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Jack spent five long, difficult days away from Zeph. Contrary to what Zeph had said, Jack wasn’t making himself a target, but he did want to tidy up loose ends, undoing his old life as far as he could, as far as he dare risk.

When he knocked on the door of Thomas’s house in Aversham, he heard Django barking. Thomas didn’t even look surprised when he saw Jack standing there, though he’d probably had him under observation from a mile or so away.

“And I didn’t even have to roll back a stone to find you miraculously resurrected,” Jack said.

“Want a coffee?”

“Lunch, please. Cheese sandwich will do. No—”

“No pickle. I do remember.”

Django greeted him as if he was the person in the world he most wanted to see, then raced off to beg cheese from Thomas.

Jack was torn between relief Thomas was there in one piece, and annoyance that he’d pulled the stunt in the first place. Thomas made himself a sandwich too and put the plates on the kitchen table. Jack pulled out a chair and sat.

“How did you know I’d be here?” Thomas asked.

“I didn’t know. I was pretty sure you’d think I’d assume you wouldn’t go back to any of your houses.

But you seemed happier here than I’ve seen you before so I took a gamble.

” Thomas didn’t need to know this wasn’t the first place he’d looked.

“You planned the whole thing? Critical injury? Fake blood?”

“I took a gamble that you’d come into the building to look for me. I just needed you to leave.”

“Yeah, sorry. I was just concerned that a guy who’d been a father to me since I was six years old was bleeding out in front of me. Did it work? Does everyone think you’re dead?”

“Time will tell. No more contracts, no more contact with those who made the jobs possible. That won’t stop some enterprising, pissed-off, vindictive individual from using every means to find me if they think I might be alive.”

Jack chewed his sandwich. “Did you do it for me?”

“In part, but maybe I’d had enough too.” He shrugged. “Knowing you wanted out nudged me in that direction.”

“You always told me there was no way out.”

“There probably isn’t, but I wanted to give you a chance. I protected you as best I could. If they come for anyone, they’ll come for me.”

“You have a gun?”

“Do you need to ask? This place is as well protected as I could make it, but I’m able to defend myself. So…Zeph?”

“Loves me, which is scarier than I’d imagined.”

“Do you love him?”

“If love means it hurts when I consider not having him in my life, when looking at him makes the hairs on my arms stand on end, my heart jump in my chest and the breath catch in my throat? If those moments are love? Then yes, I love him.”

Thomas nodded.

“I love you too,” Jack said quietly. “Not in the same way obviously, but when I thought you were dead…” He let out a shaky exhalation.

Thomas stared at him steadily.

“Are you my birth father?” Jack asked.

When Thomas didn’t say anything, Jack ploughed on. “You took care of me, taught me, clothed and fed me. Made me see the difference between right and wrong, which wasn’t always easy. You stopped me…”

“Going to the dark side?” Thomas lifted one eyebrow.

“If I had a lightsaber, I’d hit you with it, Darth Vader.”

Thomas chuckled.

“You kept me human. You didn’t let me become a monster.”

“But in sending you to school, I put you on a collision course with Zeph.”

“Don’t you dare regret it.”

“No point in regrets.”

“I remember what you told me to forget,” Jack said. “My name, where I come from, where I lived, what that house was like, what they were like and what they did.”

Thomas tensed slightly.

“My mother was an addict. I understand more now than I did then. She might have been pretty and kind once upon a time, but she became too dependent on him to think about anything other than where her next fix was coming from. He should have looked after her and he didn’t. But she liked her life.”

“She was pretty and kind once upon a time.”

And there it was. Jack didn’t blink.

“I worked at the British Embassy in Moscow. She thought she’d caught me in a honey-trap, but I was, in reality, catching her.

Yana was the daughter of someone very important in the Russian government.

She was beautiful. Smart and cheeky. A bit of a rebel.

I fell a little in love with her, as much as I’m capable.

Though not in love enough. I used her. She found out who I was and threatened me, told me she was pregnant with my child. ”

Jack’s heart was pounding.

“I thought it was a lie. First, that there was a child. Second, that it was mine. I was sent back to the UK and I resigned. Changed my career. Then, years later, a contract came up in St Petersburg and I thought I’d…

Well, I’m not entirely sure what I planned but I saw you being beaten with a stick while she watched in a drug-fuelled daze and did nothing.

Unacceptable whether you were my child or not. ”

“Were they dead before you set fire to the house?”

Thomas nodded.

“Did you do a DNA test?”

“Back in the UK.”

“And?”

“Are you sure you want to be told, knowing what I’ve done?”

“Would you want to be my father, knowing what I’ve done?” Jack huffed. “You don’t need to tell me the result. You’ve been all the father I could have ever wanted. Nothing changes that.”

“I… I could have been better. I should have been better.”

It wasn’t often that Jack saw Thomas emotional.

“I didn’t look at the DNA results,” Thomas said.

“It didn’t matter. You were my son. The longer you were with me, knowing what I’d put you through, I thought it would be worse if I knew you were mine.

But after you almost died in France, I looked.

If you’d needed a kidney, part of my liver, my heart… ”

Jack stared at him.

“You are mine,” Thomas whispered. “My boy. The only thing I’ve ever felt truly proud of. At the same time, I was ashamed of not rescuing you sooner, ashamed of what I made you into, ashamed of putting you in danger. I thought I was keeping you safe in the only way I knew. I’m sorry.”

Jack nodded. He felt too choked up to speak.

“You need to stay under the radar. I don’t need to tell you that. Does Zeph understand what being with you will mean?”

“A little. I thought if we went abroad for a year, see if anything stirred in that time…”

“Zeph’s brilliance might save you.”

“But that means sharing more of my past.”

“If it keeps you safe, then do it.”

