Page 33 of Enough Isn’t Everything (Everything Trilogy #1)

Chapter Twenty-Four

MISCONCEPTIONS

Saffy had made dinner by the time my call was done, and us girls ate it together for the first time in ages. I lay back, rubbing my stomach. I was feeling fit to burst, stuffed full of her fabulous enchiladas. We were listening to her crooning about Will and his sexual prowess.

I began to feel a bit uncomfortable with some of her comments. He felt like a brother, and I wouldn’t want to hear about my brother’s cock and sexual ability in bed. I also had to work with Will daily.

“Honestly, I had no idea that sex was so… so sexy,” Saffy gushed, her face completely serious. Holly and I howled with laughter at her. Holly figured that Saffy was the epitome of a rock star when it came to sex.

Holly’s summation of Saffy was that she was usually ‘a use-‘em-up-and-toss-‘em-aside” kind of a girl, as far as sex was concerned. Holly deduced that Will must have something for Saffy to be harping on about him.

Our evening was fabulously indulgent. We talked about boys all evening, pampered each other, painted our nails, conditioned our hair, and did face masks. We all looked a mess, and the apartment stunk of chemical and organic products.

We had a great time catching up though. By the time I went to bed, I was feeling a lot better. That was until I was lying in the darkness of my room with my thoughts again.

My mind crept back to Alfie as it usually did when I had quiet time, especially in bed at night. Did he ever lie in bed and think about me? If he did, what exactly did he think about?

Tears gradually filled my eyes and silently streaked down the side of my temple soaking my pillow. I was so hurt and it didn’t help when I told myself it was my own fault. My heart had been shattered by a guy whose only interest in me was in my body. I wasn’t crying for Max, I was crying for Alfie.

What made it worse for me was that when he had taken me to his bed, he’d had the knack of making me feel like I was the most special woman in his world.

How was he able to do that and feel nothing?

It was sick, I was sick... lovesick. Alfie had become my first conscious thought in the morning and my last at night.

Learning to deal with the Max and Alfie issues, I put them to one side and concentrated on college life.

I had begun to make friends in some of my other classes, and there were a couple of interesting indie-type performers that kept me entertained with their great lyric writing and cool music arrangements.

Neil and Mandy were doing great as well. They were getting a lot of gigs and invited Will and me to join them a few times. We didn’t get paid. Well, we did–in beer–but we were at least showcasing ourselves. Neil was really encouraging us.

Apart from that, Will and I were getting a little following of our own, which was great.

I used to feel that Mandy was just being kind to me because I was helping Will, but as more and more people asked questions about my music background, I began to believe that maybe she really did see something in me.

Several of my tutors and students commented that they thought I had ‘a recording voice’. Again, the first couple of times I heard this, I didn’t believe it. However, with it being said in a few settings now, I was starting to feel more comfortable about singing. People liked my voice.

There were several venues we played at during that month where I crossed Alfie’s path more than once, but we never spoke. He always seemed to have a glamorous woman hanging off of his arm, and I always felt hurt whenever I saw him.

Several times he stared intensely at me, and I stared back, not wanting to back down and show him any weakness. In those moments, I felt our connection so strongly that the air seemed thicker in the room. A couple of times I thought he was going to come over and speak to me, but he never did.

Once, when I was grabbing some beers from the bar during a break in our set, I turned to see him watching me.

His date was doing something with her phone.

As I turned my head, my eyes instantly fixed on to his.

Alfie smiled a little at me, stroking his thumb over his lips.

My heart raced at his action, and I instantly wanted to be his thumb.

Angry feelings took over, as I struggled with how his blatantly sexy and flirty gestures could cause those brief, intense moments like that. I was frustrated that he didn’t want what I wanted between us, yet couldn’t leave me in peace.

Alfie’s selfish behavior was exactly what I needed to help me move past him, and my rational side began to kick in. I’d seen him with eight different women, not including me, in the time I’d known him. Not that I was counting or anything.

His type… well they were all glamorous, older women. The only exceptions being me and the blonde girl that sat with him that day on campus. No matter how many times I told myself I’d had a lucky escape with him, I still couldn’t shake the damn guy out of my system.

