Page 40 of Enough Isn’t Everything (Everything Trilogy #1)

He tilted his head in the direction of the stairs, his eyes fixed on me when he noticed me standing there.

His lips curled and spread into a wide grin.

As soon as he engaged with me, I hadn’t been able to retrieve the practiced phrases I wanted to use on him, because they went clean out of my head when his eyes connected with mine.

My plan was going to be a quick thank you for allowing me to stay, a request for him to leave me alone, and I was going to be on my way home. I never got to say any of it because he spoke while I was still collecting my thoughts.

“Feeling better?” Nope. I forced a smile.

“Yeah, yesterday kind of sucked,” I croaked and smiled wryly. My body let me down again, when he raked me over with his eyes, by blushing.

I felt awkward and hugged myself before I began to move toward the door. “Okay, well, thanks for the bed, but I need to run. All my stuff is back at my place. Do you need a ride to your car, or can you get someone to help you?”

He raised his brow. “I could come to your place, and you could take me to get my car after college,” he suggested.

I shrugged, but I knew I was going to ask Will to help me out there. Alfie pulled at his bottom lip with his index finger and thumb. “Lily, can I ask you something?” I really didn’t want to get into another argument with him this morning. I nodded but didn’t speak.

“Is it better with Will? Is he a stronger lover?” I felt so hurt. He still thought I was sleeping with Will. I stood still, trying not to show the shock and rage I was feeling at his presumption.

“You both play together like you are lovers, when he’s blowing his sax, I wonder if he’s imagining he’s blowing you, Lily.” He smirked.

I laughed almost hysterically at his comment. “You’re absurd! You do know that, right?”

Alfie poured himself a coffee, but didn’t make light of it, and I realized he really was serious about Will and me. “I’m sorry, my bad. It’s none of my business.”

I sighed tiredly. “Damn right it isn’t. What Will and I have… is much stronger than anything physical.” Alfie looked like he didn’t get that. “Will doesn’t get to screw my body, Alfie. What he does do is he fucks my heart and soul. We have an emotional connection.”

Alfie had a strange look on his face. “I don’t like to think of him with you, Lily.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Jealousy’s an emotion, Alfie.”

“I’m not jealous, but if you’re having sex with him, then that makes my chances less.”

I thought about how black and white everything was to him.

“How can you even say stuff like that and think it’s okay? What Will and I do is none of your business, Alfie. All you need to know is that you and I aren’t sleeping together ever again.”

Alfie pouted his lips as he looked sadly toward me. “Any chance we can fix this, Lily?” He leaned back on the counter, his hips tilting in my direction.

Looking so sexy, standing there in his navy boxers, his toned body stretched and flexed as he rocked slightly, I really wanted to slide my arms around his waist and press my face to his chest.

Instead, I shook my head lamely. “Alfie, all I know is since I’ve met you, apart from the nights we spent together, I have never felt so miserable in my life.

So that’s a resounding no. I used to be upbeat, an eternal optimist. But those nights with you, and then you pretending I don’t exist around other people, changed all that for me.

I’ve never felt so insignificant in my life. ”

Alfie looked hurt. His eyes pierced mine, then searched my face. “I told you the reason for that,” he muttered softly, wandering over to rest a hand on my waist, despite my request for him not to touch me.

“Could you be miserable because we’re not together, Lily?” His voice sounded seductive again and my breath hitched.

I dug deep and found the strength to argue back. “Alfie… we were never together. We just fucked a few times, that’s all.” I took a step backward from him.

He waved a hand up and away from his body.

“Okay, have it your way. Go, but know this, I never meant to hurt you.” Swallowing audibly, his eyes softened.

“I want you. You know I want you. I just can’t love you.

I really, really like you though, Lily. I’d like to spend time with you.

We could have some amazing times together. ”

Exhaling heavily, Alfie looked seriously at me, and I wished I didn’t love him. “Can you at least think about what we talked about today? Will you text me? Promise me you’ll text me… I still want to know how you are. If I can’t have you physically, I’d like to be your friend.”

I gave him a small smile, even though I wasn’t feeling confident about his suggestion, but I was still in his home and wanted to appear amicable. “Sure, I’ll think about it.” Even as I said it, I wasn’t sure I’d ever be in a place where I felt able to be just friends with Alfie.

Turning, I headed for his front door and was on the other side of it walking toward my car before he could respond. The last thing I wanted was Alfie coming after me.

Inserting my key in the ignition, I started the car and drove slowly out of the driveway. In my rearview mirror I saw Alfie standing by the window, his head down, rubbing the back of his neck.

Steering the car in the right direction, I glanced back again at the window.

He looked up with a sad expression on his face.

Alfie placed his palm over his breastbone and began to rub it.

I kind of wished that his action was because his heart ached because I was leaving, but I knew better than that.

Everything I felt about him, made me feel raw, so I tried to block thoughts of him out on the way home. When I got into the safety of my bedroom, I threw myself onto my bed, facedown, and sobbed my heart out again.

My body ached for him. Everything about him was perfect to me, except his lack of commitment. He was bad for me. I fell asleep for about fifteen minutes and woke with my cell buzzing.

Will: B there in fifteen.

Shit. I’d overslept. I practically threw myself in the shower, pulled on some blue cargo pants and a cream T-shirt and was lacing my sandals up when Saffy walked in.

“Will’s waiting for you, honey.” She smiled.

“I didn’t get much sleep. I went to Will’s place, to wait for him getting back from his meeting last night,” she informed me, smiling ruefully.

I felt guilty but covered it up by trying to change the subject and threw a cushion at her. “You are both like rabbits!” I’d been part of Will’s meeting and hoped my feelings of guilt didn’t show. They didn’t appear to as she winked back at me.