Page 15

VIOLET

2 MONTHS LATER

Violet lay on the couch in the living room with Mom and Dad, who sat in their individual recliners. Mom graded papers while Dad watched TV and switched from the news to sports and then an old, black and white sitcom.

“Isaac!” Mom said, exasperated. “Stop changing the channel. What about Violet?”

“It’s okay. I’m used to it,” Violet murmured.

And she wasn’t watching anyway. When she was a child and had bad dreams or wasn’t feeling good, she would sneak into Dad’s bedroom and sleep on the floor. Just being near him banished the boogie man and made her feel better. At seventeen, she was hoping their presence would have the same magical effect, but the feeling of safety and comfort she was seeking eluded her.

She tensed when she heard a key turn in the front door.

“Hey,” Jesse said as he entered with his backpack, gym bag, and a sweater slung over one shoulder.

“There he is!” Mom said fondly. “How was basketball practice, son?”

“Long.” Jesse placed a kiss on top of Mom’s head. “I’m starved.”

“You should get cleaned up first. If you hurry, the food on the stove will still be hot.”

Mom laughed as Jesse ran down the hallway to his room to shower.

“That saying about the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach is true, isn’t it, Isaac?”

“Yup,” Dad said distractedly.

“What meal did I make that made you fall in love with me?” Mom asked.

“Hot honey chicken cutlets.”

Mom grinned when she saw Violet watching her. “You’re set, honey. You already know that recipe by heart.”

“She isn’t dating this year,” Dad said as he changed the channel.

“I know, but that doesn’t mean she can’t keep an eye out for the one,” Mom said with a wink.

Violet gave Lynne a weak smile before she returned her attention to the TV. She wasn’t looking for the one and if she stumbled upon him, and he turned out to be as perfect as she’d always imagined, she’d tell him to find someone else. Someone who could give him what he was looking for. She had nothing to offer. The good qualities she’d once possessed had been wrecked beyond repair.

Her hand fisted under the pillow. Jesse hadn’t kept his promise to keep sex out of their relationship. He hadn’t even tried. Dad made her easy prey by not allowing her to attend after school programs, go out on weekends, and made Jesse her only option to commute to and from school. She was basically a prisoner, and Jesse took full advantage.

He was relentless in his demands, yet nauseatingly gentle as he pillaged and plundered. He took every opportunity to wring unwanted orgasms from her and comforted her when self-loathing got the best of her, and she burst into tears. Sometimes, when he felt a lick of remorse, he made promises that he couldn’t keep for more than a few days. It was a hellish cycle of hope and then crushing disappointment.

His sheer brazenness astounded her. He ambushed her in the most unlikely places. School wasn’t a safe zone. At any moment, she could be propelled into an empty computer lab or hustled under the bleachers so he could have his way with her. The only time she was truly out of his reach was in class, where she’d dozed off a few times. The stress was taking a toll on her. Her grades were starting a downward trajectory that she needed to get hold of before her parents saw her report card.

Jesse had easily worked his way back into their parents’ good graces by utilizing the skills he picked up from the general contractor to fix things around the house. Little did Mom and Dad know, he was repairing the holes he’d made in his bedroom and covered everything up with a fresh coat of paint. Violet couldn’t deny she’d been relieved when he got rid of the last reminder from the day he took her virginity.

She was so on hypervigilant, she sensed Jesse enter the room seconds before he spoke.

“Hey, Mom, how’s Raiden doing?” Jesse called.

Violet tracked Jesse’s voice into the kitchen, listened to the sound of him opening the cabinet to get a bowl, and heard the clink of the lid being set on the counter as he dug into the pot on the stove.

“He’s doing a little better, but you can see how exhausted and confused he is,” Mom said sadly.

Mom gave them frequent updates on Raiden, a student whose parents were in the midst of a nasty divorce, with the little boy caught in the middle. Raiden was so miserable, he begged to stay at school instead of going home.

“That’s too bad,” Jesse said. “I hoped after you talked to the mother, things would improve.”

“No, she’s too self-involved to see what she’s doing to her son. Poor Raiden. He hugs me at least ten times a day. It breaks my heart.”

