Page 16
VIOLET
FOUR MONTHS LATER
Thumbs hooked under her backpack straps; Violet stood at the end of the driveway. Luck was on her side. Mom left early this morning to decorate her classroom for spring, allowing Violet to change up her commute without Mom asking questions.
As her neighbor passed with his dog, he nodded to Violet while also giving her a slightly puzzled look that made her blush. Embarrassed, but determined to follow through with her plan, she stared at the end of the street, willing her ride to appear and save her from going with…
“What are you doing?”
She stiffened, but didn’t turn around to address the bane of her existence.
“I’m waiting,” she said, stating the obvious.
“I see that. Waiting for what?”
“I’m catching the bus to school.”
She was grateful they were in plain view of their neighbors who were heading to work or taking out the trash. It meant that she had countless witnesses if Jesse did something foul. He wouldn’t, of course. He saved his reprehensible behavior for when they were behind closed doors. In public, his manners were impeccable.
“You’re not catching the bus.”
She tightened her grip on her straps. “Mom already left for work. She won’t know we didn’t ride together.”
“But Dad will. He asked me what you’re doing out here.”
She whirled and spotted her father standing in the window with his coffee mug in hand. Damn. She hadn’t thought to look in the garage to see if his truck was there. She assumed he was at work.
“You want to tell him what’s going on or are you going to get in the car?”
Jesse’s taunt made her vision bleed to red. He asked that question like he had nothing to hide, as if his future didn’t depend on her keeping their secret. He should be kissing her ass, not provoking her. The fact that he was so certain she wouldn’t tell anyone made her so angry, she couldn’t speak. She wanted to. She should ! But, as miserable as she was, she couldn’t bring herself to get help.
On days like today, when Jesse pushed her to her breaking point, her mind played out every possible outcome. None of them ended well. If she released her pain, it would spread like a disease, infecting her family, rocking their church, and sending shockwaves through their tight-knit community. Nothing would ever be the same. Better to compartmentalize. To suppress her inner turmoil and believe that Jesse would come to his senses and stop. Also, confiding in someone meant explaining what was happening to her and… she just couldn’t. That would make it all too real.
“Come on, Vi.”
Jesse had the audacity to look exasperated with her, as if she had no grounds to be upset about what he did to her fifteen minutes ago.
“Violet?”
She broke eye contact with Jesse to see Dad standing on the front steps.
“Is something wrong?”
Bottled up emotions tore up her insides, making her eyes water.
Dad’s expression darkened. “What is it?”
Her mouth worked before she finally got out, “Jesse pissed me off. I want to catch the bus instead of riding with him.”
Dad blinked, clearly surprised. She and Jesse rarely quarreled. There had been no need to in the past.
“Jesse?” Dad prompted with a frown.
“I’ll make it up to her.”
Her skin prickled as Jesse gave that ominous promise.
“Avoiding your problems isn’t going to solve anything,” Dad admonished, shaking his head. “I taught you better than that. Settle it on the way to school. I’m sure Jesse didn’t mean to upset you.”
The pressure in her chest increased. A scream vibrated at the base of her throat.
Dad tossed Jesse a set of keys. “Take the truck. I need the SUV today.” Dad gave her a level look. “Be good.”
The subtle rebuke made it clear that he thought she was overreacting and being childish. Dad walked into the house. Several seconds later, the garage rolled up to reveal the truck that was almost as old as she was. It took a minute for her to have enough control to stalk to the truck instead of having a meltdown. Jessie didn’t fetch his bag until she was settled in the passenger seat.
She buckled up and twisted her hand in the dark blue seat belt as the yellow school bus she’d been waiting for cruised past. All she wanted was a moment’s respite from him, but it seemed like the world was conspiring against her.
Jesse didn’t say a word as he started the truck and reversed out of the garage. Silence reined between them as they left their neighborhood. Her stomach was tight as a fist.
“Did I hurt you?”
He meant physically, but he didn’t have to leave a bruise on her skin to hurt her. Marks made in passion would fade. It was the hundreds of invisible, razor-thin emotional cuts he inflicted that she knew would scar and haunt her for the rest of her life.
“Does it matter?”
He ran a hand through his hair. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. That wasn’t my intention.”
“What was your intention?”
A muscle ticked in his jaw. “You know.”
