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CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

Skylar

“So, are you going to say anything?”

I chew on my nail. Yeah, I guess I should. We’ve been sitting in this diner for the last ten minutes—Everest, Butch, Max, and I—completely silent. To be fair, asking them all to meet me here was a last-minute decision. I just needed to talk through what I’m thinking, have someone tell me I shouldn’t be freaking out, and have some hash browns.

“Cassius and I had sex last night.”

No reaction.

“Well, it was more than that.”

Still silence.

“Well?”

Butch is the first one to speak. “Kid, this isn’t new.”

“If you called us here to brag about your sex life, could we take turns?” Max asks, fidgeting in his seat. “Little dude, my balls are so blue, I’m afraid they might fall off.”

Everest chuckles as he blushes. “I’m not telling you about my sex life, Max.”

Max frowns. “I bet you’re freaky as fuck. Butch?”

“Pass.” Butch snorts.

“I’m in love with Cassius!”

Okay, maybe there was a more eloquent way of putting that. And maybe I should have waited until the waitress—who’s quirking an eyebrow at me—finished dropping off our food.

The silence returns.

Everest is the one to break it this time, smiling widely. “That’s great, Skylar.”

“Are we supposed to be surprised?” Butch asks, rolling his eyes. “You’ve been in love with him for years.”

“No, I haven’t!” I argue as I stuff a hash brown in my mouth. “This is a new development. Completely shocked me. I’m reeling, man.”

Max shakes his head with a laugh. “Davis and I had a bet for when this would happen. I won the loot.”

Butch wrinkles his nose as he stabs his pancake. “I see.”

“I need help,” I say, breaking through whatever weird tension is between them. “What should I do?”

“What do you mean?” Everest asks, completely confused. “He’s obviously in love with you too. What’s standing in your way now?”

“But how do you know ?” I ask. “I have no idea what he feels.”

“Skylar.” Butch levels me with a glare. “You’re fucking kidding, right?”

“Even I’m a bit skeptical,” Max mumbles. “I’m new and I know that.”

Now they’re making me feel like an idiot. And an asshole. An idiotic asshole who ignored all the signs. To be fair, I didn’t. In my defense, Cassius and I were just best friends. That’s part of the confusion. The frustration too.

Because deep down in my heart, I know he feels the same way.

And how could I have missed it? He might never have said it, but it’s been laced in all his actions. Maybe I just didn’t want to? Maybe I really am a dumbass? Maybe I clung to the relationship I had for comfort?

And what am I supposed to feel about what I learned last night? How do I come to terms with the fact that I’m in love with my best friend? How do I get rid of this nagging feeling that I’m just not good enough for him?

See, this is why I needed the prom squad. Except now, I’m starting to regret it.

“This was a mistake,” I say quickly, fishing out my wallet for a couple of dollars. “I’m going to go?—”

“Don’t,” Everest rushes out. “We’re sorry. We’re not being very helpful, are we?”

“Not really,” I mutter.

Butch sighs deeply and pinches the bridge of his nose. “We just don’t know what to tell you. I’m happy you finally realized it, but I don’t understand what the problem is now.”

“The problem is that this could change everything,” I admit.

It could ruin everything too. What Cassius and I have has always been special to me. Essential. Maybe it’s a touch codependent—the way I rely on him so much—but I need him. It’s not that I can’t imagine life without him, I just refuse to. A world without Cassius is a world of darkness and pain. No comfort. No sanity. No love.

A world I don’t think I’d fit into very well.

“You really love him like that?” Max asks.

I nod. I could have tricked myself last night to believe it was just the moment, but in the light of day, I can’t deny the truth. “Yes.”

“You have to go for it, then,” Everest says. “I tried to ignore my feelings for Rhys at first, but I couldn’t stop them. The truth will come out, eventually.”

“And love like that doesn’t happen often,” Butch mutters, almost sounding resigned and far more emotional than I’ve ever heard him. “It’s not always going to be there just waiting for you, you know. With time, without nurturing, it’ll fade.”

“Woah,” Max breathes out, his eyes wide as he stares at him. “That was deep, bro.”

Butch narrows his eyes. “Shut up.”

Everest speaks up. “You should take the chance. But you’re the only one who can come to that decision. What’s the worst that can happen?”

I bite down hard on my bottom lip. “What if he realizes…”

Cassius has seen me at my best and at my worst, but maybe that’s a blessing and a curse. He knows what I go through, knows what I’ve done , but what if he realizes that I’m too much to handle. That all the things he’s been through with me have left me someone unworthy of love.

“Skylar, I’ve noticed…” Everest clears his throat, almost like he’s not sure how to proceed. “Well, I know I’m not the smartest, but?—”

Max frowns and pounds his fist against his chest. “Self-love, bro.”

