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CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

Cassius

I’m such a dick.

I’m trying to keep a straight face as Knox faces down his guests. He’s so out of his element right now, uncomfortable, and I’m such a shit friend for finding it hilarious. In my defense, however, I’m not the only one finding it incredibly entertaining. Skylar is snickering under his breath while Rhys wolf whistles. Everest is trying to be sympathetic, but even he can’t contain his smile.

God, we all suck.

“Wow, thanks for that, Elton,” Knox mutters into the microphone, wincing when he gets feedback. He taps it a few times and clears his throat. “So, yeah. Thanks to everyone who’s here. Well, thanks for the five of you I know. The rest of you…” he trails off, gesturing at the crowd. “Anyways, I’m not a huge fan of public speaking?—”

“You’re telling us!”

“ Rhys !” Everest hisses, hitting his fiancé’s shoulder. “Don’t make it worse.”

“Please,” Rhys snorts. “He’d do the same shit to me, and you know it.”

Knox narrows his eyes at Rhys, his upper lip curled in a snarl, but when Elton clears his throat, he shakes his head. “Right. So, yeah. Elton and I have been married for a while, and you are all here to celebrate it. Um…”

Oh God, this is cringe worthy. It was amusing at first, but now I feel genuinely bad.

Knox seems to be reaching his limit, the vein in his tattooed neck more prominent than it usually is. It looks like he’s about to throw the microphone at someone, but when he glances over his shoulder at Elton, something shifts.

Turning back to the crowd, he clears his throat. “Look. Many people go through life without a best friend. They go through life alone. Elton…” He smiles to himself, clicking his tongue as he shakes his head fondly. “I’m lucky enough that I’m married to my best friend. The love of my life. I can’t imagine a life without that. There’s nothing better than being married to your favorite person and sharing a life with them.”

I suck in a sharp breath, just as Skylar rests his head on my shoulder. I know Knox isn’t subtle enough to be trying to tell me something, which only makes this worse. His words strike me, even though they’re so innocent. The weight of Skylar on me now seems a bit suffocating. Not in a way that makes it hard to breathe, but like I’m being dragged down, a lead weight on my shoulders plummeting me to the depths of the ocean.

What would it be like to be married to my best friend?

Will we ever get there?

I was so sure this plan to woo Skylar by showing him I’m the perfect boyfriend was fool proof. Now…I don’t know. It’s been weeks, nearing two months, and we haven’t gotten any closer to my end goal. Sure, we fuck around all the time, but that’s not the same. What I want with him isn’t just a quick way to get off. I want a life . I want the romance. I want a future where we’re together. The happily ever after.

And it’s starting to look like that might not happen.

“So, sweetheart.” Knox continues, accepting a passing champagne flute. “Here’s to forever with you.”

The crowd erupts in a round of applause, with even Davis robotically clapping in the corner. Elton can barely contain himself as he launches himself at Knox, nearly knocking him over as he smashes their lips together. It’s so cute that even Rhys’s eyes soften as he reaches for Everest’s hand so he can rub the engagement ring on his finger.

“Isn’t that just the sweetest?” Skylar coos as he rubs a hand up and down my thigh. “So cute.”

I nod through a gulp. “Yeah.”

But my mind is anywhere but here. It’s still hyper focusing on Knox’s speech as the party picks up. There’s killer food and free booze, but I’m fixated. Not even Skylar’s adorable pleading to dance can knock me out of it. He ends up grabbing Max’s hand to drag him to the center of the garden, where no one is dancing. That doesn’t stop them, though.

“Where are you going?” Rhys asks as I stand, cocking an eyebrow at my stance. “You good, man?”

“Yeah, I’m chill,” I say, but I’m the exact opposite. I clear my throat and shrug. “Just gotta piss.”

Everest smiles warmly and nods. “Okay. Rhys and I are probably going to head out soon. If we don’t see you, I hope you have a good night.”

I give him a clipped nod and basically stumble away from the table. I’m not too sure where my feet are taking me as I near the edge of the garden. All I know is that I just need a minute of fucking peace. Just a moment of reprieve. I need to think, or not think, or?—

“Fuck!”

