Page 24 of Gratification in Gluttony (Passing Through Cafe #2)

Chapter twenty-four

Love That Big

It was early, much too early to be awake, but something had roused Toni from his slumber. He cracked his eyes open, but it was still dark. The sky outside the window was lightening, more of an indigo than an inky black, which meant Toni should not have been awake.

But something nudged his brain, forcing him into consciousness. Gem was breathing deeply beside him, his twin hearts chugging sluggishly in sleep. But there was another rhythm, a more familiar one. A heart-song Toni had memorized weeks ago.

He propped himself on his elbows and turned toward the door. A shadow shifted at the bottom, and fingers lightly drummed against the wood before footsteps shuffled away in the direction of the living area. Toni inhaled, smelling sandalwood and bergamot.

Fully awake now, he slunk out of bed and dressed quietly. He slipped out of the room and tiptoed down the hall. He expected to find Jude in the living room or the kitchen, but he wasn’t there. Stopping at the back porch doors, Toni strained his eyes for movement in the yard, smiling when he caught sight of a figure in the barn.

The second floor hayloft doors were open, and Jude swung one leg over the edge as he hugged the other to his chest. As Toni exited the house and loped down the porch stairs, Jude’s head turned in his direction, and Toni heard the uptick of his heart. They hadn’t found a time to talk alone since Friday afternoon, given Oliver’s birthday and, later, Oliver and Liel’s love confession. Ass-crack of dawn wouldn’t have been Toni’s first choice, but beggars couldn’t be choosers, right?

When Toni came to a stop at the barn doors, he looked up, finding Jude smiling down at him. “Good morning.”

“Good morning,” Toni said. “Can I come up?”

“I hoped you would,” Jude said.

Toni made his way up to the loft, brushing hay off his jeans as he settled himself at the edge beside Jude, mere inches separating them. From this vantage point, Toni realized they had a perfect view of the coming sunrise.

“Didn’t take you as an early riser,” Toni said.

“I’m usually not,” Jude said, chin propped on his raised knee. “But whenever I come here, I try to see the sunrise at least once. I can’t ever see it in Chicago, not really. There’s too many buildings in the way. It hits differently out here.”

Rubbing the chill from his exposed arms, Toni dangled his legs over the edge. “You’ve been here a lot, huh?”

“Not a lot, but once Oliver and I became friends, he invited me to come home with him for the holidays.” Jude shrugged. “It wasn’t like I had anywhere else to go.”

“I hear that,” Toni said, and Jude nodded knowingly.

They lapsed into silence as the indigo sky turned violet. Toni could tell Jude was gearing up to say something, something important, so he waited, picking at a frayed thread in his jeans.

“Do you remember when we talked about love?” Jude asked, and Toni clasped his hands between his thighs to warm them.

“Which time?” Toni joked, and Jude smirked.

“When I said I’d never been in love.”

“I remember.”

“I lied,” Jude whispered, and Toni’s gut tightened.

When Jude didn’t continue, Toni swallowed thickly and prompted, “Oh?”

“Oliver and I didn’t work as boyfriends because we weren’t compatible romantically. Because he didn’t feel that way about me.” Jude ducked his head, jaw working. “ Not because I didn’t feel that way about him.”

And, oomph , that hit like a ton of bricks. It also brought some clarity, the lightbulb flickering to life in Toni’s mind, and everything else fell into place. “Does he know?”

Jude shook his head. “No. Not the… extent of it. We dated briefly, and it was fun. But we wanted different things, and he suggested being casual. I knew I couldn’t do that, so I said we should just be friends. And we were. We are . He’s my best friend, Toni.”

“I know,” Toni said, watching the violet lighten to magenta. “That’s why you didn’t want to tell him. About us. Right?”

With a wince, Jude hugged his leg tighter to his chest. “Not entirely. I don’t—” Turning abruptly to face him, Jude took his hand, expression fierce. “I don’t love him like that anymore, and I haven’t for a really long time. I hope you can believe me.”

“Why wouldn’t I believe you?”

“Because the pining friend who’s ‘over it’ is never actually over it, right?” Jude said bitterly. “But I am. I love Oliver because he’s the first family I’ve known since my parents disowned me. He was the first person who was safe, who felt like home. And I will always love him for that. I can’t not love him for that.”

Jude’s expression turned pleading. “But I’m not in love with him. And when me and you started… what we started, and Oliver fell hard and fast for Liel, I was scared of things changing. I knew if I talked to him about it, about you and me, about him and Liel, that things wouldn’t ever be the same. And it terrified me.” He massaged Toni’s fingers, chin trembling. “Not because I’m in love with him, but because he’s—he’s just—”

“He’s your Gem,” Toni said, and Jude blinked up at him in surprise.