“Maybe I can stop by and play basketball with him after school next week,” Jesse offered.

Mom’s face lit up. “That would mean the world to him.”

Ambivalent emotions warred in Violet’s chest. How could Jesse be the monster who had shoved her into the garage when she’d been stupid enough to get a drink of water after their parents had gone to bed to have his way with her, and the nice guy willing to take time out of his busy schedule to play basketball with a child going through a hard time?

Jesse appeared with a bowl cradled in his large hand. She stared at the TV, not acknowledging him or attempting to make space on the three-seater couch she sprawled on. She’d hoped he would eat at the table, go to his bedroom, or sit on the floor where he belonged. Instead, he stood there, waiting.

As the awkward moment stretched, Mom started to rise from her recliner.

“You can sit here, son.”

“No need,” Jesse said easily, and lifted Violet’s legs before he sat and placed her feet on his lap.

Dad frowned at Violet, but she pretended not to notice. She hated that Jesse had so easily outmaneuvered her. His poise under pressure astounded her. Jesse had put them in some risky, compromising situations, but his unruffled composure and well-mannered, caring facade immediately disarmed authority figures who would have otherwise known he was up to no good. Could she blame them for buying into his golden boy act? Even she, who had seen him at his worst, still wanted to believe that the sweet, supportive older brother she’d known and trusted was still in there somewhere, despite dozens of incidents that proved otherwise.

She crawled to the other end of the couch and braced her pillow against the couch arm before she resettled, tucking her legs up so she was no longer touching him. She didn’t want to be near him, but she also didn’t want to be alone with her gloomy thoughts. Since their parents were present, Jesse would be on his best behavior.

“Allison brought you home?” Jesse asked her, ignoring the fact that she had blatantly ignored him since he walked through the front door.

She inwardly bristled. It was none of his business who gave her a ride home, but knowing their parents were listening, she had no choice but to answer. “Yes.”

Jesse hadn’t been happy when Mom and Dad lifted the ban on after school activities and going out on weekends last week. She leapt on her reinstated freedom, hitching rides and hanging out with friends whenever possible. Jesse was further foiled by the start of the basketball season. He’d been strangely disinterested and reluctant to join, but Mom and Dad insisted, probably out of guilt for the horrible football season his team had.

When Jesse finished his food, he set his empty bowl aside and shuffled along the cushions. She tensed as he slipped beneath her oversized blanket. Debating whether she could tolerate him or bail and go to her room, it was a horrible shock when he grasped her foot and pulled it onto his lap. She raised her head to snap at him, but he and Dad were deep in discussion about the stats the sports announcer rattled off.

She tugged, but his iron grip wouldn’t let her go. She couldn’t believe his gall. He knew she didn’t want him to touch her and did it anyway. He was constantly pushing her and took as many liberties as possible with others present because he knew she wouldn’t cause a scene. He was such an asshole! She should jam her heel in his balls or crush his fingers with her toes, but it wasn’t worth ruining the relaxed atmosphere.

She bared her teeth as his calloused thumbs ran along the bottom of her foot. She bit her lip to stop herself from moaning when he hit a tender spot. She hated how observant he was. When she stiffened, he lightened the pressure and when she wriggled her toes, sensing she liked what he was doing, he lingered. It was ironic that their silent communication was better than their non-existent verbal communication. She had nothing to say to him. He didn’t care how she felt or what she wanted. She learned what he said meant nothing. How could he be so in tune with her in one area and completely deaf and dumb to her wants and needs in others?

“This is nice,” Mom said, surveying them with a smile.

It was rare for all of them to be together on a Friday evening. The only reason she hadn’t gone to the mall with Marie and Allison was because she thought Jesse was going out with Brody and Blaine after practice.

“We should start this weekend off right,” Mom said excitedly. “Anyone up for a movie?”

Knowing Jesse had to be up bright and early to work with the general contractor, Violet assumed he would decline. She was annoyed when he said, “Sure. What should we watch?”

