Page 8

VIOLET

4 MONTHS LATER

Violet frowned at the computer screen, where her unfinished article for the school newspaper was laid out in incomplete paragraphs. She’d been sitting here for at least twenty minutes and hadn’t changed one word. She stared at the screen, her mind a million miles away. The steady clicking of her pen gave away her agitation.

Someone stuck their head into the empty classroom, capturing Violet’s attention. She sat up, a smile breaking across her face as the boy entered and came toward her.

“What are you doing here?” she asked her boyfriend as he stopped beside her.

“Looking for you.” Tucker leaned down to give her a swift kiss. “Let’s get out of here.”

She didn’t hesitate. She saved her work, shouldered her backpack, and felt her stomach flutter when he wrapped an arm around her waist.

“Jesse has practice, so I knew you’d be around here somewhere,” Tucker said. “It took me a while to find you. Since when do you hide out in Mr. Halstead’s classroom?”

“How’d you know I was hiding?”

He cocked his head as he looked down at her. “I was kidding.”

“I wasn’t,” she said sourly. “Is there something on my face?”

Her boyfriend’s brows arched. “I’m sorry?”

“I swear, people have been staring at me funny all day.”

She blew out a breath as they left the building and headed toward the deserted parking lot. When she began her junior year with Tucker as her boyfriend, it caused a sensation. Tucker was a senior and lead singer of his band with a notorious reputation. Tucker may be known as a bad boy, but around her, he was sweet and attentive. After several weeks, people were finally getting used to seeing them together but today felt like day one all over again. She didn’t understand it.

“I haven’t done anything out of the ordinary, and I’m not wearing anything scandalous,” she said, gesturing to her blouse and shorts.

Yes, the blouse was a little more fitted than what she’d gone for in the past, but compared to her classmates, her clothes were still modest and conservative. She’d been stared at so intently, she excused herself to go to the bathroom to make sure she didn’t have a stain or rip in her clothes. She told herself it was all in her head until she heard her name said three times in her last class. The temptation to confront her classmates was strong, but what could they possibly be gossiping about? Her conscience was clear… for the most part.

As Tucker’s eyes moved slowly and deliberately over her body, she gave him a little push as her cheeks flushed.

“Stop looking at me like that!”

“Like what?”

“Like…” She flapped her hands, unable to bring herself to say it out loud. “You know!”

“Like you’re gorgeous? Like I want to strip you naked?”

“ Tucker! You can’t say that!”

“Why? It’s true. You have nothing to be self-conscious about. They’re just jealous because you’re a knockout.”

Her heart leapt when he patted her butt. She glanced around self-consciously, but there was no one around to witness Tucker’s inappropriate PDA. Tucker felt like her first “real” boyfriend. Tobias and the others she briefly dated had been more friend than boyfriend, but Tucker made it clear from the start that he wanted much more. He kissed her on their first date and wasn’t embarrassed to touch her in public. It was exciting and thrilling. She allowed him to go further than anyone else, though she hadn’t gone all the way. The fact that she considered allowing him to be her first was shocking when she’d vowed to save herself for marriage. But with her sexual frustration mounting, Tucker was a much-needed, healthy outlet she could indulge in without feeling guilty.

Tucker led her toward his Bronco parked in the back corner of the mostly empty lot and opened the passenger door for her. When she made no move to get in, his eyes narrowed.

“You know what my dad said.”

Tucker made a terrible first impression when he sped through their neighborhood after picking her up. Dad hadn’t ordered her to break up with him, but she wasn’t allowed to get in a car with Tucker. If they wanted to meet up, someone had to pick her up or drop her off.

Tucker rolled his eyes. “I swear, I won’t speed again.”

“If my dad finds out I got in a car with you, I’ll be grounded for life.”

“He won’t find out.”

“Jesse will tell him.”

Tucker glanced at his watch. “He won’t finish practice for another hour. I can bring you back before he’s finished. He won’t even know you left campus. You can say you were in the library the whole time.”

Her insides twisted. This was just the sort of thing Dad had lectured her about—her boyfriend encouraging her to lie and break the rules. All the males in her life unanimously disliked Tucker. Her father, Jesse, and her guy friends had protested the moment they started dating, but they didn’t see what she did.

Tucker’s band played a set at a concert she and her friends attended this summer. They hung out after, and the rest was history. Tucker was so different from everyone she knew. He had big dreams of becoming a rock star. She loved listening to him talk about music and his plans to travel the globe. Being around someone who had such large aspirations made her reexamine her own future. He was free, liberated. Not bound by the constraints of religion or the weight of family expectations. Being near him made her feel like she could be a different person… But she wasn’t willing to break all the rules just yet.

