Page 10 of Find Me Again (KRK Security #3)

"Holidays, vacations, sure, fine, but we miss you," James said, and Eddie nodded next to him on the small screen of Ryan's phone.

"This one is insufferable, really." He nudged James. "You need to come back."

Ryan laughed, even as the warmth spread in his chest at the same time.

"Aww, that's sweet, but no can do. I'm staying here until New Year's."

"Ugh, fine." James sighed. "You could at least tell us you miss us, too, you know?"

"Well, I did miss you… before we started talking." Ryan chuckled at his friends' faces. "Okay, fine, I may be missing you, still."

James leaned back on the couch. "You better."

"Yeah, remember who handles all your equipment," Eddie added, settling under James's shoulder.

Ryan rolled onto his stomach on the bed and positioned his phone better.

"That's harassment, you know?"

"Nothing more than a friendly advice," Eddie countered, then tilted his head to the side. "Are you doing okay out there? You seem a little off."

Ryan opened his mouth to deny it, but James narrowed his eyes, giving him his don't-bullshit-me look, so Ryan paused and shifted gears.

"I'm fine. It's been weird, a bit, but it's also good. There's a bunch of my family around, folks I haven't seen in a while. And you know how it is, the grandparents may not be around for much longer, so it's extra important to spend time with them."

"That's nice, but there's obviously something else." Eddie paused and pulled back from his boyfriend a bit. "If you want to talk to James alone, I can—"

"No!" Ryan sighed. "No, it's not that, it's… There's nothing wrong, exactly."

James nodded as he pulled Eddie back to lean against him. "So what is it, then?"

"Like I said, weird. Seeing my first boyfriend after twelve years kind of weird."

"Uh-oh," James muttered, and Eddie raised his eyebrows.

"I assume it's not a feel-good story?"

Ryan chuckled humorlessly. He wished.

"Not really, no. We were best friends for years before we got together in high school, although no one knew about that second part. We did almost everything together and had plans to go to the same college, but then he changed his mind and dumped me our senior year, so I lost a boyfriend and a best friend in one swoop."

"That sucks, I'm sorry," Eddie offered softly.

"Yeah, it wasn't pretty. Now we're both here, visiting family at the same time, and I bumped into him in our old spot. Feels surreal, that's all."

"I bet," James said. "Was he alone or—"

"Yeah, he was on his own. And I think he's single, I'd know if he wasn't." The whole country would know, unless Neil had hidden the guy really well, which wasn't an option Ryan wanted to think too much about. "He's still in the closet, either way. That I know for sure."

Eddie scrunched his nose. "At least he didn't do the cliched wife-and-kids thing, right? I know it's no comfort, but…"

"No, that is actually somewhat comforting." Ryan rested his head on his crossed arms. "I'd hate for him to take it to that level, because he's not even bi. Any time I hear a story like that, I find it heartbreakingly sad, and I wouldn't want that for him."

"You're a good guy."

Ryan gave Eddie a crooked smile.

"Nah, I wouldn't wish that for anybody, really."

"Have you talked to him at all? Or simply nodded his way and hightailed out of there?"

There was no judgment in James's tone, which Ryan appreciated.

"I was tempted to run away, but we did have a conversation. It wasn't bad—or particularly good, for that matter. I don't know. It was mostly just weird."

After a few seconds of silence, James asked, "Would you prefer not to see him?"

"No." That, at least, Ryan was certain of. "No, I'm glad it happened. I don't have to wonder anymore what it would be like, you know?"

His friends both nodded.

"But now that it did, I keep replaying it in my head and thinking about him, and that's not—" He shrugged. "Nothing good can come out of it, really."

"Are you sure?" Eddie asked, then shrugged when James huffed. "I mean, I'm not saying it will, but since it has already happened, maybe it can give you some kind of closure for how things ended back then. Like closing a chapter."

Ryan wasn't sure this particular chapter could ever be closed, but he nodded, because he understood Eddie's sentiment.

"At least we don't hate each other, I guess," he finally said with a shrug. "But enough about me, I want some office gossip. Or client dirt. Give me something."

That wasn't a subtle transition at all, but James and Eddie were gracious enough to go with it and got into the latest news on Noa, the company's COO, who surprised everyone by recently eloping with a guy from New York and temporarily relocating there. The office was apparently buzzing with rumors about a possible new branch of KRK Security in New York, but Ryan was more interested in the sudden marriage part of it all, since Noa had never struck him as a spontaneous guy.

