Page 14 of Find Me Again (KRK Security #3)

"I wouldn't mind finding out how it goes. With the—the coming out and all."

It probably took the entire walk back to his parents' house before Ryan stopped blushing, but the words were still looping in his head.

"I wouldn't mind finding out how it goes."

And it had been going so well until then. After a rocky start, they'd found their groove and made their way through a hard conversation, and, sure, at the end there they'd been dangerously close to flirting, but for him to—

Damn it .

As the family house came into view, Ryan straightened and forced himself to focus on the facts. This had been a conversation between old friends about something that would have serious ramifications in Neil's life. That was it. Ryan didn't need to toss anything else in there.

Still, he was honestly curious how it was all going to play out. Neil was never going to be simply another person from Ryan's past, or worse, another celebrity. Ryan was going to wonder and worry either way, so it would be best to stay informed, if only to know what to worry about, precisely.

Because Neil was going to come out.

It hit Ryan once again, right as he was clearing the steps to his parents' porch, and he had to grab the railing to steady himself. He leaned against it and stared at the front lawn, unseeing.

Neil was really going to do it. He would no longer have to hide or pretend.

Forget about making history, Neil Hopkins was the first boy Ryan had ever kissed, the first one he'd fallen for and planned the future with. His ultimate One That Got Away.

And while Ryan had every right to be hurt, and angry, and sad—and God knew he'd used that right many times in the past—he would never not want this for Neil, who deserved to be true to who he was, no matter what. Ryan didn't like that it was a forced coming out, of course, but this was a chance for Neil to get this off his chest and prove to the world what had always been true—that he could be an amazing player regardless of who he slept with or loved.

Once the news broke, Neil would get support from many different sources, ranging from his parents to some of the fans out there, and more than likely, Ryan's reassurances would drown in all the rest. But that was okay.

It was way better than the alternative.

Startling at the sound of knocking on the glass, he turned to see his mom on the other side of the window, gesturing for him to get inside.

He nodded and headed to the door, only pausing when he heard the text message come in.

So, a question. Can we talk about something other than my coming out, too?

The wide grin split Ryan's face in half, the giddiness bubbling in his chest.

Sure , he typed with an unsteady hand and hit send before he could start overthinking it.

It was already too late to be careful, anyway.

* * *

His phone stayed silent the rest of the evening, which was probably for the best, because his mom was throwing him enough pointed looks that he was sure she would've dragged him out to the kitchen in order to interrogate him if she saw him texting with a silly grin on his face.

For now, he was safe because of the full house of guests, so he busied himself with entertaining them. Or educating, like with his teenage cousin, who needed some facts about the history of Afghanistan and the US presence there, because apparently the teacher was feeding the class some bullshit straight out of the military recruitment propaganda. But Ryan also played chess with his grandpa, helped his aunt and uncle do some last minute on-line shopping, and made back and forth trips to the kitchen, never staying for long. Since his aunt and grandma were there alongside his mother, he wasn't needed for the prep, which, in this case, definitely worked in his favor.

He knew there was a parental pep talk looming ahead, but he wanted to push it as far away as possible. It didn't even matter if his parents would be pro or against Neil. Ryan would rather not hear either side.

After all, he'd grown smarter over the years and learned to keep his expectations in check, so there was no one better than him at trashing his Neil-related fantasies. On the other hand, he also didn't need any encouragement to start believing in some fairytale scenario where everything was easy and nothing hurt.

And while Ryan did want to see how things would play out moving forward—both with Neil's coming out and with the two of them—he'd prefer not to talk to his family about it. Ever.

Later in the evening, when he was back at his brother's place, showered and getting ready for an early night in bed, his phone pinged with a text notification.

He rushed from the bathroom and grabbed his phone, only to find a text from James.

Hey, how is it going? Any new sightings of you-know-who?

Ryan tossed the phone back onto the bed and returned to the bathroom to put some clothes on as he thought of a reply. After last night's conversation, the cat was out of the bag, and yet it was still weird, talking about Neil. He'd rarely done that in the past and always made sure not to give out any details, not even a name. It had always been the ex . But now that they'd met again and were most likely going to stay in some kind of contact for the next few weeks at least, Ryan suddenly didn't know what to do.

Not to mention that he'd been pretty maudlin last night, so the sudden one-eighty could be hard to explain.

Or not. There had been quite a one-eighty in James and Eddie's relationship, after all. Sure, they'd been inching towards it for what felt like forever, but the final push was sharp and definitive.

Once Ryan finished in the bathroom, he went back to bed and sat cross-legged against the headboard, putting his pillow behind his back with a sigh of relief. He'd had quite a day, and he was glad he wasn't going to his parents' place until later in the afternoon tomorrow. He could lounge in bed and not care about getting up early.

Staring at the phone, he finally picked it up to reply.

Hey, it's all fine. And yes, there was a sighting, actually. He came over and asked to talk. It was good, so we might talk some more while we're both here. We'll see.

It wasn't the best, but Ryan made sure to keep the expectations low for himself and his friends. He didn't want pity later on if it all blew up in his face.

Did he apologize? came a fast reply.

Yes, Mom.

Good. Eddie says good luck, but I say be careful.

Ryan chuckled. Yeah, okay, thanks, Mom(s). I'm careful and I'm planning to stay that way.

That's the best strategy on and off the clock, I'd say.

As they exchanged a few more messages, Ryan scrolled through the endless offerings on TV, wondering what to watch. Finally, he settled on a new miniseries with Nicole Kidman and repositioned himself until he was lying on his side with the pillow tucked under his head.

He was on the second episode when he got another text alert. This time, it was from Neil.

Is it just me or deciding on what to watch takes longer than actually watching anything?

With a snort, Ryan paused the show.

It's not just you, I have the same problem. Half the time I end up not watching anything, because I get tired of scrolling. The other half is mostly rewatching stuff, and only a small percentage is me actually watching something new.

Neil's reply came right away.

YES, exactly! I tried to restrict myself to one service at the time, but then I suddenly want to watch something on a different one. It's ridiculous, really.

Ryan turned onto his back, the show he'd been watching slipping out of his mind as he continued to text back and forth with Neil. He'd thought earlier that their conversation at the Hopkins' house had gone smoothly, once it got going and they'd found their rhythm, but this, here, was even easier to slip into. It was as if no time had passed and they were back in high school, staying up late and messaging each other even after they'd spent hours together that day.

Not looking at each other definitely helped this time around, too, even if they weren't talking about anything important, instead falling back into the familiar topics. It was nice to learn that their tastes in TV hadn't diverged too much, for example. Neil was still into horror, but appreciated crime dramas the most, the same as Ryan, so they'd spent some time discussing those. Then they switched to movie scores and music in general, which resulted in Ryan downloading a few albums Neil recommended.

All in all, it was… really nice. There was nothing life-altering, nothing dangerous, simply two people rediscovering how easy they got along.

I should go to sleep, because my family owns my time tomorrow. The house will be packed. I'll text you to keep my sanity, but how about we go for a drive the day after?

As he stared at Neil's text, Ryan considered his options.

It was tempting. Perhaps not smart, but really, really tempting.

Sure. I'll need a break from all the family, too , he finally sent.

Perfect , Neil wrote back. Good night!

And just like that, Ryan ended the evening with a smile on his face.

He slept better than he had in days.