Page 17 of Find Me Again (KRK Security #3)

Neil didn't want this day to end. He wished they could suspend time and he could simply stay with Ryan like this—cuddling in the kitchen, sharing the couch and teasing each other endlessly, eating leftovers from one plate and kissing against the counter because the fridge door was too full with magnets, notes and drawings to risk messing it up.

He wished he could stay and relive the next part as well, over and over, in many and all variations.

They both had known he was going to spend the night here as soon as Ryan had issued the invitation. There was no question, no conversation about it, no need to hash it out.

So when Ryan pulled away from their kiss after they'd put the dishes in the sink and gotten lost in each other again, it came as no surprise that he took Neil by the hand and led him down the hall to his room.

Once there, Ryan turned on the side lamp with a warm, soft light that made him even more beautiful—and Neil had already considered him pretty damn gorgeous. Back in high school, Ryan had been a handsome boy with a heart-melting smile and stormy eyes Neil didn't want to look away from. But now, Ryan was simply beautiful, there was no other way to say it. His eyes were still the same, but his shoulders were broader, his frame stronger, and his smile even more devastating, because it had an edge to it now, as if experience had made its mark on him but hadn't managed to break him.

Neil wanted to kiss every inch of this man, trace every line, and taste every nook. And he might be lucky enough to get the chance.

For now, he put his hands on Ryan's chest and slowly pushed them up, towards his shoulders and neck, before leaning in for a kiss. Because while Neil wanted him naked immediately, he also wanted this—the slow play of tongues that warmed him in the best possible way.

It was Ryan who tugged at Neil's sweater impatiently, slipping his fingers under it but keeping his touch light and teasing, until it quickly wasn't enough anymore.

They pulled back to get rid of their clothes, and maybe—hopefully—one day Neil would get a chance to undress Ryan, slowly and deliberately, kissing every inch of uncovered skin, but for now he could only stare as he hurried to tug his own clothes off.

Once they were naked, watching each other across the small space, Neil took a step, then another, and pressed himself against Ryan's body, shivering with pleasure.

He hadn't exaggerated anything in his memories. If anything, it seemed even more intense, sharper, breathtaking in a way that a beautiful view could leave one stunned.

He pressed his mouth against the nearest scrap of skin—Ryan's collarbone—and licked it, chasing the taste he wanted to learn all over again.

In response, Ryan pulled him towards the bed, keeping his grip on Neil's hips as he sat down on the edge of it, and suddenly Neil was watching him from above, Ryan's face so close to his erection that he would need so little to—

Fuck .

Neil had to catch himself on Ryan's shoulders, because his knees buckled the moment Ryan leaned in and brushed his lips along the hot skin of Neil's cock. The softest of touches almost sent him to the ground, but he held on, breathing harsh and heavy, still barely believing he got to have this. To experience it with Ryan, who trusted him like that again, because he was a braver person than Neil had any hope of being, now or ever.

After Ryan dropped another kiss on his cock, he moved towards Neil's hip bone and licked the dip of the skin there, as if hearing Neil's earlier fantasies. Then he started kissing along Neil's stomach, and Neil tilted Ryan's head to make him look up.

"You're gorgeous," he whispered, and, God , Ryan could still blush so easily. "Would you lie down for me?"

Ryan did as asked, and Neil followed, kneeling in the middle of the mattress in between his spread legs. Running his hands over Ryan's thighs, he enjoyed the feeling of hard muscles and soft hair under his fingertips. Then he closed his fist around Ryan's cock and tugged, making Ryan arch off the bed and toss his head back, a quiet curse leaving his mouth in a breathless moan.

Beautiful .

Emboldened, Neil leaned down and took the head of Ryan's cock into his mouth, fitting his lips around it as if they'd never stopped doing this. He licked and sucked, quickly falling into a rhythm, his hand and mouth working to drive Ryan out of his mind as fast as possible.

"I'm not eighteen anymore," Ryan breathed out, resting his hand on Neil's head. "Thread carefully, here."

For a second, Neil ignored the warning, still overwhelmed by the need to make Ryan come like this. But then he remembered the backseat of the car and his desire to find himself in Ryan's lap again, in better conditions.

He sat up, but not before leaving one last kiss on the head of Ryan's cock.

"Fair point," Neil admitted. "We're not kids anymore."

Ryan's eyes flashed with something—a longing, maybe—and Neil could almost taste the bittersweetness of it all.

For better or worse, they were different people now.

"Can we…?" he whispered, unsure how to say it, but Ryan smiled up at him, with that soft and understanding smile Neil hadn't seen in twelve years and thought he never would.

"Yeah," Ryan offered in a whisper, too, and Neil's heart threatened to give out.

"You don't even know what I'm asking."

Ryan lifted one eyebrow. "It's still a yes."

Neil had to kiss him for that. He had to. His chest was aching, overflowing, and he'd never—

He'd thought he lost his chance for such easy trust the moment he'd broken them by turning his back on everything they'd built and everything they'd been.

And here Ryan was, trusting him anyway.

"It's still a yes."

Breathless, Neil pulled away from the kiss, resting his forehead against Ryan's.

"You're a marvel."

"Don't you forget it."

Ryan's tone was flippant, joking, but Neil shook his head.

"Never," he said, a promise that felt bigger than just this, but he couldn't quite tell what he meant.

He sat back instead, and leaned towards the nightstand to get lube and a condom before remembering that this wasn't Ryan's usual bed but a guest room in someone else's house.

"Oh, they're there," Ryan told him with a roll of his eyes. "My brother left them for me to find. He thinks he's funny."

"Well, I can't say I hate the results." Neil took out the supplies before shifting to straddle Ryan instead of kneeling between his legs. "This okay?"

"Better than." Ryan put his hands on Neil's thighs and ran them up slowly until he settled them on Neil's hips. "You'll look amazing on my cock."

Flashing Ryan a grin, Neil got lube on his fingers. "It's going to feel amazing, too."

"I have no doubts about that."

Then there was no more talking, only harsh breaths and quiet moans getting louder as the time went on. Neil stretched himself as fast as he could, but he lowered himself on Ryan's cock slowly, needing to get used to the stretch.

It had been a long time, after all.

"I was right," Ryan finally said, as Neil leaned in for a kiss and gasped at the change of angle. "You do look amazing like this."

"I was right, too." Neil tightened his muscles around Ryan, earning himself another moan. "And then some."

Because "amazing" wasn't really enough to describe it—to encompass how good it felt to be with Ryan like this, fall into a rhythm right away, and get lost in the pleasure that stretched beyond what Neil had thought was possible.

The rush of it was like nothing he'd ever felt—on or off the ice.