“I’m sorry, but I don’t want to lie to Jesse or my dad,” she said.

Tucker didn’t do a good job of hiding his irritation.

“You’re lucky you’re hot,” he growled and tugged her toward him and boxed her in the open doorway of his car. “You’re driving me crazy.”

“I don’t,” she began, but was cut off when his mouth covered hers.

He kissed her deeply. She was dimly aware of her backpack falling to the ground as he pressed himself against her, so she couldn’t fail to feel his erection. She gripped his shirt as the space between her legs pulsed.

“Don’t you want me?” Tucker panted as he brushed kisses over her cheek and gripped her ass.

“Of course I do,” she whispered and tipped her head back to give him better access. God, she needed to be touched like this. She was starving, burning up. There were so many desires trapped inside her. So much she wanted to set free, so much she wanted to experience.

Guilt cut through her carnal desires. Good Christian girls didn’t let their boyfriends put their tongues in their mouth or let them touch their butt. A good Christian girl would stop this and walk away. She stayed where she was. She hadn’t been a good Christian girl for a while now. On the surface, not much had changed. She attended church, had the same friends, and continued to be a dedicated student. But no one knew the dark secret she shared with her stepbrother.

Jesse’s visits continued. He hadn’t been put off by her dating, as she’d hoped. They presented a wholesome image to the world while he crept into her room at night, and she pretended to be asleep. She hated that no matter who she dated, Jesse was still in the forefront of her mind. But she finally had a boyfriend who didn’t treat her like a princess or a good girl. Tucker treated her like a woman, giving her the opportunity to act on her pent-up desires.

“You feel so good,” Tucker rasped as he gripped her breast.

She arched into his touch.

“God, you’re so hot for me. Let’s get out of here.”

“I can’t,” she said breathlessly and glanced around, reason asserting itself now that he wasn’t kissing her. “We can’t do this. Somebody might see! I have to…”

In a sudden move that took her by surprise, he picked her up and carried her to the back of his Bronco and pinned her against the cool metal.

“Now, no one can see us,” he said huskily.

She stared at the surrounding trees, which gave them a false sense of privacy, before she looked back at Tucker, who was staring at her with a determination that made her tense. “Tucker, I can’t…”

“You’re not ready to give me your cherry yet,” he said impatiently. “But I can give you a preview of what you’re missing.”

She braced her hands on his shoulders. “What are you talking about?”

“Let me show you,” he cooed as he undid the button of her shorts.

She grasped his wrist, eyes wide. “What are you doing?”

“Making you feel good,” he said against her lips. “Come on, give me this at least. Let me touch you.”

“Y-you want to touch me there ?” she whispered, scandalized.

He stared at her for a moment before he shook his head. “You’re such an innocent. It’s a miracle no one’s got to you before now. I guess I have Jesse to thank for that.”

He tested her grip on him before he pulled down her zipper. This was dangerous. She knew that, but she couldn’t find the will to stop him as he lifted her shirt to examine her underwear.

“Of course you’re wearing pink,” he said with masculine approval. “So pretty and perfect.”

“Tucker?”

She wasn’t sure if he kissed her because he heard the uncertainty in her tone. If that was so, it was a good strategy. It was wiped any thought of resistance from her mind. She sensed his excitement and urgency as his hand brushed over the front of her. She gasped and was thankful for his bumper, which gave her something to sit on when her legs gave out.

“I’m going to make you feel so good,” he panted as he adjusted his hand. “I want you to come on my fingers. God, you feel…”

One minute he was pressed against her and the next, he was gone. She opened her eyes and stared at the empty space where Tucker had been without comprehension before she heard a shout and then a strange scuffling sound. She rose on shaky legs, rounded the vehicle, and stopped in her tracks.

Jesse straddled Tucker, who was splayed out on the pavement. Even as she watched, Jesse drew back his fist and rammed it into Tucker’s face. Tucker’s head snapped back and collided with the pavement with a sickening crack. Jesse landed two more forceful blows before she came out of her horrified stupor.

“Jesse, stop!” she screamed.

Blood spurted as he landed another punch before she caught his swinging arm.

“Stop!”

Her desperate shriek finally seemed to penetrate the haze. Jesse stilled. Tucker’s face was covered in blood from a split lip, a broken nose, and what might be a shattered cheekbone.

“What the hell, Jesse?” she whispered, shaken to the core.

As Jesse rose, she collapsed beside Tucker to make sure he was all right, but before she could touch him, Jesse roughly hauled her to her feet. She hauled in a breath to yell at him, but the chilling look on Jesse’s face wiped her mind clean.

“Touch her again, I’ll kill you,” Jesse said with chilling softness.