Zeph was sleeping when Jack crept back into the flat. He wanted to wake him and tell him everything, but instead, he stripped, slid into bed next to him and watched him sleep. He was beautiful.

Jack hadn’t believed in fate. He’d thought you made your own luck, but maybe he’d been wrong. He regretted lost time with Zeph. Regretted not being there for him when his life had been turned upside down, by his family, by cancer. From now on, Jack would always be there for him.

When Zeph began to stir, Jack’s heart beat faster. “Finally.”

“What?” Zeph widened his eyes, then smiled. “You came back.”

It hurt that Zeph had still wondered if he would. Jack never wanted him to think that again.

“Did you find Thomas?”

“Yes.”

“Is he safe? No, pretend I didn’t ask that.”

“He’s fine. He can take care of himself.” And I want to take care of you. “What do you think about New Zealand.”

Zeph laughed. “Where did that question come from?”

“I’ve been thinking. We’d make a slow journey there. You can help me keep track of my old world and make sure it stays well away from our new one.”

“I can do that.” Zeph’s beam looked about to split his face. “What is there to do in New Zealand?”

“Everything or nothing. You can sit and look at the fantastic scenery while I climb, ski, cycle, run, paraglide, surf… Or I’ll dare you to do those things with me.”

“And you promise not to laugh if I’m crap at them?”

“I promise.”

Zeph looked as if he was going to cry. “I love you.”

Jack took hold of his hand. This wasn’t the perfect moment to return those word. He could wait. But there was one thing he could say that would mean a lot to Zeph.

“The name I was given at birth is Gennadiy Volkov.”

“Russian?”

“You guessed I wasn’t British.”

“But the guess wasn’t based on much. Wow, Russian. Do you want to be Jack or Gennadiy?”

“Jack. I’m half-Russian as it turns out.”

“Ah. Thomas is your father?”

“You are so quick!”

“Not always a good thing.”

Zeph mock-glared.

“Want to try and prove me wrong?” Jack asked.

“Let me just go to the bathroom for a minute.” Zeph threw off the covers.

Jack pulled them back. “No cheating.” He slid down the bed and took Zeph in his mouth.

“Don’t you dare time me,” Zeph gasped.

Because they were going travelling for a year, Zeph wanted to say goodbye to Martin and Paulo before they went, and he wanted Jack to go with him.

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Jack asked, not for the first time though using different words, as they drove to Martin and Paulo’s house.

“I can’t just disappear without saying anything, can I?” Zeph winced. “Well, I could but I won’t. It will be fine.”

It wouldn’t be fine and Jack would accept the criticism about disappearing without saying anything.

Zeph hadn’t yet told his uncle he’d quit his job, so that announcement, along with telling them he was going travelling with a guy who’d walked out of his life far too many times wasn’t likely to go down well.

Jack had never met Martin and Paulo though he’d seen the pair when he’d been to the hospital to check on Zeph, and also spotted them on the day of Zeph’s graduation.

He was fairly sure they’d try to persuade Zeph back into his job, let alone out of embarking on something so reckless as a round the world trip with a guy who couldn’t be trusted not to leave him in the middle of the fucking Gobi Desert.

“One thing I wanted to remind you of before we get there is…” Zeph stopped talking.

“What?”

“I shouldn’t have to say anything and I don’t think you’d dream of making a comment, but I want you to like them as much as I do and…”

“What?” Jack repeated.

“Remember Martin is trans.”

“I remember. He’s your uncle and he loves you. I don’t care if he’s a rhinoceros.”

“Did you know rhino mothers are some of the best in the animal kingdom? They’re fiercely protective.”

“And this is why I’m worried about meeting him and Paulo.”

“You’ll be fine.”

Martin opened the front door as they approached and he and his partner wrapped their arms around Zeph.

“This is Jack.” Zeph caught his arm and pulled him forward. “If he hadn’t had to leave Middleton when he was sixteen, I wouldn’t have come to live with you, so be nice. Please.”

Jack mentally winced as he held out his hand, only to find himself pulled into their embrace. Briefly.

“Finally, we get to meet you.” Martin’s gaze wasn’t entirely friendly and somehow Jack was okay with that.

Once they were sitting in the living room/kitchen, and coffee and biscuits had been offered, Zeph took hold of Jack’s hand and said, “I have something to tell you.”

Paulo grasped Martin’s hand and they glanced at each other.

I’ve quit my job,” Zeph said.

Both men sagged but Jack registered it was with relief. Had Zeph?

“Good,” Martin said.

“I thought you’d be pleased,” Zeph said. “Jack and I are going travelling for a year.”

No one said good this time. Jack almost did and then changed his mind.

“And are you going to leave Zeph in some foreign country and expect him to make his way home?” Martin asked. “Because—”

“No, he’s not,” Zeph interrupted. “Things are different for Jack now. He—”

“I’ll never leave him again,” Jack said. “Ever.”

There was silence for a moment or two, then Martin nodded. “If Zeph trusts you, then we do too.”

Zeph squeezed Jack’s fingers.

Later, Martin cornered Jack in the garden, and he thought he could guess what was coming.

“Don’t betray our trust in you,” Martin said quietly. “You hurt our boy. Not just once or twice. You kept hurting him. He shouldn’t have given you another chance but now he has, I need you to look after him, to keep him safe.”

Jack nodded. “You seemed relieved when he told you he’d quit his job.”

“I thought he was going to tell me you were getting married. Before we can be happy with that, we need to see that you deserve him. But we were worried about his safety working for GCHQ. He’s so smart but people take advantage of him.

We didn’t want him to end up as a body in a bag.

It’s a dangerous world and we don’t want him hurt. By anyone.”

“Nor do I.”

Jack would kill anyone who tried to hurt Zeph, but he wisely kept that to himself.