Page 23

Jack walked away from Zeph’s house until he was no longer hard, then he started to run.

It would have been quicker and easier to use the main road but at this time of night, he didn’t want to get picked up by the police or some well-meaning driver.

Or a driver who wasn’t well-meaning. Not that Jack would accept a lift.

More importantly, he didn’t want to get knocked down because he was wearing dark clothing, so he stuck mostly to smaller roads and fields.

He’d had to come and see Zeph. Even though he couldn’t tell him anything, he felt better.

A hard weekend was as far as he’d go, but if he had told him, what would Zeph have thought of him?

Would he have still let him kiss him, hold him?

He wanted to believe Zeph would have understood that sometimes bad things had to be done to stop even worse things happening.

Jack had left him tonight before things went too far.

Maybe they already had. All he was thinking about now was seeing Zeph again tomorrow.

His smile. The way his glasses slipped on his nose.

That fading bruise on his cheek had turned on Jack’s protective instincts. How dare his fucking father hit him?

He was almost back at the house and slowed as he approached the door.

Creeping without making a sound was a skill he’d been taught early on.

He’d made sure he knew every creak of this house within hours of moving in.

What he hadn’t expected was to find Thomas in his bedroom, sitting in the dark.

He should have. The desk light clicked on.

“Do I need to ask where you’ve been?” Thomas said.

Jack could have lied. He had good reason to clear his head with a run. But not in the middle of the night. And Thomas would know he was lying. He was not supposed to lie to Thomas and he really tried not to.

“I went to see Zeph.”

“Why?”

“I just wanted to see him. He’d sent a lot of messages. He was worried about me.”

“And you couldn’t have messaged him? Or waited until morning?”

“I just… I just wanted to talk to someone who was…normal.” Shit. “I don’t mean you’re not normal.”

“But I’m not and neither are you. I hope you told him nothing.”

“I’m not stupid.”

Thomas sighed as if, tonight, Jack had been stupid. “He’ll break you.”

No, he won’t.

“Where are you going with this?”

He knew the answer Thomas wanted to hear, and it was the answer Jack had to both give and accept. “Nowhere.”

Thomas pushed to his feet. “Remember that. Don’t get more involved than you already are. For his sake as much as yours.”

“We’re going for another run tomorrow. Will you take me?”

“Don’t run.”

Shit. Jack went to bed wondering where he was going with this.

He knew the rules. Getting involved with anyone was unwise.

But Thomas had set this in motion by insisting he went to school.

What was the point if he didn’t make friends?

Thomas might not have guessed what sort of friend Zeph was, but knowing him, he probably had.

Jack sent a message to Zeph telling him he couldn’t run, then clenched his teeth.

He was quite capable of getting to Wisby under his own steam but he would obey Thomas.

He looked around his bedroom, at the plain, bare walls and compared it to Zeph’s room.

Before Zeph had woken, he’d taken everything in.

The shelf of paperbacks—sci fi books, thrillers, classics and poetry.

The keyboard. The collection of weird and wonderful stones on the windowsill.

He’d had to be careful not to dislodge any.

He’d wondered what they were doing there until he’d seen the beauty in them.

A smooth-edged elongated piece of chalk with holes that made it look like a ghost. A piece of tile worn by the sea into the shape of the UK, sea glass…

A tower of Lego stood at the back of Zeph’s desk, an elaborate stack of world upon world.

A sea at the base complete with fish and a shipwreck, a house and garden above, a tech world, then a forest and waterfall, a city street, the sky with stars and spaceships, finally an alien world above that.

It was ingenious and he wondered when Zeph had made it.

Jack had never been bought Lego. Never had the chance to play with it.

Toys hadn’t been part of his childhood before or after Thomas had taken him from the burning house.

Though Thomas had purchased board games, logic games, science kits and they’d played with those.

In those early years with Thomas, Jack had made his own little kingdom in the garden and the trees that abutted the house.

Lines of sticks were troops of soldiers who protected beetles.

He’d made gardens with wildflowers for tiny fantasy creatures to live in, and a dragon king from a strangely shaped piece of wood.

He replayed the stories Thomas read him, fairy tales at first, then stories about Greeks and Romans, Achilles and Hannibal.

It had been a good childhood but not like that of any other child. The stories he read told him that.