She didn’t offer a suggestion, since she wouldn’t be paying attention. They debated for a couple of minutes before settling on some action movie. As Mom turned off the lights and closed the blinds tight, so the only light came from the screen, Violet tried to remember the last movie night they had. She used to love huddling under the covers, eating popcorn mixed with assorted candies. The memories were tattered and slightly out of focus, like they belonged to someone else.

It was the same four people sitting in the same room in front of the TV, but the contentment and sense of security she used to feel when surrounded by family had been replaced with a feeling of stark alienation even though Mom and Dad were mere feet away. It was like sitting in front of a fire, but not feeling the warmth of the blaze…

A soft snore made Violet shift her head. She wasn’t surprised to see Lynne had fallen asleep before the movie finished its opening credits.

“She always does that,” Violet said with a shake of her head.

“She works hard. The moment she lets herself relax, she’s dead to the world,” Dad said. “Let her sleep.”

Despite herself, Violet found herself drawn into the movie, which was non-stop action from the opening chase scene. She was so engrossed in the story that it took a while for her to realize that the massage had stopped, and she was lying there, relaxed and comfortable, with her feet propped on her tormentor’s lap.

The moment she tried to pull away, Jesse gripped her shin. He squeezed, telling her to stay as she was. How dare he? She tipped onto her back to kick him with her free foot and went rigid when his hand brushed over her bare thigh.

The TV screen went black as the main character dropped into a tunnel, plunging the living room into darkness at the same time that Jesse’s hand slid into the leg of her pajama shorts and cupped her between her legs. She jerked as if she’d been electrocuted. Her confidence that he wouldn’t make a move in front of their parents shattered into a million pieces. The sound of the character cursing and pounding the wall in frustration concealed Violet’s uncoordinated, frantic bid to get away. She did an awkward backstroke like a swimmer as panic seared her insides.

An explosion on screen briefly illuminated the room. Her head snapped between both parents. Their recliners flanked the couch but were slightly in front of them and angled toward the TV. Mom’s head was sharply tilted, indicating she was still asleep, while Dad perched on the edge of his seat, riveted by what was happening on screen. If Dad looked at them, the plush, oversized blanket draped over her body and Jesse’s lap would conceal what he was doing, but… How could Jesse be touching her while they were in the room? Was he insane?

Jesse brought her attention back to him when his thumb slid inside her satin underwear. In the poor light, she saw Jesse’s head turned toward her. He wasn’t even trying to pretend he was interested in the movie. She strained to get away, but when he began to fondle her clit, she started fighting in earnest. When she savagely yanked on her captive leg, he flicked her underwear aside and sheathed his middle finger inside of her.

Her gasp was lost in a hail of deafening gunfire on screen. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Lynne sit up. Dad snagged the remote to turn down the volume.

“Too loud?” Dad asked.

“A bit, but that’s why we have those speakers, right? To get the full effect?” Lynne yawned as she rose and stretched.

Violet clawed the back of Jesse’s hand jammed between her legs. He made no move to withdraw, even as Lynne started toward them. Lightheaded with horror, Violet closed her eyes as Lynne kissed Jesse’s cheek. As her body tightened in reaction to Mom’s nearness, the tip of Jesse’s finger curled, making her break out in goosebumps.

“Vi’s asleep?” Mom murmured.

“Mm hmm,” Jesse said distractedly, as if he was engrossed in the movie. “She fell asleep not long after you.”

It took everything she had not to react as Mom leaned over her, so close to where her son’s fingers were buried inside her. Biting panic engulfed her as Mom tenderly brushed back her hair.

“Sweet dreams, my sweet girl,” Mom murmured before she moved away.

“My bed is calling me,” Mom said around a jaw cracking yawn as she kissed Dad’s cheek.

As Mom shuffled down the hallway, Jesse called, “Sleep tight,” even as he withdrew his finger and smeared what it was coated with on her clit and rubbed.

A silent battle commenced with Jesse trying to conquer her body while she desperately tried to retreat. When his grip slipped on the leg keeping her captive, she lunged for the lamp on the side table and snapped it on. As light flooded the room, Dad turned his head and squinted at her.

