Page 12
VIOLET
3 DAYS LATER
Violet put the finishing touches on her makeup before she backed up to take in her appearance in the bathroom mirror. For church, she donned a dress she normally reserved for special occasions. The dress ended at mid-thigh, which Dad wouldn’t like, but the length was counterbalanced by the long sleeves and modest neckline. She gave the tiered skirt a swish, admiring the ruffle detail that in the past made her feel silly. But her mindset had shifted over the past few days. She had never been more aware of her femininity and for the first time in her life, she was fully embracing it.
She slid the heart pendant that Mom and Dad had gifted her on her sixteenth birthday back and forth along the fine gold chain as she eyed her reflection. Last week she attended church as a virgin and this week, she returned with more sexual experience than anyone who had been initiated four days ago should. But Jesse wasn’t just an overachiever in sports and academics. She’d known from his nightly visits that he had a high sex drive, but the physical reality was another thing entirely.
When they attended school on Friday, she did her best to act normal. She thought she was doing a good job until she caught the odd look Marissa was giving Jesse. She glanced at him and found that he wasn’t listening to the conversation but focused completely on her. The make out session on the way to school had been brief and unfulfilling, and Jesse was clearly still feeling the effects of it. One look at his heated gaze was all it took for her to get embarrassingly damp. He was going to give them away! She promptly excused herself from the group and managed to avoid him until lunch, when he yanked her into an empty classroom.
“Why aren’t you answering my messages?” he demanded.
“I think we should steer clear of each another until things calm down.”
He cocked his head to the side. “Calm down?”
She was too embarrassed to bring up the way he’d been looking at her earlier, so she gestured to her hard nipples, which were aching for the attention he paid them the previous day. The connection between them had always been strong, but now it was tuned to a frequency so raw and sensitive, it was difficult to be around each other without touching. Last night at dinner, they studiously avoided eye contact. Watching TV together was out of the question. Jesse expended energy by shooting hoops on the driveway with Dad, while she went to her bedroom to give her overstimulated senses a break.
“I need some time to adjust. This is a lot.” That was a vast understatement, but it was the best she could come up with when Jesse was looking at her like he wanted to eat her alive. Her unfettered response would have been embarrassing if it wasn’t obvious that Jesse wanted her just as much.
“I’ll give you space after,” Jesse said.
She frowned. “After what?”
He’d shoved her into a janitor’s closet for some heavy petting. At some point, he put her hand on him. She got the hang of it quickly. It wasn’t long before he begged her to put him in her mouth. Remembering how much pleasure she got from him going down on her yesterday, she was eager to make him feel the same.
He whispered what he wanted her to do, and she accomplished her goal as the bell sounded, signaling lunch was over. Despite her worries about being caught, Jesse turned on the light to watch her swallow and lapped up what spilled over. When she tried to leave, he pinned her against the wall and French kissed her until she was dizzy before allowing her to go to class.
Jesse had a football game that evening. She rode to and from the game with Mom and Dad, while Jesse caught a ride home with a teammate. When he came into her bedroom, high on his win, and tried to kiss her, she freaked out.
“You can’t do that when Mom and Dad are home!” she said, scandalized.
“Fine. Tomorrow.”
She didn’t know what he meant by that until he told Mom over breakfast that they were going for a drive and then meeting up with friends to see a movie. Mom smiled and told them to have fun.
“Who are we meeting up with?” Violet asked when she climbed into the passenger seat.
“No one. I lied.”
“You did? Why?”
“I can’t tell Mom what we’re really going to do.”
Her heart thudded in her ears. “What are we going to do?”
His eyes glittered under heavy eyelids. “I guess you’ll find out, won’t you?”
Part of Jesse’s lie was true. They went for a drive. To her surprise, he drove out of the city limits. When Jesse got his license, they had practically lived in the car, high on their newfound freedom. They thoroughly explored the Texas Hill Country and neighboring quaint towns. This was a throwback to a simpler time. She didn’t say so, but she was relieved to get away from home and the constant fear of being discovered. She hadn’t realized she needed a time-out from the rest of the world, but Jesse delivered without being asked.
