Page 63 of Cloudless

TIME TRAVEL

LILA

Hospitals have a certain smell. I’m not sure if it's the sharp smell of antiseptic or the lingering smell of old coffee that causes such a recognizable scent. Maybe it’s the ever-present burn in your nose like you’ve just inhaled chlorine that makes the scent so easily distinguished.

Or maybe it’s not a smell, but just a feeling. A feeling of all-consuming dread that seems to overtake anyone who walks through the sliding glass doors. For some, it’s a feeling of déjà vu, like they’re stepping back in time to revisit the worst day of their lives.

I used to not believe in time travel. There’s no way that we mere humans could master such a complex theory. There’s no way we could harness enough power and understanding to control something as intricate as time.

But as I walked through those sliding glass doors a few hours ago, I became a believer.

Time travel doesn’t exist the way it does in movies and books, though.

It’s not a futuristic car you can get in, push a few buttons, and speed off into a new era.

It’s not a genetic disorder that causes you to spontaneously fade away into a different time.

It’s not a blue police box that uses alien technology to travel anywhere in time and space.

No. It’s the sound of a doorway made up of simple glass that squeaks as it opens.

It’s the sharp smell of antiseptic and stale, cheap coffee.

It’s a feeling that nothing will ever be okay again.

Because in reality, I’m sitting in a broken-down chair while I wait for a doctor to come and X-ray my sister's arm. My butt is numb, my stomach is growling, and I am exhausted. But, this isn’t the worst day of my life.

My mind doesn’t care about reality, though. No. My mind is stuck reliving that worst day over and over again.

My ears don’t care that Posey is laughing at something Kam just said or that she doesn’t need a heart monitor like the old lady in the next room.

All my ears can hear are the mumbled words of the nurse, who couldn’t keep the tears from her eyes as she said, “I’m sorry, Miss Sullivan. There was nothing else we could do.”

My eyes don’t care that Posey is smiling as she fidgets on the bed with the scratchy sheets. All my eyes can see are the bloodstains on the doctor’s scrubs as he told me I was an orphan.

As he told me I’m alone.

“You alright, Sunshine?” Kam’s worried eyes cause a pit to open up in my stomach that threatens to swallow me whole.

The metal rings squeak against the curtain rod as the nurse pokes his head around the fabric divider. His sunken eyes and dark circles don’t keep the smile from his face as he says, “Are you ready for that X-ray, Miss Posey?”

Posey's eyes gleam with anticipation as the nurse maneuvers the wheelchair into the room. “Do I get to ride in that?”

The nurse’s smile never strays from his face as he pulls the lever to engage the brake on the chair. “You sure do! You get to take a ride to radiology, where we’re going to take pictures of the inside of your arm.”

Posey’s eyes grow impossibly wide as she eyes the nurse like he’s a magician. “Will I get to see the pictures?”

His eyes flick to mine as he raises a brow. “If it’s alright with your mom.”

I clear my throat as my face heats. “Oh, uh, sister, actually.” I nod my head as his brows crease.

“And yes, she can look at the X-rays.” I turn to Posey with a smile on my face.

“Jasper will be so jealous when we tell him you got to look at pictures of the inside of your arm. We’ll have to keep him from slipping on the ice on purpose just so he’ll be able to do the same. ”

She rolls her eyes as she shakes her head. “If he knew how bad it hurt, he wouldn’t want to. It’s not worth the cool pictures.”

I can’t help but smile at the scrunch of her nose. “Make sure you tell him that when we get home.” My legs are reluctant to straighten as I stand from my chair to plant a kiss on the top of her head. “You be good for the nurses, Ladybug.”

She rolls her eyes again. Lord help us when she turns sixteen. “I’m always good, Lulu.”

Kam nods next to me as he ruffles the hair on the top of her head. “Of course you are, Rosie Posey. When we get home, you can pick the movie we watch tonight since you’ve been so brave.”

Her eyes grow even wider as she vibrates in her seat. “Even a princess movie?”

Kam’s smile grows as he laughs. “Even a princess movie.”

Her eyes turn to the nurse, who’s just as excited as the eight-year-old in front of him. She clammers from the bed without a care for her likely broken arm. “Let’s go! Let’s go!”

The nurse’s face turns white as he tries to slow her movements. “Alright! We’ll go as long as you promise to be more careful with your arm.”

She sticks out her good hand for a handshake as she says, “Deal!”

His brows raise as he gently shakes her hand. “How old are you again?”

Her voice blends with the squeak of the wheelchair as they leave the room. “I just turned eight last month. How old are you?”

Kam’s smile fades from his face as his full attention falls on me. “What’s wrong?” He holds up a finger to stop the words threatening to spill from my mouth. “And don’t tell me it’s nothing . I know you better than that.”

The smile I force onto my face only adds to the worry in his eyes. “Just reliving some bad memories.” I blow out a breath as I try to dispel some of the hospital smell that I can’t seem to escape. “Hopefully, we can get out of here soon.”

The warmth of his skin seeps into my palm as he intertwines our fingers.

“It’s okay to visit the memories, just don’t get lost in them, Sunshine.

” His eyes dart to the clock on the wall before returning to mine.

“You should probably call Evelyn to let her know you won't be able to make the final meeting tonight. Maybe she’ll be able to talk you through everything over the phone instead?”

My hands turn clammy. “Evelyn has been amazing. I really couldn’t have asked for a better social worker, but do you think she’ll take it well when I call and tell her Posey broke her arm after I already had to move the meeting to your house after our pipes burst?

” A crease forms between my brows as I tighten my hand around his. “That has to look bad, right?”

His nonchalant shrug doesn’t match the worry I still see in his eyes. “I really don’t know. I would like to say the injury won’t matter. That kids get hurt all the time, and it’s not a big deal.”

I nod as I blow out another useless breath. “But you can’t.”

His sad smile causes an ache to form in the center of my chest. “But I can’t.” His fingers find mine to offer the strength I need. “Call her. You’ll feel better after you get it over with.”

This time, my deep breath has nothing to do with the smell in the air, and everything to do with the need for more oxygen. “You’re right.”

His usual smile sliding back into place makes the ache in my chest lessen. “I usually am.”

I roll my eyes as my smile forms. “Sometimes I forget you and Ellie are twins. Then you say something like that, and it’s like I’m looking right at her.”

His nose scrunches as his smile falls. “That’s disturbing.”

I nod as I laugh. “You’re telling me.”

He raises a brow as he pries my phone from my clenched fingers. “Quit stalling.”

I struggle to swallow as my clammy hand takes my phone from his outstretched hand. My reflection stares back at me from the black screen. “What if she says I’ve screwed everything up? What if she says I’m?—”

Kam’s familiar hand covering my reflection halts my words. His eyes are overflowing with love as I try to calm my racing heart. “Then we will deal with it.”

“We?”

His smile never wavers as he nods. “We.”

I nod along with him as I wipe the moisture from my hands onto my pants. “Okay.” My fingers shake and leave spots of moisture on the glass screen as I find her contact and hit dial.

My pulse pounds through my temples as every ring feels like it lasts an eternity. “Hello?”

“Hi, Evelyn. It’s Lila.”