Page 25 of Find Me Again (KRK Security #3)

As the driver parked outside of Ryan's place, Neil stared at the four-story building, with its windows full of light.

He should get out of the car and go in there, but he was so fucking tired.

After completing a tour of what felt like every late show, morning show, and everything in between in New York, he'd disrupted his entire schedule to come to DC. Now he was here, and he wished he could muster some energy for Ryan, but there didn't seem to be anything left.

Ignoring the pointed look the driver was giving him in the rearview mirror, Neil pulled out his phone and texted Ryan.

Outside.

He'd sent numerous texts like that back when they were two kids obsessed with each other and it was too late to use a horn, and every time, Ryan would come out and join him in his car. Everything was as it should be in those small windows of time, no matter what else was going on.

Shit , all this talking on TV was making Neil sentimental.

He should probably shape up, and quickly.

Which he would. Any second now. He just wanted to try this, first.

It took a minute and a half for the front door to open, but then Ryan was there—tall enough to take up most of the space in the entrance, where he paused.

Waiting for Neil to come to him.

And Neil felt it, now—that unmistakable, gravitational pull.

He wanted to be where Ryan was.

Suddenly, getting out of the car and grabbing his suitcase took no effort at all, and Neil quickly crossed the small space to where Ryan was standing.

"Hey," he whispered, curling his fingers tighter around his suitcase's handle so he wouldn't reach out and touch.

It had only been two weeks. They were going to be apart for longer periods of time than this, so he needed to get used to it.

But not quite yet.

"Hey." Ryan stepped back, letting him in. "Come on up."

They went up onto the third floor, and soon enough, Neil was dropping his suitcase in the entryway and looking around Ryan's place as he took off his jacket.

There was the kitchen area to his left and the hall to his right that probably led to the bedroom and whatever else, but Neil's attention was stolen by the living room—an open space with a long couch and very few furniture pieces besides that. Instead, there was a series of framed photos on the walls, most of them black and white, with a splash of color here and there. At first he assumed they were art pieces Ryan had bought, but then he recognized Ryan's grandparents on one of them.

He stepped closer to that one as soon as he took his shoes off.

"Are those yours?"

"Yeah," Ryan said from behind him. "I wanted something more personal than the generic landscape posters."

"These are really good."

Neil walked around the room, taking the photos in. Most of them were portraits, although smaller than the one of Ryan's grandparents, but there were also a few landscapes, including—

"That's the view from the hill," Neil whispered. He would recognize that tree line everywhere.

"Yeah," Ryan repeated, this time from right next to Neil. "I have a fall version of it up in the bedroom, but the winter one looked better here."

At that, Neil had already started towards the bedroom before stopping himself and glancing at Ryan, who chuckled.

"It's not how I thought I'd introduce you to my bedroom, but sure, go ahead."

If Neil wasn't so curious and so tired, he'd probably have some witty comeback to that, but as things were, he simply headed down the hall.

The photo was a panoramic shot, much bigger than any of the ones in the living room. Hanging above the bed, it stood out against the dark green wall with its deep reds and yellows among the black and white edges.

Neil wanted a copy of it for his apartment in Savannah, too.

After taking in the rest of the room—the large bed with wooden headboard, the floor-to-ceiling window with dark curtains, and the big yellow winged chair in the corner—he headed back out, only to find Ryan searching for something in the fridge.

"Are you hungry?"

"I could eat." Neil paused a few feet away. "But not before I shower."

"You can take your things to the bedroom," Ryan offered, turning around and leaning against the counter as he met Neil's gaze. "Towels are in the bathroom."

Suddenly, it hit Neil that this was his life now—these small moments of domesticity, of making space for each other in their lives. Something he hadn't known he wanted so badly until now, when he got to have it.

He crossed the room and pulled Ryan into a kiss.

It was hard at first, almost desperate, but when Ryan opened up to him and wound his arms around Neil to bring him closer, something in Neil eased up a bit and he slowed down. It became the hello kiss they'd skipped earlier, one that said "it's so good to be here, with you" .

They kissed for a long time, and when they parted, neither of them seemed in any hurry to pull away. Ryan nuzzled against his jaw, and Neil pressed his face against Ryan's neck, breathing him in.

Then a yawn escaped him, big enough that there was no way he could hide it, and Ryan chuckled right into his ear.

"How about you shower, I order food, and after we eat, you sleep for at least eight hours?"

"Not exactly what I had in mind for tonight," Neil grumbled, but he knew his body couldn't deliver on those plans anyway when he was this tired.