Her mouth dropped. “Jesse, he?—”

He ignored her and began to tow her across the parking lot. She dug in her heels.

“I’m not,” she began before Jesse turned, crouched, and tossed her over his shoulder. She braced her hands on his back so she could see Tucker. “He isn’t moving!”

“He’s alive,” Jesse said curtly as he set her beside the SUV and yanked the door open. “Get in.”

She gawked at him, unable to believe what he’d done. She had no idea he knew how to throw a punch, much less how to systematically beat someone to a pulp. Tucker had been in his fair share of fights, but Jesse had incapacitated him with shocking ease. She didn’t know Jesse had that level of violence in him, but the splatter of red on his shirt, arm, and hand said different.

“Why did you do that?” she demanded.

It was an unfortunate moment for her gaping shorts to drop to her knees. In the time it took her to haul them up and fasten them, Jesse had crossed quite a distance on his way back to Tucker to finish what he started. She wrapped her arms around his waist and pulled back with all her might.

“Jesse, don’t !”

He stopped, but didn’t turn back to the car. She was very aware that if he wanted to, he could continue to beat the crap out of Tucker and there was nothing she could do about it. His chest pumped as he tried to rein in his temper. He was angrier than she had ever seen him.

“Jesse?”

“Get in the car.”

His voice trembled with rage. She hesitated before she loosened her hold on him. She felt a modicum of relief when he turned from Tucker’s prone form to follow her back to the car. She warily eyed his blank expression as she climbed in. He held the door open for her out of habit. She flinched, even though he didn’t slam the door. She almost wished he had.

As he stalked around to the driver's side, she turned in her seat and was relieved to see Tucker sitting up and clutching his head with both hands. She hoped he was okay. If she had her phone, she would have texted one of his friends to check on him, but it was in her backpack on the other side of Tucker’s Bronco. Considering what just happened, her backpack didn’t seem all that important at the moment. As Jesse got in, she faced forward.

“Did he force you?” Jesse spat as they left the parking lot.

Her head whipped toward him. “F-force?”

“Did you want him to touch you?” he clarified impatiently.

For a second, she considered lying before the telltale wetness between her legs and honesty made her confess, “Yes.”

Jesse didn’t say a word, but his temper filled the cab, making her heart skip erratically. She ran a shaking hand through her hair. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“Don’t talk,” he said harshly. “Before I crash the car.”

Sick to her stomach, she looked out the window, and bit down on her lower lip until she tasted blood. Jesse thought Tucker was forcing her? His reaction was understandable if that’s what he believed, but she wished Jesse asked questions before he got physical with her boyfriend. She buried her face in her hands. This was all her fault. Anyone could have come by. It just so happened that it was Jesse who interrupted them. Everything happened so fast that her mind was still spinning.

They didn’t exchange a word the whole ride home. When Jesse pulled into their driveway, he braked hard enough to make her rock forward, so her seatbelt locked. She cast him a wide-eyed look he didn’t notice since he got out of the car and, this time, slammed the door behind him.

She sat there for a moment, unsure what to do. It wasn’t until he disappeared inside that she realized Dad could be home. The bolt of fear that struck her caused her to undo her seatbelt and sprint after Jesse.

She burst through the front door and took in the empty living room and kitchen before she raced down the hallway. She got a glimpse of Jesse in his bedroom as she made her way to the end of the hall. She was relieved to see her parent’s room was empty, and her father wasn’t sleeping after a long shift.

She made her way back to Jesse’s room, nervously plucking at her top as she stopped in the open doorway. He paced manically, a far cry from his controlled, athletic grace. She was at a complete loss on how to fix this, especially when she and Jesse weren’t on the best terms.

They’d grown apart this summer. Jesse attended sports camps, helped renovate the church and went dirt biking, hunting, and fishing while she spent her time with whoever she was dating and her friends. Mom and Dad had remarked on her suddenly full social calendar, but they’d been happy for her rather than disappointed. Little did they know, she was doing it to avoid Jesse and exhaust herself so she could sleep through his visits.

It had been a sound strategy, but it hadn’t had the desired effect. Her body still responded to Jesse despite the emotional distance and distractions she’d placed between them. The shame of being sexually attracted to her stepbrother caused her to give Tucker privileges she otherwise wouldn’t have if her hormones weren’t running amok.

She glanced at the clock. Mom would be home in an hour and a half. She had never been more grateful that Lynne helped with after school programs. She wasn’t sure when Dad would be home, but she would do anything to gain Jesse’s promise not to tell him what she’d done with Tucker.

