Page 41 of Enough Isn’t Everything (Everything Trilogy #1)

Chapter Twenty-Eight

PUTTING IT OUT THERE

Iwas out of breath when I got into Will’s car. “Hey,” I greeted him, gasping a little. Will had obviously had a good night, and grinned when he saw me. “Hi, beautiful, how are you this morning?”

Managing a half smile, I replied, “Okay.” Will was pulling out of the condo parking lot and stole a glance at me after pulling out onto the road.

“Are you sure?”

Looking again at me, his eyes narrowed, before focusing again on the road. “Okay, what’s the deal, because you were fine when I left you last night.” Will knew me well now, I couldn’t fool him. I sighed and inhaled sharply before controlling my voice.

“I had a very interesting conversation with someone I used to be involved with last night, it’s made me… I don’t know, confused, I suppose.”

Will reached over and took my hand. “Max?”

I shook my head. “From home… in London?” he asked again.

I felt bad. I hadn’t been honest with Will. I needed to come clean with him about Alfie. “No Will, about Alfie… there’s more to it than I’ve been letting on.”

Will let go of my hand, and he gripped the steering wheel, his head snapping around to look at me. “Alfie? What do you mean, I don’t understand? He ignores you for the most part.”

I filled Will in about how I met Alfie on campus and about my no-strings sex with him. I stopped short of using the title ‘fuck buddy’.

Sitting quietly, his mouth pursed in a tight line, he looked ahead at the road. Stealing glances at me every now and then, he mulled over what I had told him.

“Are you serious, Lily? This isn’t one of your practical jokes?” I shook my head and had no idea what was running through his mind. Probably that he didn’t know me at all.

“I’m not proud of it, Will.” I would have to accept it if Will didn’t trust me at all now, but I couldn’t go on letting him defend me about Alfie. I’d been fooling him when he was angry with Alfie for ignoring me.

Dark and angry eyes looked back at me. “Did that bastard play you, Lily? Did he force you into having sex with him?”

“No, Will, nothing like that. I was more than willing.”

I saw Will swallow hard at my admission.

“We’ve been over for a while, since Max, but he doesn’t want it to be finished.

The crazy thing is, he doesn’t want any commitment either.

” I was worried about Will’s reaction now.

“I was doing great, but now he’s started coming around more and he’s kind of in my face, playing mind games with me. ”

My eyes filled with tears, and I looked up, blinking fast, as I struggled to keep them from falling. I was so tired of crying. I could tell he was processing what I had said and knew he’d have questions for me.

“So… this conversation last night, it happened in Mandy’s kitchen I take it? Where did that go?” He looked disbelievingly at me. “Did you go home with him?” he asked softly.

“He was waiting for me outside. I didn’t plan it. He said he only wanted to talk and persuaded me into giving him a ride home. I got upset and ended up staying at his house last night.”

Will drove into the car lot on campus and switched his engine off.

He closed his eyes absorbing what I’d told him, and I waited to see how he was going to respond to my deceit.

“So you stayed the night?” he repeated.

I nodded. “I didn’t sleep with him if that’s what you think. He slept on the couch. It was supposed to be a simple relationship, but it’s turned out to be a really complicated one, and we’re not even together.”

“So… What? You want to talk about it with me now?” He seemed to be trying to contain his anger.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I knew him, but I wasn’t proud of what happened. I could really use a friend right now, but I understand you’re hurt that I lied to you.”

Sniffing, I licked a tear that streaked over my lips. “I told you because I don’t want any secrets coming between us and our relationship. If talking about my love life, or the lack of it, does that I’ll keep it to myself.” I swallowed and waited for him to reply.

He chewed his lip, mulling over what I’d said and shrugged. “Why didn’t you tell me?” I held his gaze then lowered my eyes.

“I was ashamed, and although Saffy and Holly know I had a relationship with someone, they never knew who he was. So you are the only person who knows who it is, Will. I really want it to stay that way… and I don’t want him to know you know.”

His eyes went wide. “Really?” I shook my head. He squeezed my hand. “Guys like Alfie take what they want, Lily. You should never have been with him. He would know exactly what it takes to charm you.” I nodded to show Will I knew what he was saying.