“Jesus Christ!” Knox growls, yanking up his pants just as Elton pops off his dick. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

“In the garden? Right next to the party?” I ask, my voice coming out two octaves too high. I slap my hand over my eyes when Knox doesn’t immediately tuck himself in. Did I see a fucking piercing ? “Sorry, I just needed some air.”

“In the garden?”

Okay, touché.

There’s shuffling on the other side of my hand, then a few hushed whispers before Knox clears his throat. “You can uncover your eyes.”

I’m hesitant to do so—practically scarred for life—but I do slowly. Elton isn’t here anymore, leaving just Knox and I hanging out behind a huge rose bush that obscures us from the rest of the party. I chuckle weakly and scratch the back of my head. “So, he must have really liked your speech.”

He doesn’t even crack a smile. Reaching into his back pocket, he produces a pack of cigarettes. He takes one out and avoids my eyes as he tips the pack at me. “Want to bum one?”

I nod and take one. I still don’t smoke that often, but taking the edge off does sound nice. He lights his first, then hands me the lighter, and it’s hard to miss the tension in the air.

We still haven’t spoken since I was a complete dick to him. We’ve been avoiding each other—or he’s been avoiding me—so I guess we’re still technically fighting. Although, I did try to apologize, I can see why it’s going to take another shot. I suck in a sharp breath, realizing that it’s time to try again. “Hey, man. You know I didn’t mean?—”

“I know,” he says quickly, taking a deep drag and exhaling through his nose. “Doesn’t mean it wasn’t a dick move.”

“Not my brightest moment,” I admit, letting the nicotine burn my nerves as the smoke enters my lungs. “But I really am sorry.”

He shrugs. “It is what it is.”

“No, I mean it, Knox.” I insist. Taking a step forward, I place my free hand on his shoulder. “You were trying to do the right thing, and I lashed out at you. I shouldn’t have brought your relationship with Elton into it.”

He finally looks up, and his eyes soften just a bit. Sighing, he gives me a crooked smile. “Thanks. It really did fucking suck. I’ve done nothing but prove every day how much I love that guy.”

“And you do. You’re an amazing husband.”

“Thanks,” he says, and then chuckles under his breath. “Hate to admit, I’ve missed hanging out.”

“Me too.” I mean that honestly. Hanging out with Knox was a different kind of vibe I hadn’t experienced in friendship before. “So, we’re good?”

“Yeah. Why not?”

Taking his forgiveness, I can’t help but tease him a bit. “That was a nice speech, man.”

He snorts and flips me off. “Fuck you.”

“I mean it.” I chuckle. “So sweet and tender.”

“Enough,” he growls, but there’s a hint of humor laced in it. He sighs again, leaning against the outside of the house, and chews on the inside of his cheek. “So, it really was good?”

I nod. “Yeah. Got me thinking.”

He cocks an eyebrow. “About?”

About my future. About the love of my life. About the fact that I’m chasing an impossible dream.

“Just stuff,” I say with a shrug.

“Right. Because that’s not a load of bullshit.” He scoffs.

I shift on my heels and bite down hard on my bottom lip. “You really are married to your best friend.”

He throws me a questioning look, but nods. “Yeah.”

“And that’s awesome?”

“You just saw my husband going down on me two feet away from Miami’s richest pricks. What do you think?”

I have to chuckle at that, but it’s strained. Knox must sense the war within me. The words that I can’t and won’t say. He bumps his shoulder against mine and exhales deeply. “Can I tell you something?”

“Yeah,” I say, my brow furrowing. “What’s up?”

“When I thought I was going to lose Elton, it was like my life was flashing before my eyes.” He grimaces at the memory. “I love him so fucking much. It’s like every single moment we spent together was flying right by me. I realized that if I didn’t do something and grab them, that they’d disappear.”

“Right…” I mumble.

He stares at me for a beat, and when I say nothing, he rolls his eyes. “God, I forgot people are fucking idiots.” Releasing an exasperated breath, he pinches the bridge of his nose. “What I’m saying is that sometimes just letting it pass by isn’t enough. You have to do something. You feel me?”