“Is it okay if I leave the light on?” she panted as she dragged herself to the opposite end of the couch, safely out of Jesse’s reach.

Even though he clearly wished otherwise, Dad nodded and turned back to the movie. She buried her face on the arm rest for a moment, grappling for control over her body, before her eyes cut to Jesse. Her stomach flipped when he put his middle finger in his mouth. Damn him!

She shot to her feet and froze when Jesse began to rise as well. She had no doubt that he would follow her. He wouldn’t have touched her with Mom and Dad present unless he was already past the point of no return. Knowing the movie would conceal the sounds of whatever he planned to do to her, she retook her seat. A muscle ticked in his jaw.

She adjusted her pants before she sat as far from him as possible and huddled in the circle of light to keep the wolf at bay. She ran shaking fingers through her hair and tried to ignore the telling movements under the blanket bunched on Jesse’s lap. Was he actually going to…?

When Jesse shot to his feet, Dad’s head whipped around.

“I have to be up early for work,” Jesse stated.

Dad nodded. “I’m surprised you stayed up this long,” he said with a glance at his watch.

Jesse grunted as Dad turned back to the screen. He stood there, staring at her for so long, that Dad turned around again.

“You need something, son?”

“No,” Jesse said and stalked down the hallway to his bedroom.

She tucked her legs to the side and dragged the blanket around her once more, trembling. She couldn’t believe he just did that. He pushed the boundaries, but he’d never gone this far. Did he have no shame or scruples? She clamped her thighs together and ignored the low throb between her legs. She hated the way he’d conditioned her body to respond to him, to yearn for him. A glance at Dad quelled the desire Jesse tried to ignite.

Would Dad believe her if she told him that the son he was so proud of was doing the unthinkable to her? Her chest tightened. Although Dad hadn’t brought it up since it happened, she knew he still blamed her for Jesse putting Tucker in the hospital. Dad had absolved Jesse, but not her. There was something in his eyes when he looked at her that told her he suspected she was no longer innocent. If she got up the courage to tell him what Jesse was doing, and he didn’t believe her or worse, accused her of being the problem, it would kill her. She turned off the light as her face crumpled.

“You turning in too, Vi?” Dad asked without turning to look at her.

“No. I’m staying.”

Her shaky tone went unnoticed as the main character made an impossible, stylish leap from a helicopter.

How many times had she considered confiding in a friend, school counselor, youth pastor, or therapist who was sworn to secrecy? But who would believe her? Even she couldn’t believe what was happening. The only person who would probably take her word for it was the one person who avoided her like the plague. Tucker had been on the receiving end of a temper that no one even knew Jesse possessed. Tucker had returned to school and explained his absence by spinning some tale about being approached by a record label. His return had briefly stirred up everyone’s interest in her again, but this time, she didn’t care. She had bigger problems to deal with—namely, her stepbrother, who everyone idolized and admired and thought wouldn’t hurt a fly.

By the time the movie ended, she was once more stretched out on the couch with her head on the arm rest. Dad glanced at her and, when he saw she was still awake, flicked through a few channels before he settled on reruns of, I Love Lucy . When she was a kid, Dad only allowed her to watch old movies and shows so he wouldn’t have to worry about anything explicit being shown.

They chuckled together as they watched Lucy’s antics. When the episode ended, Dad got to his feet.

“You’re going to stay up?” he asked.

“Yeah.”

He came over and set the remote by the lamp so she could easily reach it.

“Night, kiddo.”

“Night, Dad,” she echoed.

She listened to him shuffle down the hallway as another episode began. She was tired but couldn’t bring herself to go to her room. She turned off the lamp because the bright light was making her eyes water. She cocked her head when she heard footsteps making their way to the living room. Assuming Dad wanted a drink of water or had forgotten something, she looked up when a dark figure rounded the couch. When she realized it wasn’t Dad, she opened her mouth to scream. Jesse lunged at her, clapping a hand over her lips before she could utter a sound.

He leaned down and rested his forehead against hers as he murmured, “I can’t go another night without you.”

