Page 19 of Gratification in Gluttony (Passing Through Cafe #2)

Chapter nineteen

Ain’t That Crazy

Toni did cry, and it was ugly. But Jude weathered it like a champ. He led the sniffling Elas through the loft and into his bedroom. Then he climbed onto his bed, dragging Toni with him. On his back, Jude guided Toni to curl up beside him, head on his chest where Toni could listen to his heart-song up close.

As tears dripped off his nose to soak the human’s shirt, Toni drew formless designs on Jude’s belly over the fabric. Deep-seated shame at his tears, born from his childhood, tried to wriggle into the space between them, but Toni wouldn’t let it. He’d spent enough years ashamed of the things his father deemed weak; he wouldn’t waste more.

When the tears dried and Toni’s breathing evened, Jude’s fingers paused in Toni’s hair. “Wanna talk about it?”

Toni shook his head.

“You sure?”

Toni nodded.

“Okay.”

Jude’s fingers resumed their ministrations, sifting through Toni’s hair, causing indigo strands to fall over his brow. He closed his eyes and indulged in Jude’s touches and heartbeat. It reminded him of curling up against his mother as she read her fashion magazines or talked with her friends on the phone.

While Toni’s father had never been an affectionate man, his mother had offered love and affection in spades. Sure, it usually came with strings attached and expectations in return. He and his siblings had been held responsible for her moods, for keeping her stable. But at least she’d held him as a child. That had to count for something.

The most his father had offered was a handshake or a clap on the shoulder when Toni did something worth being proud of. He’d been softer with Toni’s sisters—not by much, but still—and Toni had envied them. Maybe that was why Toni had been into all the “girly shit.” In some attempt at earning a softer side to his father’s love.

“What are you thinking about?” Jude asked, and Toni cringed.

A part of him wanted to lie, but he didn’t in the end. “Uh, my father, I guess. And how he loved my sisters differently. So when I was little, I thought maybe he’d love me that way too, if I was more like them.”

Jude hummed, scratching at his scalp. “What do you mean, ‘more like them’?”

Heat crawled up Toni’s neck and settled in his cheeks. “So, um, I thought maybe my dad would be gentler with me, like he was with my sisters, if I was soft like they were. So I was kinda girly as a kid. Like, I learned how to do my sisters’ hair, and they taught me shades of color, like vermilion and chartreuse—most guys think chartreuse is a kind of dessert. And I dressed up in my sister’s dresses and wore my ma’s high heels.”

“Lots of kids do that, you know? Dress up in their mom’s clothes, regardless of gender,” Jude said.

“I guess. I also used to sneak into my parents’ room and put on Ma’s makeup,” Toni admitted, cheeks burning now.

Jude hummed. “Also, not that strange. Kids are curious and experimental about all sorts of things.”

“Maybe. Pa caught me once. Boy, was he pissed. That was the only time he laid hands on me. Well, not hands,” Toni corrected, swallowing thickly. “He used his belt. Said I must have pussies in my pants instead of dicks. Needless to say, Toni did not put on makeup no more.”

“Jesus, Toni,” Jude said, sounding inexplicably sad.

Lifting off Jude’s chest, Toni smiled. “Hey, it’s okay. I’m good. I mean, I’ve had lots of therapy, so I know it was his problem, not mine.”

“Still.” Jude cupped Toni’s face, thumbs rubbing. “You should have been able to express yourself however you wanted, without fear of him beating you.”

Toni blew a raspberry. “He didn’t beat me. He just knocked me around a little. It ain’t all bad. It toughened me up at least.”

“Kids don’t need to be tough,” Jude said coolly. “Kids need to be kids.”

Not wanting to cry again—because, seriously, what a beautiful sentiment—Toni fought the burn in his eyes as he nodded. “Yeah, I know. But I turned out okay; that’s all I meant.”

“You turned out amazing, but that says more about you than it does about him,” Jude said firmly, tugging Toni down until he could press a kiss between his eyes. “Why did Little Toni want to wear makeup?”

Dragging his nose down Jude’s neck, Toni shrugged. “I dunno. Everyone else wore it. My sisters. My mother. And they always looked so pretty. I guess”—Toni released a shaky exhale—“I guess I wanted to be pretty too. Ain’t that crazy?”

Jude forced Toni’s head up and frowned up at him. “That’s not crazy. You can be pretty if you want.”

At that, Toni laughed. “I ain’t like Gem. I can’t pull off pretty .” He bared his jagged teeth. “I’m too scary.”

Instead of laughing with him, Jude frowned deeper. “It’s not about pulling off anything. If you want to feel pretty, then do what makes you feel pretty.”