To scratch his itch before he started his day? She didn’t fight back when he cornered her in the bathroom, ushered her into the tub, and pinned her against the tiles to ravage her. She didn’t resist when he pushed her to her knees and fucked her mouth. It was only after he’d left her kneeling in the tub with her face dripping, and she heard Mom singing in the kitchen, that she snapped out of her daze and retched.
She wasn't sure why this morning was different from the others. He’d done far more demeaning things, but today it struck her how truly warped their relationship had become. The fact that they hadn’t exchanged a word during that whole encounter, and he left the moment he achieved his goal, made her realize he’d truly turned into Amnon. He didn’t loathe her, but he was addicted to using her to slake his lust and didn’t care how that impacted her. Their relationship has turned into a sour, tangled, depraved mess.
Jesse had changed. He no longer cajoled. He no longer petted and stroked to prepare her for him. The affection she’d come to expect from him had vanished. She was just a body to him. No one seemed to notice that his smile wasn’t the same, that he rarely laughed, and there was a hardness to him that hadn’t been there before. When they were alone, and he wasn’t wearing a mask, she was chilled by what she saw in his eyes. Her brother was gone and in his place was a stranger, one capable of anything.
When Jesse took the wrong exit, she gave him a sharp glance. “Where are we going?”
“For a drive.”
Her blood turned to ice. “No!”
“We need to talk.”
Talk? That was something they no longer did. Their commutes to and from school were done in complete silence. The only time they casually conversed was while hanging out with mutual friends or around their parents. If they were alone, Jesse was too focused on getting her on her back to ask about her day or hopes and dreams.
“We have nothing to talk about.”
His hand flexed on the wheel. “We do.”
She flung her hand in front of her. “So, talk! Why are we leaving Austin?”
“I don’t want us to be interrupted, and I need to clear my head.”
“We’re going to be late for school.”
“We’ll make it back in time. We aren’t going far.”
She twisted her hand in the folds of her light sweater as they traded the congested, six lane freeways for a two-lane highway. At this hour, everyone was headed into the city for work and school, while she and Jesse sped in the opposite direction.
Despite Jesse’s reassurance that they weren’t going far, they were going further than she was comfortable with. She considered calling Mom and Dad to tell them Jesse had lost his mind, when he finally slowed and turned off the main highway onto an unmarked dirt road.
“Where are we?”
“We’re almost there,” he yelled as they rattled down the pitted road.
“Almost where ?” she demanded, clutching the door handle.
“Here,” he said as they rounded a bend.
Trees gave way to rolling flatlands covered in a blanket of bluebonnets that stretched as far as the eye could see. Taking photos amidst the wildflowers was a rite of passage for locals who flocked to every park, field, and even along the highway in hopes of getting the perfect shot.
As Jesse pulled off the road, she rolled down her window to admire the cerulean beauties. Until that moment, she hadn’t realized what a gorgeous day it was. The morning chill was giving way to what promised to be a warm spring day. Birds chirped to one another. There was no sound of cars or people, just a lone farmhouse in the distance. The scene was so idyllic, it looked like a painting.
“Logan’s aunt lives at the end of this lane,” Jesse said. “I thought you’d enjoy seeing this.”
“It’s stunning,” she murmured as she closed her eyes and tipped her face to the sun.
Her worries about getting to school on time and why they were here dissolved. Minutes passed in blessed silence. When she opened her eyes, she blinked back tears. She wasn’t sure why. She braced her chin on her arms and stared at a sea of blue so dense, she imagined she could swim in it.
“Violet.”
Her bubble of tranquility popped. Tension crept back in. Anxiety stole the sun’s warmth from her face.
“What?” she said woodenly.
“I’m sorry if I went too far this morning.”
The clean taste of toothpaste was canceled out by the aftertaste of betrayal, which tasted like bitter grapefruit. “But that isn’t going to stop you from doing it again, is it?”
A pause and then, “No.”
She swung around to face him as her chest quaked. “You have to stop! You can’t do this anymore! Don’t you see what it’s doing to us?”
His expression was pained as he held his hands out to her in supplication. “I’ve tried, Vi. I?—”
“Try harder!” she bellowed.
His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed. “I swear I am. But the more I resist, the more I try to push it down…” His hand balled into a fist. “The worse it is when I lose control.”