“That’s just it, I got that. It took me a little time, but I got there and broke it off… except he still wants me. This morning, I told him that I wouldn’t go there again with him, and now he wants to be friends.” Will moved my hair away from my face.

“Can you do that? Be friends with him? Maybe it would ease the tension for him, and he’d move on.”

I considered what Will said. “I had thought of that before too, so… maybe, I could try.”

“Meanwhile, talk to me about it. I’m here for you, and I’ll be honest with you if that’s what you need. Lily, your secret is safe with me.” I felt relieved that someone could share this with me, and I knew that Will cared what happened to me.

“He… Alfie asked me if we were sleeping together. He thinks that’s part of the reason I’m not with him.” Will looked wide eyed again, his jaw dropping open.

I giggled nervously at his shocked look.

“Hey, I’m not that bad!” I joked but felt self-conscious at telling him this.

“It’s not the first time. Remember your exchange in the car lot on campus?

Then in the kitchen at Mandy’s there were comments too.

This morning he asked if you were better than him. ”

Will’s knuckles were white on the steering wheel as he growled, “Pervert.” I giggled again, seeing the humor in Will’s anger. “Why would he think we were having sex?”

I bunched my brows thinking about that too. “He said we played like we were in love.”

Will raised an eyebrow and glared at me. “What did you tell him?”

I half smiled. “The truth, Will. I told him what we have is better than sex.” I then relayed Alfie’s comments about Will and the sax, although I giggled a lot when I tried to tell him that part.

“Shit, Lily.” He chuckled heartily. His eyes went wide and sparkled with humor.

I giggled embarrassed that I’d said anything.

“How am I ever going to wrap my lips around my sax without thinking about that now?” Scowling, he looked tormented.

Will’s thinking voice once again had failed to stay in his head, and I blushed crimson.

Will drew breath again. “He really thinks we are having sex? You think we give off a vibe or something?”

I shrugged. “What does that matter? We know we’re not.”

“Pity though,” he muttered, chuckling, a mock seductive expression on his face. I swatted him on the arm and smiled warmly, he was funny.

The actual day at college went better than I expected. My midterm theory and performance exam results were great. I got a lift back from college with Neil, who was passing by my condo building.

Will and I didn’t have any further discussions about Alfie, but our earlier conversation about him helped me put some perspective on the whole situation with him. I’d been thinking about how to deal with Alfie all day since and how Alfie thought I should try to be friends with him.

I couldn’t take any more of the horrible treatment I’d been getting from him lately, so I figured the best way to get over him would be to try hard to hang with him, if I could, and hope we got past this.

It would at least allow me some control over my feelings when we were in each other’s company. I hoped by doing this, that maybe he’d move on to someone else when he realized we were not acting on our lust anymore.

Being full of great ideas and impulses, I decided, rightly or wrongly, to put this to the test. I was going to try and get him out of my system once and for all. This was going to take some nerve on my part, but I felt confident that I could handle whatever happened.

I wandered into my bathroom with a plan formulating in my head. I quickly showered and changed into a soft flowing sleeveless blouse and some denim shorts. I grabbed my cell, took a deep breath, and punched out a text. I blew out my breath when I hit the send button.

Pink Lady: Can you really do just friends with me?

SEXPERT: Sure. Want to get a drink?

His reply was almost instantaneous. I hesitated, not sure if I wanted to put alcohol into the mix at this point. I didn’t get the opportunity to reply before Alfie texted again.

SEXPERT: You have the advantage.

Pink Lady: How so?

SEXPERT: It’s your call, I have popcorn and two new blue-rays, want to come to the movies?

Could we really just hang and watch movies together?

Pink Lady: Can you promise no sexual intent, or mind games?

SEXPERT: X my heart, but we can flirt though? Agreed?

Pink Lady: We may need boundaries around that, but I’ll bite… for now. See you in thirty minutes.

By the time I’d driven over there I was nervous. I almost turned and bolted when I saw his house. I knocked, and Alfie opened the door. He was stripped bare except for a small towel. I backed away and the panic I was feeling must have registered on my face.

