hot and heavy, and he seems super into it. But then, all of sudden, he’s like, ‘Oh, gotta catch my train!’ or, ‘Oops, gotta get to class.’ Which is fine. He’s allowed to change his mind, no problem. But then I’m worrying that maybe I did something wrong. Or I’m misreading the situation, and maybe he ain’t that into me.

“Which would be a bummer, but it’s also allowed.” Toni said, and Gem nodded. “It just feels like we’re going one way, and then, boom! Direction change, out of nowhere. And I’m left confused, like I don’t… understand what we’re doing.”

Tonguing his right fang, Gem hummed and took a moment to think. Then he said, “Have you asked him?”

“Asked him what?”

The look Gem gave him was more than a little condescending. “What his expectations are? What he wants? Have you even asked yourself what you want?”

“I want him,” Toni said succinctly.

“Yes, I get that.” Gem rubbed his forehead, air whistling through his nostrils. “But what else? Do you want to date him? Is it just hooking up?”

“He’s really busy, and he was straight-up about that from the start. But he said he’d go on a date with me, after his summer school. So I’m just waiting, I guess.”

“Okay, so you’re gonna date? You know, after his life calms down a bit. But until then, you’re still hanging out and kind of hooking up?”

Toni took a second to think through Gem’s claim, then nodded. “That sounds accurate, yes.”

“But he still hasn’t told Oliver?”

Subconsciously, Toni rubbed at his chest as he shook his head. “As far as I’m aware, no. Why? That don’t matter.”

Gem’s brows rose. “Doesn’t it?”

Toni straightened and crossed his arms over his chest. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Gem searched for words, speaking cautiously when he finally found them. “I don’t know Jude that well, and what he does or doesn’t tell Oliver is his business. I’m not judging or making assumptions. I just find it strange that he isn’t talking to his best friend about you, especially if you’re planning to go on dates and stuff.”

“Ollie ain’t around much,” Toni said, the first hint of temper sparking in his stomach. “He’s with Liel a lot, and Jude’s super busy.”

“Okay.” Gem lowered his feet to the floor, several hands already rising in placation. “I’m not insinuating—”

“And I don’t care if Ollie knows. Like, it’s not like we’re together-together and he’s keeping it a secret,” Toni insisted.

Scratching the back of his head, Gem made a face Toni couldn’t quite discern. “I mean, isn’t that technically what a secret is? Information being withheld. If Oliver doesn’t know—”

“He’s not keeping it a secret. He just hasn’t told him yet,” Toni said stiffly.

“Okay,” Gem said, but the obvious doubt in his tone had the sparks flickering into flames.

Toni scowled, setting his jaw. “It ain’t like that.”

“Alright,” Gem said, eyes widening. “If you’re fine with that arrangement—”

Finger waving in Gem’s face, Toni stood. “Uh-uh, don’t do that. Don’t call it ‘an arrangement.’ It’s not like we’re being secretive or whatever. It’s just—”

Gem stood too and splayed his hands. “I’m not saying that.”

“But you are. You’re being judgy and—”

“I’m not being judgy! I’m just asking questions,” Gem snapped, wrapping his arms around himself as he took a step back. “I just don’t want you to get hurt.”

“Jude’s a good guy,” Toni defended, voice growing in volume.

Gem’s own anger caught then, matching Toni’s volume. “I didn’t say he wasn’t.”

“You’re acting like he hasn’t told Ollie because he’s ashamed of me or something.” Toni jabbed at Gem’s chest, and the Araknis bared his lengthening fangs, slapping Toni’s hand away before it could make contact.

“Those are your words, Toni, not mine. And if that’s how Jude’s making you feel, then you should tell him that.”

“I don’t feel that way,” Toni shouted, though it tasted like a lie. “You’re making him out to be some asshole, and he’s not, okay?”

“I’m not making him out to be anything,” Gem cried, upper hands grabbing at his hair, lower arms holding himself, middle hands gesturing wildly at Toni. “I’m just trying to talk to you, and you’re yelling at me. I’m on your side, Toni. I am always on your side.”

