Page 51 of Enough Isn’t Everything (Everything Trilogy #1)

Chapter Thirty-Six

BEAUTIFUL GOODBYES

“Lily, I won’t ever tell her we did this if that’s what’s worrying you.” Will tried to reassure me.

It wasn’t that. I just felt ashamed of what we’d done.

“It isn’t that she may find out, it’s the fact that I did that to her.”

Will sighed. “You didn’t do anything. I’m not with her, and I’m not going back on that, Lily.”

Jumping out of bed, I pulled on my jeans.

“Where are you going? It’s two thirty in the morning.” Will’s face looked concerned.

I continued clipping my bra at the back. “Will, this is wrong, this isn’t good for us at all, and Saffy deserves better.” I sighed. “It looks like she was right not to trust us after all.”

Will snorted and turned the nightstand light on. “Are we going to be okay? I’ll speak to her tomorrow.”

I swiveled around on the balls of my feet. “You mean can we still work together? Sure.”

Pointing at the bed, I wagged my finger between us. “This isn’t going to be repeated under any circumstances. I must have been out of my mind to allow this to happen.”

Will looked hurt, but I couldn’t comfort him. What we had done was wrong, and I had to make sure that it didn’t happen again. He meant too much to me. Calling a cab, I agreed to speak to him when I’d had a little more time to absorb what had happened between us.

“You’re taking Saffy to the end-of-year party next week. You’re not dumping her before that,” I spat at him. “You can at least let her have a good time at Christmas.”

He nodded.

Sitting in the cab on the way home, I was so angry at how weak I was, and angry with Will as well. We should have had more restraint. It made me think about my relationship with my closest and oldest friend, Jack, back in the UK.

Elle used to tell Jack and me ‘Get a room, already’ because of our flirty relationship. We’ve been friends since we were four years old and we still remained as tight as ever.

The thought of that kind of thing happening with him would rock our relationship to the core. I had seen Will as someone who would be in my life a long time, but now, I wasn’t sure that we hadn’t blown our special connection. I guessed only time would tell.

Avoiding Saffy before college, I continued in that vein for most of that week.

Will and I argued constantly both in college about music, and also about who was responsible for what had happened between us.

When the party night arrived, Saffy was determined that we get ready for the party at Will’s place, and if I hadn’t gone it would have seemed most strange.

I had no choice but to give in to her, no matter how awkward it would be to have all three of us together where the ‘crime’ had taken place.

Every time she was nice to me, I wanted to burst into tears and tell her what had happened.

I grabbed the tequila shots Will offered. I needed alcohol to numb the guilty feelings that threatened to consume me to such an extent that a confession was tempting. I was a little tipsy by the time we left for the party.

Holly, Brett, Mandy, and Neil came over, and we had prearranged a passenger van with driver to take us so that we could really let our hair down.

It made me feel worse that everyone was in couples, so when a couple of Neil’s friends came to sit with us at our table, I felt much less self-conscious about not having a partner. The way I had behaved I didn’t deserve a relationship anyway.

Neil’s friend, Nick, was a great guy though. We had met a few times previously. He leaned over the table smiling at me. “Has anyone told you how gorgeous you look tonight?”

I blushed, they had but I shook my head. It was nice to know that I was still attractive, even if inside I was an emotionally demolished slut.

Nick tugged on my arm, his voice lost in the loud music. “Dance with me?” His head gestured toward the dance floor. I was about to say no but found myself nodding instead. I really didn’t know what the hell my body was going to do from one minute to the next these days.

The place was buzzing, there was a great atmosphere. Being a music school a lot of us had agreed to do a couple of songs each. There was a resident DJ too, so the mix of live music and popular dance tunes kept the entertainment fresh.

Nick led me onto the dance floor. There were a lot of people here already.

A couple of them looked as if their party had started long before the official one.

He was a fantastic dancer, and I noticed a few other women watching us together.

I tried to relax and made myself a promise there and then to try to enjoy the night and forget about all the complex dramas in my life.

Will came over and shouted above the noise of the bass heavy music.

“We’re next up, Lily, ten minutes.” I nodded and grabbed Nick’s waist, pulling him in close to me.

He looked surprised, but smiled, bending to hear what I was saying.

“I have to get ready. We’re playing when this is done.

