Page 28 of Cloudless

SEMANTICS

LILA

My eyes volley between the jersey on my bed, the note in my hand, and my crush’s sister as I try to calm my racing heart. “He gave you this?”

Ellie groans from her place on the edge of my bed. “For the hundredth time, yes. He wants you to wear it. Open the note and read it for yourself.”

I trace the edges of the paper in my hand like I would a bomb. Logically, I know I won’t be the only girl wearing Kam’s name on my back tonight, but I’ll be the only one he asked to wear it.

That means something, right? It has to.

I turn my back to Ellie to gain a semblance of privacy as my shaky fingers unfold the notebook paper. My eyes roam over the neat handwriting twice before I actually read any of the words.

Wear my jersey tonight, Sunshine. It’ll look better on you than me.

How can twelve little words hold so much meaning?

I exhale a shaky breath as I refold the paper and slide it into the back pocket of my jeans.

I turn back around and come face to face with a grinning Ellie. Her excitement is palpable as her smile turns blinding. “So, will you wear it?”

My eyes trace the bold letters on the back of the jersey once more before they return to her. I nod my head with a hesitant smile. “Yeah. I’ll wear it.”

Her answering squeal startles me into almost tripping over the toy cars at my feet. “Yay! We need to get started then.”

I back away from her as she roams her calculating eyes over my form. “Get started on what, exactly?”

Her nose wrinkles as her eyes lock onto the messy bun on the top of my head. “We have a lot of work to do, L. We need all the time we can get.”

An hour later, I hardly recognize the woman staring back at me in the mirror. Soft, blonde waves cascade down my back and blend with the thin, red ribbon tying my hair out of my face.

Dark lashes stand out against my freckled cheeks. My blue eyes glow from the bronze eyeshadow I almost didn’t allow Ellie to apply because of how scary it looked in the pan.

The number 23 sitting proudly in the middle of my chest feels like a statement I’m not sure I’m ready to make, but the sense of rightness that it creates settles my erratic heart.

Posey’s soft voice pulls my attention from my reflection. I didn’t even hear her enter the room. “You look beautiful, Lulu.”

Ellie envelopes my sister in a crushing hug from behind as they both stare at me with hearts in their eyes. “Doesn’t she, though?”

I smile as I take in Posey’s cheerleading costume and high pigtails that are tightly secured with matching red ribbon. “Thanks, Ladybug.”

The pounding of little feet in the hall reaches us before Jasper does. “Come on! We’re going to be late!”

Ellie’s smile turns sinister as her eyes gleam. “I guess we better get going, then.”

If only I had her confidence.

The roar in the stadium sets fire to my already-fried nerves.

Ellie’s voice is muffled by the crowd and the handful of popcorn she just stuffed in her mouth. “Why do you look like you’re about to throw up?”

“I do not.” I push the sleeves of my black, long sleeve shirt to my elbows and fan my face with the game day program Jasper insisted we take from the lady who scanned our tickets.

Ellie huffs out a laugh as she stuffs another handful of popcorn in her mouth. “You’re turning green, L.”

“I don’t know, okay. It just feels like everyone is looking at me and they all know Kam gave me this jersey and they think I’m not worthy to wear it and that I’m just an imposter and I?—”

Ellie’s calming hand on my arm silences my raging thoughts I didn’t realize were tumbling out of my mouth.

“Woah there. Take a deep breath in.” I follow her lead as she takes a deep breath in through her nose.

“That’s it. Now let it out.” We breathe out through our mouths as the chill in the air finally cools my heated cheeks.

We breathe like that for several seconds until my heart returns to its usual rhythm. She waits until my coloring returns to normal before she begins her speech. “First, no one knows anything about what's going on with you and my brother. Even if they did, it’s none of their business.”

I groan as I lean back in my seat. “I know. You’re right.”

She holds up her hand to silence me once more. “I wasn’t finished. Second, if my brother chooses to love you, that makes you worthy of that love.”

My spine straightens to an impossible level as I almost levitate out of my seat. “No one said anything about love!”

She dismisses me with a wave of her hand before she continues. “Semantics. And third, you’re not an imposter.”

I raise my eyebrows as my spine relaxes a fraction of its tension. “You’re not going to give me a reason why I’m not an imposter?”

She stuffs another handful of popcorn into her mouth. “Nope. I can’t give you all the answers to life’s problems.”

I roll my eyes at the girl who is quickly becoming my best friend. “What would I do without you?”

She shrugs her shoulders as her eyes roam up and down my polished form. “Look like a hot mess. Still hot, just a mess.” A look of concentration takes over her face as she digs around in her bag of popcorn. “Have you heard from your grandparents anymore?”

I sigh as I think back to the phone call I shared with Victoria a few days ago. “Yeah. They want to watch the twins for a few hours after the game tonight. They think it’ll help them ‘bond’.” Air quotes accompany my eye roll.

Her eyebrows go up and a stray popcorn kernel falls to her lap as her hand stalls halfway to her face. “And how do you feel about that?”

I shrug as I turn my attention to the ice. My eyes immediately lock onto Kam as he skates laps around the rink. “It’s terrifying, but that’s what the judge told me to do. I don’t see any other option.”

She nods as her eyes flood with sympathy. “You should come to The Penalty Box tonight after you drop them off. It’ll help keep your mind off things. You deserve a night off every now and then.”

I blow out a thankful breath. “That would be great.”

She picks the stray popcorn kernel off her lap and tosses it over my head at Jasper before turning back to me like nothing happened.

Jasper’s head swivels around, looking for the culprit as Ellie hides her popcorn bag under her arm.

“And you’re sure you don’t have a long-lost aunt or something you can contact instead? ”

“Not that I know of, unfortunately.”

Her eyes light up and I can practically see the light bulb above her head switch on.

“You can do an at-home ancestry genetic test and try to find relatives that way! This girl in my economics class found out she had a half-brother by doing one of those. Let’s just say her mom was not very happy when she found out. ”

“I thought about that already. That’s not guaranteed to show any results or that the relatives I find would be interested in meeting us.” Her eyes flare as I steal a piece of popcorn. “Plus, they take weeks to get back. I need to build a relationship now .”

Her expression falls as she resumes digging in her popcorn bag. “Ah. That’s a bummer. I hate to say it, but I think you’re just going to have to give your grandparents a chance.”

My resigned sigh gets lost in the voices surrounding us. “I know. I’m just going to make the best of it. People can change, right?”

She rolls her eyes as she looks over at the empty seat next to her. “I’m beginning to doubt that.”

Sympathy constricts my heart. I would give anything to have my mom sitting next to me, but Ellie and Kam’s mom can’t bother showing up. “Does she ever come to his games?”

I watch as Ellie stows away her sorrow. The action is so seamless and practiced, I’m not sure she realizes it even happened. “She only tries when it’s convenient.” She shrugs like that’s not the saddest thing in the world. “You get used to it after a while.”

I clench my teeth as my fingers dig into the armrest between us. “Yeah, but you shouldn’t have to.”

Her eyes follow her brother on the ice as a small smile lifts the corners of her lips. “That’s why we always show up for each other. Kam and I. We have to be there for each other if no one else will.”

My heart aches as I watch my brother and sister share a box of Skittles next to me. Every time Jasper pulls out a red one, he hands it to Posey because he knows it's her favorite. It doesn’t matter that it’s his favorite, too.

I can’t help but smile. “That’s what family does.”

Her eyes turn away from her brother to search my face. “You’re family now too, L. I hope you know that.”

I’m starting to.