Page 5

VIOLET

2 MONTHS LATER

Violet sung along to the upbeat playlist she created to keep her motivated when she had to cook, clean, or do laundry. Her clean clothes pile that she’d ignored for almost two weeks was driving Lynne crazy, so she’d finally given in and was folding and sorting.

She paused frequently to check her group texts. Her nerdy friends were asking if anyone had finished a project that was due next month, while her girlfriends gossiped about crushes and boyfriends. The group chat she was in with Jesse and their mutual friends asked if they wanted to go to the movies on Friday. Jesse hadn’t responded. She could hear the TV going in the living room and the low rumble of Jesse and Dad’s voices. Since it was Wednesday, there was no rush for him to answer, but she suspected he would say yes.

She hung her tops and jackets in the closet before she carried neat stacks of clothes to her drawers. As she surveyed her underwear, she frowned. She walked around the bed and looked under it to make sure she hadn’t missed any stray clothing before she went to her hamper and dug around.

It was the strangest thing… Certain panties had an uncanny habit of disappearing during a wash cycle and reappearing during the next. It was hard to be certain since she didn’t do laundry consistently, but sometimes she’d wash a specific pair for an outfit and when the day came, she couldn’t find them. The panties always magically reappeared at some point, but sometimes she felt like someone was pranking her. But why would anyone take her underwear? Even stranger, why would they fold and put them back after using them?

A series of chimes on her phone distracted her from her bizarre underwear problem. Vi, what’s going on with you and Tobias? Allison said she saw him pass you a note in class?!

You and Tobias ? Since when ?

I’ve never even heard him talk.

OMG, what did the note say?

Tobias was a quiet guy she had History with and who haunted the school library. They crossed paths often, since she hung out after school when Jesse had practice. Tobias was always scribbling in a notebook. One day, she asked him what he was writing and was dumbfounded when he showed her pages of poetry that sounded like Shakespeare. Tobias was awkward and terribly shy, but when he was talking about poetry, he became animated and incredibly passionate.

Tobias and I are just friends. He’s a poet , she shared. He’s been asking for my opinion on some of his work.

There was a long pause as the girls digested this. She hadn’t known how to react when Tobias started asking her for feedback. She’d been flattered but had no idea what the poems meant. Knowing how much his art meant to him, she didn’t want to hurt him, so she said things like, “powerful,” “moving,” or “I really like the direction you’re going in.” That seemed to be enough for Tobias.

Are the poems about you? Marie asked.

That had occurred to her, especially when a few mentioned a girl with hair that mimicked the ripples on the surface of the ocean and eyes the color of amber. But he’d also handed her poems that spoke of ravens, dragonflies, and roses, so… I don’t think so. I think he’s just happy to share them with someone.

He’s in love with you , Georgia gushed and added a row of heart emojis.

“Lights out, honey,” Mom called through her closed bedroom door.

“Okay!” she called and rolled out of bed to brush her teeth.

Although she was getting a little too old for Mom to give her a bedtime, she didn’t fight it. No matter how much sleep she got, mornings were always a struggle for her. Somehow, Jesse managed sports, school, and homework effortlessly on only four or five hours of sleep. Everything came so easy to him. If she didn’t love him so much, she’d hate him for being so perfect.

She hopped into bed and turned out the light, but continued texting. When most of the girls signed off for the night, she rolled her eyes when Georgia started messaging her directly. Her friend was convinced that Tobias had a crush on her and that she was in denial. When she insisted they were just friends, Georgia demanded to see his poems to determine for herself whether they were about her or not.

She hadn’t realized how much time had passed until she heard Jesse and Dad making their way to their rooms. She heard Jesse’s door close and, ten seconds later, her parent’s door at the end of the hall.

She yawned and placed the phone face down on the nightstand, unable to continue debating with Georgia. She’d tell her friend she’d fallen asleep, which they both should be doing right now. Why had Allison brought that up? Now, the girls would be watching her and Tobias like hawks in class and Georgia, being the bold, curious soul that she was, may ask Tobias outright if he was in love with her. She sighed. She’d make sure to talk to Georgia tomorrow before she pounced on poor Tobias.

