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CHAPTER TEN

Cassius

I lean against the back-alley wall and take a drag of my cigarette.

I don’t smoke often. It’s actually pretty disgusting, but I find that I need something to take the edge off, and drinking on the job isn’t my style. I might have to consider it, because even nicotine isn’t helping me relax.

Because Skylar made me come.

That beautiful moment at brunch a few days ago meant everything to me. I thought maybe—just maybe —that was the moment Skylar would realize. Realize that the person everyone was hinting was perfect for him is me. But when he came to and thanked me for helping him, nothing but precious innocence in his expression, I knew it wasn’t it.

Now I’m starting to think it’ll never be it.

I haven’t been actively avoiding him, but it’s just so hard to be around him right now. It’s like my cold, hardened heart is thawing, dripping with the need for someone to put it back together, straining with the effort to keep beating. It’s a deep sense of bone-crippling longing every time I’m near him. When he gives me little pecks, I break even more.

It hurts .

It’s not the kind of pain you get from stubbing your toe or getting hit in the balls. This is… It’s consuming. It’s the worst I’ve ever felt, and I can’t imagine ever feeling okay again.

I love him so much it’s killing me.

The back door opens just as Rhys walks out. With a cigarette perched between his lips, he up-nods me and leans against the wall. When he spots the cigarette, his brow furrows. “You’re smoking?”

“Regretting it.” I cough, batting the excess smoke away. “I don’t know how you do it all the time.”

“You get used to it.” He shrugs as he lights his cigarette. “What’s got you smoking?”

I open my mouth to tell him it’s nothing, when Knox appears from the other end of the alley. He’s also smoking and stops short when he sees us. He narrows his eyes at Rhys, both men dead-set on having the longest and stupidest staring contest. I think Knox wins, because he smirks just as Rhys curses under his breath.

“I see we’re all taking a break,” Knox says as he positions himself on the wall across from me. He looks at my cigarette and frowns. “You smoke?”

“Already discussed,” Rhys snaps, nearly crushing his cigarette.

I roll my eyes. I’ve had enough. “You two need to cut that shit out.” When they both open their mouths to protest, I snap my fingers. “No. Knox, you’re married to his best friend. Rhys, yes, Knox slept with your fiancé. Get over it. Both of you are acting like idiots and need to chill.”

Rhys glares at Knox. “I will when he stops being?—”

“A raging dick?” I finish, scoffing when Rhys nods. “He hasn’t been in quite some time, and you know it.” When Knox flips Rhys off, I growl. “And you, stop antagonizing him. You’re not helping either.”

They both stare at each other for a long second, calculating grey eyes meeting brown, until Knox drops his head with a sigh. “Sorry for being a dick.”

Rhys hums, nodding slowly as he hesitantly speaks. “Sorry for being a jerk.”

“Happily ever after,” I mutter. “Finally, we can have peace.”

Knox mumbles something under his breath, but I don’t catch it. We smoke in silence after that, each of us enjoying—or trying to enjoy—our cigarettes. After a minute, Knox is the one to speak. “How’s Skylar doing?”

Now that I’ve become friends with him, my hackles don’t immediately rise at his question. “Good.”

There must be something in my tone, because Rhys tips his head with curiosity. “Huh. Good? What do you mean by that?”

I open my mouth, but shut it just as quickly. Knox is the one who jumps to my defense, pushing off the wall and crowding Rhys. “If he doesn’t want to talk about it, don’t make him.”

“I’m just asking!” Rhys defends as he raises his hands. “It was a simple question.”

“It was a loaded question.”

“I’m concerned.”

“You’re nosey.”

“We made each other come!”

I don’t know if I scream it because I actually wanted to tell them, or if I just wanted them to stop, but it works. They both whip their heads to me, jaws dropped, and I immediately regret saying anything. They share a look between them, some sort of understanding, and Rhys nods. Ever-so-slowly, he turns to me, and I swear he must have been a therapist in another life. “And how does that make you feel?”

I snort. “I don’t know, Rhys. How do you feel when Everest makes you come?”

