Page 15

“I don’t think he’ll ever accept who I am.

But when I was younger, our parents were scared.

Dan was scared. It’s never going to be easy to be trans but it is easier than it was.

A little. Plus, HIV hasn’t gone away though there’s so much more that can be done these days. Your dad is frightened for you.”

Zeph wished that was all it was, but it wasn’t.

“We’ll stay in touch,” Martin said. “If you want help, just ask. Okay? I better go. I don’t want your stepsisters to report back to Dan and get you into trouble. I wanted you to know that you are loved. If you need it, you have a home with us.”

“Thank you.” Zeph hugged him, taking strength from Martin’s hold.

That warmth in his chest lasted right until he headed into school and saw Rufus and Scott sniggering.

“Like old guys, princess?” Rufus came up alongside him.

“He’s my uncle.”

They both burst out laughing. Zeph didn’t care whether they believed him or not. He just hoped they didn’t say anything to Alice.

It was a double period of games first thing.

Not usually mandatory in the sixth form, but it was at their school.

Ten of their year, including Alice, who’d opted for cross country running because she was an idiot, were given instructions on which route to take by the teacher.

At least Rufus and Scott were nowhere in sight.

There was more choice of what you could do for the last two years at school and the pair had chosen basketball.

Alice had never been interested in cross country.

Zeph couldn’t remember her ever doing it before.

She looked pale and drawn. He doubted she could run more than a hundred metres.

The only reason she was there was because Jack was running.

“Everyone needs to keep an eye on the person in front of you,” said Mr Burton. “If you have problems, call out. Zeph will no doubt be at the front. He knows the route. I don’t want to be sending out search and rescue. Ready? Off you go.”

Jack and Zeph were soon well ahead of the rest. Once they’d left school property, it was a short run over the railway bridge and onto the footpath that ran across a field.

“Everything okay at home?” Jack asked.

“Not really. I got into trouble for not letting Alice partner you in computer studies.”

“But you were sitting next to me!”

“I know. I get the feeling my dad is going to use anything to attack me. She’s only doing cross country to be near you. If she knew where you lived, she’d probably find a way to throw herself in front of Thomas’s car.”

Jack groaned. “I don’t know what more I can do. Is it worth speaking to a teacher?”

“I think it’d make things worse—for me, probably. Having said that, maybe talking to Mr Parsons, who’s in charge of pastoral care for the sixth form, might be a good idea because if anything bad happened, at least you’d have made your position clear beforehand.”

“What sort of bad?”

“Apart from my scenario with Thomas’s car?

If she was trying to punish you for not liking her, then maybe hitting herself and claiming you’d done it.

I think you ought to avoid being alone with her.

She had to have psychiatric help a year or so ago because of an eating disorder.

She’s supposed to be over it but I don’t think she is.

She didn’t eat last night. She’s really sensitive about her weight.

It doesn’t help that Georgia seems to be able to eat anything and look great. ”

They climbed over a stile into the next field.

“I’ve got you a phone. It’s in my locker. I’ll give it to you before we leave school.”

“Wow. Thank you. I’m staying to do my homework after school so you could come to the study area. Umm…you do realise you’re the only one I’ll call on the phone.”

“You can phone your uncle. I heard Alice say he was at school first thing.”

Zeph forgot to look where he was going and almost fell headlong. “Shit. I’m going to be in trouble. My dad will be furious.”

“He came to see you, though. You didn’t go and see him.”

“That won’t make any difference. Maybe you better keep the phone until tomorrow.”

“I think you should have it today. If you’re in trouble, I want you to call me.”

That was kind but what could Jack do, especially if he didn’t want Thomas to know about them?

“The password is Trouble with a capital T, but set your own.”

“I am trouble. You’re right.”

“Nothing I can’t handle.”

Zeph shot him a glance. “You think?”

“I know.”

Zeph wasn’t sure whether to gulp or laugh. “We need to turn round when we reach that sycamore tree. The route’s not circular.”

“Okay.”

“Want to run again at the weekend?”

“I can’t this weekend. Sorry. Got something on.”

“Right. Race back to the road?”

“What does the winner get?”

“Whatever he wants.”

Jack looked at Zeph’s mouth and Zeph felt his face flush.

As Zeph had expected, Jack was soon ahead. Zeph nodded to the others as he passed them. There was no sign of Alice, which was worrying.

When he saw Jack had come to a halt in the next field, he guessed why. As he drew near, he spotted Alice sitting on the ground. She was crying.

“What’s happened?” Zeph asked.

“She’s twisted her ankle.”

Zeph crouched at her side. “Sure it’s only twisted and not broken?”

Alice glared at him. “Yes.”

“We could make a chair with our arms and carry you back?” Zeph suggested.

“No,” Alice snapped.

Zeph guessed she wanted Jack to pick her up.

“We can’t leave you here and you don’t need an ambulance,” Zeph said. “Let us help you.”