“I don’t need to feel pretty,” Toni said, an odd defensiveness rising in his chest. “I think you’re making this deeper than it needs to be. I was, like, eight.”

“Still,” Jude said, studying Toni’s face in a way that had the Elas swallowing thickly. “I have an idea. Stay here.”

Much to Toni’s dismay, Jude rolled out of his arms and stood, straightening his shirt which had ridden up to give Toni a nice view of his plump ass in his sweats. “Where you going? Get that cute ass back here.”

“I’m coming back,” Jude promised as he opened his bedroom door. “Just give me a second.”

Pouting like a child, Toni sat up and crossed his legs under him, propping his chin on his hand. Jude wasn’t gone long. He slipped back into the room, arms full. He used his foot to kick his door shut, then set the array of items in his arms on the top of the dresser.

As he sorted through them, Toni frowned. “What’s all that shit?”

Instead of answering, Jude held out several different colored nail polishes. “Pick one.”

“What?”

Jude rolled his eyes and waved the nail polish in Toni’s direction. “Pick one.”

An odd fear slithered through his veins as Toni pointed at the shiny, red one, his finger trembling slightly. “That one.”

Jude set the other bottles on the dresser beside what Toni realized was makeup supplies. The human crawled back onto the bed, copying Toni’s position with his legs crossed. Then he held out his hand expectantly, expression soft and inviting.

Toni knew what Jude wanted; he didn’t need him to say it. For reasons Toni knew his therapist would love to dissect, it took him a long time to lift his hand and place it in Jude’s. But when he finally did, Jude smiled beautifully and gave it a squeeze.

Wordlessly, Jude unscrewed the bottle of polish, nestling the glass between his foot and his leg to keep it steady. Then he dipped the brush in the pretty, deep red, scraping the excess, before bringing it to Toni’s gray nails. The first streak of red had Toni’s breath hitching. In response, Jude paused, eyes lifting to Toni’s as he waited.

Another hollow breath, and Toni nodded. Gaze dropping back to his task, Jude covered the nail of Toni’s index finger. Then he pursed his lips and blew gently to dry the polish. The moment it was dry enough, Jude released him, and Toni angled his hand to watch the lamplight play across the shiny color.

“It’s pretty,” he said, voice rough.

“Yeah,” Jude said, eyes locked on Toni’s face. “Wanna keep going?”

“Okay,” Toni said, offering his hand, and Jude took it.

In silence, they sat on Jude’s bed as he painted Toni’s nails until all ten were crimson sparkles. But he didn’t stop there. He unrolled Toni’s socks, smiling grandly when he discovered the fragile, almost frilly, webbing between his toes. Then he painted them too, blowing them dry as Toni struggled not to weep like a baby.

Still unspeaking, Jude returned the polish to the dresser, then guided Toni to sit at the end of the bed, patting the inside of his knees until they parted so the human could stand between them. Retrieving a palette of eyeshadow, he twirled a thin brush between his fingers as he inspected the color options.

“Close your eyes,” he said, the first words spoken between them since they’d embarked on this terrifying journey together. When Toni couldn’t obey, Jude leaned down to kiss him so fleetingly Toni questioned whether it had happened at all.

“Do you trust me?” Jude breathed against Toni’s lips, and because Toni could do nothing else, he nodded. The human smiled. “Then close your eyes.”

Toni closed his eyes.

The brush was soft, but he still flinched, hands framing the outside of Jude’s thighs, grip tight. Jude was achingly gentle as he dusted Toni’s lids with eyeshadow. Time lost meaning as Toni focused on each breath in, smelling the sharp solvents from the nail polish, Jude’s sandalwood and bergamot, and the dry, powdery scent of makeup that was both nostalgic and painful at the same time.

“Wipe that shit off your face. You trying to be a lady or something?” Marlyn Maryno had said once to a little boy who’d just wanted to be pretty like his mother.

And the words hurt. They’d cut deeper than Toni had ever thought possible, and they’d festered for a long time. The wound was mostly scarred over now, but the ache remained. Somehow, Jude swiping liquid eyeliner across Toni’s upper lids soothed it. It didn’t erase it; that wasn’t how healing worked. But it helped, like a cool balm on a sunburn.

By the time Jude instructed Toni to open his eyes, his hands were digging into Jude’s thighs so hard he feared he was hurting the other man. But Jude didn’t complain. He smiled so beautifully down at Toni as he carefully brushed his lashes with a mascara wand.

When he set the final article of makeup aside, Jude pinched Toni’s chin and directed his face one way, then the other, inspecting his work. Then he beamed at Toni like the Elas had hung the fucking moon.