“This isn’t normal, Jesse. It’s wrong !”
His expression hardened. “It could be right if you’d...” He looked away from her, down the empty road.
“If I what? Gave into you? Did whatever you wanted? Isn’t that what I’ve been doing? What more do you want?”
“I want you to want me back!”
His bellow made her heart stop.
“You think it’s enough to have your body?” he asked harshly. “To have you give into me?” He shook his head. “I thought that would be enough, too, but it isn’t. I hate the way you look at me. The way you stiffen up when I touch you when I know a part of you wants it.” His hand slashed through the air. “Needs it just as much as I do. I want you to let yourself want me back, Vi, and stop punishing us.”
“I don’t want you.” Her voice wasn’t as adamant as she intended.
His eyes narrowed. “Don’t lie. It isn't always force. Most of the time, you’re wet before I even touch you. Three days ago, you were rocking back so hard on my dick, I had to brace myself. What?—”
“That’s my body , not me !” she shrieked.
“Your body,” he repeated in a flat tone.
“Yes!”
He stared at her for a full minute before he said, “You’re not going to give in, are you?”
“Did I fight you this morning?” she asked waspishly.
He dismissed that with a wave of his hand, as if it was of no consequence. Rage licked the walls of her mind.
“I mean, you’re not going to admit what’s between us,” he clarified.
“What’s between us is gone ! You destroyed it!”
His hand, still on the steering wheel, went white as he gripped it, making the veins on the back of his hand stand out.
“I didn’t destroy it,” he said roughly. “I embraced it, surrendered to it. Your fear of change, of Mom and Dad and God made this into something bad, but it isn’t. This is a goddamn gift.”
His eyes gleamed with zeal, sending a trickle of alarm through her.
“Dad said what isn’t meant to be, God won’t allow. God isn’t stopping us from being together. He would have intervened in some fashion by now, don’t you think? No matter what you do, God keeps pushing you toward me. He wouldn’t even let you catch the bus! He brought us here so we could talk. Why can’t you see that you’re the only thing stopping us from being everything we’re meant to be? Of being happy?”
“Don’t you dare use God to justify your behavior. The only reason you’ve gotten away with it is because you’re so good at fooling people, and I’m too weak to...” Her throat constricted as despair and rage warred within her. “You…” Eyes burning, she bowed her head as she desperately tried to regain control.
“It’s not because you’re weak. You haven’t told anyone because you love me.”
Her head jerked up. “Love?” She could barely get the word out. How dare he say that to her?
“You love me,” he stated with such unshakeable confidence that she wanted to scratch his eyes out. “Deep down, you know we’re supposed to be together. You wouldn’t respond to anyone else the way you do to me.”
“That’s not true.” The moment the words left her mouth, she regretted it.
“What’s not true?”
His voice was calm, but she knew he was anything but.
She licked dry lips and couldn’t resist casting a nervous glance around, but there wasn’t a soul in sight. “I think we should go.”
“What’s not true?” he repeated.
When she didn’t speak, he leaned toward her.
“It’s not true that you only respond to me?”
She plucked at her jeans. He reached across the bench seat and gripped her chin, eyes glittering with the threat of violence.
“If I find out you allowed anyone to touch you, I’d kill them.”
“No one has!” She swatted at his hand, which only held her tighter. “I’m not allowed to date, and I don’t want anyone, including you! In fact, I think you should start dating again.”
“Date.”
His voice was flat and emotionless.
“Yes, date. Have sex with other girls.” She lifted her chin in challenge. “If I loved you, if I believed we were supposed to be together, would I push you toward someone— anyone else?”
The hand on her chin fell away. She was about to reach for her backpack to retrieve her phone when she saw his eyes glistening with tears. Her stomach flipped. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d seen him cry. She was horrified by the overwhelming need to apologize and comfort him. What the hell was wrong with her? He’d hurt her immeasurably and broken promise after promise. Why the hell should she care that something she said had finally gotten through to him? She shouldn’t care.
But she did.
“You hate me,” he said quietly.
She swallowed hard.
“If you hate me, say it.”
She opened her mouth, but nothing came out. Her voice deserted her when she needed it most.
His expression softened. “You want to hate me, but you can’t.”
“Stay back,” she ordered as he reached for her.
