Page 19

When Zeph didn’t see Jack waiting outside school on Friday morning, he was surprised, then worried.

Jack was always there before him. He’d started to rely on him being there to shield him from Rufus and Scott.

As Zeph looked around, wondering where he was, Rufus and Scott moved in on him like raptors.

Zeph did what he’d always told himself not to do and headed for Georgia who stood with Toby and a few of his pals.

Except now he had to come up with a reason to speak to her.

He slowed as he approached, hoping she wouldn’t even notice him, hoping he could think of something acceptable to say before she did notice him, because…

“What do you want, fuckwit?” she snapped.

For one brief moment, he thought about asking her for help. A very brief moment.

“Can we talk about Alice?”

“No. Fuck the hell off.”

Toby sniggered and put his arm around her.

Why was it okay that they could do that without anyone reacting?

Two girls hugging each other was equally fine, they were always doing stuff like that.

But if two boys did anything more than give each other playful thumps, or cuffs around the head, the gates of hell would open and every homophobic insult those watching could think of would be hurled in their direction.

He slipped around the group to get closer to the doors. To his relief, he managed to get to the classroom without any trouble but when Jack didn’t appear before registration had been completed, he was puzzled. Was he sick? He’d seemed fine the day before.

Zeph wasn’t able to use his phone until lunchtime and only risked it when there was no chance of either of his stepsisters or any teachers seeing him, but Jack didn’t answer.

He debated whether or not to leave a message and decided it would be okay as long as he didn’t say anything inappropriate, such as I want to kiss you . As if. He took a deep breath.

“Hi, it’s me. Are you sick? I’ve taken extra sheets in maths and physics for you. If you let me know where you live, I’ll bring them over this weekend…if you like. Hope it’s not Ebola or Yellow Fever. Obviously, I won’t be bringing them if it is.”

He groaned as he ended the call. What if it was something serious?

It wouldn’t be either of the diseases he’d mentioned, but Zeph knew horrible things could come out of nowhere and turn your life upside down.

He sometimes wondered if all the stress of him having cancer as a kid had made his mum sick, that in some twisted way, her dying was his fault.

Not a good path to let his mind wander along.

At the end of the lunch break, he put his phone back in his locker.

Jack hadn’t been in touch, but there was nothing Zeph could do.

He doubted the office would give him Jack’s address, so he considered more unorthodox methods.

Thomas should be on the electoral register.

He’d definitely be paying council tax, so Zeph could try to hack into the council’s system and see what he could find.

Though he was reluctant to dabble in stuff he wasn’t supposed to in case he was tagged and it counted against him when he came to look for a job.

Don’t get caught, then.

Well, he’d think about it.

Alice confronted him in computer studies before the teacher arrived. “Where’s Jack?”

“I don’t know.”

“Where does he live?”

“No idea.”

“Yes, you do.”

“Alice, I really don’t.”

“Is he sick?”

“How would I know?”

“Do you have his phone number?”

“No.”

“Liar. I’ll tell Dad.”

“I’m not lying. Look, don’t bother with Jack. He’s not interested.” He hesitated. “Rufus likes you.”

“But I don’t like Rufus. And how do you know he likes me?”

“The way he looks at you when he thinks no one is looking.” Maybe the way I look at Jack.

She rolled her eyes and turned away from him.

Zeph mentally groaned.

Maybe he should try the office anyway on the pretext of taking Jack the homework. He might be able to convince them. Make the homework sound more important than it was. Oh God. I’m as obsessed as Alice.

By the end of the final lesson of the day, Zeph had talked himself back down the mountain.

The air was too thin at the top. He and Jack would never be anything more than school friends.

Neither of them was openly gay. All they’d ever have were snatched kisses.

Zeph didn’t want to only kiss in the toilets.

The further they let things develop, the more they’d worry about being seen, that someone would say something that couldn’t be unsaid.

Plus, Zeph didn’t want to get too involved.

He had his life planned out and he wasn’t going to let himself be derailed.

Jack had a wanderlust and Zeph understood that, was even a little envious, but that wasn’t him.

If Jack had planned to go to university, then things would have been different.

Maybe they could have stayed friends, become more than friends especially if they ended up in the same city.

Jack was clever. He could apply to Cambridge too and they could… Damn.

So much for not wanting to get involved.

Lying to himself was never a good thing.

He might have talked himself down, but he’d quite easily slipped into scampering back up.

What if Jack asked him to go traveling with him for a year?

The answer was yes to a question that wouldn’t be asked.

He could almost taste the disappointment, bitterness souring his mouth.

He retrieved his phone from his locker, slipped it into a pocket on his backpack, and was about to set off down the corridor when he saw Rufus and Scott coming his way. He turned round and headed for the office. He might as well ask for Jack’s address.

As expected, they wouldn’t tell him, but they did say he was off sick.

As he left school, Zeph worried. How sick was he?

Too sick to message him back? Thinking too hard about Jack meant he’d not paid attention to his surroundings.

If he’d seen the bus coming, he could have run and caught it.

But it sailed off down the road and he’d have to wait fifteen minutes for the next.

As he reached the stop, Scott and Rufus stepped into his path.

“No bodyguard today, princess?” Scott asked.

“He’s invisible.” A nervous flutter in the pit of Zeph’s stomach turned to full on fear.

Scott moved behind him and Rufus stood in front. “Since he’s not here, you’re going to give us that twenty pounds.”

“No, I’m not. When you asked last term about sponsoring you, I said no. You had no right to put my name down. I’m not giving you any money.”

“So you do remember.” Rufus stepped on his foot and Zeph hissed in pain. “I had to pay because you didn’t.”

Zeph yanked his foot free. “Not my problem.”

“We’ll go with you to the cashpoint round the corner and you can draw it out,” Scott said. “And another ten quid for the inconvenience.”