“Agreed,” Butch says with a curt nod.

Everest flushes before continuing. “I’ve noticed your…”

He doesn’t have to say it and neither do the others. We all know what they’re talking about. Still, I tug the sleeves of my cardigan farther down. “Yeah.”

“I’m sorry to bring it up, but it’s just because I’m worried,” he explains. “Do you maybe think that there are some things you have to work through?”

I cock my head. “Like what?”

“I don’t know, and I don’t want to guess,” he says. “But I struggle with anxiety and feelings of self-worth. Therapy has taught me a lot, you know?”

My eyes widen. “Are you saying I need help?”

“I don’t think so,” Max says, looking particularly intrigued. “I think maybe therapy is for everyone. Just to have someone to talk to. If you’re having a hard time dealing with what you found out, it might be good.”

I nod slowly. “I think I’m too messed up for that.”

“You’re proving their point,” Butch deadpans. “But I’m not in the business of telling people what to do.”

I think about it, because I’ve never considered that before. I always just go to Cassius when things are bothering me, or don’t say anything at all. Today, I turned to the prom squad, but that was just a fluke. I don’t have issues to deal with, though. I’m?—

Worthless.

Pathetic.

Useless.

Unworthy.

Okay. Well. Maybe?

“Do you want to hear my ‘ DON’T’ list?” Max asks.

Butch wrinkles his nose. “Your what?”

“While Skylar had his list, I had mine,” he explains, pulling out his phone. “I actually worked really hard on it, little dude.”

I nod. “Go ahead.”

He clears his throat. “Well, I started with ‘don’t settle for anything else than you deserve,’ because you’re a great guy who deserves to be treated that way. Then I figured ‘don’t run away from what’s meant to be.’ And, finally, ‘don’t let yourself be talked down by anyone,’ and I’m starting to think that includes yourself.”

“That was…surprisingly insightful,” Butch mumbles, quizzical, as he stares at Max.

“It was,” I agree.

I’ve never considered therapy, but they could have a point. I’m not someone who doesn’t believe in it. It’s not that. It’s just that I never really thought it applied to me. However, now that I see myself through their eyes, I understand why they’re suggesting it.

Because, at the end of the day, I deserve to be happy, don’t I? Isn’t that what this whole ‘build a boyfriend’ thing was about? Finding the love of my life so I could live my happily ever after like the rest of my friends?

“I…” I swallow audibly. “Okay, I think I’ll give it a try.”

“No pressure,” Everest rushes out. “I don’t want to be preachy or anything.”

I shake my head and reach out to wrap my hand around his wrist. “You’re not. You’re just being a good friend.” I look around the table. “All of you are.”

“We’re here for you, little dude.” Max smiles. “I get where you’re coming from too. When I?—”

“Why the fuck haven’t you been answering your texts?”

All our heads whip over to the edge of the booth. Davis, of all people, stands there, looking positively fucking pissed. His normally robotic face is beet red, an angry vein in his forehead throbbing as he glares at the right side of the booth.

Butch’s eyes widen as he reaches for his phone. “Sorry, boss. I didn’t realize you?—”

“Get out of the fucking booth, Max.”

It’s so dramatic that I gasp. Fuck, it sucks that I ate all my hash browns already. I need something for this prime entertainment.

Max stutters for a response. “I-I…” He steels himself and juts his chin up. “No.”

“Maximilian,” Davis growls, his hands clenching into fists at his sides. “Don’t make me drag you out.”

“Holy shit,” I breathe out, fanning myself. “Why is this so hot?”

Max hesitates, warring with himself before his breath hitches. With a mixture of eagerness and reluctance, he slides out of the booth.

And he’s hard.

Damn, things just got interesting.

Davis wraps a possessive hand on the back of Max’s neck as he walks them out of the diner. Everest turns to Butch with a questioning brow. “Um, what’s going on there?”

Butch clenches his jaw and there’s a tense line to his lips. “I don’t fucking know.”

I get the feeling Butch doesn’t appreciate being left out in the cold by a man he’s worked with for over ten years, but it’s not my place?—

Well, I mean, I’m curious as fuck, but I have enough going on.

So, as we eat the rest of our breakfast in silence, I agree to head over to Everest’s place to hang out for a bit while Butch does whatever it is Butch does during the day. We talk a bit more about therapy, and he recommends some good people that I definitely can’t afford, but I appreciate it, nonetheless.

When I get home, it’s late, and I hope Cassius isn’t mad at me for ditching him all day, but I needed this time.

Because I want to get better. Because I want to be happy.

Because I want all that with him .