I start to piece it together, kind of feeling like an idiot that I didn’t sooner. It’s obvious now that he’s talking about Skylar and me. The thing is, we’re not Knox and Elton. We’ve been through shit they haven’t. We have a history together that dictates the way our futures are laid out. It’s not as neat and pretty as fuck buddies to lovers. There’re layers to peel back, mazes to walk through, and it needs a delicate hand.

But still…

“Was that scary as shit?” I ask, staring at my feet as I kick a small pebble away, refusing to look at him.

He huffs beside me. “Yeah, but I guess you have to decide if it’s worth the risk.”

To that, my breath hitches. I want Skylar more than anything, but do I want him enough to risk not having him at all ? What happens if this plan doesn’t work out the way I want to, and he finds someone else? Can I just forget everything we shared? Can I move past it like nothing happened? Or, worse, what if I can’t and he rejects me?

I can’t. Not now. He’s not ready. I’m not ready.

“Cassy!”

Both Knox and I turn to Skylar, who’s cringing as he steps into soggy mud. Immediately, my mood takes a turn. I smile widely, tossing my cigarette on the ground and walking up to him. He clings to my side as he frowns down at his shoes. “What are you two doing here?”

I swallow audibly and try to think of something, but Knox beats me to it.

“We were just shooting the shit,” he says smoothly, killing his own cigarette. He walks up behind me and claps his hand on my shoulder. “He’s all yours now.”

There’s sympathy and almost pity in Knox’s eyes as he leaves us. Skylar wrinkles his nose in disgust as he sniffs me. “You smell horrible.”

“Sorry, sunshine,” I say, just a little bit twitchy. “Um, I caught Elton giving Knox head.”

“ What !” Skylar screams, throwing his hands in the air. “Why didn’t you get me! Do you know what kind of fanart I could have made!”

Chuckling, I let his body ease my trembling as I kiss the top of his head. “Sorry about that. The next time I catch our friends going down on each other, I’ll make sure to grab you.”

“It’s the least you can do.” He huffs. Shaking the thought away, he smiles. “So, that was really cute. Do you think they’ll start having kids soon?”

I raise an eyebrow as I lead us back to the party. “That’s a good question. I know Elton for sure wants some, but I’m not too sure about Knox.”

“How about you?” he asks, blinking up prettily at me. “You think you ever want to do this? Get married? Have kids?”

I think it through, my nerves already a bit more settled the longer I’m with him. I actually don’t know. I mean, there’s nothing wrong with marriage and kids. If that’s what someone wants to do, I fully support it. But when I picture my life years from now, besides having Skylar by my side, I don’t see the white picket fence and the two-point-five kids.

Maybe it’s because of how Skylar and I grew up, but that kind of life just doesn’t appeal to me. I want to travel, see the world, and play my music. I want Skylar with me for all of it. Kids and marriage…they just don’t fit in that picture.

“No,” I say, clarity striking me all of a sudden. “I don’t think so.”

Skylar rolls his bottom lip into his mouth and hums thoughtfully. “You know what? I don’t think I want that either. Is that bad?”

I shake my head. “No. Everyone has a different path in life. You don’t have to have a marriage certificate to be in love and committed to someone.”

“Don’t get me wrong, I want forever,” he clarifies as we rejoin the party. “But marriage doesn’t seem necessary. Does that make sense?”

To that, I smile. Skylar really is perfect for me in every single way. I press a kiss to the tip of his nose. “It makes perfect sense.”

“So, what do you want to do now?” he asks, his eyes darting around the garden. “Ooo! Do you want to see if Butch ended up beating the shit out of Knox’s brother! Or maybe we can see if Max succeeded in getting Davis drunk!”

While those sound like wonderful options, I shake my head. “Why don’t we just go home and take a nap together before our shifts tonight?”

I think maybe that’ll be too boring for him, but he surprises me by nodding. He latches onto my arm and snuggles into my side. “A whole afternoon with my favorite person? You know I always want it just to be the two of us.”

Yeah. The two of us. No matter what.

Right?