“I’m not going to hurt you,” he crooned and gripped her leg and tugged, stretching her out on the bench seat with him hovering over her.
He ignored the hands that braced against his chest and rested his forehead against hers.
“You don’t want me with someone else.”
“Y-yes, I do!” she choked.
“Okay, baby,” he said, clearly humoring her.
“I really do!” she insisted as he stroked her hair. “I’m serious. Get what you need from someone else. I’ll interview them! I know what kinky shit you’re into. I can find a skanky?—”
His mouth covered hers. The kiss was hard and punishing, but when she stopped struggling, it immediately gentled. He began to kiss her tenderly, reverently, as he hadn’t done for weeks. It was a shock, considering how he’d used her less than an hour ago. Her body quivered in delight, starved for affection and connection.
She tried to escape mentally, but Jesse wasn’t rushing. He wasn’t rushing to get off or worried about being discovered. His tongue tangled lazily with hers and enticed her to engage. She was drawn in by the taste of something sweet. What was that? Eager to erase the bitterness in her mouth, she allowed her tongue to dance with his and ignored his pleased hum. He’d eaten an apple for breakfast. Curiosity appeased, she tried to disengage, but Jesse didn’t allow it.
He kept her mouth busy as he kissed her ten different ways—indulgent, deep, teasing, arousing. She couldn’t keep up and was further distracted when his hand slipped beneath her sweater and covered her breast. By the time he raised his head and allowed her to catch her breath, her mind was spinning.
“You want me to kiss other girls like this?” he murmured as his lips drifted over her face.
She tried to gather her wits as he bunched her sweater under her chin. Even as she registered the cool chill on her bare skin, Jesse tucked the cup of her bra beneath her left breast. When he flicked her nipple with his tongue, she jerked like she’d been lashed with a whip.
“I love when your breasts get sensitive close to your period,” he said before he latched onto her nipple.
He pinned her arms to the seat as she hissed and arched and bit back the urge to beg for mercy. It wouldn’t make a difference to him. It never did. Despite his claims that God was on his side, she refused to believe it and prayed for divine intervention. Maybe the people in the farmhouse would get curious about why they were parked here and come investigate. Or perhaps a passerby would peek in, thinking they had car trouble or something had gone wrong. She strained to hear the rumble of a car, but all she could hear was the wet sounds of Jesse suckling and her own pathetic whimpering.
“You love this,” he said raggedly, and turned his head from side to side, so her nipple dragged along his lips. “I could do this to you all day. You’re so beautiful. A meadow of bluebonnets is nothing compared to you.” He nuzzled her breast as he muttered, “I had girls offer me everything. I couldn’t bring myself to take, even though I was desperate for relief. I’d rather be tortured in your presence and have you see me as a brother, then sink my dick into someone and try to picture your face while I’m with her. I need the real thing. I need you, Violet. No one else will do.”
She tipped her head back to look out the open window and tried to follow the progress of slow-moving clouds as Jesse moved to her other breast. When she couldn’t take anymore, she kicked her legs in frustration.
“Jesse!”
He eased the pressure and finally released her breast. He admired how puckered and swollen it was and peppered it with kisses before he buried his face between them.
“This has been hell.”
His voice was muffled against her skin as he stroked her sides.
“I don’t want it to be like this between us.”
But it was, and there was no going back to the way it had been. Maybe in the beginning, they could have restored their relationship, but they’d gone too far. Their bond was so mangled, she couldn’t imagine them having a relationship that was even remotely normal or healthy.
“I didn’t intend to do this,” he said, kissing the side of her breast. “I brought you here so we could talk about the future.”
She stiffened. “What future?”
Jesse lifted his head and searched her face. “Ours.”
She gaped at him.
“I’m going to graduate soon. I wanted to talk about what we should?—”
“We?”
She shoved him hard enough to make him blink.
“Get off me!” she snapped.
He sighed. “Calm down.”
“ You calm down! Get the hell off me before I scream my head off.”
It wasn’t a huge threat, considering the isolated setting, but Jesse rose and sat behind the wheel as she shot up and hastily fixed her bra and yanked her sweater down.
“There’s nothing to discuss with me. You’re going to graduate and go off to college in another city or, better yet, out of state. I’ll finish school and go my own way. Our futures aren’t the same.”
He stared at her, expression unreadable.
