Page 19

VIOLET

2 MONTHS LATER

Despite the warm July evening, there was a healthy fire crackling in the fire pit. The backyard, house, and garage were filled to capacity for Jesse’s farewell party. Firefighters mingled with Jesse’s coaches, teammates, and their church friends. It seemed that half the neighborhood had decided to attend. Mom’s friends, mostly teachers, went around patting cheeks and catching up with students they hadn’t seen since elementary school.

Violet couldn’t believe this day had finally come. Jesse was leaving tomorrow. A part of her kept expecting something to go wrong—for his paperwork to fall through or there to be some mix up that would eject him from the military before he could be shipped off, but everything had gone smoothly. Mom tried to talk Jesse out of his decision until he swore in, and there was no turning back. This week had been rough on Mom. She’d excused herself multiple times from the party to have a crying session.

A commotion in the house caught Violet’s attention. She started forward as Dad emerged, carrying a massive cake. People clapped Jesse on the back and ushered him toward the table where Dad set it down. The cake had a pair of combat boots, a fighter jet, and the Air Force logo with, “We will miss you, Jesse,” written on it.

At everyone’s urgings, Jesse posed with his cake. Violet felt obliged to take pictures. Not for herself, but for Lynne. Even with everyone calling out for Jesse to look in their direction, he looked directly at her. She hastily took the photo and then fiddled with her phone until Dad began to address the crowd with his hand on Jesse’s shoulder.

“I’m happy you all could join us to celebrate Jesse before he sets out on his journey,” Dad said in a voice that carried clearly across the backyard. “I couldn’t ask for a better son. Lynne and I are so proud of you. We know you’re going to do great things in the world.”

Everyone whistled and cheered as Dad and Jesse gave each other manly claps on the back. Lynne walked up to Jesse, dabbing her eyes with her handkerchief. Clearly too emotional to speak, Lynne kissed Jesse on the cheek and gave him a hug.

As people turned to Violet with expectant faces, she felt a flash of panic. No one told her she’d have to say a few words and give Jesse a public farewell.

“Come, Vi,” Dad said, beckoning to her. “Let’s take a family photo before we cut the cake.”

She pasted a smile on her face as she made her way over. She and Lynne stood side by side, while Dad and Jesse stood behind them. As everyone playfully jostled for the best position to take their photo, pride swelled in her chest. She knew what the photos would capture. Dad and Jesse with their impressive, fit figures towering over her and Mom, who wore matching floral dresses, hers in pink and Mom’s in yellow. Dad and Jesse wore matching white button up shirts for precisely this reason. Mom had known there would be a ton of photos taken and wanted them to be ready. Their family had its issues, but at that moment, Violet didn’t want to be anywhere else. This is where she belonged.

Blinding flashes came from every direction. Their heads whipped back and forth, trying to give everyone the opportunity to get the perfect shot, but it was so chaotic that everyone began to laugh. Grinning, Violet stepped forward, only to be stopped by a pair of arms that pulled her back against a toned frame. Jesse wrapped his arms around her, pressed his cheek to hers, and rocked her from side to side. A series of “aww’s” came from the women who thought Jesse’s gesture was sweet. She kept her lips curved as her nails sank warningly into the back of his hand.

“Violet! Jesse! Look here!”

She looked in the direction of the voice and saw her friend Allison holding up her phone to take their photo. She endured Jesse’s touch for a few more seconds before she tried to move away. Jesse hesitated for a split second before he released her.

“This cake is something else,” Violet said enthusiastically as she stepped up to Mom’s side.

“And it’s supposed to taste even better than it looks,” Mom said as she handed Jesse the first slice, which was a shocking bright blue.

“It’s blueberry?” Jesse asked, eyeing the cake warily.

Mom laughed. “No, that’s just dye. It’s chocolate.”

Everyone laughed at Jesse’s obvious relief. As Dad went to fetch ice cream, Violet arranged slices of cake on a tray and began to circulate through the crowd.