She pulled the covers up to her chin, turned on her side, and tucked her arm under her pillow just as the bathroom door swung open. She blinked, sure her eyes were playing tricks on her. Did the door open on its own? Just as she was about to raise her head to get a better look, Jesse stepped into her room. She opened her mouth, but whatever she meant to say was forgotten when she registered that he wasn’t wearing any bottoms.

Her eyes snapped shut, but the image of his penis jutting out beneath his t-shirt was burned in her brain. What was happening? Did he forget to put on pants before he came to talk to her? Was he sleepwalking? His footsteps were muffled by the carpet, but she felt a soft whoosh of air as he stopped beside the bed.

She waited with bated breath for him to reach out and shake her awake, but he just stood there, hovering. Did he know she was awake and wanted her to acknowledge him? But why would she when he was half naked?

She heard a long, deep inhale. Was he sniffing her? No, he couldn’t be. Why would he…? Jesse’s muffled groan scrambled her thoughts before she heard an odd noise, something she couldn’t place. A minute that felt like an eternity passed before curiosity got the better of her. A nightlight placed near the foot of the bed allowed her to see what was happening when she cracked one eye open.

Shock reverberated through her. Jesse was touching himself. No, not just touching, but stroking rapidly.

This had to be a freaky hallucination, or maybe she’d fallen asleep and this was a nightmare. This couldn’t be happening in real life. Jesse couldn’t be standing beside her bed, masturbating. She closed her eyes, unable to comprehend what was happening. She willed herself to wake up, but the dream continued. She lay there, paralyzed in her body, as the sounds of Jesse pleasuring himself assaulted her ears. It went on and on. She didn’t know what to do, so she played dead. She didn’t realize she was holding her breath until her lungs protested. She panicked when she had to take a gulp of air, but thankfully, she wasn’t the only one who gasped.

Jesse made a noise, almost like he was in pain. Unable to bear the suspense, she peeked again and saw him grip the head of his penis. When his breath hitched, her gaze rose. The primitive elation on his face made her insides squirm. A grunt was her only warning before something spurted on her sheets. She was too stunned to flinch when some of it hit her cheek.

Jesse panted as he spread what he’d spilled over her bed. When his hand came toward her face, she stopped breathing. His hand stopped inches from her face, fingertips twitching before it retracted.

A flash of light scared the bejesus out of her. She clamped her eyes shut, terrified he’d seen them open. She would just die if he… She heard a soft scrape and then nothing. What the hell was happening? She opened her eye just a sliver. Jesse’s face was illuminated by her cell phone in his hand. A message must have come in, which is why it lit up and caught his attention. He scrolled on her phone. She frowned, surprised he knew her password. He grunted and set the phone facedown as she’d had it before he turned on his heel. Her stomach flipped at the sight of his muscular butt as he disappeared into the bathroom and closed the door soundlessly behind him.

The bathroom light came on. The water ran. She heard the normal sounds of him brushing his teeth and using the bathroom before she heard his door close as he exited into his bedroom.

Violet stared at the closed door, unable to process what just occurred. She pinched herself. The tiny bite of pain assured her she was very much awake, unless her mind could mimic pain in a dream. But there was evidence… She reached out to touch her sheets, but before she made contact, she stopped. The foreign substance on her cheek suddenly burned white-hot. Stomach tight as a fist, she wiped away the tiny droplets with her sleeve and turned her back on her damp sheets and scooted to the far side of the bed.

She closed her eyes and let out a shaky breath. Even though she’d witnessed it with her own eyes, she didn’t want to believe it. Jesse was her brother. He wouldn’t… She pulled the covers over her head. Maybe she was coming down with something. She had to be to imagine something so deplorable. Jesse was a saint, the poster boy of their high school and church. He had never shown an ounce of depravity or perversion. This wasn’t him.