She spoke very little during the nearly two-hour drive. Her mind still struggled to process everything that had happened in the past few days and the potent sexual chemistry that strummed her nerve endings. She was pleasantly surprised when Jesse pulled up to a beautiful lake and delighted when he pulled a thick blanket and cooler from the trunk. Beneath the shade of some trees, they had a picnic. They lounged on the blanket, chatting about everything and nothing as they ate and gazed at the water.
It seemed inevitable that Jesse would touch her and that she would lift her face for the kiss she’d denied him the night before. He lowered her to the blanket and drowned her in sensuality. There was no thought of denying him or herself. He told her not to think, and she wasn’t. That was beyond her. Her principles and sense of propriety were lost in the undertow of a passion that overpowered all else.
Jesse was irresistible. Playful, indulgent, generous, persistent. He seemed intent on giving her as much pleasure as possible and was painfully fascinated with her body. She felt the same, though Jesse had to come twice before he allowed her to explore him as thoroughly as he had her. The day passed by too quickly, and before she knew it, they were heading home.
Dinner passed in a lust-hazed fog, but she came to when Mom cupped her flushed cheek and said, “It looks like you got some sun. Did you have fun today?”
“Lots,” Jesse answered for her.
She didn’t have to look at him to know he wore a broad grin. She resisted the urge to kick him under the table and avoided looking at Dad.
“What movie did you see?” Mom asked.
She felt a burst of alarm that was immediately canceled out by Jesse, who said, “We ended up driving further than we anticipated. The spot on the lake was so nice, we thought it would be a shame to leave after only an hour, so we stayed and canceled our other plans.”
She was grateful yet taken aback by his glib tongue. When had Jesse become such a proficient liar?
The door to her left opened, bringing Violet out of her reverie. Jesse stepped into the bathroom, dressed in gray slacks and a black button-up shirt for church. He went motionless when he spotted her. As his eyes moved over her, she grinned and did a spin so he could get the full effect. When she stopped, she saw Jesse had closed his door and was undoing his belt.
Her heart leapt in treacherous anticipation, even as she blanched. “What are you doing?”
“What does it look like?”
She took a step toward the safety of her bedroom. “I told you; I’m not doing anything while Mom and Dad are around!”
“They’re eating breakfast.”
“I don’t care!” she hissed.
She tried to escape into the safety of her bedroom, but he wrapped an arm around her middle, pulling her back while firmly closing her door.
“Jesse,” she groaned as he turned her to face him and backed her up to the vanity. “We can’t.”
“Don’t you want me?” he asked huskily.
She wanted him so badly, it scared her. “We’re going to church!”
“That’s not what I asked you.”
He cupped her jaw, his piercing blue eyes making her stomach jitter. The way he focused on her as if there were no one else in the world was thrilling and unnerving. Did he start out this intense with every girl he was with? The stab of jealousy gave her the strength to yank her chin out of his hold. He frowned, but didn’t back off.
“Tell me you want me.”
“I do, but?—”
He gave her a hard kiss. “That’s all I need to hear, baby.”
She was distracted by the endearment, which he’d uttered a handful of times. The first time she heard it was when he apologized for ruthlessly taking her virginity. She loved the soft, tender way he said it. Had he called all his girlfriends, baby? Even as she pondered this, Jesse knelt at her feet, pulled her dress up, and kissed her over her underwear. Her toes curled, and her blood thickened as desire snaked through her veins.
“You can’t,” she croaked.
“I can,” he said simply, and with one tug had her underwear dropping to her ankle boots. “Hold this.”
She obeyed automatically, holding her skirt out of his way before she belatedly tried to sidestep. “Mom and Dad…”
“Are occupied,” he said as he draped one of her legs on his shoulder. “Like we’re about to be.”
Even as she braced herself against the vanity, she made one last token resistance. “Jesse, I don’t think we should…”
“Shh, baby, we don’t have much time.”