“I don’t have a bank account.”

“Liar.”

“I’m not.”

“Then give us your phone.”

“My father took it.”

Zeph found himself elbowed into a hedge as Rufus wrenched off his backpack. Zeph tried to retrieve it but with two of them pushing and shoving him, he ended up on the ground. Scott held up the phone Jack had given him.

“Fucking liar,” Rufus snarled.

“It’s not mine. It’s borrowed.”

“What’s your password?”

“I’m not telling you.”

Scott put his foot on Zeph’s chest. “Yes, you are.”

“Fuck off.” Zeph had no idea where his bravery had come from. “If you don’t give it back, I’m going into school to tell them you’re bullying me again. Two strikes and you’re out.” No one had ever said that. It most likely wasn’t true but Scott removed his foot.

“You wouldn’t dare.” Rufus scowled.

Zeph pushed to his feet, grabbed his backpack, left the phone, and ran. He sprinted to the office and banged on the door.

“Come in!”

The head was in there with one of the secretaries.

“What’s wrong, Zeph?”

Zeph took a deep breath. Did he want to do this?

He’d make matters worse. Rufus and Scott wouldn’t get excluded.

Even if they were suspended for a while, it would all start again when they came back.

They’d just be sneakier. But if he didn’t speak out, it would never end. They had his phone. That would count.

Even as he opened his mouth to speak, there was a knock on the door behind him and Rufus and Scott burst in.

“We found your phone,” Rufus said. “It fell out of your pocket when that boy grabbed you.”

“What boy?” Mr Carter asked.

“Dunno.” Rufus shrugged. “He doesn’t go to this school.”

Zeph took the phone from Rufus’s hand.

“Do you know who grabbed you?” Mr Carter asked.

“No,” Zeph said quietly. A coward again.

“If any of you see him again, let me know. Well done, Scott and Rufus. Have a good weekend, boys.”

Zeph didn’t know whether he’d made the right decision or not.

But if he’d spoken out, he knew his parents would be contacted, they’d find out about the phone and he could guess what would follow.

Maybe Rufus and Scott would be grateful he’d not landed them in trouble.

He zipped the phone into his bag and headed back towards the bus stop with the pair on his heels.

“Try that again and you’re dead,” Scott snarled.

Zeph ignored them. Well, not exactly. He pretended to ignore them, but he felt as if he’d swallowed a large stone. It was only a threat but…

He sat downstairs on the bus while the pair went upstairs. He worried all the way to his stop that they’d get off with him. A lot could happen between the main road and his house, but Zeph was the only one who got off. He called Jack again but he didn’t answer. How sick was he?

Zeph intended to keep out of everyone’s way when he got home, but Elisa was coming down the stairs as he entered the hall. She took one look at him and called out, “Daniel! Come here, please.”

His father emerged from the lounge.

“Look at the state of him!”

“What have you been doing?” his father asked.

“I fell.”

“Those are new trousers. Is that a tear at the knee? And look at the dirt on your blazer!” She gaped at him. “Don’t think you’re going to get new clothes.”

“Did I ask for them?” Zeph muttered.

He expected to get told off for that but maybe they were stunned by the way he’d spoken.

Once he was in his room, he locked the door.

There was a hole in his trousers. A small cut on his knee too.

He put on shorts and a T-shirt and went to the bathroom to clean himself up.

Returning with a damp, soapy flannel, he wiped down both his blazer and trousers.

He had a little sewing kit in his desk drawer and he mended the hole as best he could.

Before he went down for dinner, he tried Jack again. Still no answer. Zeph sort of wished he’d not phoned so often.

When he reached the kitchen, the four of them were dressed ready to go out.

“There’s some pizza you can heat up,” Elisa said. “We’re going ice-skating.”

It hurt not to be asked, even though he’d have said no and not because he didn’t like skating.

“Okay,” Zeph said. “Have fun.”

Was it mean to wish that they all broke a leg? Both legs in some domino effect? Maybe a couple of wrists? Though he knew who’d be waiting on them hand and foot while they recovered.

When the car pulled out of the drive, Zeph exhaled. This was what he had to put up with if he wanted to stay living here and be at school with Jack. A family who didn’t care about him. But maybe a secret boyfriend who did? He wasn’t going to complain.

Zeph had trouble finding the pizza at first until he realised it was a small slice from a few days ago that had been wrapped in foil.

Pepperoni, which he didn’t like and Elisa knew he didn’t.

He turned on the oven, picked off the circles of meat and added more cheese along with two slices of Parma ham that he wasn’t supposed to touch.

He watched TV while he ate. It was an old episode of QI, which stood for Quite Interesting.

Zeph liked strange random facts. He’d always thought they might be useful if he met someone he liked and wasn’t sure what to say.

Then again, telling someone there were six hundred men in the world with two penises might not be the best conversational opener.

What about saying that because of the way their eyes were positioned, pigs can’t see the sky?

Or that IKEA names its sofas after places in Sweden, its beds after places in Norway and carpets after places in Denmark?

He wondered if there was any significance in that.

Zeph groaned. He was useless. No wonder Jack wasn’t answering his phone. He’d come to his senses.

Judging by the laughter when his family got home, he guessed all bones were intact. Zeph was in bed. He’d done his homework, played on the keyboard and written a song based on Jack. It was called Unknown Boy.

I see you but you don’t see me

Maybe that’s how it’s meant to be

My heart’s breaking

But you don’t see

Just how much you mean to me

Zeph groaned as he sang it in his head. Four verses where unknown boy became known boy, but although the lyrics needed work, the music was fine.

Zeph called Jack one last time before he went to sleep and when there was no answer, he left a message asking Jack to let him know he was okay, and saying sorry for bothering him so much.