Page 21 of Find Me Again (KRK Security #3)

Neil was tapping his fingers over the wheel as he drove to the radio station. Because of scheduling issues, they were going to do a pre-recording for later in the day, so he should have enough time to get back home and forget about the rest of the world for a while. Let the internet explode without him.

He was good. He was fine.

Nervous, too, obviously, but he'd thought he'd be a total wreck at this point, and yet… he wasn't.

His phone rang, and when he saw the GM calling, his heart sped up. Fuck . Now he was rapidly sliding towards a wreck. Would Bednarski shut him down at the last minute? Was the team pulling out their support?

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Neil was glad nobody was there to see his hand shaking a little as he accepted the call.

"Hey, boss," he said, hoping the speaker phone would help his voice appear somewhat normal. "Wait a second, I want to pull over."

"Hey, Neil. Take your time."

He didn't sound too bad. Neil had heard him give come-to-Jesus speeches a few times and they hadn't started off like that, so maybe it would be fine.

Please, let it be fine .

Neil turned the engine off. "I'm good. What's up?"

"Well, we have some good news," Bednarski said, and Neil's eyebrows shot up. "But first, let me assure you that whatever you decide is ultimately up to you and we'll stand by you, as we said."

"Okay?" Neil swallowed hard. "I mean, thank you, again. I really appreciate that."

"And we appreciate you, so that works out nicely. Thankfully, we are able to actually give you a real choice today. You can still go through with the plan, but you don't have to. Josh has been dealt with."

Neil froze. "What?"

"Two more players came to us, and when we went digging, we found another two who were hesitant to contact us about this but spilled the beans when asked. To be honest, I was surprised Josh had so much stuff on so many people, but, well. That's the locker room for you."

Yeah . Neil would never do something like that, but he could name several people on the team he could create problems for if he wanted.

"Anyway, we decided to go to the source and put an end to it. And we did." The GM's voice grew harder. "You don't have to worry about him anymore."

Neil didn't know what to say. He heard the words, but they weren't making much sense, and his heart was still pounding in his chest.

"Is he—" he started, then stopped, unsure if he really wanted to know.

Bednarski huffed. "I'm not a Godfather, Neil, relax. I simply know his language and I used it against him, that's all."

Which could mean either paying Josh off or holding something even bigger over him.

Neil decided not to press any further.

"Okay," he said instead. He honestly didn't know what else to say—his life had been turned upside down once again, and he was left hanging on the edge, unsure what to think, let alone do.

"For what's it worth, I'm sorry this is so last minute. I was hoping we'd have good news for you on Christmas' Eve, but things were stalled for a bit there. I'm glad I caught you before the recording, at least."

"Yeah, I'm… Thank you."

"Neil, I feel like I should say it again—this doesn't change anything on our end. We're ready. We're ready for the press, and the shitstorm, and whatever else. We'll deal with it. Or not, if you decide otherwise. But I wanted to tell you, not only as a boss, but from me, personally. Your place on the team has always been about how good you are on the ice, and I'm standing by it."

Jesus , Neil was not going to fucking cry on the side of the road.

He wasn't.

"Okay," he said again, but this time it came out quiet and raw. He cleared his throat. "I appreciate it more than I can express."

Bednarski chuckled. "Yeah, well, you can pay us back by winning another Cup. Just saying."

Neil snorted. "Yes, sir."

"That's what I like to hear. Okay, I'm not keeping you any longer. Go do your thing, but please message me once you decide, so I know where we stand."

"I will."

And that was it. The call ended, leaving Neil to make one of the biggest decisions of his life. Again.

No pressure or anything.

When he'd gotten into this car earlier, the decision had already been made, for better or worse. And now, without the blackmail hanging over his head, he was free to make a different one.

Or not.

Two weeks ago, Neil would've given anything to get that phone call, a solution that magically appeared and took care of everything, leaving him to enjoy his life as always.

But now, he'd grown used to the idea. He'd come out to his parents, he'd reconnected with Ryan…

God , Ryan.

The mere idea of going back home and telling Ryan that he hadn't come out after all made the knots in Neil's stomach tighten even more. His parents, they would stand by him no matter what, but Ryan… Ryan would say all the right things and be supportive of Neil making choices for himself, but then he would disappear from Neil's life and never come back. Neil was sure of it.

He couldn't make this decision based solely on Ryan, though, given that they still hadn't even had a conversation about what would happen after the holidays. With Ryan in DC and Neil in Savannah, it would be nearly impossible to make a real go at something between them.

And yet…

And yet, it felt like a second chance. Twelve years ago, Neil had made an impossible decision, and now he was faced with another one. Circumstances were different, his experience was different, but that one part hadn't changed—it was once again about him and Ryan, and whether or not Neil could live with the choice he'd made.

Closing his eyes, he rested his forehead over his hands on the steering wheel.

In a bizarre way, he was almost angry about the team handing the choice back to him. He'd gotten used to the idea of having the hardest part decided for him, and now here he was, more than half-way down the path of coming out, only to be given an escape route.

He wished it wasn't so tempting. He wished he was as certain of his choice now as he'd been half an hour ago. He wished—

Well, if wishes were horses, and all that.

Neil had only ever had to deal with the real world.

He sat up and rolled his shoulders. He briefly thought of calling his parents, or Ryan, or even his agent, but he dismissed it all. At the end of the day, just like twelve years ago, it was his decision to make. Nobody else's.

He took a deep breath and started the car.