Her lungs seized as his tongue slid through her folds. Two days ago, she wouldn’t let him kiss her, and now she was letting him go down on her with their parents just a few rooms away. This wasn’t right. It was disrespectful and immoral and wicked and… Her legs quivered as his tongue feathered over her clitoris. It was also mind-numbingly pleasurable and felt too good to stop.
“Ungh.”
The garbled sound escaped as she rocked against his mouth. There was no self-consciousness. Not after what they’d done yesterday. Jesse made it clear that he loved her response and didn’t want her to hold back. She couldn’t if she wanted to. He fanned an inferno inside of her. Needs she didn’t know she possessed and a soul deep hunger she worried would never be satisfied.
She looked down and saw Jesse watching her. The way he catalogued every hitch in her breath, every muscle twitch, unsettled her. Already, he knew so much more about her body than she did. What made her cave, what made her crazy, what made her sob. It still made her stomach dip when she locked eyes with him. Part of her still couldn’t believe they were doing this. The other half wept with joy.
She ran her fingers through his hair and saw his eyelids droop in ecstasy. It amazed her how little it took for him. He was a natural sensualist. Uninhibited, unashamed, eager to please, and be pleased. It was a wonder he’d been single for four months. He was famished and she was reaping the rewards.
She clutched his hair and tipped her face up to the bright lights as she prepared to have her world blasted apart.
“Jesse!”
The sound of Dad’s angry voice coming from Jesse’s bedroom startled her so badly, she would have fallen if Jesse hadn’t steadied her.
“Isaac, for God’s sake,” Lynne protested. “You’re going to wake the whole neighborhood. Calm down. We don’t know all the facts. Let’s just see what they say.”
“They haven’t said anything,” Dad retorted. “And I’m getting to the bottom of this right now.”
She swung her leg off Jesse’s shoulder and backed away, eyes wide with horror. Their parents couldn’t know, could they? As Jesse got to his feet, wiping his mouth with the back of his sleeve, they heard her bedroom door being flung open.
“Violet!”
She jumped and hastily locked the bathroom door in case Dad tried to come in. He sounded pissed. What the hell happened?
“I’m in here, Dad.” She looked around frantically for her underwear, snatched it off the floor, and pulled them on. “I’m getting dressed. What’s going on?”
“Where’s Jesse?”
She stared at him as she lied. “I think he went outside for something.”
“I want to see you in the dining room. We need to talk.”
She and Jesse stared at one another as the sound of their parent’s voices faded.
“They know,” Violet whispered and touched her throat, which felt like it was beginning to swell.
Jesse looked thoughtful. “I don’t think so,” he said, as he buckled his belt.
She couldn’t believe his blasé attitude. “What else could they be talking about? I’ve never heard Dad yell like that in my life!”
Jesse clasped her face. “Whatever it is, we’ll deal with it together. We’re going to be okay, I promise.”
His calm demeanor stopped her emotions from spiraling out of control. She hauled in a deep, steadying breath and tried to think rationally. If Dad had suspected they were intimate, he could have forced his way into the bathroom and caught them red-handed. He hadn’t. Maybe Jesse was right, and it was something else. Clinging to that slim hope, she asked, “What do we do?”
“I’ll go out your window and come around to the front door.”
She pressed her ear to the door leading into her bedroom and walked in to make sure the coast was clear. Her heart was in her throat as Jesse quietly opened her window and climbed out. This was what their life had come to? She shook her head and started for the hallway when she heard Jesse say, “Morning, Mr. Davidson.”
She wheeled around as their neighbor replied, “Jesse, what are you doing tending to the plants in your Sunday’s best?”
What else could go wrong? She was tempted to linger to hear Jesse’s reply, but the distant murmur of her parent’s voices reminded her they were waiting for her. Hands trembling, she started down the hallway and prayed Jesse would hurry so whatever she was walking into, she wouldn’t have to face alone.
The moment she entered the dining room; her parents fell silent. Dad’s forbidding expression made her palms sweat. Mom looked troubled.
“What’s going on?” Violet asked.
“That what I want to know. Is there something you want to tell us?” Dad asked.