Her father would lose his mind. Would he take matters into his own hands and go after Tucker with a gun for daring to touch her? When she decided to date Tobias, she went to Lynne first, who made good on her promise to handle Dad. Though it clearly pained him, Dad allowed her to date on one condition—that she wouldn’t allow any boy to pressure her to do anything she wasn’t comfortable with. That was Dad’s way of telling her she wasn’t allowed to have sex. She hadn’t gone all the way with Tucker, but that wouldn’t matter to Dad. Imagining his reaction made her sweat. The thrill of breaking the rules and treading into forbidden territory had long since faded. Now, all she could think of was the consequences.

“What the hell were you thinking?”

Jesse’s words, dripping with disgust, made her hang her head.

“I’m sorry.”

“Sorry?”

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw him feverishly rake his fingers through his hair.

“If I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes, no one could have convinced me that you would let him touch you like that.”

A ripple of defiance stole through her. “Why not? He’s my boyfriend! I’m seventeen . Other girls...”

He pivoted to face her.

“You aren’t like other girls! You’re better than that.”

She swallowed hard and averted her gaze.

“Or I thought you were.”

The verbal blow stole her breath. Jesse had never been intentionally hurtful, but that stabbed her straight through the heart and momentarily distracted her from their parents’ impending arrival. Before she could think of a response, Jesse whirled and sank his fist into the wall. She gasped, hands over her mouth, as he retracted a hand now covered in not just Tucker’s blood but his own. She thought that would be the end of it, but when he pulled back his fist again, clearly about to pummel the wall to bits, she rushed forward. She hauled back on his arm, stopping the force of his punch so he merely cracked the wall instead of creating another gaping hole.

“Please stop,” she begged.

He shrugged her off as if he couldn’t stand her touch, as if she was contaminated. He skirted around her, looking anywhere but directly at her. Once again, he ran his fingers through his hair, not registering the dust, plaster, and blood that was getting all over him.

“You’re hurt,” she said quietly.

He began to pace again, head bent, hands flexing at his sides.

“Let me clean your hand.”

No response. No reaction to her voice. Cautiously, she started toward him. She had to snap out of this agitated state. This wasn’t the Jesse she knew. For nine months, she’d known there was more to him than what he presented to the world, but somehow, this side of him was more shocking than the late-night visits. Anger wasn’t a part of his makeup. Neither was violence. Seeing both made her feel like she was talking to a stranger.

“What can I do?” she whispered, willing to do anything to make this right.

“You should leave,” he said in a flat monotone as he stared at the floor.

“Jesse.”

“I thought I knew you better than I knew myself. I never thought you would let anyone…”

His leg flashed out, sneakers colliding with an old dresser that shuddered, but otherwise didn’t move. Encouraged by this, Jesse kicked it again and then kneed it in a move that she knew would hurt tomorrow. Knowing even in the depths of his rage that he would never hurt her, she inserted herself between him and his target. Just as she expected, he immediately backed away from the dresser, which was apparently indestructible.

Despite the wild look in his eye, she reached for him and clasped his face.

“Stop hurting yourself,” she pleaded.

He tried to jerk away, but she wouldn’t let him, tightening her hold and matching the steps he took to put distance between them.

“Look at me,” she ordered.

He looked over her head, jaw set. Her eyes filled with tears as she stroked his cheeks.

“Please.”

He tugged her hands from his face. Knowing he was about to push her away, she plastered her body against his. He went rigid.

“I’m sorry that I put you in that position. I’m sorry you had to see… I wasn’t thinking.” A tear slipped down her cheek. “Please don’t be angry at me.”

“Step back,” he said coldly.

The compulsion to obey was strong, but she stayed put. The moment she backed away, he would continue taking his anger out on the room, which would make it impossible to keep anything from their parents. She needed him cool and rational. She didn’t know what to do with the Jesse before her, who was trembling with the need to wreak havoc. All she knew was he wouldn’t hurt her, and although he wanted space, her presence was the only thing stopping him from going nuclear.

“Please don’t tell Dad,” she said.

He glared at the wall and didn’t respond.

“I swear, I won’t do it again.”

Again, nothing.

“Jesse.” She went on tiptoes to force him to look at her, and when that didn’t work, she yanked his head down. Stubbornly, his gaze remained averted. Anxious, frustrated, and exasperated, she did the only thing she could think of and brushed her mouth against his. Stormy blue eyes immediately snapped to hers. She jerked back, hands dropping away, stunned by her own impulsivity. What the hell was she doing ? First Tucker and now she was kissing her stepbrother. What was happening to her? She backed away, twisting her hands together, cheeks hot.

“Is that how you get your way these days? With kisses?” Jesse asked in a cynical tone.

Her mouth dropped before she glared at him. “No!”

“Then what was that?”

