Page 24 of Find Me Again (KRK Security #3)

Ryan arrived home exhausted, his flight getting delayed by over six hours in the end, but at least he was finally back. For all that he enjoyed staying at his brother's place, nothing topped his own bed and his own space.

Well , Neil would be a most-welcomed addition, but still. Home was home.

When Ryan got up from the well-deserved nap around noon, he busied himself with getting his place into shape after a long absence, which was supposed to provide a distraction from wondering about what Neil was doing, what he was thinking, and—most importantly—what he might decide about their future.

And yet, the distraction wasn't really working, because Ryan kept coming back to their conversation at the airport. It had looked like they were on the same page at first, but then Ryan had said he was in and Neil sort of… froze there for a moment. He'd snapped out of it quickly, and they'd ended on a good note, but now that they were apart, Ryan couldn't help but wonder what it meant.

It wasn't until his phone rang on the kitchen counter and he saw Neil's ID that Ryan felt his shoulders drop a fraction.

"Hey, there." He lowered the heat under the stir-fry he was preparing for dinner. "Missing me already?"

It was a joke, but also wasn't, and he rolled his eyes at himself.

What was he, fourteen?

"Of course." Neil's smile was evident in his voice. "How could I not? It's been, what, fifteen hours?"

"Something like that."

"And I'm guessing you haven't, during that time, and more specifically during the last two hours, watched any TV?" Neil asked in a more serious tone.

Ryan paused. "Should I?"

"Well, I don't think it has made national news yet, but someone spotted us at the airport. Your face isn't visible," Neil hurried to add as Ryan froze, staring at his stir-fry without really seeing it. "It's basically me talking and laughing with a guy."

"Okay," Ryan said slowly, even though he had no idea if it was actually okay, because he wasn't fully processing what was happening. Sure, they'd talked about it at length, but Ryan hadn't expected for them to be caught on camera so soon. "I'm guessing it made news in Georgia, at least?"

"That, and my, uhm, less than stellar response when I was cornered as I was leaving the office."

Ryan had so many questions now, and yet, no real answer.

"How about you send me the link, I watch it, and then we'll talk? Because I don't know what you're trying to say, here."

There was a moment of silence on the other end, and then, "Yeah, that makes sense. I'll send you the link, but call me right after you watch it, okay? Please?"

"I will," Ryan promised, hoping there wasn't anything in that clip that would make him not want to talk to Neil.

Really, really hoping.

They hung up, and when Neil sent him a link ten seconds later, Ryan sat at the kitchen island and clicked play.

On the screen, Neil had gotten cornered by a journalist who seemed to be blocking his way on the front steps of a building—the team's headquarters, most likely. The camera was to the side, so Ryan could see both of them.

"Fans were shocked to hear your statement about being gay," the reporter said without any preamble. "What would you say to them?"

"No comments for now."

As Neil tried to sidestep her, he turned and looked directly into the camera. Ryan could clearly see the realization of being caught on Neil's face, probably accompanied by some internal swearing.

"And what about the mysterious man you were photographed with?" The reporter shoved a photo at him, which Ryan did not appreciate. Neil should have a personal detail if this was how people thought they could treat him. "Any comment on who he is?"

Ryan bit his lip as he watched Neil stare at the photo.

"Who is he?" the reporter insisted.

"A bodyguard," Neil told her, making Ryan's heart clench painfully.

Of course . Of course Neil had said Ryan was a bodyguard. After all, it was a lie without really lying. But why did he think Ryan would like to see it?

Then the reporter's question brought his attention back to the video.

"Were there any threats against you?"

Neil visibly hesitated there for a moment, but then he straightened to his full height and looked back at her, determined.

"He's not my bodyguard. He's much more than that."

Ryan almost dropped the phone. He had to pause the video to get himself together, his heart hammering in his chest and his palms sweaty, because, damn , this was happening.

Neil was actually doing this.

Not only had he come out, he was also telling the world Ryan was an important person in his life.

He rewound the last few seconds of the video and hit play again.

"He's not my bodyguard. He's much more than that."

"A secret boyfriend?" the reporter said.

Neil snorted. "Not much of a secret, since we were photographed in a public place and I'm telling you about him. Now excuse me, I have to go."

The video cut off there, but Ryan hit a replay and stared in disbelief at the scene before him. His throat was tight, and he was honestly close to crying at this point, because his eighteen-year-old self would have wanted this more than anything. Had wanted it. That boy had wanted them both to have their dreams and be together, and now… now they seemed to be getting there.

After he watched the whole thing two more times, he remembered Neil was waiting for his call and he got up quickly. He stopped by the bathroom first, making sure he didn't look as if he'd actually cried, then he stared at his reflection for another minute.

Neil had admitted to being in a relationship with him on TV.

They didn't have to hide anymore.

After leaving the bathroom, Ryan sat on the floor in front of the couch and placed his phone in the stand so he could video chat with Neil and not worry about dropping the phone again.

His leg was bouncing as he waited for the call to come through.