It took everything she had not to wring her hands. Guilt and panic clouded her mind, making it hard to think. She couldn’t hold Dad’s intimidating stare, so she looked to Lynne for guidance. “I have no idea, what…?”
“We just received a call,” Lynne said quietly. “Tucker’s in the hospital, being treated for serious injuries we’re told were caused by Jesse. Do you know anything about that?”
She mentally reeled. “Tucker’s in the hospital?”
“Yes,” Dad said tersely. “And I want to know why. The only reason Jesse would have given Tucker such a beating is because of you. So, Vi, what happened?”
Her rash behavior was coming back to haunt her. This was proof that no one got away with anything. Would she have to admit that she let Tucker touch her inappropriately and that’s how Jesse found them? Knowing how upset and disappointed her parents would be made her eyes fill with tears.
“Oh, honey,” Lynne said sympathetically and started toward Violet, but Dad held up a hand, stopping Lynne in her tracks.
“I need answers,” Dad said curtly. “We’ve been lenient with you two because you’ve never given us any reason not to trust you, but I never thought I’d get a call saying Jesse put someone in the hospital. Do you know how serious this is? Tucker could press charges for assault!”
The blood drained from her face.
“Why did you break up with him?” Dad demanded. “Did he do something to you? Is that why Jesse attacked him?”
She opened her mouth, but nothing came out. She had no idea what to say. She willed Jesse to walk through the front door and jolted when Dad slammed his fist on the table, rattling their empty plates and cups.
“I knew I shouldn’t have let you date that kid. He had trouble written all over him. I thought you had enough discernment to break it off. Now, I hear Jesse had to intervene on your behalf and beat him senseless. Do you have any idea how serious this is? What the hell happened that would make Jesse…?”
The front door opened. Jesse strolled in with his hands in pockets. She had no doubt he’d gotten out of that sticky situation with Mr. Davidson just fine. No one would suspect Jesse of doing anything immoral or unlawful, especially when he was dressed so impeccably. Jesse scanned the room with a benign expression, which vanished when his gaze landed on her distraught face.
“What’s wrong?” he demanded.
“A lot at the moment,” Dad said, crossing his arms over his chest. “You have a lot of explaining to do.”
“Okay, about what?” Jesse asked, showing no sign of discomfort or guilt.
“About the call I just got saying you’re responsible for putting Tucker in the hospital.”
Jesse stared at him for a moment before he asked, “When did he go to the hospital?”
“Today.”
“For what?”
“A skull fracture, a nasty concussion, and a few other presents you gave him.”
“But that happened on Wednesday. If Tucker was hurt so badly, why wait so long to go to the hospital?”
“He thought the pain and dizziness would pass, but his parents finally forced him to get checked out.”
“I-Is he going to be all right?” Violet asked, twisting her hands together.
“That hasn’t been decided yet,” Dad said testily. “And what I want to know from both of you is why he isn’t all right.” Dad focused on Jesse. “You want to explain yourself?”
There was a long silence before Jesse said, “I want to talk to you alone.”
Violet took a step toward him, hand extended to stop him from saying anything.
“Stop right there,” Dad ordered and shot her a hard look. “Start talking or go to your room.” He raised a brow. “What’s it going to be?”
She willed Jesse to look at her, to give her some clue about what he was about to tell them, but his gaze didn’t waver from Dad. Why did he want to talk to their parents alone? He wouldn’t make matters worse by talking about them , would he? It was bad enough that her recklessness led to Tucker being in the hospital. She didn’t need Dad to know she’d also kissed Jesse, which led to her losing her virginity.
“Violet, go,” Dad said.
She lingered a moment longer but had no choice but to retreat. She couldn’t say anything without possibly contradicting whatever story, or truth, Jesse decided to tell. She walked to her bedroom, closed the door, and eyed the window. For the first time in her life, she considered running away, but that would be short-lived, embarrassing, and even more incriminating if Jesse didn’t tell their parents everything.
She sank onto her bed and buried her face in her hands. Ten minutes ago, she felt worldly, mature, and powerful. Now, she was terrified of what repercussions lay in wait for her, Jesse, and Tucker.
