Page 18 of Find Me Again (KRK Security #3)

Ryan woke up slowly, and a part of him wished to slip right under, but the feeling of being too hot nagged him into consciousness. It wasn't the covers, since he kicked them lower at some point, but there was something—

Someone , Ryan realized. A very specific someone .

Neil was currently plastered all along his back, with his arm resting around Ryan's waist and his head pressed to Ryan's nape. Their legs were tangled together, and as Ryan shifted, he smiled at the simple pleasure of feeling the brush of skin against skin, coarse and soft, and the hard muscles in Neil's thigh keeping him down.

They'd spent twelve years apart, but even before that, whenever they'd slept over at each other's houses, they'd stayed on their sides of the bed. And yet, for whatever reason, it felt both unreal and the most real thing ever to wake up with Neil like this—to be anchored with him to this bed, this place, and this moment that could, possibly, stretch into an untold length of time.

Or end the moment Neil freaks out .

Ryan opened his eyes and stared at the nightstand, focusing on the crooked knob of the drawer as he fought the unease in his stomach. It could all end in a minute, or a week, or whenever one of them would board the flight back home, so he definitely shouldn't waste his time wondering about anything long-term. That had never served him right.

Besides, it would be way too early—twelve years late in some respects, but also too early.

For all that he felt drawn to Neil and to the ease of their connection once they'd let each other back in, Ryan didn't know Neil's life right now. He didn't know who Neil was, who he was friends with, what he did in his spare time. Had fame changed him in ways Ryan wouldn't find acceptable? And what would happen once Neil came out? Would Ryan even want to get involved in all that?

He had no easy answers, but when he lay there and stared at the knob as the light coming from the window expanded into the room more and more, he remembered the answer he'd given Neil last night.

"Yeah."

"You don't even know what I'm asking."

"It's still a yes."

And it was. An ongoing agreement, one that Ryan could back out of at any point but also didn't have to, if he didn't feel like it.

For now, he was in, whether it was for today or for the next week and a half. He was in, whether they were going to say goodbye to each other for good or keep their options open for something long distance.

As long as Ryan got to have this, right now, he was going to be fine. So he might as well enjoy it.

In the next second, he felt Neil shifting against him, his grip tightening briefly around Ryan's waist as a soft kiss landed on the back of Ryan's neck.

Oh yeah , he was going to enjoy this.

He smiled into the pillow as Neil slid his hand down the hair trail on Ryan's stomach right into his boxers before cupping Ryan's already hardening cock.

"Good morning," Ryan murmured, angling his hips to push towards the light grip.

Neil squeezed him gently and dropped another kiss on his nape.

"Good morning, indeed."

Soon enough, Ryan was alternating between pressing forward into Neil's hand and then back to where Neil was sliding his cock between his ass cheeks as he whispered dirty nothings into Ryan's ear. Their rhythm was slow, almost lazy, and Ryan got swept into it, closing his hands into fists as he clutched his pillow. While he didn't say anything, little shaky moans left his mouth every once in a while, especially when Neil did that thing with his thumb that made Ryan's cock almost hurt from how good it felt.

"Just like that, huh?" Neil was saying. "You like it, don't you?"

"Yeah." Ryan's voice came out shaky, too, and he had to swallow hard. "How about you?" he asked, pressing back.

A part of Ryan wanted Neil to slip right into him, even though it was a bad idea. His ass ached, he wasn't stretched enough, and he didn't want to deal with the cleanup—all valid reasons not to do it.

Still, it would've been—

Fuuck .

Neil tightened his grip on Ryan's cock right before he came against Ryan's ass and lower back, and Ryan hid his face in the pillow as he snapped his hips twice more, then followed Neil over the edge, splashing come all over his hand.

He was still catching his breath when Neil pulled away, murmuring, "Be right back."

Ryan blinked his eyes open right in time to see Neil heading for the bathroom, naked and unselfconscious. Relaxed.

Good .

Ryan felt it, too, down to his bones. The euphoric hum of his orgasm was still pulsing through his body, and there was nowhere he'd rather be than right here, right now.

Soon, he would happily get up for some pancakes and first cup of tea, but for now, this was good.

Close to perfect, really.

Neil came back with a wet towel in hand, and instead of tossing it to Ryan, he insisted on cleaning him up.

The smile Ryan gave him was probably pretty soppy, but he could always blame it on the orgasm. His brain wasn't truly back yet.

Once Neil disappeared into the bathroom again, Ryan rolled over on the bed, with his arms and legs spread out as he lay on his back.

Damn , he missed mornings like this. Starting the day with a shared orgasm was the best way to spend any given morning, period. Everything else was just gravy after that.

Neil chuckled from the bathroom entrance, but before Ryan could ask, Neil crossed the small distance between them and crawled back onto the bed until he was hovering over Ryan and resting on his elbows on both sides of Ryan's head.

Which was really hot.

Then again, everything about Neil like this was hot, and if Ryan hadn't come barely minutes ago, he would be getting hard, for sure.

As it were, he made do with tugging Neil down and kissing him, slow and deep. There was no doubt in his mind that he had Neil's full attention—it was simply too much, too overwhelming, too heightened. Ryan was clutching at Neil's sides in fear of falling apart under the force of it.