She was waylaid often. It had been a while since she’d seen her uncles—a mix of firefighters, paramedics, and police officers who had known her since she was born. They wanted to know if she was going to follow in Dad’s footsteps, as she’d said she would when she was five. They guffawed when she gave an adamant, “Nope!”

After a series of hugs, she moved on and found herself face to face with Pastor Sonny. “Hey!”

“Hey, yourself,” he said and eyed the last plate on her tray. “Is that spoken for?”

“No! It’s all yours.”

She handed it to him and prepared to run when he tapped her shoulder.

“I’ve been meaning to talk to you, Violet.”

Her heart dropped to her toes as she turned back to him. “You have?”

She avoided him just as much as Jesse, if not more so. If anyone could discern what was happening, it would be Pastor Sonny. He was a kind man, but his gaze was piercing and stern, and she felt like he could see straight through people to their rotten core. She dreaded going to church. It seemed his sermons were tailor-made to rip her conscience to shreds every week.

“Yes. I was wondering if you were interested in becoming a mentor for the youth.”

“Mentor?” She cleared her throat. “That’s… wow.”

His eyes tracked over her face and fractionally narrowed. “You’re not interested.”

It wasn’t a question.

She tucked the empty tray under her arm and glanced around the room instead of meeting his eyes. “I’ve never considered being a mentor.”

“That’s why I think you should do it. I notice you prefer being in the background, assisting rather than taking a leadership role, but I think you have a lot to offer. I’ve known you since you were a little girl. You have wisdom to share with the young ones who need guidance for this next stage in life.”

As she struggled to think of something to say, he lightly touched her arm.

“Think about it and let me know.”

She watched him walk away before she gave herself a shake and hurried out to the backyard to do exactly what he said she liked to do—assist. Assisting meant she didn’t have to take the fall if something went awry. Assisting meant there was always work to be done. Keeping busy kept her from pondering too much. He thought she had wisdom to share? She was the last person anyone should come to for advice. She’d made a mess of her life.

When she tried to load her tray again, Mom gave her a little push.

“You’ve been on your feet all day. If people want cake, they’ll come looking. Enjoy the party. Go hang out with Jesse and your friends.”

Mom jerked her chin at the fire pit where most of the teenagers had congregated. She didn’t want to talk to anybody, but she could see Mom wasn’t going to let her continue to bustle around.

She accepted the cake slice Mom placed in her hands and wandered over to her peers. Allison hopped up from the lounge chair where she and her boyfriend, Jesse’s classmate, Blaine, were relaxing.

“This picture of you and Jesse is so cute ,” Allison exclaimed as she tapped her phone screen. “I already posted it and everyone is dying.”

Allison held up her phone, so Violet could see the photo of her and Jesse. She wasn’t expecting much, considering how far away Allison had been, but the edited results were devastating. She and Jesse beamed at the camera, faces pressed together, his arms wrapped around her. There was no trace of unease, anger, or bitterness on her face. She looked like she didn’t want to be anywhere else but in his arms. They looked happy. How the hell was that possible?

“Violet?” Allison lowered the phone and steadied her plate, which was shaking. “Are you okay?”

She pulled herself together. “Yes, of course.”

Allison rubbed her arm. “I can’t imagine how you feel. You two are inseparable. It’s going to be so weird seeing you without him.”

“He’s following his dream.”

Allison nodded. “I had no idea he wanted to go into the military. Most thought he would go into the NFL. I heard some scouts were interested in him, and that’s why Coach Rick was so upset when he quit football.”

Violet’s stomach flipped. “I never heard that.”

Allison gestured to her boyfriend. “That’s what Blaine said.”

“And what’s Blaine’s plans now that he’s graduated?” Violet asked, blatantly changing the subject.

Allison lit up. “He’s staying here.”

“That’s great. But didn’t he get into Dartmouth?”

Allison looked over her shoulder at Blaine before she turned back and whispered, “He decided to stay for me. He was worried we wouldn’t be able to do long distance, so he’ll wait another year before we decide where we want to go.”