She clasped her stuffed longhorn to her chest and buried her face in its fur. This didn’t happen. It couldn’t have. She drew her knees up to her chest and willed her mind to erase the past fifteen minutes from her memory banks.

Violet stared blearily at her reflection as she brushed her teeth. She had no idea if she’d gotten any sleep. It didn’t feel like it.

Jesse’s double knock startled her. She hesitated, before she said, “Come in.”

She tapped her toothbrush on the edge of the sink to remove excess water as Jesse entered.

“Morning,” he said.

“Morning,” she returned and set her toothbrush in its holder and reached for her hairbrush.

“Mom made breakfast if you’re hungry,” he said.

“Okay.”

He reached for his comb. She kept her eyes trained on herself as he styled his hair with just a few passes. He was already dressed in jeans and a dark gray sweater. She frowned when he put on a hat. Why brush his hair if he was just going to cover it?

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“Yup,” she said without looking at him.

“You sure?”

“Mm hmm.”

There was a long pause. She felt the intensity of his gaze before he said, “I’m ready when you are.”

When he left, closing his door behind him, she stared at the place he’d been standing. She hadn’t inspected her bedsheets this morning to confirm her fever dream. She couldn’t handle that, so she ignored it, just as she had Jesse. She was worried that looking at him would revive those graphic memories she was trying to repress.

“I’m out, kids! Have a great day! Stay safe!” Mom called as she headed out the door.

“Love you!” Jesse shouted.

“I love you more!” Lynne hollered back.

Despite herself, Violet’s mouth curved. She and Dad never used to say the L word, but thanks to Jesse and Lynne, it had become a daily declaration she never tired of hearing. The familiar ritual eased some of her tension. It was just another day. Everything was the way it should be. And she had to get going.

She gave up on her hair and pulled it back with a clip. She rushed into her bedroom and dressed in jeans and a sweater like Jesse to combat the chilly February morning.

When she made her way to the kitchen, she spotted Jesse outside, wheeling their elderly neighbor’s trash can to the street. On his way back to the house, he was hailed by two women power walking. Violet couldn’t hear what they were saying, but she didn’t need to. The women’s broad smiles and the way they patted his arm told her they were impressed with his thoughtfulness.

She’d heard it for years—adults praising Jesse for being so helpful, kind, and responsible. It wasn’t an act. Jesse was the same at home as he was at school and church. He was a natural leader. People gravitated to him, unconsciously sensing his grounded nature. He was everything everyone believed he was and more. She knew for a fact that he was a genuinely helpful, sweet guy. He had made her life immeasurably better. She had been so insecure, so terrified of things going wrong. His steadfast patience, love, and support healed wounds she didn’t know she had. It took years for her to accept that this was her real life, and it wouldn’t dissolve when Mom and Dad had a fight. She didn’t want anything to change. Not now, when she finally had everything she’d ever wanted and more.

As Jesse started up the driveway, she hastily made herself a breakfast sandwich. By the time he opened the door, she had the leftovers in the fridge with a note for Dad when he came home from work.

“Ready?” Jesse asked.

“Yup.”

She braced one hand on the wall as she shoved her feet into her boots.

“That’s the second time you’ve said that this morning,” Jesse observed.

“What?”

“Since when do you say yup?”

She shrugged as she made her way to the SUV. Mom bought a small, fuel-efficient car once Jesse got his license and let him take the SUV since he usually needed the extra room for his sports equipment.

She settled her backpack on the floorboard and belted herself in as Jesse got behind the steering wheel. He fiddled with the radio as they made their way out of the neighborhood. She unwrapped her breakfast sandwich and stared out the window as she tried to think of the day ahead and not about anything that could ruin her picture-perfect life.

“Did you see that text about Brody and the others going to the movies on Friday?” Jesse asked.

“Yes.”

Several seconds passed before he asked, “You want to go?”

“I don’t know,” she heard herself say.

“You told me a couple of days ago, you wanted to see that movie.”

“I know, but…” She waved her half-eaten sandwich. “I can always see it later.”