Everything about him screamed that I shouldn’t want anything to do with a guy like him. Deep down, I didn’t want to want him. I just needed to learn how not to want him, and everything would be fine.

Tonight was different from all the other nights that we’d been to the same gigs.

He was alone, drinking his beer slowly. He was listening intently and appeared to be scrutinizing the acts.

This gig was like a mini festival. There was a lot of talent in the room.

As well as Mandy, Neil, Will and I, there were four other bands performing.

Our group of friends were all buzzing after the gig, chatting excitedly about how we did and what we thought of the other acts. Holly did a hilarious impersonation of Mandy singing, which we were laughing about, when Alfie suddenly appeared beside us.

“Hey.” The grin he gave us was just enough to show his cute dimple. My heart skipped a beat. I felt like he’d taken it in his palm and squeezed hard with that one word. I had a dull ache in the center of my chest and could feel my body instantly react to him.

I was shocked, my body going into flight mode, as the adrenaline rushed through my veins and the air seemed to get sucked out of my lungs. Eyes glanced fleetingly at me, expressionless, before he turned his attention and greeted everyone. I was frozen.

The pulse at the base of my neck ticked, as my body reacted at my proximity to him. He was standing so close to me that I could almost feel the electricity arc between us, the air in the space between us felt heavy with awareness, and it threatened to turn me into a jittery mess.

I couldn’t help but inhale his scent, it tantalized me. It was the same familiar bodywash and him–his unique body scent–with traces of tequila and beer. I always loved how he smelled. It was such a turn on, and right then it was overwhelming me.

Alfie then smiled a half smile at me, and I knew I blushed as I struggled with how close he was to me, silently cursing my body for reacting to him like that.

A brief, sexy smirk teased at his lips, as his eyes narrowed at me. Alfie knew the effect he had on me, and I wondered if I had the same effect on his body as he did on mine.

Turning to Will, Alfie put his fist up, both men doing that stupid bump thing with them. Will’s eyes darted to me, almost like he felt guilty for doing it and he looked sheepish. I knew he felt disloyal because of Alfie’s lack of attention toward me.

Smiling, I reassured Will I was okay with it. It wasn’t Will’s fault Alfie behaved shitty, and I didn’t want to be the cause of Will feeling that way. I stepped back, creating a little distance between us and watched as he chatted easily with my friends.

After a few minutes I sneaked another peek at him, I couldn’t fight the urge to look at him. As I watched his face, I felt my heart expand and tear at my loss. Not being able to touch him was almost unbearable.

My mind wandered back to the times where he had cupped my face and pulled me in for a kiss, or when he had pressed into me so that I could feel the pleasure I gave him.

Alfie’s voice drew me back into the present.

“You were fabulous.” He smiled at Mandy.

He leaned forward and kissed her lightly on the cheek.

He praised her voice and performance and invited her to sing with him on a bigger stage when they were supporting artists for some rock band in a few weeks.

Alfie had said that to me once too though. Maybe it was a pick-up line.

Mandy jumped up and down with excitement. She glowed at the prospect of working with him. I know it was irrational, because Mandy and Neil were solid, but I felt consumed with jealousy that he was paying so much attention to her.

I ached for him to turn to me, give me praise, and wrap his arms around me. I diverted my eyes away from them, and my heart fell further at the hole he left in my chest now that we weren’t anything to each other.

When I stole another look at his features, he was still the same handsome man who oozed sex appeal. His looks, personality, and talent were a lethal combination, at least to me. He stood there talking, so unaffected by what had happened between us, and I wanted to feel numb like that.

Not confident I was going to be acknowledged by him at all, other than that little smile, I stood awkwardly. All these weeks we’d passed each other and not exchanged a word since the day I’d seen him in the store with Max.

Humoring myself, I smirked when I had the outrageous thought that maybe I would only be acknowledged in public, when someone else had their arms wrapped around me.

Lost in my daydream, my eyes must have wandered to look down absentmindedly. When I raised them again, I couldn’t hide my secret smile. Alfie noticed this, and his sparkling hazel, green-flecked eyes locked onto mine.