She flung her hands in the air. “I just wanted you to calm down!”

“So, you kissed me.”

Her stomach writhed. “I-I don’t know why I did that.” When he continued to stare at her, she snapped, “We’ve kissed on the lips before.”

“By accident.”

“Yes, well, so was this.”

His eyes narrowed. “You really think I’m not going to tell Dad what happened today?”

“I don’t know why you would.” She was relieved to return to their real problem. “You’d be in just as much trouble as me! You beat the crap out of him! Dad won’t?—”

“Dad’s going to pat me on the back, and you know it. Dad warned you about boys like Tucker. Boys who will take advantage of your inexperience to pressure you into something you aren’t ready for.”

She crossed her arms over her chest and jutted out her hip. “Who says I’m not ready? I know what I want!”

His eyes darkened. “Do you?”

“Yes!” she said defiantly. “I’m not a little girl. I’m going to be a senior next year. I’m allowed to experiment if I want to! If I want him to…”

He closed the distance between them in two strides. She fell silent as he towered over her.

“You want him to what?”

Something about his tone caused the fine hairs on her nape to rise. The only sound in the room was her rapid breathing. As he stared at her, not speaking, her nipples hardened into points so sharp, they hurt. Embarrassed and confused, she stepped back and collided with the massive dresser.

“You want to experiment?” he asked softly as he crowded her.

She swallowed hard, heart thudding in her ears as she tried to think. His hand moved between them. She went cold when she felt a tug on her shorts. When he began to pull down her zipper, she clutched his wrist and shook her head. He held her gaze as he nudged her shorts down. Her breath halted when he cupped her like Tucker had. His fingers pressed against the gusset of her underwear. Not penetrating, but firm enough to push the material between her lips.

“How much have you experimented?”

His voice, rough with anger, caused her insides to clench. Warmth pooled low. To her horror, she felt herself secrete. She held her breath, hoping he wouldn’t feel her underwear dampen, but a second later, his fingers shifted, rubbed, and then his expression hardened.

He brushed her underwear aside and slipped a finger inside her. She let out a strangled yelp and banged into the dresser in a desperate bid to get away, but Jesse was relentless. His finger sank so deep, her mouth opened on a silent gasp.

“You’re soaked,” he growled against her temple and hissed when her pussy bathed him in more honey. “Christ.”

“I…” She closed her eyes as another finger joined the first. “Jesse.”

“How many times?” he growled.

She grabbed fistfuls of his shirt and tugged, unable to utter a single word. Her mind was whirling, emotions spiraling, back arching as he caused her womb to weep. She went on tiptoes as he sank deeper than her hairbrush ever had.

“How many times?” he bit out.

“I… I don’t know,” she babbled as her shorts dropped to her ankles, allowing her to spread her legs, which he immediately took advantage of.

“You’ve done it so many times, you didn’t keep count?”

His voice was so guttural she could barely understand him, but what he was saying didn’t matter when he was fingering her. Was this really happening? It couldn’t be. It was broad daylight. Jesse never did anything sexual during the day, but there was no denying he was definitely touching her.

Shock made her lightheaded. Jesse caught her as she began to sway. Her head swam as he picked her up and settled her on his bed. Her legs hung over the side as she lay on her back, chest pumping as she tried to wrap her mind around what was happening. She jerked as her underwear was dragged down her legs. When she heard a zipper being undone, she stopped breathing. She felt the coarse brush of his jeans against her shin as he stepped out of them.

“Jesse?” she whispered.

A large hand cupped the back of her knee and began to lift it, spreading her wide. Her hands dove between her legs to cover the heart of her that had been touched for the first time today by two different boys within the same hour. She should stop this. She should talk some sense into him, but one look into blue eyes that still glittered with banked rage made her body pliant in instinctive submission.

“I was so patient. I thought we had an understanding, but you gave yourself to him,” he growled as he dragged her ass to the edge of the bed.

“I…” she began, but her mind went blank as something began to enter her. She looked down the length of her body as Jesse gripped her hip, holding her still as he fed his dick into her with his bruised, bloody hand. Belatedly, she tried to scoot away to stop him, but his hold tightened, keeping her in place.

The tendons in his neck stood out as he bared his teeth and eased his way in. He still wore his white t-shirt, splattered with specks of red. His nipples stood out starkly as he stared down at where they were joined. He braced himself over her, the gold cross on the chain around his neck dangling over her face as he buried himself inside her. His groan drowned out her own.

“Jesse?”

“How could you?” he panted as he withdrew and gently began to drive in again. “How could you do this to me?”

As her unused channel spasmed in pain, she grasped his shirt, feet kicking for purchase as her body tried to adjust to his invasion. Panicked tears leaked out of the corner of her eyes.

