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CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

Cassius

It’s cold as shit.

There’s a reason we live in Miami. Aren’t we supposed to love the excruciating heat? I’m shaking as I wrap my arms around my torso, my short sleeves doing nothing to combat the artificial chill.

Whose bright idea was it to go ice skating anyways? Everyone else seems to have had the forethought to bring some sort of outerwear, whereas Skylar and I are in T-shirts. That isn’t deterring my best friend, however, who’s trying to skate circles around Rhys.

I think it was Everest who suggested ice skating today before all of us XO crew needed to be at work. Seeing as though it’s approximately one hundred degrees outside, nobody argued, and we found ourselves in one of the only skating rinks in the city. It’s obvious that none of us know what we’re doing—well, except for Max, who’s weirdly good at this.

Butch looks like a bumbling deer as he tries to make it to the center of the rink. Rhys is keeping Everest steady with a possessive hand around the back of his neck. Knox and Elton—no surprise—are making out by the entrance. I decided to play it safe and am slowly skating my way through the length of the barrier, holding on tight so I don’t land on my ass. Skylar, my sweet sunshine, has already fallen five times.

Which led me to tell him that perky little bubble butt should only be red and sore because of me .

“Ooo!” Elton shouts, finally separating long enough from his husband to call out to us. “Group picture!”

Rhys, Butch, and I groan simultaneously as the rest of our group enthusiastically agrees. Elton elegantly skates away from Knox to find someone to take our picture while we get into place in the center of the rink.

“Isn’t this great?” Skylar asks, breathless as he positions himself next to me. “I’m going to frame this.”

I chuckle adoringly at that. We don’t have much unnecessary furniture in our apartment besides one lone bookcase that doesn’t actually have any books on it. Instead, Skylar uses it to hold his memories. There’re dozens of framed photographs on the shelves, most of him and me, but a decent amount are of our little found family.

“It is nice,” I tell him as I peck the top of his head. “We’ll add it to your collection.”

Max appears next to us, also out of breath, and his cheeks are chill-kissed as he throws an arm around Skylar’s small shoulders. “I love that y’all do this type of stuff. Feels more like a brotherhood than it did at my old frat.”

It doesn’t surprise me in the slightest that Max was part of a fraternity. He told Skylar a bit about his time in Louisiana before he moved to Colorado, and it sucks that he was dealt a raw hand. Max, while… Well, he’s not a bad guy. Seems genuine. He doesn’t know how to make a drink to save his life, but Skylar assures me that’s not a necessary trait for a bartender to have. I’m happy that he’s found a fast friend in Skylar.

“We’re a family,” Skylar says happily, locking his arm with Rhys’s as soon as he’s close enough. “Cass and I didn’t really have that growing up.”

Max raises an eyebrow. “Yeah? Sorry to hear that.”

I cock my head at Skylar in a silent question. He never brings up our past, especially to others. I’m curious what’s gotten in him today, but he ignores my obvious confusion and continues.

“We were foster brothers,” he explains to Max. “The lady who ran our house wasn’t really that nice. She’d do…mean stuff to us.”

My hands automatically clench into fists at the mention of Gwen. She was another level of satanic hell. Skylar still has nightmares about the things we had to endure. Rationing food when she thought we misbehaved, locking us in the dirty bathroom for her own amusement, slapping us around just for the fun of it. It’s not even just that, but the things she would say… I was spared the worst of it because I kept my head down, but Skylar was always going to be himself. Even when he tried to hide it, his beautiful personality would shine through, and Gwen would take every opportunity to remind him that he was nothing.

I pull him closer to me and kiss the top of his head again. “It’s all in the past.”

“Yeah,” he mumbles distractedly, his eyes hooded with that kind of glaze that accompanies thoughts of the past. After a second, he shakes it off and beams up at me. “But I had Cassius growing up, so it was all okay.”

“Sounds like you needed that,” Max says affectionately. “I’m glad y’all were able to move on.”

“Only because of Cass,” Skylar gushes, giving my arm a quick kiss. “He’s my hero.”

I gulp. Heroes don’t lie straight to their best friend’s face like I did. Suddenly, it’s not just guilt that I feel, but something deeper and almost…panicky. It makes me shift, tense and uncomfortable in my own skin as Skylar goes on and on about all my wonderful qualities. Max listens with rapt attention, interjecting every now and then as we wait for Elton to come back.

I am Skylar’s hero. I’m his rock. I’m his unwavering light.

But am I worth those titles? I’ve lied to him. I’m not perfect by any means, even though he’s dead set on believing I am. I always have to be the calm one, the rational one, the one who’s there to be leaned on, never wondering if I’m going to tip over any second.

