Page 42 of Enough Isn’t Everything (Everything Trilogy #1)

Chapter Twenty-Nine

SAFE

Alfie turned the lamp out at the back of the sofa, complaining it was reflecting off the television, blocking his visual of Ryan Reynolds. The room was dark now, except for the glow from the TV screen.

Throwing my leg over the arm of the chair, I tried to lie down to make myself more comfortable. It wasn’t the biggest chair, and I only managed a few minutes in that position before needing to move again.

Alfie glanced over, and then patted the couch near him. “Come here. It’s more comfortable on the couch. I won’t touch you if you don’t want me to.”

Moving onto the couch, I scooted up in the opposite direction from where he was sitting, tucking my legs under me. He chuckled lightly and glanced back at the movie. “It’s okay, Lily. Really, I won’t touch you inappropriately,” he reassured me, without taking his eyes off the television.

Beginning to relax, I had to admit it was more comfortable. We ate popcorn, and Alfie laughed at me when my legs began running during an action scene. I began climbing up the arm of the couch as the storyline got more exciting and hid my eyes.

At one point, I kicked out with fright, and he caught my bare leg, settling it over his knee. His arm rested on it in a casual way. I left it there because he didn’t stroke it or anything, and I didn’t want to make a big deal of moving it.

The movie ended and I realized how much I’d slouched into the couch. It was too comfortable. Alfie turned to face me. “Are you staying for the other one?”

I was so glad when he asked me this and wasn’t making any assumptions about me being there with him. I didn’t know whether I should though.

“What time is it?” I asked, stretching. I noticed Alfie’s eyes fall to my midriff, and realized my blouse had ridden up, so I quickly pulled it back into place.

Alfie sprang up. “Just going to get some nibbles, I’ll be right back. It’s only just before nine.”

“Can you stay?” I was unsure as to whether I should, and when I hesitated, he added, “Please? I hate watching movies alone. I can’t share the good parts if no one is here.” I could relate to that, so I agreed to stay.

The second movie had a darker, scarier plot to it. I wasn’t that keen on some of it and hid my face in my hands. I buried my head in the back of the couch at one point. Alfie laughed softly at my reactions.

“Come here, let me hold you, it’ll help you relax.” Really? I shook my head. “Why did we bother with the safe word if you’re not going to need it?” He smirked.

Breathing out slowly I moved nervously beside him, my knees tucked up near his leg. His arm enveloped me, his hand resting on my belly.

Feeling nervous, I bit my thumb nail, and he shrugged himself down a bit to make himself more comfortable. He paid no attention to me, until he took my thumb out of my mouth and laced his fingers with mine to stop me from biting it.

After a few minutes, I’d convinced myself that this was as innocent as with Will, and I kind of melded into his side. I was aware of his breathing and heartbeat, both were steady. He was right, it was comforting.

When I woke up, Alfie was stroking my hair.

The television shone a blank blue screen indicating that the movie had ended.

I began to move away, and Alfie held me at his side with his strong arm running the length of me.

“Shush, it’s okay, you fell asleep, no rush,” he whispered.

I lay back, and kind of drifted asleep again.

Hours later, I woke again, still lying on the couch with a soft throw over me. Alfie was nowhere in sight. I crept around, but the house was still and in darkness, except for a light upstairs.

I picked my way upstairs, and when I stood on the second from the top stair, it creaked. I’d heard it before, but only remembered after I stood on it this time. Alfie’s room door was ajar, and he was lying naked, chest down on top of his bed, his head facing the door.

Looking devastatingly handsome lying there, Alfie’s strong, muscular back made him look like something I would have expected to see flicking through a men’s fitness magazine.

Staring longingly at the complex man I had fallen in love with, I wanted to cry. He looked so peaceful and carefree lying there, and I wondered how it was possible that he could look even more stunning as he slept.

Resisting the urge to lie down beside him, I swallowed hard. Alfie had kept his word. I was pleased that I meant enough for him to respect my feelings, even if he had nothing other than sexual feelings of his own around our relationship.

Sneaking out of his house, I slipped behind the wheel of my car. It was after one in the morning. I drove home and don’t really remember getting into bed, I was bone tired.

Feeling a little better about Alfie, that he could be in my life, even if it wasn’t the ‘hearts-and-flowers romantic relationship I wanted, I was more confident about trying to do the ‘friends without the benefits’ thing after that evening.

Trying to be platonic friends wasn’t going to be easy with him though.

Would I be able to suppress my feelings for him? I knew it wasn’t going to be easy, but I really wanted to try.

I’d enjoyed just spending time with him. He was funny and charming, and seemed to enjoy just hanging with me.

The alarm buzzed loudly. The display flashed that it was 6:30a.m. I groaned and rolled over. Stretching out, I remembered my time with Alfie last night and felt happier about the pending day. I willed myself to slide out from under the sheets and get into the shower.

Soap cascaded down my body, and warm rivulets of water ran over my skin. I was meeting Will this morning and knew I had a couple of bridges to build with him over my deception around Alfie.

Driving into the parking lot on campus, I was feeling good about last night, then I saw Alfie talking to Will. They seemed deep in conversation, and I saw him pat Will’s back. Will was nodding, then he seemed to lean in, and I saw Alfie’s expression looked a little tense.

Will saw me, and his smile seemed a little forced. I wondered if they were talking about me. Alfie waved at me, then stopped Will by touching his arm and saying something to him.

Alfie came toward me alone. Will sat back on a bench waiting for me. He hesitated, then leaned in and kissed me lightly on the cheek. It gave me goose bumps, but I tried to ignore them. “Hey. You were so peaceful last night I thought it best to leave you sleeping.”