“I don’t know what you’re…” Her voice died as he speared her core, tearing through her hymen.

Jesse went rigid, and then his head came up. He stared down at her, eyes wide with astonishment. Every ounce of anger drained away to be replaced with anguish. He cupped her wet cheek with a shaking hand.

“You’re a virgin?” he whispered.

She nodded jerkily.

He rested his forehead against hers. “God, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, baby.”

He chanted his apology while she lay rigid as a board beneath him. She was dimly aware of the sound of kids playing basketball in the street. His blinds were up. There was a bush obscuring part of his window, but if anyone looked in, they’d see…

“Look at me.”

Her skittering thoughts halted. She met his gaze as he stroked back her hair. He looked like her brother again. Composed, gentle, affectionate. But he was inside of her, and he hadn’t pulled out yet. She could feel his dick pulsing inside of her like a piece of heated steel. Now that the pain was receding, it felt… okay.

“You never…” he began unsteadily and then hissed and closed his eyes as his dick twitched inside of her.

“That was the first time he ever touched me.”

His eyes shot open and bored into hers. “And that’s the last time. No one’s ever going to touch you but me.” His gaze moved over her face and landed on her lips. “You don’t know how long I’ve been waiting for this.” His hips moved and when she didn’t flinch, his breath hitched in excitement. “I’m sorry. I need this.”

She didn’t make a sound as he began to move. She knew he was larger than other boys his age and had witnessed his strength, but she had never experienced both until now. He was going too deep, too fast.

“Jesse, you’re hurting me,” she whispered.

He didn’t slow down. He was deaf to anything but the urges of his body and ruthlessly sought relief.

“Jesse!”

She pushed and when that got no reaction from him, her hands slipped under his tee and raked over his back. That only seemed to spur him on. She fought him in earnest, scared and in agony, but Jesse was oblivious to both. When he finally climaxed and slumped on top of her, she was covered in cold sweat.

He eased to the side so she could take a full breath. Pinned partially beneath him, she stared at the ceiling, battered, shaken, and numb. This wasn’t supposed to happen. It couldn’t happen. But it had. Now, what?

Jesse lay on his side facing her. She tensed as he splayed his hand on her quivering abdomen.

“I’m sorry.”

She wasn’t sure whether he was sorry for what he’d just done, how rough he’d been, or believing she hadn’t been a virgin. It didn’t matter. Nothing did anymore.

He gripped her face and tipped it toward him. Sated, heavy lidded eyes searched her blank, tear-streaked face.

“I’ll make this up to you,” he vowed as his thumb passed over her bottom lip.

The only way he could make this up to her was if they pretended that it never happened. As if he’d heard her thought, he grimaced.

“I’ll never forgive myself.” He stroked her cheek. “I promised myself I’d never hurt you, that I’d always protect you. I failed on both counts today, and I can’t take it back. Can you forgive me?”

She nodded without thinking it through. Accepting his apology was a reflex, something that had been drilled into her by going to church her whole life. Nothing was so egregious that it couldn’t be forgiven, even this… She gulped back tears as she began to shake.

Jesse drew her against him. Even though he was the cause of her pain, she wrapped one arm around him and sobbed against his throat as everything that had happened over the past hour overwhelmed her. He stroked her hair and apologized over and over.

“I swear, Violet,” he breathed fervently. “I’ll never?—”

She turned her head and latched onto his mouth. She wasn’t sure whether she did it because she didn’t want him to make rash promises, or because she wanted a different type of comfort. Either way, it did the job. The talking stopped, and the physical reassurance she desperately needed after he’d used her body so brutally came in the form of a gentle, almost reverent kiss.

She had kissed a few boys, but most of her experience came from Tucker. He was a playboy and had great technique, but there was something about the way Jesse kissed her, as if she was made of fragile glass, that soothed the trauma of her first time. That hadn’t been him. That was his dark alter ego that paid her midnight visits. This was Jesse, the one who clasped her face as he kissed her, as if she was the most precious thing in the world to him.

Kissing other boys caused her tummy to flutter, but with Jesse, she felt like her world was spinning. He kissed her with an absorption that blocked out everything else. He didn’t stop, even to let her catch her breath.

When his fingers probed between her legs, she stiffened and tried to push his hand away.

“Let me do this for you,” he breathed against her lips.

She was prepared for more pain when his finger slid inside her. To her surprise, it evoked a pleasant, familiar throb of desire.

“Does that feel good?”

She bit her lip.

“Violet.”

Her eyes opened and stared into his.

“Tell me how it feels.”