That’s the way it needs to be. Skylar and I have been steadily adding to his ‘build a boyfriend’ list, and I have to prove my worth. I have to be all of that and more. There’s no room for mistakes or complacency.

I start to sweat despite the icy air. What if I can’t be that for him? What if I don’t measure up to who Skylar believes me to be? I just need to try harder, be better, act?—

“Okay!” Elton shouts, knocking me out of my thoughts. He skates towards us with what looks like a teenage girl in tow. “This is Kelsey. She’s a junior at Lauderdale with a 4.0 GPA and she’s going to take our picture.”

Knox snorts from the other end of our group. “Did you get her social while you were at it, sweetheart?”

Elton narrows his eyes and turns to Kelsey. “That’s my husband I was telling you about. Grumpy as shit, right?”

Kelsey giggles into her hands before accepting his phone. “Okay, get together everyone.”

We all smush in as close as we can as Kelsey starts to take our picture. She gets a couple and has Elton look to make sure he likes them. “They’re perfect, Kels! Thank you so much!”

“Thank you, Kelsey,” we all shout and mumble as she blushes before skating away.

“Can you send those to us?” Skylar asks, already pulling his phone out of his pocket. “I want to make it my wallpaper.”

Elton nods. “For sure.” He pauses when he glances at his screen. “Shit, we’re going to be late for work. We have to go straight there. Babe, you’re not working tonight, right?”

Knox shakes his head. “Nope.”

“We only brought one car. How are you going to get home?”

“Cass can take him,” Skylar volunteers, which earns him a very rare glare from me. “He was just going to drop me off, but if you can give me a ride, he can take Knox home.”

Knox looks just as displeased while they plan out our carpool schedule like we’re children. What had become a fast friendship has turned rocky in the last few weeks after my outburst outside of the fight. I should have gone and apologized by now, but call me chickenshit. It’s not that I didn’t try—Knox has managed to find a way to avoid me at all costs—but I could have made a stronger attempt.

“Okay, it’s settled then,” Elton says, then smacks a kiss on Knox’s cheek. “Cass will take you home, babe.”

Skylar turns to me and gives me an equally sloppy kiss. “And you’ll pick me up later?”

“Sounds great,” Knox grumbles as Elton and Skylar gather the rest of the crew. He shakes his head at me in annoyance and looks at Everest. “Man, can you take me home?”

Everest looks between the two of us with suspicion but ultimately nods. “Sure. Meet me outside?”

“Knox,” I say before he can follow the rest of our friends out of the rink. “Can we talk?”

He snorts. “Don’t think so.”

“I just need to apologize?—”

“For taking your shit out on me?” he asks as he scoffs. “I’m not Everest or Skylar, man. What about me makes you think I forgive or forget easily?” He opens his mouth to say more, but shakes his head instead. Pinching the bridge of his nose, he sighs. “Leave me alone, Cassius.”

Completely bummed, I watch him follow the crew out. I know I was an asshole, but he’s not even giving me a chance to explain myself. With a curse, I run a hand through my shaggy hair and leave the rink. Everyone’s taking off their skates, so I do the same, my fingers fumbling with a mix of annoyance at myself and frustration at him.

“Is everything okay, Cassy?”

I lift my head to see Skylar pouting down at me. Smiling, I swallow past the lump in my throat. “Of course, sunshine. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You just seem off.” He shrugs, twiddling his thumbs as he waits for my response. When he gets none, he pushes. “So, you’re okay?”

A part of me wants to tell him about what’s going on between Knox and me, but I can’t. It would just lead to him asking certain questions I don’t want to answer. It’s not just that. I’m the strong one. I’m the anchor. I don’t get upset or worried or anxious. Skylar needs a hero and heroes don’t fail.

Once my skates are off, I stand to my full height and drag him toward me. Sealing my lips over his, I breathe reassurance into his mouth, my kiss promising that I’m just as steady as I’ve always been. I pull back and rest my forehead against his. “I’m perfect.”

He raises a questioning eyebrow, but when I kiss him again, all his curiosity fades. “Okay.”

“Oy!” Elton shouts from the exit. “We gotta go, Skylar!”

He looks hesitant, so I give him a little nudge. “Go. I’ll come get you when your shift is over.”

Nodding slowly, he hollers at Elton to wait a second before going on the tips of his toes to give me a languid kiss. “I love you, Cassius.”

“I love you too,” I whisper back, but my smile is anything but genuine.

The whole crew leaves, but I plop my ass back down onto the bench, dropping my head between my legs as I try to breathe. I’m not too sure what’s happening to me, but this shit has got to stop. I have a man to woo and a life to build, and I don’t have time for whatever the fuck this is.

I stand on shaky legs and let out a deep breath.

I just have to try harder.