Smiling warmly and giving me his full attention, he asked, “What time did you leave?”

I shrugged. “Late.” I was smiling but felt a little shy around him today. “I really enjoyed last night.”

Luscious lips curled into a beautiful smile, and my own smile widened, mirroring his. “Yeah, it was really nice. I liked it, thank you.” I echoed his sentiment.

Alfie looked pleased with my answer. “You want to hang with my band tonight? We’re playing in Orlando.”

I hadn’t heard his band play. “Can Will and Saffy come as well?” Alfie’s brows tightened, before his face relaxed. “Yeah, why not, we’re going down in a minivan. It’ll be a late night though.”

We agreed to arrange times later, and I turned to see Will begin to stand and walk toward me. “I’ll catch you later, Alfie. Will’s a little neglected this morning by the looks of things.”

Walking over to Will, I could see he didn’t look good at all. “What’s going on with you?” Will hugged himself then gestured a shrug. I rubbed his shoulder. “That bad, huh?”

Something was badly wrong with Will—he was almost in tears and I hugged him tightly. “I don’t think you’re ready to say what you are thinking, Will.”

He nodded. “Yeah, Lily, you get me, don’t you?”

Guiding us into the canteen, I wandered over to the counter, coming back with two large lattes and some donuts. “Love sickness antidepressants,” I commented, smiling. I was trying to lift his mood. Will couldn’t really raise a smile but appeared to appreciate my efforts.

“Come on, we have a booth booked, but we only have three hours today.” We took our refreshments with us, and I was concerned about how Will’s problem would affect our work.

Saffy was so important to me, but Will had become such a big part of my life since my arrival at college.

“Listen, Will, Saffy is over there.” I put one hand to one side of me and gestured between us with the other hand.

“We’re here. We need to compartmentalize her for the sake of our work.

We’ll deal with what’s going on when you are ready to talk. ”

Will nodded. “Thanks,” he muttered quietly. The session went terribly. I was having difficulty feeling the music with him today.

Will was shrouded in misery and wasn’t connected. Neither of us could anticipate changes in the way we usually could. After two hours I decided enough was enough. “Right, you’re coming with me.” I got our stuff together. “Come on!”

Will dragged himself slowly behind me. He didn’t protest or argue, it was as if he needed to be told what to do. We reached my car. “Get in,” I ordered. Will got in the car, and I drove out of the college. “Don’t you want to know where we’re going?” Will looked at me.

“Seems like you’re the boss of me today,” he muttered, giving me a rueful smile.

“Are you ready to talk now, Will?” He sighed heavily, and when he spoke his voice was shaky.

“I’m struggling,” he said, stating the obvious to me.

“I can see that.” I squeezed his hand, and pulled over, into a beach park. I parked the car and turned to face him. “Get out.”

Will looked over at me. “Here?”

I nodded. “Being on the beach worked for my outpouring, it’s your turn today.” The beautiful white sandy beach was deserted.

We were both in shorts and T-shirts, so we sat on the sand near the shoreline. “Okay, Will, shoot!” Will played with the sand, not looking up.

“It’s so difficult, Lily.”

“Obviously, or you wouldn’t look like shit and not be able to eat a donut.” I smiled, lacing the fingers of his hand in mine.

“If I say it, it changes everything. For me, for us, for Saffy.” I panicked thinking I was somehow involved in his angst.

“Right, firstly, I feel secure enough to be honest with you, Will. No matter what it is, we’ll weather it. I can’t speak for Saffy, but I’ll support you if I can, but it is difficult to know to what extent until I know what it is.”

I held Will’s hand, taking it from the sand and placed it over my heart. He laced and unlaced his fingers through mine absentmindedly, then squeezed them.

“You know the other day when you said that I knew the feeling you had about being hurt? Well, you were right. I was doing well, just beginning to heal with Saffy and your friendship. You are two very special people in my life.” I smiled, touched by his words, and squeezed his fingers back.

“My girl, Leanne, split with me because I chose to come to college. She wanted me to get a regular job and get married. It took me two extra years to save the money to be here. My dad worked too hard to give me everything he had. I wouldn’t take all that he had to do it, so I worked my way here.

” I listened to him talk about his life and realized that outside of college, we hadn’t talked much about life pre-college.

“Then my uncle died and left his house to me. Leanne wanted to move in and get married. She was pressuring me. My dad wanted me to sell it to pay for college. He believes in me and wants me to be happy.”

He shrugged. “I couldn’t sell the house because I couldn’t part with it. My uncle was special to me, and he built that house.” My heart surged with affection for Will. He was a good person, with a strong sense of right and wrong, good values and beliefs, and love for the people he cared about.

I felt he wasn’t getting to the point, digressing from the main issue that was affecting him. “So, Will, tell me what it is that’s hurting you so much.” He swallowed.

“I care about Saffy, Lily.” I waited but he couldn’t go on.

“But?” I prompted. Will’s internal struggle showed on his face, he sighed and blew his breath out.

“Leanne says she’s pregnant.”

I hugged him. I felt so bad for him. “This changes everything, Lily. I can’t stay at college. I need to work to support her and my child.”

I felt angry for him, this was so unfair. I could help him if it came down to money. I was wealthy enough, but I needed to know more.

“No, Will, you are not giving up, not when you’ve come this far.” Will’s expression looked dejected.

“It’s pointless, Lily. She’s going to have to move in with me here, and I’ll need to work. I feel bad you’re going to have difficulty finding someone to collaborate with this late into the year.”

He rubbed his forehead, clearly miserable. My heart broke for him.