” He nodded and walked back to the bar with me.

I changed from my pumps into my stiletto ankle boots, with my short emerald fitted dress. I felt so much more confident in them. Neil commented, “Jesus, Lily, you were sexy before the heels, now you’re gonna have every man in the room’s tongue hanging out.”

Smiling, I blushed at Neil’s comment, but I really didn’t need any references about attracting men, or their tongues right now.

Will chuckled, widening his big gray eyes.

“Yeah, Lily’s legs grow even longer in fuck-me heels.

” He smirked. Saffy scowled, batting his arm and told him not to make rude comments about me, and I felt bad again.

Walking toward the stage, Will leaned in, commenting under his breath, “I can’t help it, they turn me on, legs in heels like that. They, scream for fingers to wander up them.” He grinned and I scowled, not wanting to offer him any encouragement.

“Don’t do that, Will.” After I said it, I realized that things would be different between us now.

We breezed through our number, and Will hugged me afterwards, spinning me around when he saw that Saffy was safely over on the other side of the bar with her back turned.

“Stop flirting!” I commented, annoyed he was still being so tactile.

“Come, dance with me.” He started pulling me toward the dance floor. I looked over at Saffy and Will slung his arm around my shoulder, bending forward. “You know, Lily, we’ve got to move forward. It happened and I’m not sorry,” he reminded me.

I didn’t want to be the person he used to prove a point to my best friend though. It was fortunate that the DJ had put on an upbeat number, and not one that required any tactile behavior or Saffy may have had a coronary, and so might I.

Nick was lining up shots when we joined the others.

We all had three each. I protested saying I’d be too drunk to finish the evening if I swallowed them, but everyone clapped and goaded me until I found myself throwing the first one back.

It burned, and I cringed. My tongue was hanging out once I’d swallowed it, and I spluttered and coughed as some went down my windpipe.

Everyone drank all of theirs very quickly, leaving the focus on me again as I still had two left. “Come on, Lily. Down, Down, Down,” they chanted. I pinched my nose, forgetting about the salt altogether and threw another one back into my throat. It tasted marginally better than the last one.

My third shot was handed to me before I’d had time to recover.

“Just do it.” Will’s eyes glinted at me humorously.

I hesitated, then lifted the tequila to my lips.

My throat was numb by that time because I didn’t really notice anything sting when I drank it.

I felt warm and happy as the alcohol hit my brain and put me into what I classed as ‘fuzzy motion’.

This was right up there with slow motion, only less coordinated. I became very tipsy though. I’d had two shots already and a white wine spritzer. Not to mention the vodka and cranberry when we’d arrived.

My face had a warm glow about it, and I didn’t feel nearly as inhibited as I had at the beginning of the night. Nick grabbed my hand. “Dance time.” He began dragging me to the dance floor again.

The music had changed to sexier beats, or maybe it was the drink making me think so. I wasn’t sure but Nick’s dancing seemed much more suggestive toward me. I felt a tap on my shoulder.

“Hey,” a voice I immediately recognized said. “Wanna dance, Lily?” Alfie’s incredibly sexy smile was right there, at eye level. Turning his attention to Nick, Alfie asked, “Do you mind, dude?”

Nick was about to protest, but I put my hand on his arm. “It's fine.” I smiled sweetly at him, half drunk, and looked back at Alfie who was as sexy looking as ever. “I would love to dance with Alfie.” Nick looked annoyed but headed toward the bar.

The music changed to a slower song, and Alfie tentatively gestured to me for permission to put his hands on my waist. I shrugged, and he slid his arms around my waist. I moved closer to him and put my arms around his neck.

We were slow dancing after all, and I’d had more to drink than I should have had. My breath still hitched when his arms slid around me, and he flashed a sexy smile at me when he noticed.

Sensual hooded eyes ticked over me. Alfie bent forward, his cheek supporting the side of my head as his head leaned against mine.

I’ve missed him. I closed my eyes. He smelled familiar, of fresh bodywash and…

him. I’d forgotten how good he felt and smelled, and the tension I felt with him melted away.

Leaning my forehead on his shoulder, I inhaled and closed my eyes. My stomach fluttered, and I was shaking slightly with our closeness and his touch. My heart raced, and my mouth was dry. I licked my lips a few times, but thought I might be dehydrated from the alcohol.