“You said you were never in love with Gem?”

“Technically, I wasn’t. There’s different types of love, but I didn’t always know that. I was a kid from a rough family who’d never had what Gem offered. Acceptance, support, unconditional love. He was my safe place, and I thought the only way we could be that to each other was if I loved him like that. Why do you think I suggested we fuck? I thought that was how I was supposed to love him,” Toni said with a sheepish chuckle, and Jude smiled with him. “But then we kissed, and it felt all sorts of wrong. It helped me see that Gem and I could be whatever we chose to be to each other, and it didn’t invalidate the love we shared. Because love ain’t that fucking small.”

Jude’s eyes were wide and wet as he clung to Toni’s hand like a lifeline. The sunrise streaked the skies in yellows and pinks, painting Jude’s face in multicolor, and Toni didn’t think he’d ever seen anything more beautiful.

“Toni,” Jude said, quiet as a secret in the dark, “I don’t think I know how to love like that.”

“Oh, baby, you underestimate yourself.” Toni cupped Jude’s cheek with his free hand. “Listen to me. There may always be a part of you that belongs to Ollie. Because of what he meant to you when you needed him most, and what he means to you still. And I’m never gonna ask for that piece ’cause it ain’t mine to have.

“The same way I will always love Gem because of who he was and is and always will be to me. But that don’t mean I love you less. It’s different, but not less. I don’t love you like I love him. Or like how I’ve loved people before. I love you how I love you , and baby, that’s fucking yours , you hear me? It’s all yours.”

A tear glistened on Jude’s cheek, reflecting the light of the rising sun, and Toni smiled. “And if you ever wanna love me too, then that’s gonna be mine, and I’m gonna keep it for as long as you wanna give it to me. Because, Jude, our love can be that fucking big!”

With a strangled sound, Jude launched himself at Toni, wrapping his arms around his neck and crashing their mouths together. It hurt, but it was a good kind of hurt, and Toni gave as good as he got.

Not wanting them to lose themselves and fall through the open hayloft to their deaths, Toni grabbed Jude around the waist with one arm and dragged them both away from the edge. He angled his body in such a way that his spinal fin wasn’t pinned against the wall, then let Jude settle into his lap and push his tongue into his mouth.

Toni sucked on it as he slid a hand under Jude’s shirt, fingers skating over inked, then scarred flesh. He mapped Jude’s torso from his tattoo to his soft, hairy belly to his love handles that Toni loved so much. Jude’s hands were in Toni’s hair, and he was making desperate noises as he rubbed his core against Toni’s thigh.

“I want that,” Jude gasped against Toni’s lips. “I don’t know if I can love like that, but I want to. I want you.”

And gods, Toni smiled. “That’s real good, baby. We can figure it out together, okay?” Jude nodded and tried to reinstate their kiss, but Toni stopped him. “But I don’t love halfway. I don’t think I even know how. I don’t want to sneak around or do secrets—”

“I’m gonna tell Oliver. I was going to before, but he was so stressed about this weekend, and then their love confession last night and everything”—Jude snorted a laugh as he kissed from Toni’s nose to his jaw—“I didn’t want to add this too. But I’m going to tell him. I want to tell him. I want to tell everyone.”

“Yeah?” Toni asked, and Jude nodded. “Okay. After this weekend, then.”

“Okay.” Jude kissed him again, hands dropping to cup Toni’s neck. His fingers were gentle as they traced his gills, and Toni shuddered. It wasn’t exactly a sexy feeling or even a pleasant one, but there was an intimacy to the touch. His gills were vulnerable and sensitive, and letting someone touch him there was a sign of trust.

And when Jude leaned down to kiss him there, lips so gentle, Toni groaned, fingers clumsy as they worked the buttons of Jude’s ugly orange shirt open. Jude shrugged it off as Toni reached back and tore his own shirt over his head. Then he secured an arm around Jude’s waist and lifted him enough to lay him down against the pile of hay in the corner.

“Ah, sharp! The hay is sharp,” Jude screeched, laughing as Toni lifted him up with one arm as he held himself up with the other.

“What? I’ve read many novels where people fuck in the hay. Why is it sharp?” Toni demanded, feeling betrayed by all the romance books.

“Romance books lie, babe,” Jude said, breaking the news as gently as he could. “Hay is so very pokey.”

“My whole life is a lie!” Toni lamented, keeping Jude aloft with one arm as he scrambled for their shirts, draping them as a sort of blanket across the hay for Jude to lay on.

“How are you holding me up with one arm?” Jude said in bewilderment. “Are you really that strong?”

Toni paused, then shrugged. “I mean, I work out.”