“There is no we or our or us . What we had, what we were, is gone. You…” She swallowed hard, eyes stinging with tears. “You hurt me more than anyone else. I trusted you. I never thought you of all people would ever…”
When he reached for her, she recoiled and wrapped her arms around herself.
“I want this to be over. I need it to be over.” A tear slid down her cheek. “I need you gone.”
“You don’t mean that,” he whispered.
He was clearly gutted. She ruthlessly stomped out the flurry of weak emotions that told her she’d gone far enough, that it wasn’t the Christian way to repay evil with evil. She was supposed to overcome evil with good, but she didn’t have that in her. All she had was anger. Lots of it. Months of suppressed rage and shame and helplessness erupted, spewing like hot lava. She had to get it out, to let him know how she saw him, and that there was no future where they were together.
“What’s between us isn’t a gift, it’s poison,” she said hoarsely. “It’s corrupt and rotten, and nothing good has come from it. You think if it felt so good, if we were meant to be, that I would spend an hour scrubbing my body every time you touch me and still never feel clean?”
He went very still. She hardened her heart against the anguish creeping into his expression. This was her moment to end this once and for all, and she was going to see it through, even if it destroyed them both in the process.
“I hate that I can’t look Dad in the eye. I hate that I have to watch every word I say because I’m terrified I’ll let something slip. I hate that you were my first and that you conditioned my body to respond to you.”
She trembled under the tremendous, crushing weight on her shoulders.
“You think what’s stopping me from telling someone is love, but it isn’t love for you. It’s love for Lynne. Knowing what you are would destroy her.”
“What am I?”
A tear slipped down her cheek as she said, “You’re a monster.”
His expression went blank, his vulnerability and agony vanishing so quickly, she wasn’t sure it had been there at all. Silence reined. A bird swooped in front of the truck before it flapped away, chirping gaily. A breeze caused fine tendrils of hair to slide across her face.
“Say it, Vi.”
She knew what he wanted to hear and finally had the strength to.
“You’re right. I don’t hate you.” For just a moment, she saw hope flash in his eyes before she finished, “I feel nothing for you at all.”
He didn’t move a muscle, but the hairs on her arms stood up as something evil and inhuman stared out of Jesse’s eyes. She got her first glimpse of the demon that lurked within him the day Jesse took her by the river. Recently, she’d begun to see him more frequently, as Jesse was ruled by his lustful appetites. The demon that used to possess him at night was now visible in broad daylight. He and Jesse were now one.
“I really tried, Violet,” Jesse said ruefully, lips curved in a mocking smile as his eyes burned with wrath. “I tried for you, but I guess it wasn’t good enough.”
She clutched the door handle, heart pumping, as he cocked his head, examining her clinically.
“Telling a monster you feel nothing for him isn’t very smart,” he pointed out.
She stopped breathing.
“It gives him no incentive not to act like one.”
Even as he reached for her, she shoved the door open and fell out of the truck. This was all horrifically familiar, but this time, she knew what he was capable of. Even as she scrambled to her feet and reached for her backpack to grab her cell phone, he slid across the seat after her.
For a split second, she considered trying to reason with him, but a glimpse of the bloodlust carved into his face convinced her fleeing was her only option. She plunged into the field of bluebonnets, her aim the lone farmhouse in the distance. She waved her hands, hoping someone was looking out of the window and would realize something was terribly wrong. She would have screamed in hopes that anyone within earshot would come to the rescue, but she didn’t have time to haul in a breath when she could hear him gaining ground behind her. He was an athlete. Strong, fast. She would never make it.
Even as the thought crossed through her mind, Jesse tackled her from behind. The impact sent her sprawling in a patch of fluffy bluebonnets that cushioned her fall. She scrambled on her hands and feet, trying to get away. When Jesse hauled her back, Dad’s training kicked in. She balled her fist and swung with all her might. Jesse dropped like a stone when she punched him in the ear.
Breath ragged, she continued on. As she stumbled through the wildflowers, she glanced back at the road. Her stomach lurched when she realized how far away she was. The farmhouse was her only hope. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Jesse straighten. Panic gave her extra strength. She ran full out, faster than she ever had. It was life or death. She could do this.