“Would you look at that,” he said fondly. “Wanna see?”

Honestly, Toni had never been more terrified in his life, but he didn’t want to sack out, so he nodded. Jude opened the compact mirror and angled it so Toni could see his reflection. He didn’t recognize himself at first, eyes too big, lids painted light green, lashes thick and long.

Wrong, his brain said. He looked all wrong. His jaw was too square, lips too thin, brows too unruly. His black eyes and sharp teeth were too fierce for such soft art.

“No son of mine’s gonna walk around looking like a vlier,” Marlyn Maryno had said once to a little boy who had only wanted his father’s love.

But fuck Marlyn Maryno.

Toni wasn’t that little boy no more, not really, but he saw him in that reflection. A fleeting ghost of a child smearing red dye over his lips to make them full, like he’d watched his mother do a thousand times. A kid who brushed his sister’s hair, marveling at how glossy it was as he sifted his fingers through the soft strands.

Toni had always liked beautiful things; he just never believed he’d be one of them.

“I’m pretty,” Toni whispered, and Jude exhaled in a rush, relief loosening the tension in his shoulders.

“Yeah, Toni. You’re beautiful.”

And when Jude leaned down and kissed him so sweetly it made him ache , Toni believed him.

The kiss was slow and soft at first, and Toni could have stayed there forever. He could have gotten lost in the easy glide of Jude’s tongue against his, in the soothing touches of Jude’s fingertips on his gills. He could have floated in the gentle pleasure humming under his skin for eternity as Jude caressed the fins on his arms, fingers growing in confidence when Toni sighed in contentment.

They broke apart, their breathing heavy, the charged air vibrating between them. Jude straightened, licking his lips like he was chasing Toni’s taste. It had a rough growl rattling in Toni’s chest as he reached up and smoothed a painted finger over the human’s mouth, following the spit-shined path his tongue had forged.

Without severing eye contact, Jude gripped the hem of his shirt and slowly drew it up and over his head, letting it flutter to the floor with a soft thwump . Then he was removing Toni’s shirt with the same lazy pace, and it joined Jude’s on the floor, forgotten.

Like he had all the time in the world, Jude lowered himself to his knees between Toni’s legs, and Toni shivered as Jude ran his hands up and down his thighs. “This okay?” he asked, voice raspy.

“Only if you want to,” Toni said, inhaling sharply as Jude traced the outline of his quickly-hardening dicks pushing against the rough fabric.

“I want to,” Jude said with a grin that ignited heat in his stomach.

As Jude worked his jeans open, Toni leaned back on his hands, heart racing in his chest. “I know it ain’t what you’re used to,” he said, feeling oddly insecure. “So, like, it’s cool if you, you know, don’t wanna—”

To presumably shut him up, Jude surged up and kissed him hard, pulling away with a small bite to his bottom lip. “Shut up, pretty boy, and let me suck your dicks.”

Toni moaned pathetically at that. “Okay. Yeah, let’s do that.”

Chuckling, Jude settled back on his knees and opened Toni’s pants wider. Then he confidently tugged both Toni’s jeans and underwear down his thighs, Jude’s bravado glitching when he revealed both of Toni’s cocks.

Toni glanced down at his slim, gray dicks, then back to Jude’s face as the human cocked his head and curiously inspected them. Biting the inside of his cheek, Toni kept still, wanting to give Jude time to explore and get comfortable with anatomy that was entirely alien to him.

With careful hands, Jude grasped Toni’s lower dick, pushing it aside so he had an unimpeded view of both. “Are they different?” he asked, a flush coloring his cheeks. “I mean, do they serve different purposes?”

“Nah, I just got two ’cause Elas ladies have two—what do you call it in English again? Vaginis?”

Jude snickered. “Vaginas.”

“Right. That. They got two, so I got two.” He shrugged. “They got two of the parts that grow the baby. Like, the organs inside?”

“Uteruses,” Jude said, and Toni nodded.

“Sure. They got two of those as well. Twins are pretty common for my species.”

“Your sisters?”

“Mins and Kat are twins, and Bett was a twin, too, though the second one didn’t, uh, make it,” Toni said, grunting as Jude wrapped his second hand around Toni’s upper dick. “Though, I’ll be honest, talking about my sisters while your hands are on my dicks is weirding me out.”

Jude laughed harder. “Sorry. I was just curious.”

“Makes sense. It’s probably weirding you out too. Me having two dicks,” Toni clarified. “Not my sisters being twins.”

With a half-shrug, Jude tightened his grip on his cocks and stroked. “Not weirding me out. I just want to make sure I’m doing this right.”