Jude threw his head back and laughed. Kissing the laughter from his lips, Toni laid him back on their shirts and made quick work of his pants. When they were both naked, Toni kissed his way down Jude’s body, chest vibrating with primal sounds that should have embarrassed him, but he just couldn’t bring himself to care enough.

“Mine,” he growled as he licked at the scars where Jude had remade himself. He left shallow love bites on Jude’s stomach and rubbed his face against the soft hair under his navel, saying, “Mine, mine, mine.”

“Toni,” Jude moaned, hooking his leg over Toni’s shoulder as Toni hovered over his cunt, panting hot and heavy.

And Toni snarled, “Mine,” before he went to fucking work.

Clasping a hand over his mouth, Jude muffled his cries of pleasure as Toni ate him out like he was a five-course meal. Toni feasted, bringing Jude to orgasm not once, not twice, but three times. And even then it wasn’t enough. He could have stayed there for years, with Jude’s taste in his mouth and his scent in his nose and his desperate moans in his ears.

“Fuck me,” Jude gritted out, yanking Toni’s mouth away. “Toni, I want you to fuck me.”

With a feral sound, Toni surged up and kissed Jude, forcing him to taste himself on Toni’s tongue. “You want me to fuck you, baby?” he asked, and Jude nodded. He slid his fingers through Jude’s drenched folds and dipped a finger inside his pussy. “You want me to fuck you here?”

“Yes,” Jude bit out, already tilting his hips for Toni’s finger to delve deeper.

“Or,” Toni said as he pressed two wet fingers to Jude’s asshole, “do you want me to fuck you here?”

Jude’s head fell back with a needy sound. “Both.”

“Fuck yeah,” Toni groaned as he attacked Jude’s neck, hating how he couldn’t leave visible marks. “We’ll do that, and I’ll fuck you so good, baby. But not now. We don’t got supplies.”

Like Jude had forgotten that they were in a hayloft at Oliver’s parents’ house, with no lube and no ac-sex-sories, he grunted out a disappointed, “Fuck. Please tell me you at least have one condom on you.”

Sitting back on his heels, Toni grabbed his jeans and yanked out his wallet, searching through it. With a triumphant whoop, he held up the single condom packet he kept stored there for a rainy day.

“Toni fucking delivers,” he cried, tossing the condom on Jude’s stomach. “Wallet condom for the win!”

“Shh,” Jude shushed him as he burst into laughter. “You’re gonna wake everyone up.”

“Sorry, I’m just super pumped right now.” Toni grabbed the condom and inspected it. “Full disclosure, it may be expired. Hold on… Yeah, nope. It’s expired.” He released a snarl of frustration. “Why does the universe hate us? It’s like it doesn’t want us to have sex. Why, cruel deities, why?”

Still laughing, Jude propped himself up and took the packet from Toni. “The expiration date is more of a suggestion than it is a rule. Risk it?”

Toni contemplated for about point-two seconds before he took the condom back and ripped it open. “He asks if Toni’s willing to risk it! Baby, Danger is my middle name.”

As Toni finagled the double condoms—specially designed for the Elas species—on his dicks, Jude cocked his head and rubbed a hand up and down Toni’s thigh. “Do you have a middle name?”

“Nope. Just Tonus. Though Tonus Danger Maryno does sound pretty badass,” he said with a playful wink. “What about you?”

Jude shook his head. “When I changed my name legally, I just went with Jude.”

“Jude is a good name,” Toni said as he pulled Jude back into his lap and kissed him. “Everything about you is good.”

“I wouldn’t say that. I’m far from perfect.” Jude reached between them to circle both of Toni’s cocks, giving them a stroke.

Toni grunted into Jude’s mouth. “Nobody’s perfect. But good can be good enough.”

With a smile, Jude lifted himself higher, angling Toni’s dicks toward his cunt. Before he could sink down, Toni stopped him with a hand on his hip.

“Are you sure?” he asked. “We don’t gotta fuck this way if—”

“I want to,” Jude said with a kiss to Toni’s nose.

“But both? I know my dicks are smaller than human dicks, but together… I don’t wanna hurt you.”

Jude gave him a tender look and kissed him sweetly on the mouth. Then he tilted his hips until Toni’s cocks were sliding inside. “One good thing about the anatomy I was born with,” Jude said, voice strained as he slowly enveloped Toni in wet heat, “is that it was made for this type of thing.”

“Oh fuck,” Toni buried his face in Jude’s neck, fighting every instinct to thrust wildly into Jude’s body. “You’re so tight, baby.”

“Always the charmer,” Jude choked out, fingers digging into Toni’s shoulders as he paused to catch his breath. “Oh my god, shit.”

Worry had Toni holding Jude’s hips in place, his cocks only halfway inside. “If it’s too much—”

“I’ll adjust,” Jude said, panting against Toni’s temple. “Just gotta take it slow.”