Ryan's expression, when he pulled back, told him the same thing.

"Okay, okay." Neil stepped away reluctantly. "Show me to the bathroom, then."

* * *

They made good on Neil's plans on Saturday morning, so it was pretty late by the time they settled in on the couch after breakfast, facing each other from their places against the opposite armrests. Their legs were brushing against each other every once in a while, but Neil would never admit he was responsible for most of those accidental touches.

"You've heard me talk about the interviews and stuff, but I don't know how you've been with all the circus," he said instead. Over the phone, Ryan was quick to brush off his side of the story, but Neil hoped being together in person would make it easier to actually talk about it.

"I told you I was good," Ryan protested, but deflated at Neil's huff. "Honestly, I'm good. Nobody found me yet, but even if they do, I can handle it. I talked with my boss and I told a few friends I trust, but that's about it."

Neil ran a hand through his hair, afraid to ask the question, but needing to, anyway.

"So, no second thoughts about doing this with me?"

"No," Ryan said in a tone that bore no discussion. "I told you I'm in if you are, so if you're having second thoughts—"

"I don't. I have absolutely no second thoughts about you," Neil assured him. "Hell, you're firmly at the top of the positives column whenever I feel like complaining about how invasive this whole thing has been."

Ryan winced at that. "Some of those quote-unquote journalists should be fired on sight, honestly. But as I told you, I think you've been handling it well."

"Thanks. All the prep has paid off, I guess."

Neil grimaced at the memory of the brutal sessions with the team's PR people, when they'd thrown some awful things at him. He was glad they brought someone from the outside for the worst of it, because he didn't think he'd be able to look them in the eye after this, even if all they would have done was play pretend.

"Do the higher-ups still think it's going okay?"

Neil nodded. "As good as it could be expected. There are some haters out there, of course, but most of the fans have moved on to the hockey part of it all, and that's what counts. All the players have been good about it, too," he added. "They're only teasing me about suddenly being the media darling."

A few of the guys had known about him already, but the rest had been a worry. Fortunately, it seemed that he'd lucked out, because the reactions varied from positive to civil. If someone had a problem with him, it hadn't come up yet.

He knew it all depended on how well he would play, though, so there was now this additional pressure to give his absolute best out there on the ice.

Good thing he always tried to, no matter what.

"Tell them you're more camera-friendly than all of them combined," Ryan offered with a smirk which then softened to a real smile. "I'm glad you got to get away for the weekend."

Neil nudged Ryan's leg with his, warmth spreading through him.

"I'm glad, too. Especially since it will be a while before I have another one free." He paused. "How do you feel about coming to Savannah when your schedule allows?"

"Well, since I heard these flying machines are actually capable of going both directions, I'd say I feel pretty positive," Ryan said dryly, nudging him back. "I don't expect you to be the only one making an effort, you know."

"I know, I know, but…" Neil shrugged. "I guess I feel like with you giving me another chance and accepting the media attention, you're already making an enormous effort, so I'm trying to catch up. And to give you what you deserve."

Ryan sighed. "It's not a competition. And for me, these things you mention were the prerequisites to having a relationship with you at all. Just like you being out was a prerequisite for me," he pointed out. "Your coming out wasn't for me or anything, but without it, we wouldn't be here. So, from where I'm standing, we're both starting from the same place. Yes, we have history, and I'm sure we're going to bump into some problems because of that along the way, but I have no interest in using it against you. Feel free to call me out if I ever do."

"Feel free to call me out if I ever make you feel like I did back then."

"Oh, I will," Ryan assured him. "I can't see this working in the long run without proper communication, so I'll tell you whenever there's something wrong, and I hope you will, as well. And since we both need to make an effort, we're both making the trip whenever our schedules allow. Simple as that."

Neil breathed out slowly.

"Okay. That sounds… It all sounds good to me."

Hell , he was already planning to come to DC for a longer stay after the end of the season. He didn't say it, though. Not yet. They were only beginning, and he didn't want to overwhelm Ryan with long-term plans.

Still, there was one thing that needed to be said, no matter what.

He sat up and put his hand around Ryan's calf.

Communication is important , he told himself. Not easy, but important .

"I want you to know that I feel like I've fallen for you already. I know it's fast, but… That's the truth."

Ryan sat up as well and then pressed forward until Neil was on his back and Ryan was leaning over him, his eyes clear, and bright, and beautiful like always.

"I've fallen for you, too," Ryan whispered, right before kissing him.

And here it was, the moment Neil had thought would never come—he finally had everything he'd ever dreamed of.