What if Tucker sustained permanent brain damage? She had a flashback of his head slamming into concrete. Even though she witnessed firsthand the damage Jesse had inflicted, she hadn’t even texted Tucker to make sure he was okay. Her only concern had been to break up with him once he returned to school. What was wrong with her? Technically, she was still his girlfriend, yet she hadn’t checked on him and had moved on with another guy while he was recovering from his injuries.
Her only defense was that what happened between her and Jesse had been such a shocking turn of events that it eclipsed what happened with Tucker. So much so, she had completely dismissed him from her mind. From Tucker’s point of view, Jesse had attacked him without provocation. She had been willing, and then her overprotective brother beat the crap out of him. If Tucker told his side of the story, Mom and Dad would hear about the compromising position Jesse found her in.
Her stomach lurched. She shot to her feet and put her ear to the bedroom door, but she couldn’t hear anything. What was Jesse telling them? Why was it taking so long? Why was silence more ominous than shouting and glass breaking? Were their parents in shock? Is that why she couldn’t hear their reaction?
Consumed by the need to do something, she started organizing her backpack and was so deep in her head, she didn’t hear the door open.
“Violet?”
She whirled to find Lynne peeking her head around the door.
“Are you ready for church?”
Lynne wasn’t smiling, but there was no sign that she’d been crying. Lynne didn’t look horrified, disappointed, or revolted, just weary. That was a good sign, wasn’t it?
“Yes, I’m ready.”
As Mom slipped back into the hallway, she dashed through the bathroom to Jesse’s room, but he wasn’t there. She hurried down the hallway only to find the living and dining room also empty. What the heck ?
“They’re waiting for us in the car,” Mom said.
She opened her mouth to ask questions but thought better of it and stayed quiet. She had to talk to Jesse first. She flew down the steps and saw Dad behind the wheel of Mom’s car. She slipped into the back seat and glanced at Jesse, but he was looking out the window, giving her no clue as to what just happened. She buckled her seat belt and twisted her hand in the folds of her dress as she waited for someone to announce her sentence.
They were several minutes away from church when Dad finally spoke.
“We got in touch with Tucker’s parents, and thankfully it seems like there won’t be any long-term damage. Jesse offered to go to the hospital to apologize, but they didn’t want him there. They’ve decided not to press charges.” Dad’s hand cut through the air. “None of this is okay. Violence is never the answer and with something this serious, we should have been told instead of being blindsided with a call like that. I expected better from both of you. As punishment for his actions, Jesse’s dropping out of football.”
She audibly gasped. Football was Jesse’s favorite sport, and he was one of the best players on the team. Last year, they made it to the national championship, and they were counting on Jesse to take them there again. Football was sacred in Texas and ranked just a few notches below church. She looked at Jesse for his reaction, but his face was still averted.
“Jesse claims that you weren’t involved.”
She looked in the rearview mirror. Although Dad wore sunglasses, she felt the impact of his stare.
“I don’t believe that for a second. You’re the common denominator here, and you break up with Tucker the day Jesse fights him?” Dad shook his head. “I’m revoking your dating privileges. You aren’t allowed to date for the rest of the school year. You also aren’t going out after school or on weekends for the foreseeable future.”
Lynne reached across the console and gripped Dad’s arm. “Isaac.”
Dad smacked the steering wheel, clearly still aggravated. “No! I’m not going to be lenient with her. I’ve done that far too much already and look where that’s got us. If Tucker’s parents chose to press charges, Jesse could have destroyed his future, all because he felt the need to defend his sister from a guy I knew she shouldn’t have been with! I’ll be damned if Violet turns out like her .”
Violet went rigid. He didn’t say her name. In fact, he never had, but she knew exactly who he was referring to—the mother who left in the middle of the night when she was two. To suggest that she was anything like the selfish woman who had abandoned them hurt so badly, it stole her breath. She turned her face toward the window so Dad wouldn’t see her face crumple.