It was going to be fine.

The hardest part was over now. They were fine.

Neil did not seem fine on the small screen, though. He was frowning and biting his lip, and he crossed his arms over his knees as he leaned forward to the camera.

"Listen, I'm sorry," he started right away. "I know we haven't talked about it—I mean, we did, but in theory, we didn't discuss any details—and I went and did this. I'm truly sorry."

"Hey, hey," Ryan cut in, shaking his head. "I'm not angry."

Neil stared at him, closing his mouth and then opening it again.

"You're not? I know the bodyguard part was stupid, but that honestly slipped out because I was thinking about you at work and the potential repercussions of somebody recognizing you. I didn't want for it to sound like that's all you are to me, so I said the rest, but I should've asked first. Fuck, I spent hours beforehand discussing strategy with a whole team of people, and then I go and do this."

"Neil, stop." Ryan leaned forward as well. "Take a deep breath, it's fine. On my end, it's all fine."

Doing as he was told, Neil visibly relaxed a fraction. "Really?"

"Yeah. Sure, I didn't expect it so soon, but I'm also…" Ryan ran his teeth over his bottom lip. "Well, I'll admit it. I'm happy. It felt great to watch you say what you said."

A tentative smile appeared on Neil's face.

"Good. That's good. I was mostly stressed, but saying that… It felt freeing, in a way. Everything's now in the open. There's going to be backlash, for sure, but in the meantime, I can live my life and not worry about any secrets coming out."

Ryan could feel himself grinning. There was nothing like finally saying one's truth, and he was so, so happy Neil was getting to experience that.

And apparently, they were going to experience it together now.

"I'm glad," Ryan offered softly.

While he didn't want to overwhelm Neil on this already emotional day, Ryan figured he needed to make it clear he was totally fine with what had transpired. Sure, he would have to talk to his boss in case it could potentially interfere with his work, but Kalei, for all that he led the company with a straight-forward, military manner, was pretty laid back about their personal lives as long as they did their job right.

Besides, some of the guys at KRK had partners who were arguably more news-worthy than a hockey player, even a very popular one. Ryan should be fine.

"You sure?" Neil asked. "You got quiet on me."

"I was just thinking that you're not going to be the most famous boyfriend or partner at my job."

"Oh, really? Who have you gotten there, then?"

Sitting back, Ryan smirked. "How about a senator and one of the Chief Justices?"

Neil stared. "You're kidding."

"Nope."

"That's… hilarious, actually." Neil laughed and rubbed his forehead. "And it does make me feel better, in a weird way."

"Whatever works," Ryan told him with a shrug. He couldn't stop grinning, but Neil seemed to have a similar problem, so they were fine. "Honestly, we're all pretty used to the rich and famous by now. We covered a few events where POTUS was in attendance."

"Okay, now you're bragging," Neil teased.

"I haven't even started yet!"

"Fine, but take it easy, or I'll end up feeling totally inadequate and refuse to ever meet your friends."

Ryan wanted to make some joke about how a bronze medal in the most famous partner category wasn't so bad, but he got struck by the idea of actually introducing Neil to people as his boyfriend.

A few weeks ago, Neil Hopkins had been little more than a memory of a badly-healed broken heart Ryan couldn't even talk about too much. And now, here they were, with Neil not only talking about him in public, but also wanting to become more integrated into his life.

Neil's smile softened, and he tilted his head. "You know I was joking, right?"

"Yeah, I…" Ryan chuckled and nodded. "I guess I got overwhelmed by all the possibilities."

"Me, too. But it's good to be positively overwhelmed instead of creating doom scenarios. I hope you know that—" Neil glanced down before meeting his gaze again. "It's not only that I'm happy to be with you, although I am. I'm also incredibly grateful that you made this difficult time in my life so much better. You actually turned it into something positive."

Damn , Ryan wanted to kiss him so badly right now.

"You are the one who turned it into something positive for yourself," he said. "I was there and I offered support, sure, but you were the one who took the shitty situation and owned it. I know you were forced into it, and that sucks, but—"

"I wasn't."

Ryan frowned. "What?"

"I mean, I was, Josh did blackmail me and he forced me to put the whole thing in motion, but at the end there, I had a way out."

As Ryan listened to the story of that last-minute phone call that could've changed it all, could've pushed Neil back into the closet, he sagged against the couch in disbelief.

"Why didn't you tell me before?"

For a long moment, Neil didn't say anything, staring to the side, but then he looked into the phone camera again.

"I guess I needed to figure out what I was willing to let myself have, first. Wanting you was the easy part, but I didn't know what I could offer you, if anything. I was afraid that telling you it was ultimately my decision would send a signal I wasn't ready to send." He grimaced. "If that makes any sense."

"It does," Ryan told him with a nod and an aching, tender heart, because for all that Neil had mishandled their relationship and Ryan's feelings all those years ago, he was trying to do the exact opposite now.

And since Ryan had already fallen all over again, he appreciated that more than he could say.