Then childhood had gone and he was an adult before his time, a mini version of Thomas. And that was okay. It really was. But Thomas had been the one to send him to school. He’d put temptation in his way.

Now Zeph was in his life. When they’d held each other and kissed tonight, Jack’s desperation had alarmed him.

He wanted more. He’d been as shocked as he had in the bathroom at school at the surge of hormones, the flood of lust, need…

He’d not wanted to stop. How could Zeph have this effect on him?

Was this part of Thomas’s plan too? Letting him understand desire? How to resist?

He fell asleep unsure whether he felt confused or happy, maybe both, and wondering if it was safe to feel anything.

Jack was at school at the usual time on Monday, before Zeph was due to arrive, just in case Rufus and Scott tried anything. But when the bus pulled up, Zeph’s stepsisters were first off and when Alice spotted Jack, she hurried over. No limp. A quick recovery.

“Hi, Jack. Oh…” She giggled. “That sounds like hijack. Has anyone ever said that to you? Hi, Jack. It’s a hijack.” Another giggle.

Oh God.

“How come you weren’t at school on Friday?”

“I was ill.”

“Oh no. Are you better now?”

“I’m fine, thanks.”

With no chance of talking privately to Zeph, who was already heading for the door, Jack went after him. Alice was holding a one-sided conversation about something she’d seen on the TV. How the hell was he going to stop her doing this? They split up as they walked in.

“See you later!” she chirped.

Not if he could help it. At least computer studies were the only lessons they shared. And PE. She wouldn’t try the same trick twice, would she?

Zeph turned to him as he sat at his desk. “You survived Alice?”

“Barely. Did you run yesterday?”

“All on my own.”

“Sorry.”

“I missed you.”

Jack started to smile, then smothered it.

“I brought you a sandwich again for lunch. Want to meet in the park? I promise not to crush the life out of it this time.”

Jack nodded.

That week, it became a thing they did. It was never private enough to kiss but sitting next to each other, legs touching, and chatting freely was something.

As was doing their homework together after school.

As was kissing in the bathroom, getting close to disaster.

Cross-country gave them time to be together, though when the two of them arrived back after everyone else, Jack wasn’t sure Mr Burton believed Zeph when he’d said they got lost.

Alice didn’t. She was obsessed with him and neither he nor Zeph had any idea what to do about it.

She followed Jack like a puppy desperate for attention, interrupted when he was talking to anyone, not just Zeph, and when he brushed her off, she huddled in a corner or walked around looking pathetic.

Rufus was the only one who approached her when she was in one of those moods, and a couple of times, Jack had seen the pair of them together and hoped…

only for her to return to staring at him.

Jack wanted to continue to sit next to Zeph in computer science but didn’t want Alice on his other side. He spoke to the teacher and asked to be moved. When he explained why, Mrs Hargreaves had instead moved Alice to the front where there was a spare desk. Alice was visibly upset.

The whole week passed with him and Zeph sneaking moments together and Alice sinking deeper into misery.

Why wouldn’t she accept he wasn’t interested?

He’d thought about telling her he was gay, though he wasn’t sure he was.

The only thing he was absolutely certain about was his attraction to Zeph.

And if Zeph wasn’t ready to be gay in this school, then Jack respected that.

The following weekend, Thomas gave way on Jack and Zeph running together and dropped him off on Sunday morning at the bandstand. Zeph was waiting when Jack arrived.

“You’re bouncing,” Jack said. “What are you up to?”

“I have a surprise planned.”

“A good surprise?”

“I think so. I hope you do too.”

They started to run. When Zeph stopped after half a mile, they were next to a yellow beach hut.

“This is the surprise?” Jack looked around.

“Yes.”

Zeph turned the dials on a padlock and Jack’s heart leapt.

Zeph opened the door, stepped inside and beckoned.

Once Jack was in, Zeph shut them inside, pulled the bolt across at the top, then took off his backpack.

The only light came from a small window next to the door, the glass etched to cloudiness by the salt-laden air. Jack removed his backpack too.

“Footwear off, please. I met the lady who owns it when I was collecting litter on the beach.” Zeph stared at him for several long seconds, then took a deep breath before he removed his trainers. Jack copied him.

“I need to take my glasses off because they’re going to steam up.”