With a hitched breath, Gem took another step back and pressed a hand to his mouth, blinking back the moisture gathering in his largest eyes. “I just think you deserve more than being someone’s dirty, little secret,” he said so quietly Toni would have missed it if not for his stupid, impeccable hearing.

And it hurt. Toni didn’t even know why, but the words hurt.

“You don’t know him,” Toni said.

Carefully, carefully , Gem said, “Do you?”

And fuck, that hurt too.

So Toni opened his mouth to say that, yes, he did know Jude. Maybe it was still new and uncertain, but Toni knew him, okay? And he knew Toni. Jude knew what it was like to choose his own sanity and peace over parents that should have loved him. He knew what it was like to want more out of life than what family or society allowed.

Jude knew in a way Gem never could. Because Gem had a father who loved him unconditionally. He had a mother who called him every weekend, “just to check in.” He had a family who supported him and accepted him in a way Toni never had! So how could Gem ever understand the way Jude could?

Toni opened his mouth to say that he knew Gem was trying to help, that he knew Gem just wanted the best for him. That even now, amidst the anger and defensiveness, Toni knew that Gem was trying to protect him.

He opened his mouth to say all those things, but his godsdamned temper was in the driver’s seat, and what came out instead was a cold and cruel, “Fuck you, Gemae.”

As the words shattered between them, Gem went utterly still, six arms dropping to his sides, oil-spill eyes welling with tears. One blink, and they dripped down his cheeks, but he made no move to swipe them away. It was eerie, because Gem was always moving, always talking, always doing something.

But he just stood there, staring at Toni like he’d slapped him.

Then slowly, ever so slowly, Gem nodded and sniffed. Then he said, “No, Toni, fuck you.”

The words were quiet and sad, but they blasted Toni in the chest like a buckshot. “You know what? I don’t need this,” he said, waving his hands like he could bat away the painful words flying between them. “I’m outta here.”

“Fine!” Gem cried, voice breaking on a sob. “Just go then.”

So Toni went. He yanked the door open so hard the hinges squeaked, and when he slammed it shut behind him, the walls of Gem’s flat trembled. Gem’s heart-wrenching, deep-chested sobs chased Toni all the way to the lift, and in an attempt to escape them, he abandoned the elevator entirely and took the stairs.

When he burst out onto the street, he panted for air, but even with all four lungs heaving, he wasn’t getting enough oxygen. His chest felt tight, and his heart was pounding behind his chest plate. And he couldn’t fucking breathe.

With eyes burning, he stormed toward Lust station, but when he got there, he didn’t jump on a train to Gluttony. No, he rode one to Purgatory. Then further, through the veil.

Before he fully understood what he was doing, he found himself in a human city that was far too loud. It smelled like car exhaust and human sweat, and it made Toni choke. Or maybe that was the tears. It was hard to tell.

Then he was standing in front of a familiar door, an unfamiliar man on the other side. And Toni said, “Is Jude here? I need to talk to him. I know he’s busy, but it’s important.”

The guy said, “One sec.” Then he walked away, leaving the door ajar, and Toni heard him say, “Hey, uh, Jude? There’s a demon at the door. I don’t think he’s doing okay.”

“What?” Jude’s footsteps approached, rushed with alarm, and Toni sighed in relief when he heard the now-comforting th-thump, th-thump of Jude’s heart. “Toni?”

And there he was, dressed in gray sweatpants and a thin t-shirt advertising some band Toni had never heard of. His curls were wet, like he’d recently showered, and the scent of his shampoo was so strong Toni felt drunk off the stuff.

“Hey,” Toni croaked. “I know it ain’t Sunday. I’m sorry.”

“What’s wrong?” Jude’s hands cupped Toni’s face, gaze searching his for answers. “What happened?”

“Gem and I got in a fight,” he said, throat burning. “And now I think I might start crying. Which, full disclosure, I’m an ugly-ass crier. So, sorry in advance for that.”

Jude smiled sadly, thumbs brushing over Toni’s cheeks. “That’s okay. I can take ugly tears.”

And as Jude pulled him into a hug, Toni ducked his face into the human’s neck and cracked right down the middle.