“There’s no reason for you to see it later unless you have other plans this weekend?”

“Maybe. My friends were talking and…” She shrugged.

“You need me to drive you anywhere?”

She shook her head. “No, I can catch a ride.”

“I don’t have to go to the movies. I can take you wherever you need to go.”

She relaxed a little. He sounded like himself. Helpful, supportive, sweet. “No, you should go to the movies. I’m sure it’ll be fun. You can tell me if it’s good.”

“I’d rather you come with us. When you know what you’re doing with your friends, I’ll decide what I’ll do.”

She didn’t know what to say, so she finished her sandwich in silence and crumpled the foil into a ball. Lost in thought, she didn’t realize she hadn’t said a word until he parked the car, and she undid her seatbelt.

“You okay?” Jesse asked.

“Of course.” She scanned the crowd for her friends. She was relieved to be at school, where she had classes and numerous things to distract her. She reached for her backpack and froze when Jesse touched her arm.

“You don’t seem like yourself this morning.”

“I didn’t get the best sleep,” she said and pushed her door open, eager to escape.

“Hey.”

“Yeah?” she asked, tugging on her backpack zipper, even though everything was secure.

“Look at me.”

She mentally braced before she turned her head. She wasn’t sure what she was expecting. Of course, he hadn’t changed overnight. His face was the same—chiseled jaw and what some of her friends called perfect lips. When they met, he’d been four inches taller than her, but now he towered over her and most of their peers at six foot three. Sunlight hit striking sky-blue eyes that stood out even more because of his dark brows and hair. She searched his face for an explanation for the disturbing images in her mind, but all she could see was baffled concern.

“Are you sure you’re feeling okay? You’re pale.”

She didn’t have time to stiffen as he cupped her cheek.

“Are you coming down with something?”

She gave him a bracing smile. “I’m feeling a little better now.”

He cocked his head to the side and dropped his hand. “You should have stayed home.”

“I have a test today.”

“You could always make it up.”

“No need,” she said and waved as a girl approached the SUV. “Your girlfriend’s coming.”

He didn’t turn to look. “Who?”

“Sasha.”

“We’re not official,” he said shortly. “If you need me to take you home…”

“Yes, I’ll call you, but I’m sure I’ll be fine, Dad.”

She grimaced at the last word she’d tacked on, but Jesse didn’t notice because Sasha was knocking on his window. Violet slipped out of the car and slung her backpack over one shoulder as Sasha drawled, “Hey, handsome.”

She walked away before she heard Jesse’s response. She wasn’t sure what had come over him, but in the past few weeks, he’d gone into a dating frenzy. When he didn’t have practice or a game on the weekends, he usually spent it with the girl of the week. Sasha was the first to pass the two-week mark. When she asked him why he was suddenly playing the field, he’d said it was necessary. She wasn’t sure what that meant and hadn’t been interested enough to push for clarification since she was sick of hearing about his love life from her friends who were dying to be included, even if it was just for a day. Unfortunately for them, Jesse was dating only juniors or seniors. She was grateful. She didn’t want to have to console her friends when Jesse moved onto someone else.

“Vi!”

Georgia stood beside her yellow Fiat, waving frantically. One glance at her friend was all it took to know what was on her mind. Her life had taken an outlandish turn while Georgia was still stuck on Tobias and his nonexistent crush.

“You left me hanging last night!” Georgia exclaimed as she hooked her arm through Violet’s.

“I passed out,” she said apologetically.

“I’ll forgive you if you let me see one of Toby’s poems.” When Violet gave her a level stare, Georgia sucked her teeth. “What if he’s carefully crafting these poems to express how he feels, but you’re too stubborn to see it?”

“And if they are just poems and not secret love letters?”

“That’s why you have me!” Georgia said cheerfully.

Her brow arched. “Because you’re a whiz at poetry?”

“No, but I am a whiz when it comes to love.”

Violet frowned. “You’ve never had a boyfriend.”

