Page 4 of Find Me Again (KRK Security #3)

Ryan had had no intention of coming here today. After he'd last been up the hill with Neil, he'd sought this place only a handful of times over the years—the day Neil had left for Chicago, the day before shipping out for his first deployment, and then right after he was done with the military and was about to start a new job in DC.

Today, he had no big, life-altering decisions he was struggling with. He was in a good place with his job, he had great friends, and he was settled in his life in DC. Yet he found himself taking a turn as he was driving from his parents' house to his brother's, and here he was.

It was around noon and the weather was relatively mild, but he still tucked his scarf tight around his neck before leaving the car. The snow had fallen at night and it crunched under his boots as he walked around the truck to lean against the back of it and take in the view of the forest in the valley below him. He'd always loved the expanse of it, the seemingly endless mass of trees. It was peaceful, and beautiful, and serene.

He'd never understood why it wasn't the most popular spot in town, but then again, having this place for just him and Neil had been very convenient years ago.

Although Ryan might have praised the solitude aspect of the place too early, because in the next second he heard the car engine behind him and the sound was getting closer.

He tensed briefly, but then relaxed and stayed in place. He had nothing to hide, and if another pair of teenagers had somehow found this place, then he would get out of their way and wish them better luck than he'd had in that regard.

From the sound of it, the driver paused close by but the engine was still running, as if they didn't know what to do with someone else being here, too. Maybe they were considering leaving, but the road was narrow enough that they would have to drive further up to where he was, anyway.

Unless his car was blocking the way.

Ryan didn't think so, but it was enough to get him moving up and around the car to see what was happening.

He registered a rental first, and from that, he instantly knew who it was going to be.

As if in slow motion, Ryan blinked, looked up, and saw Neil Hopkins in the flesh, staring at him from the driver's seat, probably thinking about running away.

Again .

The thought slipped out of a dark corner of his mind where Ryan had thought he'd packed all his old anger and pain away.

There was no use of being angry anymore, though, and there definitely didn't have to be any spite. If he'd managed civility twelve years ago, heart-broken and hardly breathing through it, he could manage it now, too.

After taking a note of the fact that his car wasn't, in fact, blocking the way out, Ryan returned to his seat at the back of the truck. Neil could do whatever he wanted.

He always had.

Okay, so maybe Ryan wasn't handling it all that well, internally. Maybe he was allowed some anger and some spite, if only for as long as he had to deal with the guy being in the same town for the next few weeks. Ryan wasn't going to pick a fight, far from it, but his thoughts were fair game. He would give himself that much.

Hearing the car driving closer, he expected Neil to just make the turn and leave, but to his surprise, Neil parked his rental right next to Ryan's truck and got out of the car.

Ryan's whole body was instantly on high alert, more than it had ever been on any assignment.

Still, he remained in place.

"Hi," Neil said, and Ryan couldn't hold back anymore—he looked at him then.

He was taller and bigger than the last time they'd seen each other in person, obviously, but he wasn't as big as the hockey gear made him seem, especially when he shoved his hands into his winter coat pockets and hunched his shoulders. His short blond hair was sticking out in every direction, probably due to the hat he'd taken off, and yet, it wasn't a bad look.

Of course it wasn't.

"Hey."

What else was there to say?

Neil hesitated for another few seconds, then came up to the front of his car and leaned against it as he took in the view.

"I didn't expect to see you here," he offered quietly after a while.

Would you have come if you had?

Ryan pushed the question away, fairly certain what Neil's answer would be and knowing that his would have been the same.

"Likewise," he said instead.

He kept his gaze at the snow-covered trees, but he was more aware of the man a few feet away from him than of anything he was staring at.

"God, I forgot how beautiful this view is," Neil said in the same quiet voice. "I haven't been here since… our senior year."

A pang of pain shot through Ryan, but he didn't want to stop and wonder why.

"How's this not the most popular spot in the area, I still don't know," he offered, voicing his earlier thoughts as he scrambled for something to say.

"Well, there's that—"

"—damn patch of gravel right after the turn," Ryan recited with Neil, the reason they'd heard Ryan's grandfather once use when he'd heard them talking about it. They repeated it later on, over and over, until it became another one of their things .

They smiled at each other now and it helped, a bit—not with Ryan's heartbeat, which actually became worse, but with the lingering traces of resentment that had been there, hovering, ready to attack at the slightest provocation.

"Their loss, our gain," Neil said, facing the forest again.

Yes, it was , Ryan agreed silently, not ready to say it out loud.

This place had truly been their gain in so many ways he'd forgotten for a while, burying it under the layers of hurt and loneliness. It had seen several important moments in their lives, but also much more of the silly, lazy, funny moments, these everyday snapshots of teenage life.

"Are you here for the holiday break?" Neil asked, disrupting the silence they'd fallen into.

Ryan glanced at him but found him still staring ahead, so he did the same.

"Yeah, I've managed to get a few weeks off. And you?"

He heard about the healing injury, but it was still polite to ask. Besides, he found himself wanting to prolong the moment—why, he wasn't sure, but he would question himself another time.

"A minor injury took me out of the game for the time being anyway, so I decided to make the most of it. It's been way too long since I've come here for Christmas."

"Is it healing okay?"

Ryan didn't see anything visibly wrong, but he knew better. There was a difference between feeling fine to walk around and being able to perform at work, especially in a physically demanding job like Neil's—or Ryan's.

"Yeah, it's fine." Neil waved towards his left knee. "I should be completely healed by the end of the year."

"Good. That's good."

Small talk wasn't usually an issue for him, which came in handy in various situations, on and off the clock, but this, right here, actually felt a bit painful. Not bad, exactly, but a far cry from what their never-ending conversations had been, when they would finish each other's sentences and never run out of things to say to each other.

Until their last conversation, at least.

Clenching his teeth against the sudden tightness in his chest, Ryan exhaled slowly.

There was nothing left for him here. There hadn't been for years, and he knew that.

Which meant he should just get up and go—be the one who didn't look back this time.

Could he, though?