“Everest is his fiancé,” Knox says. “And they’re both very much aware that they’re in love. What’s your excuse?”

“It was fine.”

Rhys’s eyes widen. “ Fine ?”

“It was fucking amazing, okay!” I shout, the truth tumbling out before I can stop it. “The most amazing moment of my entire life. Feeling his tight body grinding against mine, his cock hard, knowing he came because of me?—”

“We don’t need the details. Save that for Elton,” Knox says. He shakes his head and pinches the bridge of his nose. “Okay, let’s rewind. How did this happen?”

“It’s your faults,” I argue, tossing my half-smoked cigarette onto the ground. “You’re the ones who riled him up. All that talk about his ex-boyfriends upset him and he needed me.”

“What he needed was a hug,” Rhys corrects. “What you two did was more than that.”

“Who started it?” Knox questions. “I feel like that matters, right?”

Honestly, I don’t know. Skylar just looked so sad, so needy, so willing. It’s like he wanted me in a way he never did before. I’ve always been there to comfort him, so maybe it was him who took from me. Maybe I took from him. Who fucking knows?

But I’ll give him anything. I’ll give and give and give until there’s nothing left of me.

Knox curses under his breath and points at me. “You were tired of us? I’m tired of this.”

Rhys takes a step forward, almost with legitimate fear. “Knox, don’t?—”

“Someone needs to say it!” Knox yells, killing his cigarette like he’s punishing it for existing. He walks up to me and grabs my shoulders. “Okay, listen to me, man. Enough is enough.”

I try to break out of his hold. It’s not violent, but I feel like I’m being scolded. “What do you mean?”

“You really don’t see it?” Knox chuckles humorlessly. “I’m sorry to be the one to say this to you, but he will never love you the way you want him to unless you do something.”

My back stiffens as I spit, “It’s not that easy.”

“Why?” Rhys asks, taking a calmer approach to this. “Why is it not that easy? You two are the closest people I’ve ever met. Why can’t you just tell him how you feel?”

Because it would ruin everything.

Rhys is right. I do know Skylar better than any living person knows another one. I know him better than I know myself, and I don’t mean that like a cliché. There are parts of me that are left undiscovered, but no part of Skylar is a mystery to me.

I know he’s insecure but doesn’t show it. I know he still itches to…do what’s supposed to be in the past. I know that our upbringing still haunts him. I know he looks for the best in people, to his own fault.

Just like I know he scares easily.

If he feels cornered or shocked, or like he has to make an important decision, he bolts. Not away, but within himself. He denies, denies, denies until he believes his own lies.

And knowing that his best friend in the world has been secretly in love with him for twelve years… Yeah, that wouldn’t end well.

Plus, if he did react badly, I’d have to face the possibility of not having him in my life at all. He’s such a kind person that the guilt of turning me down would tear him apart until we slowly withered away into nothing. That’s not a risk I’m willing to take.

“I know what you’ve been doing, Cass.” Rhys knocks me out of my daze. I raise an eyebrow, but gulp when he points to my bloody knuckles. “You’ve been fighting. I don’t know what Knox roped you into, but it isn’t healthy.”

“What? He was doing that shit way before me!” Knox argues. “How is this my fault?”

“I make my own decisions,” I petulantly say, feeling like this would be a good moment for a foot stomp. “Knox didn’t do anything.”

Knox drops his arms and sighs. “You’re not getting it. You have to do something. What’s going to happen when Skylar finally meets a good guy? You know the odds. He can’t date assholes forever.”

I hold back a gasp because I’ve never considered that. Skylar has terrible taste—sorry to say—and I guess I always pictured him jumping from douchebag to douchebag before finally settling down with me. Because with me, everything would be forgiven and forgotten. All thoughts of anybody before us would disappear.

But what if Knox is right? What if he meets someone nice and gentle and considerate? What if luck is finally on his side and the next guy is the right guy?

I start to panic. I can’t wait. I can’t… I have to do something. I can’t let Skylar meet someone who could actually give him a good life when I know I could give him the best life.

I have to fucking do something.

No matter what the risk.