“Exactly! Those who can’t fall in love are fated to spot it miles away for everyone else.”

Before she could respond to that, someone pressed against her other side.

“I see Jesse’s still with Sasha,” Marie whispered.

Georgia held up her finger like she was trying to figure out which way the wind was blowing. “My senses say they’ll call it quits before the end of the week.”

“I think they make a cute couple,” Marie said.

“You say that about every girl he’s with.”

“And I’m right!”

“He’s hot. He could choose someone butt ugly and his looks would bring her up three levels.”

“Georgia!” Violet and Marie exclaimed, appalled.

“You know I’m right.” Georgia glanced around to make sure no one was listening before she murmured, “Is it just me or does Jesse look bored out of his mind, no matter who he’s with?”

Violet stiffened. “What do you mean?”

“I mean ,” Georgia emphasized, showing off her pink braces. “He’s going through these girls like hotcakes because they aren’t who he really wants.”

“That’s crazy. Why pick them in the first place if he’s not interested?” Marie asked.

“I don’t know.” Georgia bumped Violet with her hip. “Why don’t you ask him who he’s really stuck on and go for her instead of breaking all these girls’ hearts?”

Violet made a face. “Can we not talk about my brother’s love life and speaking of, please don’t go up to Tobias and ask him if he’s in love with me.”

“But,” Georgia began, but the bell rang, saving Violet from having to hear any more of Georgia’s insane theories.

Violet decided not to go to the cafeteria for lunch. Her sleepless night was catching up to her. She wasn’t in the mood to run into Jesse or be harassed by Georgia. She detoured to the library, which she could always count on for peace and quiet. She nodded to the librarian and got a nod in return before she walked on the outskirts, looking for a cozy chair to curl up in for twenty minutes.

As she neared the back, she spotted Tobias in his normal spot. Her mood perked up a bit. Tobias may be a little eccentric, but he was kind and didn’t mind sitting in silence. She didn’t technically want to be alone, so finding him here was great. As she approached, she realized he was talking to someone out of her line of sight, and he looked upset. She slid into an aisle and peered over the books to see who he was talking to. Her mouth dropped when she spotted Jesse. What the heck ? She didn’t think Jesse knew Tobias. What could they possibly be talking about?

Jesse must have asked Tobias a question because he nodded adamantly. Satisfied, Jesse turned on his heel and walked down the main aisle. Violet made sure to exit the row and hide at the end of the bookshelf so he wouldn’t see her. When the coast was clear, she hurried toward Tobias, who was on his feet and gathering his notebooks.

“Tobias.”

He visibly stiffened and didn’t turn to look at her as he tossed his bag over his shoulder.

“Tobias?”

He started for an exit door that led outside.

“Hey!”

She rushed after him, aware that several heads shot up from the cluster of work tables.

“Tobias, wait!”

She jogged to catch up to him. He didn’t look at her, but kept his gaze fixed straight ahead.

“What happened?” she demanded.

“I never meant to make you uncomfortable,” he said stiffly. “I apologize. It won’t happen again.”

“Uncomfortable?” she echoed. “What are you talking about?”

“Your brother said I was making you uncomfortable with my poems. I won’t bother you with them anymore.”

She was so taken aback, she stopped in her tracks. Tobias continued across the field, putting as much distance between them as possible. Why would Jesse lie about Tobias’ poems making her uncomfortable? How did he even know …? An image of him scrolling through her phone after he orgasmed flashed in her mind. The confirmation she hadn’t wanted smacked her in the face. This was proof positive that he’d read her messages with Georgia, which he would have been unaware of if he hadn’t come into her room last night.

She stood there, staring into space as her phone chimed. Mind awhirl, she reached for it and wasn’t pleased to see a message from the person who was responsible for her current distress.

Where are you? I bought you soup.

She pocketed her phone and made her way back to the library. She got several sidelong glances that she ignored them as she staggered to a one-person desk. She placed her backpack on top of it and used it like a pillow, burying her face against the cool nylon. What was happening to her life? Yesterday, everything was fine. Everything was right, and now everything was going topsy-turvy. Her brother, who she thought she knew better than herself, had gone rogue.