“Aww, you guys are so in love ,” Violet teased.

Allison practically glowed. “Yes, we are. I think he’s it for me.” Allison gripped her arm and whispered, “He proposed.”

“What?”

“He didn’t get me a ring yet, but we’ve talked about getting married after I graduate next year.” Allison gave a little squeal. “Can you imagine me married exactly a year from now?”

“No.”

“Well, if we do, just know you’re going to be a bridesmaid.” Allison giggled when Violet made a face. “Come on. Who doesn’t love a wedding? Is it crazy that I want to be the first friend to get married and have kids?”

“Yes,” Violet said emphatically.

Allison pouted. “Can’t you be happy for me? Isn’t he a great guy?”

Violet swallowed hard. “He’s the best.”

“How lucky am I to have found the one in high school? What are the chances?”

Their mindsets couldn’t be more different. Allison was thinking of settling down and getting married and having kids, while Violet felt like her life hadn’t begun. She wanted freedom and to get away from everyone and everything she’d ever known. Commitment was the last thing on her mind.

Instead of voicing her negative, cynical thoughts, Violet smiled and offered Allison a piece of her cake.

Two hours later, the crowd had significantly thinned as people began to take their leave. The mood had shifted as well, becoming more somber as people said their official goodbyes. Everyone kept giving her sympathetic pats or squeezes, assuming she was taking Jesse’s departure as bad as Lynne when she felt nothing at all. Her stoic demeanor had been getting her some odd, sidelong looks. Shouldn’t people be happy she wasn’t imitating a human water faucet?

She escaped down the hallway for a break from the intense scrutiny and entered Jesse’s bedroom. His door had been left ajar, so guests could use their bathroom if the other was in use. She was relieved to discover it empty. She turned to close the door, which abruptly began to swing open again.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” she began with a laugh, intending to say the bathroom was occupied, but her voice died when Jesse pushed his way in. “What are you…?”

She didn’t get to finish her question because his head swooped down, and his mouth settled on hers. He clasped her face and kissed her like the world was about to end. She was momentarily stunned, but the sound of someone cheering in the distance reminded her that they had a house full of guests. What the hell was he doing ?

She wrenched her mouth away. “Have you lost your mind?”

“This should be the happiest night of my life,” he said gruffly. “Everyone I care about is gathered in one place to see me off. I’m about to set out on my lifelong dream and make my father proud. I should be over the fucking moon, so why do I feel so miserable?”

Had one of his friends slipped him alcohol, even with cops and a pastor present? Sucking in an annoyed breath, she looked up, intending to snap him back to reality, but the sight of his spiky lashes and blue eyes shimmering with tears made her mind go blank.

“How did I fuck this up so badly?” he said thickly.

She averted her gaze. “Everyone will be looking for you. You should go back to the party.”

“I can’t leave tomorrow with things like this between us,” he said, resting his forehead against hers. “Tell me there’s a chance we can still be together in the future.”

“This isn’t the time for this!” Her voice was terse with stress.

“We’re out of time, Violet. This is it.” He massaged her nape to encourage her to look at him. “Tell me I didn’t lose the most important person in the world to me.”

She braced her hand on his chest and strained away from him. “The door isn’t locked. Anyone could come in. All these people are here for you. You should be focused on them, not?—”

“Look at me!”

His raised voice made her stiffen in alarm.

“Are you crazy? What the hell are you trying to do?” she hissed.

His face flushed with anger as he gripped her shoulders and gave her a shake. “I’m trying to get through to you. I need you to stop looking through me and actually hear what I’m saying.”

Of course, he was forcing this confrontation the night before he left, when everyone they’d ever known was just a few rooms away.

She jutted out her chin. “What are you saying?”

His hands flexed on her shoulders. “I’m saying that I know what I did was wrong, and you have every right to hate me. I promised to protect you and couldn’t protect you from myself.”

His expression was a mix of frustration and desperation.