“Violet made a mistake,” Lynne said into the loaded silence. “And Jesse made a mistake. They’ll be punished for keeping secrets, bad judgment, and they’ll have to earn back our trust. It’s a blessing that Tucker and his parents were so understanding. Let’s leave it at that.”
No one said another word as they pulled up to the church. Violet stepped out of the car and fussed with her dress to give herself time to get a hold on her volatile emotions. Lynne stood beside her and waited patiently. When she started toward the church, Lynne stroked her back. She didn’t meet anyone’s eyes as she walked up the steps and paused on the threshold, unsure if she should be allowed in the chapel after what she’d done this week. Several hundred years ago, she would have been stoned to death.
“Don’t take what your dad said to heart,” Lynne murmured as she put an arm around her waist. “He’s upset, but he’ll get past it. We all will.”
She swallowed the lump in her throat. She didn’t deserve Lynne’s sympathy or faith in her. Tucker was just the tip of the iceberg. If Mom knew what she and Jesse had done… She raised her head and saw Dad standing beside a pew, watching her hover on the threshold, almost as if he knew… Abruptly, he turned away and took a seat, staring straight ahead at the empty stage.
“Have faith,” Lynne encouraged as she started down the aisle to join Dad.
Someone came up behind her. Her heightened senses told her who it was, even though Jesse didn’t speak. She had so many questions, but this was neither the time nor place. And did it really matter what tale Jesse told? Dad knew she was to blame, even though Jesse tried to keep her out of it. The worst part was, Dad was right. It was her fault. They would discuss this later. First, they had to smile and maintain their image as a loving, Christian family.
She moved through the crowd and entered the pew her parents were sitting in from the opposite end. Jesse settled beside her. She nodded to those who greeted her and couldn’t avoid several hugs that made her feel even worse. They thought she was one of them. That she was still pure and good, and she wasn’t. Not by a long shot. She felt sick to her stomach.
“This message has been on my mind all week,” Pastor Sonny began, gravely eyeing the congregation. “How one sin can change the trajectory of your life. We assume one tiny sin won’t hurt, that no one will find out about it, but no sin escapes God’s notice.”
Violet resisted the urge to slouch in her seat as Pastor Sonny made eye contact with her.
“We’re going to examine the life of the great King David. He went from shepherd boy to king and was hailed as a mighty warrior, but one transgression robbed him of the blessing God had for him and caused the rest of his life to be plagued with pain and betrayal.” Pastor Sonny paused for effect before he continued, “Of course, I’m referring to his affair with Bathsheba.”
Violet knew the story of King David’s infamous affair—how he spotted a beautiful woman bathing from the rooftop of his palace and summoned her to him. When Bathsheba became pregnant, King David had her husband killed in battle to claim her for himself.
“One sin,” Pastor Sonny said thoughtfully as he strolled across the stage. “Adultery doesn’t seem like such a big deal, but when a child is conceived, King David tries to pass the child off as the husband’s and when that didn’t work, he murdered his loyal soldier.” Pastor Sonny shook his head. “People don’t understand that one sin will always lead to another. Once you start on that path, you can’t stop. Before you know it, you’re trapped in a web of your own making. King David thought he got away with it, but God sees all, and the punishment was severe.”
Pastor Sonny listed the many consequences of King David’s sin, beginning with the death of the child that had been conceived during the affair. But it was the tragic story of the incestuous relationship between David’s children, Amnon and his half-sister, Tamar, that made Violet’s blood run cold. Amnon was so obsessed with his sister that he faked being ill to have his sister feed him and then raped her.
“It says here in verse fifteen that after Amnon had Tamar, he hated her more than he once loved her.” Pastor Sonny paused so the congregation could take that in. “Can you imagine wanting someone so much that you risked everything to possess her, only to discover your all-consuming love was just fleeting lust? Amnon wanted her purely because he couldn’t have her, and he paid for that sin with his life when his brother, Absalom, struck him down to avenge her.”
Pastor Sonny held up a finger.