The bell rang. Immediately, those around her began zipping up backpacks. She forced herself to get up and follow the crowd into the hallway. She made her way to her next class and took a seat at the back instead of the front where she usually sat. Her friends spotted her and made their way over with puzzled expressions.

“Why are we sitting back here?”

“I didn’t get much sleep last night. I’m worried I’m going to fall asleep in front of Mrs. Gindler,” Violet said in a monotone.

She frowned as she spotted Marissa weaving through the desks.

“You don’t have this class,” she said.

“I’m at the lab down the hall. Jesse told me to give this to you,” Marissa set a paper bowl on the desk before she left, giving the teacher an apologetic smile.

Violet wrapped her cold hands around the bowl, knowing without sniffing it that it would be her favorite lentil soup. When Mrs. Gindler called their attention to the board, she obeyed, but didn’t hear one word the teacher said.

“Violet.”

She jolted awake at the sound of Jesse’s voice. She raised her head to see him coming around the couch where she had been napping.

“What time is it? You’re done with practice?” she mumbled, fumbling for her phone.

“You shouldn’t have asked Georgia to give you a ride home. I would have skipped practice if you didn’t feel well.” He brushed her hair aside to feel her forehead. “What is it? Do you have a fever?”

“Migraine,” she muttered, pushing his hand away.

“Migraine? Do you have your…? No, not for another week,” he muttered.

She peered up at him through one puffy eye. “What are you talking about?”

“Nothing,” he said gruffly. “Did you take something?”

“Yes, I just need to rest. Stop fussing.”

There was a short pause, and then he asked, “Are you washing something?”

Her heart skipped. “I tossed my bedsheets in the wash. Can you hang it when it’s done?”

“Sure. Do you want anything to eat?”

“No. I just need to sleep.”

He stood over her for a moment before he pulled her into a sitting position.

“What are you doing?” she grumbled.

“Taking care of you.”

He sat and pulled her down, so she lay with her head on his lap.

“I’m not really sick.”

“If you weren’t sick, you wouldn’t be so pale. You should have stayed home today.” He absently stroked her hair. “Did Marissa drop off the soup?”

“Yes.”

“Why couldn’t I find you at lunch?”

She closed her eyes. “I got held up talking to my teacher. I decided to go to class early and get some studying in.”

“Hm.”

“Hm, what?” she said testily.

“I went by both classrooms. I didn’t see you.”

“That’s odd,” she said, words slurring a little as she unwillingly relaxed under his soothing touch.

“Must have missed you,” he said in a low voice.

“Must have.”

“Next time you don’t feel good, you tell me. You don’t tell your friends to take care of you. That’s my job, remember?”

“But…”

“Next time I’m sick, you can baby me.”

She peered up at him. “But you’re never sick.”

“I’ll pretend so you can pay me back.”

She snickered. It was impossible to stay angry at him. He was so ridiculously caring and protective. Before she realized she needed something, he provided. That had to be why he said what he had to Tobias. He’d misinterpreted her texts with Georgia and thought Tobias was bothering her. She would seek out Tobias and apologize for what Jesse said and reassure him that she hadn’t been uncomfortable.

As Jesse’s fingers tunneled into her hair, the confusion and turmoil she carried throughout the day slipped away. This was the Jesse she knew. The Jesse she loved. The brother she’d come to depend on. For three years, they’d been deliriously happy. For the first time in her life, she felt safe and stable. She needed everything to stay the way it was.

Last night was an aberration. Whatever had possessed Jesse to enter her room and do what he had, wasn’t him. Everyone made mistakes. She couldn’t let one action ruin their relationship. She wouldn’t. She chose to forgive and forget and erase it from her memory.

Decision made, she relaxed completely and allowed herself to enjoy Jesse’s comforting touch. She needed everything to go back to normal. She couldn’t accept the alternative.