Page 54 of Enough Isn’t Everything (Everything Trilogy #1)

Choked by his request, I was stunned. This was very different from my other experiences with him.

Alfie was normally sated and unconscious when I’d left him.

Tears sprung to my eyes. “I need to pee.” I pulled myself away before he could see me, and quickly headed for his bathroom, blinking back tears.

Sitting on the toilet seat with my head in my hands, I scolded myself. Stupid, Lily. Alfie still wanted to take what he needed without thinking of my feelings.

What had just happened only made me feel worse, and even more in love with him. I had wanted to be with him, not to have sex, but because I needed to feel close to him and because I was leaving. We were together tonight, but for completely different reasons.

Washing between my legs, I prepared to leave and went back to his room. Alfie was lying on one elbow, patting beside him. “I’ve been waiting.” He looked so relaxed and perfect on his bed. I gave him a slow smile, but knew I had to go.

“I just want to go home now, Alfie. I’m tired.” I began putting my clothes on.

“Sleep with me, here. Please.” He gave me a half smile, a pleading look in his eyes. I felt for him, but remained resolute. He seemed to want more and more from me emotionally, but never gave anything I needed in return.

“I can’t. I wasn’t even going to stay this late.”

He scrunched his brows at me. “What’s the hurry?”

I shrugged. “There’s stuff I have to do tomorrow.”

I was leaving for the UK tomorrow. Only Will and the girls knew.

I hadn’t wanted Alfie to know and for him to pull some last minute stunt to confuse me further. I’d had sex with him again, showing my weakness around him. I needed to walk away now. I wanted him to feel the loss of me, bad as that was.

Perhaps he would realize what I meant to him, if anything, or learn to leave me alone.

After persuading him that I really did have to go, I called a cab and sat downstairs.

He didn’t come down to wait with me. I guessed he had fallen asleep.

The cab arrived, and I let myself out quietly, the door clicking softly behind me.

As we reached the junction, a passing car pulled onto his driveway. The blonde girl from campus got out. Her head turned toward my cab, and I was sure she had seen me.

She seemed to let herself into his house. My heart sank, as my tears flowed. I knew I wasn’t his, and he didn’t really care, but seeing her like that was like a punch to my heart.

Crying most of the night, by the time I got up at seven a.m., my throat hurt.

I was exhausted and emotionally numb. Will came to take me to the airport as I was just finishing dressing.

I had pulled on my comfortable ‘flying jeans’ and a blue fitted T-shirt, and carried a blue sweater for the plane.

“Damn, you look rough, Lily. Hard night?” Will blushed, and I gave him a watery smile.

“Can we not talk about it?”

Hugging me, he kissed the top of my head. “All set?” I nodded yes. He’d taken Saffy back to his place, and I was pleased about that, because I didn’t need anything else to think about.

We travelled to the airport in silence. Will had sensed that I was fragile. He turned to me when he parked, a grave look on his face. “You are coming back, aren’t you, Lily?” I shrugged.

“I need to work things out in my head, Will.”

He looked sadly at me and took my hand. “I didn’t want you to be with him, but not because of me, Lily. He fucks with your mind.”

I shrugged and shook my head. “I know nothing about him, Will. He didn’t let me in at all.

I even think he’s seeing someone else. I’ve seen him around campus with a blonde girl…

they look close. Last night, when I was leaving in a cab, she arrived and let herself into his house. ” Will squeezed my hand.

“What a bastard.”

“How about you? Ever get to the bottom of Saffy’s insecurities?” I tried to change the subject.

“Nope, she won’t speak to me about it.”

I bunched my brows again. “I’ve screwed up so badly, Will—with you, Alfie, Saffy, Max—my life has become one huge clusterfuck, and I don’t know what to do.”

Will hugged me.

“Don’t be so hard on yourself, Lily, we all screw up. Come back. I love you. In a non- sexual… wouldn’t dare want to fuck you… friend kind of way.” He chuckled.

I hugged him hard.

“I love you too. I’m so going to miss you.”

I was about to switch off my cell when a text beeped.

SEXPERT: I need to see you. There is something you need to know.

No shit… really?

I turned the screen to Will, who read it and twisted his lips. “Prick.”

Pink Lady: Save me a space.

Switching my cell off, I threw it in my carry-on bag. Whatever Alfie had to say could wait. He had been given plenty of opportunities to talk to me, and I had gone a term without knowing whatever he wanted to say. A few weeks more wouldn’t hurt… well not that much.

I hugged Will and walked away. I was out of here. Away from my fuck ups. Away from the heartache. Away from him.

And I didn’t know if I’d be back.

To be continued in Everything She Needs