“King David passed his sins onto his sons, who mirrored and amplified them. We think one misstep won’t hurt anyone and that if we’re found out, we can handle the fallout, but we forget that it’s not just us that’s affected. It’s our family, those we love most, who suffer the most for our choices. In King David’s case, that generational curse was passed on. And it doesn’t stop there. It trickles out to our friends and community. Everything you do matters. I think, if we keep that in mind, we could save ourselves and those we care about a lot of grief.”
Convicted to her core, Violet closed her eyes. Discovering that she and Jesse engaged in a sexual relationship would devastate their parents on multiple levels. She and Jesse weren’t blood siblings, but they had been raised as such and that’s how their parents wanted them to view each other. Sex complicated things, which is why blended families discouraged it from happening in the first place. To make matters worse, their parents didn’t believe in premarital sex.
If Dad grounded her for suspecting she had influenced the fight between Jesse and Tucker, what would he do if he found out she initiated a sexual relationship between her and Jesse? Jesse paid her midnight visits, but he’d never gone beyond that. She kissed him and then unwittingly taunted him by giving him the impression she was experienced, which made him lose control. She hadn’t stopped Tucker or Jesse from putting their hands in her pants. She hadn’t fought Jesse off when he put her on his bed. A part of her wanted to know and experience, and she had, without considering the aftermath or future complications. What if her carnal recklessness destroyed their family, as it had King David’s? When she was younger, she’d been terrified Lynne and her dad would break up. What if she caused her worst fear to come true?
“In Luke 8:17, it says that all secrets will be brought to light and made known to all. If you think you’re going to get away with your sin, believe me, you won’t. It may take years, even decades, but your misdeeds will be exposed, and you will pay in one form or another. It’s inevitable,” Pastor Sonny said with such conviction that Violet wanted to drop to her knees and repent.
She didn’t realize her hands were balled into fists until Jesse placed his on top of hers. She pulled away and would have scooted closer to Lynne, but she didn’t want to bring unwanted attention to them. Jesse couldn’t touch her like that anymore. They could never repeat what they’d done this week. For as long as she could remember, she longed for a family. God had answered her prayers and given her a mother and brother who gave her the love and affection she longed for. She couldn’t lose them.
Right then and there, she began to pray. Lord, punish me in whatever way You see fit, but please keep my family intact. My parents don’t deserve to be hurt because of my choices. I swear I’ll right my wrongs. I’ll fix my relationship with Jesse. We’ll never do anything immoral ever again. Please don’t expose my weaknesses and faults. I’ll do better. I’ll do anything to make this right. Please have mercy on me.
As if Jesse sensed her distress, he brushed the back of his hand against her thigh. This time, she moved away. Just as she predicted, Lynne glanced at her. Violet rested her head on her shoulder. Lynne didn’t admonish her, but cupped her cheek, comforting her like she was a child. At that moment, she felt like one. Overwhelmed, ashamed, and wishing someone would clean up her mess.
“What some people try to do is turn their sin into something good, but nothing that begins in sin will be blessed by God. It will always fail,” Pastor Sonny boomed.
She hadn’t considered the long-term ramifications of sleeping with her stepbrother. She’d been caught up in sexual discovery, in fulfilling dark desires, and pleasure. How could she be so stupid?
Was it her imagination, or had Pastor Sonny looked directly at her several times? Did God give him the ability to single out which church members this message was for? She’d been lambasted so severely, she could barely sit upright. Each point cut deep like a whip. Between finding out that Tucker was in the hospital and this message, it couldn’t be clearer that God was giving her one last warning before she ruined her life.
Amnon’s reaction after finally having his half-sister played over and over in her mind. He hated her more than he once loved her. It would kill her if one day Jesse despised her or looked through her as he did the other girls he’d dated. Before, she’d been his sister, which made her special, but by sleeping with him, she became like all the others. Easy, forgettable. There’d been no need to date and woo her—he went straight to sex. And she let him. What if, like Amnon, Jesse desired her because it was taboo and titillating and once he got his fill…?