Even as she prepared to bite his palm, he dragged her to the middle of the couch and flipped her onto her stomach. The blanket was tossed to the floor before her bottoms were yanked to her knees. Even as she turned her head to the side to catch her breath, Jesse was already sinking inside her. She clawed the cushions and kicked her feet as her body struggled to adjust.

“Shh,” he soothed as he came down on top of her.

With her legs clamped together, he felt impossibly large, and though she was wet, it wasn’t enough. The couch absorbed her groan as he withdrew and then pushed for more territory.

“Good girl. Almost there,” he praised and ignored her furious hiss. “God, you feel so good, Vi. So perfect.”

“What the hell are you doing ? They could walk in any minute.”

“I jacked off twice and still tossed and turned. My hand won’t do. I need you. I need this. I’m going crazy. I can’t escape even in sleep because I dream of you.”

His hands skated down her arms until he reached her hands. Before she could pull away, he twined their fingers together.

“Do you know what it’s like, never having a moment’s peace? To want something so badly, you’ll do anything to possess it?”

He shuddered and buried his face in her hair as he sheathed himself completely.

“Thank you,” he said fervently.

“You’re sick.”

His tongue dipped into her ear before he breathed, “So are you. The difference between us is, I accept it.”

She screwed her eyes shut as he began to thrust, stabbing deep, making her toes curl.

“This doesn’t have to be sick. This doesn’t have to be twisted. It can be beautiful if you’d let it. If you stopped fighting and let us be.” His fingers tightened around hers. “I can feel you milking me and getting wetter. You love this.”

She buried her face in the cushions as she tried to deny what he was saying, but her body wasn’t under her command. It was under his, and it responded to him, bathing him in honey, welcoming him, while her mind did everything in its power to block out what was happening.

“You’ve been dodging me all week, denying me, denying yourself. Why do you do that? You want me to prove how much I want you? How I’m lost without you?”

Her stomach flipped as he released her hands and dropped off the side of the couch and pulled her bottom half with him. He positioned her so she was on her knees on the carpet with him behind her. Unfortunately, her face landed in the damp spot she’d just made on the cushions.

With a grimace, she straightened. Jesse immediately took advantage of the position to slide his hands beneath her top. He stroked her stomach and gripped her breasts as he gave her body time to adjust to him, to prepare for what was coming. One hand plucked her clit. To her disgust, she rested her head on his shoulder and spread her legs, giving him more access. He obliged while he sucked on her neck.

“Tell me you want this,” he said darkly.

That cut through the sexual haze. Awareness crept back in. She yanked on his arm to get his hand off her breast, but all it got her was a nipple pinch that suffused her with more unwanted heat.

“Admit it. Just this once,” he begged.

When she remained silent, his teeth sank into her shoulder.

“So stubborn,” he growled and shoved her face into cushions that smelled of her weakness before his control disintegrated.

He blanketed her body with his as he began to move with hard, sure strokes. The only sound she could hear aside from Jesse’s uneven breaths was Lucy wailing on the television. Between the hard, rhythmic smacking of their flesh and the TV, it was impossible to hear anyone approach. She prayed Mom and Dad were sound asleep as Jesse straightened and hauled her back with every thrust, so she took every inch, growling like an animal, desperately trying to meld them together.

Sensing he was close, she compounded her sins by touching herself to reach her own orgasm.

“Yeah, baby. Come with me,” he said harshly as he picked up his pace.

When he climaxed, he folded over her, gasping her name. She ignored him as she chased her own orgasm, which was just out of reach. Jesse brushed her hand aside, strumming her clit, and encouraged her to impale herself on him until she shattered. He held her as she trembled, first with elation and, less than a minute later, with the familiar slap of shame and guilt. No matter what she did to foil him, they always ended here.

Jesse withdrew slowly. She pressed her thighs together and wasn’t surprised when his hand slipped through his semen, pushing it back in before spreading it over her ass and lower back.

When he got to his feet, her mind urged her to get up, dress, and clean herself, but she couldn’t move. She sensed Jesse leave the room and heard his bedroom door close seconds later. Even as the studio audience laughed, Violet wept.