They worked together at a lazy pace, Jude allowing Toni to shoulder his weight as he carefully lowered himself until, after what felt like eons, he settled in Toni’s lap, cocks fully inside him.

“Oh wow,” Jude said.

“Yeah,” Toni agreed, mouthing at Jude’s jaw. “You okay?”

“Uh-huh, just need a minute.”

As Jude fisted, then unfisted Toni’s hair, Toni ran his palms down Jude’s sides, then over his back, rubbing soothingly. As good as it felt being inside him, Toni didn’t want to hurt him. Humans were so fragile, and Toni would never forgive himself if he lost control or focus and somehow injured Jude in the process.

“Are you sure? Maybe we shouldn’t—”

Jude shut him up with a kiss, tasting like sweat and fading mint from his toothpaste. “I’m okay, Toni. I’m tougher than I look.”

“Are you hurting, baby?” Toni mumbled as he kissed Jude all over, his lips, his cheeks, his nose and eyelids.

Shaking his head, Jude gave an experimental roll of his hips, making both of them groan. He framed Toni’s face with his hands and kissed him, gasping into his mouth as he undulated again. Toni squeezed Jude’s thighs so hard he feared he’d leave marks, but Jude didn’t seem to mind, swiveling his hips in an easy rhythm.

They moved like that for a long time, breathing each other’s air, Jude’s eyes locked on Toni’s as the sun rose higher, filling the hayloft with yellow light, chasing away the shadows. Sweat glistened on Jude’s skin, and Toni marveled at just how lucky he was to have found him. Dimensions apart, and yet here they were, communing, body and soul.

“Mine,” Toni breathed, thrusting up into Jude’s body. “You’re mine now. I found you, and I ain’t letting you go.”

“I don’t want you to let me go,” Jude whimpered, squeezing his eyes shut as their foreheads met. “Toni, don’t let me go.”

“I got you, baby. I got you.” Toni kissed him and held him close as he laid him back against the hay, fucking him deep and slow. His own orgasm built, but he wanted to bring Jude with him. He slipped a hand between their bodies and rubbed his swollen clit.

“Toni, oh my god, oh my god.” Jude’s hands scrabbled over his back, gripping his spinal fin for purchase, and Toni growled.

“That’s right. Come on, baby. Come on.” He ground their foreheads together as Jude’s face pinched in pleasure. “Give it all, Jude. I can take it. I’ll keep it safe. I got you, baby. Give me everything.”

And with a soft cry that was almost a sob, Jude did. He came beneath him, channel spasming around Toni’s cocks as he trembled, and Toni pushed deep, dicks flexing as he emptied himself into the condoms. The pleasure was intense and overwhelming, like an undertow sucking him down until he didn’t know which way was up.

But Jude’s touch grounded him, hands moving over his sweaty shoulders, up into his hair. Toni moaned against Jude’s cheek as he shuddered, hips jerking in shallow thrusts, prolonging his pleasure until it was nothing but aftershocks zipping down his spine. Then he collapsed on top of his human, nearly crushing him.

Jude hummed in satisfaction, crossing his feet over Toni’s ass as he buried his face in Toni’s shoulder. “Well done, pretty boy.”

“Pretty boy did good,” Toni slurred smugly, and Jude shook with humor beneath him.

“Hopefully, we didn’t wake anyone up. You were growling really loud at the end.”

“Sorry not sorry.” Toni scraped his teeth over the nape of Jude’s neck, making his human shiver. “I just want to eat you up.”

Nudging Toni’s temple with his cheek, Jude silently requested a kiss, and who was Toni to deny him anything? They kissed languidly, like they had all the time in the world to indulge, and when they parted, Jude traced Toni’s lips with his finger.

Toni captured it and bit down enough to sting but not break skin, making Jude snicker. “Does a part of you actually want to eat me, or is it a figure of speech?”

For a moment, Toni thought about that instinctual, primal part of him that wanted to split Jude’s skin to see what lay beneath, that wanted to taste his blood for no other reason than because he could. “Would it scare you if I said yes?”

Jude’s brows rose in surprise, even as he shook his head. “I know you won’t.”

“I ain’t ever gonna hurt you,” Toni said, meaning every word.

And deities, how Jude smiled up at him. He pressed his fingertip to Toni’s teeth and pushed down, gasping when his skin parted, blood oozing out. A vicious sound scraped Toni’s throat as Jude painted his tongue with the blood.

“Do I taste good?” Jude asked.

Both ashamed and ravenous for more, Toni nodded. “Yes, but I don’t like hurting you like that.” He sucked Jude’s finger clean, then kissed it. “You’re safe with me.”

And Jude said, “I know.”