Ice spread through her belly. It was better to end it now before anyone got hurt. Already, her feelings were engaged, while it could be just about sex for him. He was jacking off in her room even when he had girlfriends. They hadn’t been enough for him. He was oversexed. Maybe any girl would do, and she was just… available?
“Let’s pray,” Pastor Sonny said.
Heart heavy, she closed her eyes. The tears that dropped to her lap went unnoticed as the pastor prayed over the congregation, hoping they could learn from King David’s mistakes and do better in their own lives.
“Violet.”
She swiveled on her chair to see Dad standing in her bedroom. They hadn’t exchanged a word all day. During dinner, Lynne tried to lighten the mood by entertaining them with tales of her students. Violet hadn’t been able to enjoy the food, company, or stories and had excused herself to take refuge in her room. Guilt lay on her shoulders like a heavy, suffocating winter coat. She hadn’t been able to look Dad or Jesse in the eye. She wished she could reverse time and walk away from Tucker when he tried to pressure her to get in his car. So many red flags and missed opportunities to do the right thing. She could have saved them all a lot of grief is she’d stopped it from the beginning.
She spent her time cleaning the heck out of her room and purged all signs of debauchery. She washed her clothes and bedsheets, vacuumed, organized, and erased incriminating text messages. She also messaged Tucker, apologizing for what happened with Jesse, and asked if there was anything she could do. Her fervent, long-winded message received a one-word reply: No . Apparently, she didn’t need to break up with him. It seemed the sentiment was mutual.
Dad advanced into her room and sat on the edge of her bed. “I was harsh with you today.”
She lowered her gaze. “I deserved it.”
“That phone call was a nasty shock. I’m glad Tucker’s going to be all right and that Jesse got off with a tap on the wrist. It could have been a lot worse.”
She nodded.
“I know Jesse didn’t tell us everything and honestly, I don’t think I could handle the truth. But I know one thing. Nothing could have caused such an extreme reaction from him except you. He’d do anything for you, even if it cost him everything. Do you understand that, Vi? Jesse came this close to having something on his record today that would never go away. Your actions have consequences now. Consequences that can mar your future.”
“I know,” she said shakily as her eyes filled with tears.
Dad let out a gusty sigh. “Just… be more mindful. Think before you leap. That’s all I’m asking. Can you do that for me?”
She nodded and tried to give him a smile but failed.
Dad got to his feet and squeezed her shoulder. “Go to bed. It’s been a long day.”
Once he left her room, she walked into the bathroom and, for the first time ever, made sure to lock the door that led into Jesse’s room. Jesse had approached her twice, but she shot him down. She didn’t want to risk Mom or Dad hearing them talk and honestly, there was nothing to say. He’d been so sure no one would find out about Tucker, but like Pastor Sonny said, the truth would always reveal itself.
No one could ever find out about her and Jesse. If it got out, she knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that nothing would ever be the same. If Dad discovered they slept with one another, he wouldn’t kill Jesse, but it could turn Dad and Lynne against one another if they defended their own child. Or maybe they would all realize she was the problem. Her nails sank into her palm. They had to end it now before anyone suspected. Perhaps they could work their way back to seeing each other as friends instead of lovers.
Tears slipped down her face as she brushed her teeth and readied herself for bed. When she walked back into her room, she paused. She had no doubt Jesse would come to her after their parents went to bed. She couldn’t let that happen, even if it was just to talk.
Sniffling, she locked both doors that led into her room. Dad instructed them to leave their doors unlocked in case of an emergency. This was an emergency of a different sort. Boundaries that needed to be set.
She climbed into bed and willed herself to sleep, but Pastor Sonny’s warnings made her toss and turn. It was just after eleven when the bathroom light came on. From the gap beneath the door, she saw a shadow approach and then the sharp snick of the doorknob as Jesse turned it back and forth. There was a pause and then a louder rattle as he used more force. She pulled the covers over her head as Jesse cursed.
“Vi!” he hissed.
She didn’t move. Several minutes later, she lowered the comforter and saw the bathroom light was off. She blew out a breath, turned on her side, and prayed for wisdom and strength in getting them on the right path tomorrow.