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Zeph gagged and pulled back. “That was my only chance to get all of you in my mouth. Now it’s too late.”

Jack chuckled.

“I’ll play a different game.”

“Am I going to like it?”

“My mouth, my hand, your dick? What do you think? Shall I get the dice?”

“No.”

Zeph worked Jack’s cock as slowly as he could, pressing and squeezing, bringing him close to coming, before stopping him. He did it time after time, while Jack grew increasingly vocal.

“I’ve had enough of this teasing… Fuck! I mean it. No more.”

“But I haven’t had enough.”

A moment later, they were wrestling on the floor and laughing.

“Present inside my boxers.”

“I’ve already spotted it.” Jack brushed his hand over the bulge.

“Not that.”

As Jack pulled off Zeph’s underwear, the sachet of lube fell out and Jack made a small, desperate noise before stripping.

Zeph pinned him down, used his mouth and tongue all over his body, dropped kisses along every dip and ridge, then slid up to capture Jack’s mouth, swallowing the sounds that burst from his lips.

Jack wrapped his hands around Zeph’s hips and pressed his fingers into the crease of his arse.

When Jack moved him gently onto his back, the look on his face made Zeph’s heart lurch. Jack did care for him. He could see that. But Zeph loved him . And he mustn’t tell him. Jack wouldn’t say it back and Zeph couldn’t stand the bright white pain of not hearing it.

In any case, love would make Jack run.

The words might be bubbling inside Zeph but he wouldn’t let them out.

See it in my face

Feel it in my touch

Know it from my kiss

You are everything to me

Zeph sat up as Jack leaned down. Their lips met and the kiss was instantly oceans deep.

Jack lubed his cock, then prepped Zeph, one finger inside him, two, then three while Zeph hurt his back wriggling on the carpet.

He wished he’d dragged Jack upstairs to bed.

But then Jack pushed Zeph’s legs apart, held on to his hips and pressed into him.

One long slow glide that didn’t stop until he was all the way in, and Zeph forgot everything but the feel of this and the look on Jack’s face.

He pulled out, pushed back again, the angle different and Zeph erupted into a blaze of colour, a sky full of fireworks.

He was chattering, telling Jack he wanted more, harder, saying all sorts of crap and Jack was fucking him into a mindless mess and Zeph couldn’t do anything but lie there and come.

And he came and came as Jack pounded into him.

Zeph had made a mess all over his stomach and chest. Jack panted above him.

He’d stopped moving but he was still buried inside him.

Zeph wanted to sit up and kiss him but he was too exhausted to try.

And he’d done none of the work. Had Jack come?

Fuck! Zeph managed to reach up and pull him down.

Jack pressed his face into Zeph’s neck. A couple more thrusts and Zeph felt him come, wrapped in his body, for a short while a part of him.

Neither of them moved. They lay plastered together, glued by sweat and come.

Zeph slid his hands into Jack’s and felt him squeeze his fingers.

Zeph would never feel like this about anyone else.

He didn’t want anyone else. But things had changed.

He shouldn’t want Jack to love him now because he might not make it through next year.

Perfect as this moment seemed, it was ephemeral.

They’d part again and this time Zeph should be the one to engineer it.

But he’d make the most of every day they had together.

On Monday morning, Zeph was all packed for a journey he wouldn’t be making. Jack was packed for a journey that he would.

“Let me drive you to the station,” Jack said. “It’s started to snow.”

Zeph shook his head. “I want to say goodbye here.”

“We could meet,” Jack said carefully and broke Zeph’s heart all over again.

“I can’t wait. I won’t,” Zeph whispered, knowing full well that was exactly what he’d do. “You made me happy. I’ll always be grateful for that. Stay safe, though, right! Don’t stop swimming.”

He kissed Jack and tried not to put his heart into it, but it was impossible. Zeph kissed him as though he couldn’t bear to let him go and it was true, he couldn’t. He wanted to pull away first, but it was Jack who moved back.

“I put a Christmas present in your bag,” Jack said.

“I put one in yours.”

“Not a Lamborghini then.”

Zeph laughed. “Not this year. Thank you again for the money.”

“Do great things with your life, genius. See you.”

Zeph closed the door before he burst into tears. He pressed his arm against his mouth to muffle his sobs. Then he ran upstairs, threw himself on his bed and howled.

When the tears stopped, he fell into an exhausted sleep.

It was the middle of the afternoon before he woke.

He ought to unpack, but he couldn’t be bothered.

He needed to eat, but he couldn’t be bothered.

He wanted to get drunk, but he wasn’t supposed to be drinking.

He was a rule follower. Coffee, then. Zeph washed his face and padded downstairs.

He pushed open the kitchen door and shrieked.

Jack sat at the table, glaring.

“What the fuck?” Zeph gasped. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“I could ask you the same.”

“I live here.”

“You’re supposed to be spending Christmas with your uncle and his partner.”

“I—”

“Don’t bother lying.”

Zeph sagged. “They’ve gone to Portugal.”

Jack pushed to his feet. “Then why did you tell me you’d be with them?”

“Because you were going to be with Thomas.”

Jack scowled. “You think I’d let you spend Christmas on your own?”

Zeph found it hard to swallow. “How did you know I was still here?”

“Because you told me you wouldn’t wait and I knew you were lying. I sat in my car waiting to see what you’d do. You’re coming with me to Thomas’s. Get your stuff.”

Zeph opened his mouth and closed it again.

“Get. Your. Stuff,” Jack repeated.

“Are you sure? What does Thomas say?”

“That it’s fine. The only thing I’ll need to do is put you in the boot for the last few miles.”

“What?”

“It was a joke but… I think Thomas would be happier if you didn’t know the exact location of the house.”

“You could blindfold me. I could lie down on the backseat. Can we stop so I can buy Thomas a present. And Django. And food? Drink? It’s not fair for me to just turn up, I—”

Jack stopped his mouth with his and Zeph’s worries faded for the moment. He wanted to spend Christmas with Jack. Oh God! He really wanted to spend Christmas with Jack.

“Go up and get your stuff together.”

“I need to be back on the twenty-seventh,” Zeph said. “I have an appointment I can’t miss.”

“What time?”

“Three o’clock.”

“Okay.”

When Zeph returned with his bag, Jack was waiting in the hall. Zeph made sure all the lights were switched off before they left. The snow that had been on the ground earlier had gone, but it was bitterly cold and getting dark.

Zeph’s excitement faded as they set off. He shouldn’t be doing this. He should have made up some lie about Martin asking him to go tomorrow instead. Too late now.