She finally agreed and they carried her back to school between them.

She’d tried to only have her arm around Jack’s neck but when Jack told her to hold onto Zeph too, she did.

Zeph doubted there was anything wrong with her ankle, but someone else could tell her that.

Once she’d been handed over to a teacher, Jack and Zeph went to get changed.

“Does anyone shower?” Jack asked.

“Not usually. We just wash if we’ve got mud on us.”

“Which we have.”

No way was Zeph going anywhere near a shower with Jack. He was getting hard at the thought of it. He used his PE shirt to clean his legs at one of the sinks and Jack did the same. The changing room door opened and a group of boys came in, among them Rufus and Scott.

“Been rolling in mud together?” Rufus asked.

Please ignore him!

Jack finished drying his legs and turned to face him. “With Alice.”

Zeph thought that was a weird thing to say until he caught sight of Rufus’s face. He looked…stricken. Oh.

“What?” Rufus croaked.

Jack shrugged. “We carried her back. She hurt her ankle.”

“Badly?”

“I don’t think so. She’s in the med room.”

Zeph sidled to his clothes and quickly got changed.

At the end of the day, Zeph went off to do his homework in the study area and Jack joined him. When he handed over the phone, Zeph’s eyes widened.

“This is an iPhone. Are you sure?”

“It’s not new. There’s credit on it and I brought a charger too, just in case.”

“Thank you.”

“What homework are you going to do first?”

“Maths. Why? Are you staying?”

Jack nodded, and took out his books.

“What was all that about Rufus and Alice?” Zeph whispered.

“Something I noticed. Rufus likes her.”

“Now we need her to like Rufus.”

Zeph thought about the gorgeous guy sitting next to him, and then thought about Rufus with his bad haircut and horrible attitude. She wasn’t going to change her allegiance.

He ended up explaining some of the maths to Jack.

It felt good that he could do something Jack couldn’t.

Though when Jack leaned over to look at Zeph’s book, and his hand slid onto Zeph’s knee, he wondered if not getting the maths was an excuse to sit closer to him.

He could feel Jack breathing on his cheek and Zeph’s own breathing faltered.

“Bathroom,” Jack whispered in his ear.

Zeph stood up so fast, he scraped the chair on the floor and everyone turned to look at him. He heard Jack give a quiet laugh.

He was hardly aware of making his way to the toilets. One moment he’d been at a desk, the next at a sink. No one was in there. Zeph tried to take a deep breath and it got stuck somewhere on the way to his lungs.

Jack came in and mouthed, Alone?

Zeph nodded. Jack pushed open the door of the end stall, went inside and Zeph followed.

We can’t do anything. If we get caught, we’ll be in so much trouble. He should say that instead of thinking it.

“Stop panicking,” Jack whispered. “I just want to kiss you.”

Zeph saw the look of fierce determination on his face, and he was lost. It was as if there was a deep chasm in front of him and he had to jump across because going back was not an option.

Jack would catch him . Jump! But Zeph didn’t move.

It was Jack who put one hand on Zeph’s shoulder, the other around his tie and pushed him back against the door.

Jack leaned in and whispered, “I couldn’t concentrate on maths because all I could think about was kissing you.”

Zeph was too frightened of being overheard to risk speaking.

Could hearts break if they beat too fast?

Please don’t let that happen. As Jack left a trail of hot kisses up Zeph’s neck, Zeph clenched his fists, struggling not to make a sound.

Then Jack’s lips were against his and Zeph’s heart beat even faster.

The kiss was everything it had been before, and more.

Oh God. Zeph felt overwhelmed with excitement.

The only thing that reassured him was that he could sense Jack felt the same.

He slipped his hands around Jack’s back and pulled him close so they stood plastered together.

Jack held onto Zeph’s tie and angled his head to kiss him more deeply.

Don’t make a sound. Don’t. It was so difficult to keep quiet.

Zeph wanted the kiss to go on and on. He had no idea whether they’d been in there for seconds or minutes.

But the longer the kiss continued the more excited Zeph became and the more worried.

If someone hadn’t come into the toilets and farted, he might have come in his trousers. Now, he wanted to laugh, but Jack pressed his hand over his mouth. Zeph nodded. He breathed heavily into Jack’s palm, tempted to lick it but wasn’t quite brave enough.

The moment was over. Breathing steady, hearts calm but nothing would be the same. They stood motionless, staring into each other’s eyes.

The door to the toilets closed again and Jack let him go. “You leave first,” he whispered in Zeph’s ear.

All the way back to his desk, with his blazer buttoned up to hide the state he was in, Zeph felt certain everyone knew what they’d been doing. No one paid him any attention. Jack returned with chocolate bars from the vending machine and tossed one to him. Zeph fumbled and dropped it.

After he’d picked it up and seen the way Jack was eating his, Zeph’s mind went on an entirely unsuitable journey for the school library.