He wasn’t angry, but his intensity was back. She flushed under his dissecting gaze as her awareness flared out, reminding her where they were and that soon Mom and Dad would be…

Jesse’s thumb rubbed her clitoris. She let out a stifled shriek and bucked.

He kissed her cheek. “Yes, let me know what you like. I want to make you fly.”

He asked her for guidance on how he was making her feel, but words were beyond her. Her moans, gasps, and shudders led him instead. When she finally came, she bit her own forearm to stifle her scream.

“Good girl.”

She heard Jesse’s satisfied tone from a long way off. She felt his hand smoothing what was dripping out of her onto her belly. Her eyes fluttered shut against her will.

“Jesse,” she slurred.

He kissed her temple. “Everything’s fine. Go to sleep.”

“But I…”

He covered her mouth with his. Their tongues dueled before her mouth went slack. He broke the kiss, chuckling, and kissed her forehead. “Sleep, baby.”

She swam up from the depths. Her body ached like she had the flu. Was she ill? She opened her eyes and took in her surroundings. The room was dark, but a nightlight oriented her in her bedroom.

She listened, but no voices drifted down the hall. Had she missed dinner? She braced her hand on the bed to sit up and felt an unfamiliar, dragging pain between her legs. Her breath caught in her throat as graphic visions whizzed through her mind. Her hand slid over her body and stilled. She was no longer wearing a top or shorts. She was in one of her nightgowns. Her brows drew together. Was it a dream? Her fingers pressed between her legs, but there was no sticky residue. She was clean, but tender and achy. Why couldn’t she remember?

She threw back the covers and went into the bathroom. She didn’t turn on the light but went to Jesse’s door and put her ear to it before she stepped through. Jesse’s room was dark, but the door leading into the hallway was open, allowing her to see that the room was empty. Frowning, she peered at the made bed, which had sheets tucked so tight, she could bounce a quarter off it.

Worried that she was losing her mind, she entered the hallway. The door to her parents’ domain was closed, indicating one or both of her parents had turned in. What time was it? The living and dining room were empty, but there was a lone lamp on. She peered at the numbers on the microwave but was distracted by an unfamiliar flickering light in the backyard. Jesse stood by the fire pit. She stared at him through the glass, heart thudding in her ears, palms damp with anxiety.

As if he sensed her, he half turned. With the fire behind him, she couldn’t see his face, but he beckoned her outside with his hand.

She hesitated before her need for answers and confirmation pushed away her uncertainty. She slipped on sandals as she crossed to him. He held out his arm as she neared. She didn’t hesitate to tuck herself against his side.

“Feeling better?” he asked.

She stiffened. “I’m fine.”

He stroked her arm. “That’s good to hear.”

She hovered on the precipice, wanting to know if what her mind was shrieking at her was true, but she didn’t voice it. Instead, she huddled beneath the umbrella of denial and let the flames of the small fire hypnotize her. She absorbed Jesse’s strength and warmth. She didn’t want things to change between them. This was familiar, comfortable, meant to be. That other stuff was titillating, but wrong on every level.

Her eyes narrowed as she spotted something in the fire. She took a step forward. “There’s a…” She fell silent as she got a better look. Her heart lodged in her throat. “Is that my top and shorts?”

“And underwear,” Jesse confirmed.

She whirled to face him. “Why are you burning it?”

His eyes were a mix of blue and orange flame.

“You know why.”

She crossed her arms. “No, I don’t.”

“Every time I’d see those shorts or top, I’d think of Tucker.”

Her breath stalled. Her face drained of all color, and she swayed.

“Hey.” Jesse drew her trembling form against him. “You aren’t okay. You should be lying down.”

Before she could speak, he picked her up and started toward the house.

“I told Mom and Dad you weren’t feeling well. Dad’s shift went long, so he went straight to bed. Mom made soup and then turned in. Are you just sore or do you need?—”

“What did you tell them?” she hissed.

“About what?”

“About what?” she echoed shrilly. “About your bruised knuckles, the hole in your wall, Tucker and…” Her throat constricted as she thought about what happened between them.

“They didn’t see the hole. I moved something in front of it until I can patch it up. They didn’t notice my hand, and there’s no reason for them to hear about Tucker. As far as they know, I brought you home from school, and you went to bed because you weren’t feeling well.”

He carried her into the house and settled her at the table before he made his way to the kitchen, where he busied himself at the stove. He sounded so matter of fact, so controlled and blasé, as if losing his temper and taking her virginity was nothing out of the ordinary. She didn’t know how to feel or behave. He was acting as if nothing had changed, so maybe it hadn’t?

He brought her chicken tortellini soup and bread rolls and made a bowl for himself.

“Do you want tea?” he asked.