“I know I need to work on myself and that it’s best for both of us if I leave. I told myself I wouldn’t pressure you, but I need to know.” He brushed her hair back with trembling fingers. “Give me some hope. Tell me there’s a part of you that still feels something for me.”

She held his gaze and deliberately let seconds that felt like hours tick by. She felt no remorse as his face contorted with pain.

He swallowed hard, making his Adam’s apple bob. “Can you forgive me?”

Months ago, she forgave him without thinking, naively believing what Dad said—that no act was unforgivable. But what Jesse had done to her, what he stole over and over again… it wasn’t forgivable. As if he heard her thoughts, a tear slid down his cheek.

“Vi,” he whispered, but whatever he was going to say was interrupted by someone calling his name.

Fear gave her the strength to shove him hard enough that he rocked back.

“They need you. Go!” she ordered.

His anguish was plain to see. Hopefully, everyone would attribute his distress to nerves over leaving home for the great unknown.

“Violet.”

“Go, now!” she said harshly.

He swiped his sleeve over his dripping eyes before he turned and walked out of the bathroom. She stood there for a minute, staring at the place where he’d been standing, before she glanced in the mirror and saw her pale, blank face. Abruptly, she pushed on the door that led to her bedroom. The drawers she’d pushed in front of it, so no guests would wander into her bedroom by accident, gave way. Once she was in, she repositioned her makeshift barricade and locked her other door as well. She sent a quick text to Mom, letting her know she had a migraine and needed to lay down, and got a heart emoji in response.

She kicked off her shoes and, without bothering to change, lay on the bed in her dress. She stared at the ceiling with her hands folded neatly over her middle and tried to relax. Jesse’s behavior and mood swings over the last few weeks had swung from one extreme to the next. Some days he was cold and remote. On others, he was cruel. The worst days were when he was affectionate and kind. She didn’t know which Jesse she would get day to day, so she kept her guard up and didn’t trust any version of him she encountered.

Including this one.

Can you forgive me?

Her hands balled into fists. How dare he ask her that after everything he put her through? He’d hijacked not just her junior year, which was one big blur, he’d taken over her life . He segregated her from everyone, making her an outcast not just amongst their friends, but in their family as well. Because no one believed he was capable of such dastardly deeds, she had no one to confide in or turn to.

To have her brother, who she trusted implicitly, turn into her worst enemy was a betrayal of such epic proportions that she still couldn’t wrap her mind around it. She hadn’t just lost her sense of self—she lost her best friend and confidant. The person she used to run to for comfort, advice, and support disappeared. In his place was a monster who looked like him and sounded like him but did the most horrific things to her. He weaponized all her faults and weaknesses against her.

Jesse stopped seeing her as a person. She became an obsession, an object to be conquered and claimed. Sex whittled their relationship down to nothing. Their verbal communication and emotional connection ceased to exist, leaving them with no foundation to rebuild upon. He irreparably damaged her trust, not just in him, but herself. How could she trust her judgment when she’d been so easily duped by his sincere, good brother act? How could she not have sensed the evil lurking behind his guileless smile? Her confidence and self-esteem had taken so many blows, she didn’t feel like a whole person anymore. She no longer knew how to make a simple decision without examining it from every angle and listing every possible repercussion and consequence.

Lately, Jesse’s fixation had gone into overdrive. It was like he was trying to fuse them together. He was insatiable, possessed. To preserve her sanity against his brutal onslaught, she wrapped herself in a cocoon that insulated her from his destructive wrath. The more erratic and out of control Jesse became, the calmer and more detached she was. She could see that infuriated him, but she didn’t care. Self-preservation was all that mattered. All she had to do was hang on just a little longer.

She’d been counting down the months, weeks, and now, hours. She glanced at the clock and felt her heart soar. Twelve hours until he was gone. Until she got her freedom back. Until everything went back to normal. All she had to do was close her eyes. When she woke, they would have a few hours together, and then she could close the book on this chapter of her life and move on.