She was close enough now to make out more details of the house. The porch had a swing and pots of pink and yellow flowers. Whoever lived there was a good person. They would help her if they were home. God, please help me , she begged. Prove Jesse wrong. Save me. If You do, I swear I’ll … she was struck down again before she could strike a bargain with God.
Jesse took the brunt of the fall and this time, kept his arms around her instead of knocking her off balance. They rolled. He pinned her clawed hand to the ground and leaned over her, gold cross swinging. His eyes were alight. She would never forget the strange formation of clouds dotting the sky, being hemmed in by cheery bluebonnets, and the look on Jesse’s face as he looked down at her.
Time stopped.
“Jesse?” she panted.
He leaned down, kissed her forehead, and murmured, “Lord, forgive me for what I’m about to do.”
Violet lay on a bed of crushed wildflowers. She was naked. She knew that should bother her, but she couldn’t find the will to care. Nothing mattered. Not anymore.
A figure appeared in her line of sight. She didn’t bother focusing on Jesse. Instead, she admired a cloud that resembled an elephant head. That was more interesting than anything Jesse had to say. She hadn’t been honest when she said she didn’t feel anything for him, but it had been a self-fulfilling prophecy because now she really didn’t. He’d given her glimpses of the monster within, but he proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that her brother was truly gone. They could never go back to what they’d been. Ever.
Jesse pulled her into a sitting position so he could slip a shirt over her head. Gently, he pulled her to her feet. The shirt was so large, it covered her to mid-thigh. When he crouched to pick her up, she hung lifelessly over his shoulder and spotted her torn peach-colored sweater and stained jeans clutched in his hand. She closed her eyes as her stomach rocked.
Her head spun as he settled her in the passenger seat of the truck. Automatically, she pulled the seatbelt across her chest and clicked it in. She pressed her feet together, noting that she was missing a sock. She stared down the dirt road that hadn’t brought one car across their path.
Jesse opened the glove box in front of her and pulled out one of Dad’s red paisley bandanas. He splashed it with water before he began to clean her face. His hands were trembling, and although he was talking, it sounded like gibberish to her. She couldn’t hear anything over the echoes of her piercing screams ricocheting around in her head, interspersed with static. If she had the will to speak, she would have asked him for water to rinse out the taste of blood, semen, and dirt in her mouth. Instead, she let him scrub her face until he gave up and rounded the truck to climb into the driver’s seat.
The moment the truck began to move, she deflated, closing her eyes and slumping against the door. It seemed that she closed her eyes for a minute. When she opened them, Jesse was tugging her out of the truck, into a pit. She flailed before her eyes adjusted and she recognized their surroundings. They were in their garage with the door already down, which is why it was so dark. Her sluggish heart leapt.
“Dad’s not home,” Jesse murmured as he toted her into the house.
She had a feeling of déjà vu as he placed her in the tub. This time, she wasn’t shellshocked and heartbroken. She was coherent and functional, but her emotions had been switched off. She was grateful.
In contrast, Jesse fluttered around her, his unshakeable poise, gone. His face was drawn and the glassy horror in his blue eyes warmed her because this time it was he who was rattled. He manically scrubbed her down and seemed obsessed with cleaning every nook and cranny, even cleaning inside her ears like she was a child.
When he tried to dress her in a nightgown, she reached for jeans and a top.
“Violet.”
“I’m going to school.”
He said nothing, just stood there in jeans and nothing else.
“You don’t have to take me,” she said.
He spun on his heel and disappeared into the bathroom. She hummed as she stared at her array of underwear. What color did she want to wear? She was still trying to decide when Jesse reappeared, clean and fully dressed. She frowned.
“It’s been fifteen minutes,” he said.
“Oh.”
He swallowed. “I think you should stay here.”
“No.” She had to go to school where her friends were. Where she felt safe, even if it was just for a little while. She couldn’t stay at home, in her bedroom. She would lose it.
Jesse didn’t argue. He selected white underwear and held it out for her to step into. He pulled them up without copping a feel or doing anything else lecherous and dressed her in jeans and a gray hoodie.
She led the way back to the garage and climbed into the truck. Jesse stared at her through the windshield for what seemed to be forever before he got in. The garage door opened, flooding the space with light.
She had no idea what time it was, but traffic hour had passed. Even though there was a clock on the dashboard, she couldn’t bring herself to look at it. Her surroundings seemed sharper, brighter, more vibrant.