They paused at some point to catch their breaths, and Neil closed his eyes, resting his forehead against Ryan's. And as Ryan watched him—his short lashes, the uneven line of his nose, the outline of his lower lip—his heart thumped in his chest while his mind was clear.

He would be happy to do nothing but stare at this man for the rest of the day.

And maybe he would, if not for Neil's phone, suddenly ringing somewhere in the room.

Neil grimaced, but then he was up and heading towards the armchair where they'd tossed their clothes last night.

"Sorry," he offered over his shoulder. "That's my agent's ringtone."

Ah .

"Sure." Ryan quickly rolled out of bed to head towards the bathroom. "Take your time."

Their break from the world was over, at least for now.

* * *

Ryan was showered, dressed, and almost done with the big batch of pancakes by the time Neil appeared in the kitchen looking tired and tense, but not like he was about to run for his life.

Small mercies .

Figuring Neil might not be ready to talk, Ryan pointed a spatula towards the coffee maker that had more buttons than his car.

"I have no idea how to deal with that, so if you want coffee, you're on your own. Water and juice are in the fridge, and the pancakes are ready. Have at them."

To his surprise, Neil headed for him first, and looped his arms around Ryan's waist from behind before dropping his forehead to rest on the back of Ryan's neck with a sigh that tickled Ryan's skin.

"You okay?" Ryan asked quietly, putting an empty bowl away and covering Neil's hands with one of his as the last pancakes sizzled at the stove.

"Yeah, just… You know."

The words were muffled, but Neil didn't sound defeated, so Ryan patted his hand and let him be, focusing back on the pancakes.

As he stood there, he grabbed a small one from the top of the stack and shoved it in his mouth, only to hum in satisfaction a moment later. He might not be a particularly skilled cook, but he could make a few dishes that were to die for, and pancakes were one of them.

He chewed slowly as the two of them stood there in silence, neither pressed to fill the air with words, happy—at least in Ryan's case—to continue as they were.

Flipping the pancakes when necessary, he let his brain move between topics, never staying on anything for long—Neil, Ryan's parents, their possible trip to DC, then Neil again, as Ryan wondered if he would be up for making the trip as well.

Finally, all the pancakes were ready, and as he slid them onto the plate, adding to the stack, it was time to move.

Neil, who was apparently paying attention after all, slowly stepped back before heading to the fridge, so Ryan took the plate with all the pancakes to the table where he'd set everything else earlier.

Since he still didn't feel the need to say anything, he started on the pancakes for real after pouring an extravagant amount of maple syrup on his plate.

He wasn't going to his parents until dinner tonight, after all. He could indulge a little.

"I think I'm going to do it over Christmas."

Ryan was grabbing another pancake when Neil spoke up, and he almost dropped his fork as his heartbeat sped up, unsure what that meant.

"It?"

"My agent talked it over with the team's PR again, and they'd prefer not to make it into a big thing coming from them, which I agree with. If I have to talk about something this private, I'd prefer to do it in a casual setting."

Neil paused to put a pancake on his plate, but he didn't start eating it.

"I thought I'd have to do a big press conference, because that's what I'm used to whenever we talk to the press, but apparently everyone said that a small one-on-one interview is more than fine. And it fits with me wanting to… minimize the splash, so to speak." He grimaced. "I know it's not going to work for long, but I much prefer when the reporters lose their shit in their studios than in the room with me."

Since Ryan was all for whatever solution would make Neil more comfortable, he nodded.

"And you would do it over Christmas?" he asked after swallowing another piece of the pancake.

"On Boxing Day, I think." Neil picked up the bottle of maple syrup and poured some of it onto his plate. "A small station from my hometown getting the scoop is a nod towards local journalism, but also a way to break the news slowly and gently, if there's even such a thing these days. It will hit national news on the same day, no doubt about it, but it's not going to be the story for the entire day."

"And maybe the fans will be high up on the Christmas spirit, too."

Neil shrugged. "It's likely they're going to lose their good spirits pretty fast, but maybe not as fast as they otherwise would. Or not all of them, at least."

"And you'll be here for a few more days after that, right? Staying out of the spotlight."

"We'll see. If anybody comes after me here, I'll probably go back to Savannah, because I don't want my family to get dragged into it. But I'm hoping nobody would do that, if I promise some more interviews later on."

"Will you?" Ryan took a sip of water, trying to squash the flash of disappointment at the idea of Neil leaving town sooner. "Do more interviews, I mean."

"That's pretty much a given. Like you said, the first NHL player coming out at the peak of his career will garner a lot of attention, and that includes various media outlets I'll have to play nice with. Still, we have games to play and the Stanley Cup finals to win, so the sooner I'll get it done, the better—both for myself and the team."

Ryan stared at Neil—the man who had spent his entire life in the closet and who was only getting out of it now because he had no choice—sitting here, in this kitchen, telling him "the sooner, the better" .

What a turn.

Still, Ryan was by no means a PR expert, so he only cared that Neil would have a final say in whatever decision was ultimately made. If this was what Neil wanted, Ryan would support him.

There was nothing else for him to do here, after all, other than to sit back and watch, even as his heart was making a racket in his chest.