It served as a perfect distraction, too, because that whole story sounded like a plot of a movie.

And who didn't love a Christmas-style happy ending?

* * *

The call with his friends and a full night of good sleep had done wonders for Ryan's mood and energy, so the next morning he ate a quick breakfast and then grabbed a shovel to take care of the driveway. It had been snowing since last night and only stopped an hour ago, which meant a lot of snow to deal with, but Ryan didn't mind. It was a good workout, and he preferred that over running in this weather anyway.

Once he was done with his brother's driveway, he made his way to his parents' place to do the same, only to be roped into sitting down and having a hot chocolate with the family first.

It turned out to be both good and bad, though, because while the hot chocolate was absolutely delicious—as it always was, thanks to a secret family recipe—it also mellowed him down so much that he was ready to take a nap in his parents' comfortable armchair instead of shoveling snow.

In the end, he did pull himself up and out of the house, and the cold air hitting him as soon as he opened the door was enough to wake him right up. He put on the latest episode of the podcast on ancient history that he loved, and when he got into the groove, shoveling became quite a meditative task.

At least until he noticed a man in his line of vision, barely a few feet away.

Ryan snapped his head up.

It was Neil.

Neil was standing there, on Ryan's parents' driveway, and bounced back and forth on his feet as he watched him.

Another déjà vu for the books .

Ryan thrusted the shovel into the ground before pausing the podcast and taking out the earbuds.

"Hey," he offered, half a greeting, half a question.

"Hey."

Neil bounced on his feet again and, honestly, it had been silly to watch an eighteen-year-old do this, but a thirty-year-old man with the build and the height of a professional hockey player looked straight-out ridiculous like this.

What are you doing here? Ryan wondered, but preferred not to ask out loud. What's changed now, that you suddenly decided to acknowledge my existence after all those years?

"I was driving by and saw you, and I thought—" Neil paused, glancing behind Ryan towards the house, then back at him. "I was wondering if we could talk. Not here," he added quickly, "but, we could drive somewhere or…"

From the sound of it, Neil didn't have it planned at all.

"It's too cold for the hill today, so we'd have to go somewhere public," Ryan told him. "And most people around here know I'm gay. Fair warning, I guess."

Neil curled his shoulders in.

"I'm not afraid to be seen with you or anyone else who's openly gay, if that's what you're getting at. However, I am worried about people coming up for an autograph or a photo, which still happens even though everybody in this town certainly has one already." Neil grimaced briefly. "Anyway, if you don't want to talk, that's okay. Sorry for bothering you."

He took a step back and seemed ready to leave right as Ryan's careful facade crumbled.

"Wait," he said, stopping Neil in his tracks. "We could drive somewhere, it's fine. If you can think of a place that's quiet, it would be great, but if there isn't one, I guess we can drive up the hill after all and stay in the car if the weather gets too bad."

Ryan could, in theory, invite Neil to his brother's house, but that was a line he wasn't ready to cross. It was already pretty much impossible to stop thinking about the guy after one meeting. To have Neil come to where Ryan had to spend the rest of his break was a recipe for a disaster.

That conversation might end up a disaster anyway, but Ryan should at least try to salvage some of his sanity, if not all.

Neil grinned, and for a second it felt like no time had passed and they were back in high school, living in each other's pockets. Then Neil's smile softened, and it tugged at Ryan's traitorous heart enough for him to regret accepting the invitation already.

"Great. I could come back in an hour? Two hours? If I don't come up with a place, I'll at least bring a thermos with me to take up there."

Ryan stared at the shovel.

He could still change his mind. He didn't owe Neil anything. He could refuse and go about the rest of his afternoon.

"Let's say two hours," he heard himself say. "I need to finish this, and then I'm sure they won't let me out of here without having a big lunch, so two hours is the safer bet."

"Okay." Neil took a step back. "See you in two hours, then. And… thank you."

Ryan nodded and turned to his shovel, needing to focus on something other than Neil Hopkins' stupidly handsome face.

Still, he listened to Neil leaving and, a minute later, to a car starting and driving away. When it was safe to look up, he leaned harder on the shovel and quietly swore at the way his stomach was doing somersaults.

He was officially in trouble now.