Alfie held the towel with one hand and put his other one out to stop me. “No, no, sorry, this wasn’t planned Lily, I promise. I was painting when you texted me. I needed to clean up, you just came too quickly,” he blurted out, grinned, and pulled his hand to his mouth with laughter.

“Shit! I just made a ‘Freudian’ slip too.” He choked back a laugh before straightening his face and saying, “Sorry, I’m nervous. I’m not used to the just-being-friends thing yet.” I tried to ignore the towel and took what he said at face value.

Alfie started to go upstairs and called back, “You want to set us up while I get dressed? The movies and popcorn are on the kitchen counter.” I wasn’t sure what I was doing here, but now that I was, I went to pick up the movies.

Safe House. I read the blurb on the back, and the other seemed like another action movie, so I figured this one was as good as the other.

He came back downstairs about five minutes later, shaking his hair, and I realized this was his version of brushing it. He padded barefoot into the kitchen, and I heard the fridge door open, then he rifled through his silverware drawer.

A few seconds later I heard a pop, and some glasses clinking together, before he came back with a bottle of Pinot Noir and two glasses.

“Are you okay with red? I know it’s quirky, but I like it from the fridge. You can leave it at room temperature to warm if you want.” He gestured the bottle at me.

I held my hand up. “I’d better not. I have to drive back.” He looked thoughtful.

“I shouldn’t either then, eh?” I felt bad that I’d crashed his evening, and he was trying hard to be nice, so I relented a little.

“Okay, I’ll have half a glass.” I smiled shyly.

We sat awkwardly, shifting in our seats. I was having a hard time concentrating when he was in the same room. After ten minutes into the movie he pressed pause and turned to face me.

His finger wagged between us. “Is this as awkward for you as it feels for me?” He stared at me seriously, but I wasn’t sure whether it was a trick question.

“How do you mean?” I asked, thinking he was going to talk about us previously meeting to have sex.

“We’re at opposite ends of the room, it feels so unnatural. Can we try something?” I was immediately on my guard.

“That depends,” I replied honestly.

“You cuddle Will and Neil and you’re not having sex with them, right?” I could see where this was heading.

“You want to cuddle me?”

He grinned and nodded. “Would that be okay?”

I furrowed my brows. “I thought you didn’t do the emotional thing?”

Alfie smiled softly. “This is about comfort, not emotions, Lily.” As if it made perfect sense to him.

I sat staring at him for a few minutes. It felt like a bad idea to me. I seemed to be full of them since coming to the US. My mind wandered back to the intimate times we had shared, and the fact that we sat here trying to act like those times had never happened.

We were trying to be friends. How do we forget all the crazy, sensual, insane feelings that we evoked in each other? I had behaved shamelessly with him, completely uninhibited, when we were exploring each other and now we were this?

My heart ached whenever I was around Alfie because not being able to touch him felt like torture considering I had previously explored and pleasured every inch of his body. It saddened me to think he had never felt that same emotional bond I’d had.

That fact devastated me because I felt a failure in that respect. Alfie had been honest with me, but I hadn’t been honest with myself at the time, because I had fallen in love with him. Worst still, I loved him, knowing full well that it was the last thing he wanted to happen.

Alfie cleared his throat, and I realized he was still waiting for my answer. My heart began to race. Could I stand being near him? Would it weaken my resolve? Sensing my conflict, he asked, “Do you want a safe word, Lily?”

I was puzzled, my brows furrowed. “What’s that?” He gave me a sexy half smile.

“Your innocence is so adorable,” he confessed, shaking his head at me. “If there is anything I do that you’re not comfortable with, you can say it, and I’ll know and promise to back off.” This sounded like a good idea.

“Okay, yes I need a safe word.” I nodded. Alfie waited, gazing at my face.

“What?” I asked, confused again.

He smiled. “You pick the word then, or a phrase—something we can remember.”

I couldn’t think of anything at first, and then it came to me. “Emotion,” I said.

“Emotion it is then,” he agreed, his facial expression giving nothing away.