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CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

Cassius

Pain.

A punch lands squarely on my jaw, and I stagger back. Fuck. What was supposed to be an easy fight is actually kicking me in the ass. When the commissioner said this was going to be the championship fight, I thought he meant I’d be going down against the guys I usually face. He never gave me an inkling that the beefy dude in front of me would be my opponent.

For once, I get nervous.

Coughing, droplets of blood drip down my lip as I spit. I raise both fists, ready to give as good as I’m taking, but I’m knocked down onto my back. I try to fight against the thin limbs that are holding me down, but all my strength is drained. I landed on my head when I fell, and everything is even more blurry than it was before. It’s like the impact, the fists beating at my face, all slows time down. Slows time. Takes it and stretches it and slices it inch by inch until every moment of my life is hovering above me.

I see it all perfectly clear.

“Cassy, some g-guy called me a p-priss today. What d-does that mean?”

Another hit. This one straight across my cheek.

“Cassius! Can you believe this guy just asked me out?”

I struggle. I flinch. I twitch and I cry out and I punch, but nothing makes it go away. Tears sting at my cut cheeks, but the guy on top of me takes no mercy, and neither does the past.

“I’m happy for you, sunshine.”

Something cracks. I don’t know if I’m mistaking it for the sound of my teeth clacking together, or if it’s the knee digging into my gut, but it brings about another wave of misery I’ve tried to bury under deep.

For years, I was a coward.

“Cassius? What’s wrong? Do you not like what I’m wearing?”

Pain.

I let the love of my life be with other people. I never actually told Skylar how I felt about him. I’ve wasted precious time when we could have been together, being a fucking idiot.

“I’ll be here for you. Forever and always, Cassy.”

My heart bursts open. The hope, the optimism, the excitement of hearing the words spoken back to me. I always told myself he had to feel the way I did. There was no other way to describe our connection, our bond. The unwavering trust between us and the love we feel for each other.

I think about what I should have said all those years ago.

“You’re everything I think about. The first thing I think of when I wake up and the last thing I think of when I go to bed. You’re everything to me. Everything I didn’t know I needed in my life, and I’m so fucking in love with you, it’s crazy.”

I would have smiled. I would have cried. I would have held my hand over my heart, right in the palm of my hand, ready to give it to the one person who’s earned it.

And he would have said it back. I just know it.

Because we’re forever and always.

All those beautiful moments come back to me.

But I waited. The moments rush into my body, but they’re not as beautiful as they used to be. Now, they’re covered in a layer of reality.

Like how an “I love you” was answered with a “love you.” The way I told him how beautiful his different colored eyes were, like I could get lost in them, and he told me I was handsome. Like how we were attached at the hip, never apart, but that’s friendship.

Fucking friendship.

Something I thought I was twisting and manipulating into a fucking fairy tale. A happy ending that was never going to happen. Through the laughs, the small kisses, the touches that meant everything to me, has he ever cared for me as much as I’ve cared for him?

I told myself it was the way it was. I told myself that his love—whatever form it takes—had to be good enough. It just had to be enough. I didn’t need the rest…

Right?

But now I’ve had it. Now I know that it’s real. Now I want to cling to it with my dying breath.

Another punch. Another jab at my gut. Another tear that slides down my stinging cheek.

And then the world fades to black.