“Not really possible to get it wrong,” Toni said, trying to focus enough to keep forming words. “You can do whatever you want down there. Except biting. That won’t feel good.”

Leaning in to kiss the inside of Toni’s thigh, Jude hummed. “No biting. Got it. Are they both equally sensitive?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Okay.” He continued stroking Toni’s upper dick and used his other hand to cup the small sack filling the space between Toni’s asshole and his lower dick. “Only one?”

“You got two?” Toni asked before he’d thought the question through.

Thankfully, Jude wasn’t offended. “I don’t have any, but human cis-males usually have two, yes.”

“Just the one for me.” Toni bit his bottom lip as he watched Jude’s hand move up and down his cock. “Fuck, keep doing that.”

He cursed again, in his language this time, when Jude’s tongue replaced his hand on his sack. The human sucked it into his mouth as his hands clumsily worked Toni’s dicks in tandem, and Toni let his head fall back with a groan.

“Let me know if I do something you don’t like,” Jude said as he trailed sucking kisses to the base of Toni’s lower dick. Then higher.

“Seriously, you can do whatever you want, and I’ll like it,” Toni said.

“What was that?”

Lifting his head, he met Jude’s gaze as he rubbed his thumb over the tapered tip of Toni’s dick. “Huh?”

“That wasn’t English. I don’t know what you said.”

“Shit, sorry. It’s hard to… think. Just do what you want. It’ll all feel good,” Toni managed to say, and Jude grinned darkly.

Without another word, he licked up Toni’s upper dick, from root to tip, swirling his tongue around the top. Then he was sucking it inside in a slow glide. It took all of Toni’s self-control not to thrust up into the perfect, wet heat of his mouth.

“Deities below, your mouth is—oh fuck,” Toni moaned, unable to stop one hand from burrowing into Jude’s curls and gripping tight. Jude hummed as he kept his leisurely pace, jerking Toni’s lower dick with his dominant hand as his mouth worked the upper one.

Toni stared at the sparkly red of his nail polish winking out from between Jude’s dark hair, and he smiled. He didn’t direct Jude, letting him control the rhythm, but he loved the feel of those soft curls between his fingers. He rubbed Jude’s scalp restlessly as he tried to keep his hips still, not wanting to choke him.

“That feels so fucking good, baby,” Toni said, and he was eighty-three percent certain he was speaking English.

Jude sucked his way up Toni’s cock, giving the tip a wet kiss, before he started stroking it with his hand and moved his mouth to the other cock. And so it went, Jude exploring, learning all the ways he could drive Toni to combustion without actually letting him fall over the edge. He alternated between Toni’s cocks until he eventually used both hands to pin them together.

When he tried to suck them both, Toni hissed at the scrape of teeth against his sensitive flesh. Jude snickered as he focused his energy on the tips, spit and Toni’s pre-cum leaking down the lengths until they pooled around the base.

“I’m gonna come if you keep that up,” Toni warned, and Jude sat back on his heels, face flushed, lips puffy and shiny, eyes dark with lust.

“Well, we can’t have that yet, can we?” he said hoarsely.

“Oh, you’re into edging. How wonderful,” Toni sassed, and Jude barked a laugh as he kissed his way up Toni’s stomach to his chest. Bending down, Toni met him in a filthy kiss, tasting himself on the human’s tongue. “Want you to fuck me.”

Jude sank his teeth into Toni’s bottom lip hard enough to sting. “I can do that.”

With a snarl, Toni grabbed Jude around the waist and hauled him up and onto the bed. The human yelped in surprise as he, somewhat gently, tossed him higher onto the mattress. Toni shoved his pants down the rest of the way and kicked them off, loving the way Jude’s eyes flared as he took in his nakedness.

Toni prowled up the mattress, and Jude parted his legs to grant him access. He slid in and pressed his bare cocks to the apex of Jude’s thighs, the sweatpants the only barrier separating them. Jude moaned, eyes squeezing shut as Toni ground down against him.

“You like that, bitesize?” Toni said, rolling his hips again.

“I’ll like it better if you take my pants off,” Jude retorted as he buried his fingers in Toni’s hair and tugged.

“Fuck yes.” Toni mouthed at Jude’s jaw, feeling the hint of stubble. “I’m gonna go down on you for hours.”

“Yeah? You gonna make me come, Toni?”

“Yeah I am. I’m gonna make you come on my tongue until you can’t take it no more.”

With a gasped chuckle, Jude fisted Toni’s hair and yanked his head up hard enough to make his scalp scream. “Then stop talking and put your mouth on my cunt.”

Grinning like a lunatic, Toni said, “Your wish is my command.”

And Jude said, “Good boy.”