“I’m sorry.”
Jesse’s croak made no impact on her.
“I swear, I?—”
“Shut up.”
Her voice sounded as empty and hollow as she felt.
“I don’t know what’s happening to me. Something in my head just snapped.”
“You should seek help,” she advised coolly.
Jesse turned into the school parking lot. There was no one around since everyone was in class. She reached for her backpack and ignored her filthy clothes on the floorboard.
“Violet.”
She glanced at him. The monster was gone. In his place was a tormented teenager. If she didn’t know any better, she would have thought he was the one who’d been attacked. He was pale, sweating, and looked devastated. He’d aged five years in a matter of hours.
“Report me,” he ordered.
His words sliced through the blessed numbness and zapped some of her dead emotions back to life.
Jesse blinked rapidly as his eyes filled with tears. “You should get help. I’ve gone too far. I’ll accept the consequences, whatever they are.”
He leaned over, gripped her face between both hands, and kissed her. It was an apology, a goodbye.
He pulled back, whispered, “I love you,” and gave her one last, hungry kiss before he hopped out of the truck and slammed the door behind him.
He stalked toward school without a backpack, hands in his pockets. She sat there for several seconds before she slipped out, shouldered her backpack, and headed in the opposite direction.
As she opened the door of a building, the bell rang. Students flooded the hallways. Everyone walked around her like she wasn’t even there. No one called out her name or tried to stop her from reaching her destination. Her feet felt like they were in blocks of cement. The closer she got to the office, the more she felt like she couldn’t breathe.
“Honey, can I help you?”
Violet stared at the smiling office clerk behind the desk. The woman had short, curly hair, and pink hibiscus earrings. The woman looked so cheerful and warm, like nothing bad had ever happened to her, while Violet felt like she had been hacked to pieces with a machete and was about to fall apart.
The woman’s smile faded. “Honey, are you okay?”
Violet nodded, even as tears began to slip down her face. The woman rushed around the counter and rubbed her hands up and down Violet’s arms.
“What’s going on, dear? What’s happened?”
“I…”
Violet gulped back tears. This was it. This was her moment. All she had to do was tell the nice lady what had happened to her —what had been happening to her for six months, and it would be over. She had proof—semen in her mouth, pussy, ass. She was raw, bruised, and had his DNA under her fingernails. Her scratches would be all over his body, and his tongue was still swollen from her biting it. This was the right thing to do—what he’d urged her to do for both their sakes.
But she couldn’t do it.
“I think I have my period and stained my pants,” she wailed.
The woman’s face cleared. “Oh, honey, we’ve all been there. It’s going to be okay. Come, let me help you.”
Violet was curled up on the front seat of the truck when the driver’s door opened. Jesse stared at her for a minute before he slid in and rested his hand on her head. She whimpered like a wounded animal as tears slipped out of raw, swollen eyes.
Once the sweet lady in the office gave her a tampon and reassured her that her pants weren’t stained, she trudged back to the truck and collapsed on the seat. She lay there for hours, trying to gather the strength to go in and tell her story, but she couldn’t move. She listened to the bells ring, knowing she was running out of time, and now it was over.
Jesse didn’t tell her to sit up and put on her seatbelt as he started up the truck. As he drove, his hand sifted through her hair, stroked her cheek, and rubbed her quivering back while she sobbed.
Once Jesse parked the truck in the garage, he cradled her in his arms. She was too distraught to care if their parents were home but figured neither of them were when Jesse slid into bed with her.
He held her as she cried and beat her fists against his chest and screamed that she hated him. He didn’t say a word. He let her rage and when it was over, he undressed her and tended to every mark he’d left behind.
It didn’t surprise her when he eased himself inside of her. He didn’t move, he just petted and nuzzled her. But she didn’t want to be placated. She needed a release, an outlet for all the horrible things going on inside of her that were tearing her apart.
When she shoved him onto his back, he didn’t resist. She rode him, setting a brutal pace that went on and on because her mind was too fucked up to let her climax. In the end, Jesse helped push her over the edge. When she collapsed on top of him, he held her until her breathing had evened out, and she was still and quiet. He didn’t seek an orgasm for himself, but kissed her forehead, tucked the blankets around her, and left.
Violet turned on her side, stared at the far wall, and felt absolutely nothing.