“Water’s fine,” she said awkwardly and stared at the pills he set on the table. “What’s this?”

“Ibuprofen.”

Her cheeks heated as she swallowed the pills. As he began to eat, she took in her familiar surroundings. Everything looked as it should, but she felt different, like she’d gone to Narnia for a year and came back to find she hadn’t missed a second. But that’s what she wanted, right? For everything to be as it should?

She glanced at Jesse. His blood splattered shirt had been replaced with a pristine white tee and sweatpants. His gold cross was on display. The memory of it swinging back and forth as he thrust inside her made her womb clench. She clamped her thighs together and blew on her spoonful of soup before she took a bite. It was delicious. She hadn’t eaten since lunch, and it was now… She glanced at the clock. Almost eight.

“Do you want anything else?”

She focused on Jesse to discover he had inhaled his soup. Her mouth twitched. “No, thank you. I’m still working on it.”

He grinned at her. “Sorry, I was starving.”

She went solid as he kissed her forehead and got to his feet. Her eyes followed him to the kitchen as he rummaged in the fridge. If she hadn’t been an active participant in what happened today, she wouldn’t be able to sense that anything had happened. There were no strange undercurrents or awkwardness. Jesse was back to being the affectionate big brother and she… She looked down at her soup. She was going to resume playing her part of younger sister. That was best for everyone.

“You don’t like it?”

She jolted as Jesse’s question broke through her hazy musings. “No, it’s great. I guess I’m still tired.”

He gave her a sympathetic look as he brushed back her hair. “You want me to run you a bath?”

Even this question wasn’t out of the ordinary, since she and Lynne talked openly about their periods. Jesse didn’t mind pampering them or being sent to the store for pads or tampons, while her father flat out refused.

“No, I’m okay. I’ll just finish what I can and turn in,” she said lightly.

“Okay.” He glanced outside. “I have to watch the fire.”

“Yes, you do that.” When he turned away, she hesitated before she asked, “Did you burn anything else besides…?” Again, she blushed like a virgin. She wasn’t anymore, so she would have to get past her embarrassment.

Jesse raised a brow. “Should I have?”

“I don’t know.” She broke eye contact and wrapped her foot around the leg of her chair. “Your sheets? Were they stained?”

“No.”

She didn’t hear him move, so wasn’t prepared for the hand that grasped her chin. She felt her face turn beet red as he stared down at her.

“I got the blood out of them,” he said in a low rumble that made her nipples hard. “You don’t need to worry.”

“You dressed me,” she whispered.

“I knew Mom would want to check on you. She couldn’t find you naked.”

Very practical on his part, but, “You cleaned me.”

His gaze fixed on her mouth. “Seemed like the proper thing to do.”

His eyes rose to hers. Her heartbeat accelerated.

“Is there anything else you want to ask me before I tend to the fire?” he asked gently.

She shook her head. His finger slid along her jaw before he turned away. She turned back to her soup and ate mechanically before she put her bowl in the sink. Habit made her clean up the kitchen and wash the dishes. She glanced outside and saw Jesse staring contemplatively into the fire. What was he thinking? Did he feel like his life turned upside down, or was deflowering his stepsister something they would forget ever happened? That they would never speak of, like his late-night visits?

While she brushed her teeth, she scanned the bathroom for any sign of their hookup, but everything looked boringly mundane. She wished she had her phone to see if there was any word from Tucker. Had word already gotten out of Jesse fighting Tucker?

It wasn’t until she swallowed her birth control pill that her eyes flew to the mirror, wide as saucers. Holy shit. She had been put on birth control a year ago to regulate her heavy, painful period. It never occurred to her that she would need it for its main purpose. She went cold with terror at the thought of getting pregnant. She was a Christian. It had been drummed into her that life was sacred and to be protected and preserved at all costs. She didn’t believe in abortion, but if she was accidentally impregnated by her stepbrother, she would have no choice but to… Bile rose. She swished mouthwash to banish the taste from her mouth before she staggered to bed.

She tunneled under the covers and clasped her stuffed longhorn to her aching chest. She made a lot of stupid decisions today. The repercussions were steep, but they could have been much worse. Unfortunately, Tucker got the worst of it. Was he pissed at her? She hoped he hadn’t been hurt too badly. And her consequence had been to lose her virginity. Not to the man she thought, but the most unlikely person imaginable. Even as pangs of anxiety washed over her, memories of Jesse in the throes distracted and made her body tingle.

She banished such sinful thoughts and thanked God that Mom and Dad were unaware of what happened this afternoon. Although she was worried about how she and Jesse would deal with each other moving forward, she was too tired to fight the tug of replenishing sleep. She gave in to oblivion with a soft sigh.