Page 18 of Cloudless

NEMO

LILA

My face turns molten. I spin around so quickly that I bump into his dresser. My hip throbs as Shrek , Finding Nemo , and The Matrix fall to the floor and scatter between us as his neatly organized row of DVDs shifts under the sudden movement.

Nemo’s beady eyes taunt me from the floor as my mind reels with images of a shirtless Kam.

Oh damn.

Damn.

Damn.

Damn.

What a beautiful man.

What a stunningly beautiful man.

The air that rushes over my face as I bend down to pick up the scattered DVD cases is a welcome relief on my overheated face.

“I’m, uh, so sorry. I didn’t mean to stare.

It’s just that, well, you’re, um.” My fingers fumble against the plastic cases as I take a deep breath to prevent any more embarrassment.

My first attempt to place the DVDs on the dresser misses, and my knuckles make a horrendous clack against the dresser. The throbbing in my hip and knuckles momentarily takes away the sting from the embarrassment. My second attempt at righting the fallen DVDs is a success.

I turn to find Kam’s barely contained laughter reddening his face. The embarrassment comes flooding back like a rogue wave.

His grin is present in full force. “I’m what, Sunshine?”

I wave my hand around his entire frame as my face heats to an impossible degree. “You’re kinda beautiful.” I have to fight not to smack my hand over my mouth to keep it shut. The word embarrassment is not a good enough word to fit the stupidity my mouth is spewing.

His grin transforms into an impossibly enormous smile as my face heats even more under the weight of my declaration. “You’re kinda beautiful, too.”

An unladylike snort tumbles free as I pull at least ten inches of extra fabric away from my abdomen to gain access to some much needed air. “Friends don’t lie, Trouble.”

His brows pull down as his smile disappears into the ether.

“I’m not lying. You’ve never looked more stunning than you do right now.

” He takes a predatory step toward me. “Cheeks red from embarrassment.” Another step.

“Drowning in my clothes.” Another step. The intensity of his eyes robs the very breath from my lungs as he whispers, “Cloudless eyes.”

I don’t realize I’ve been walking backwards until my back bumps into the dresser once again.

The air in the room grows heavy until the magnetism between us grows into a tangible thing. Until his intoxicating scent is the only thing filling my lungs.

His bedroom door swings open and shatters the moment into a million pieces. Kam flies away from me so quickly it makes my head spin.

An amused Dax leans against the door with his arms crossed. His grey eyes light up like a cat who caught the canary as they volley between us. His shit-eating grin grows with his inspection. “Did I interrupt something?”

Kam’s long legs carry him past his roommate and through the open door before I’ve even caught my breath. His shirt being pulled over his head muffles his words as he hurries out the door without looking back. “No. We were getting ready to come back down.”

Kam’s sudden change feels like being doused in a bucket of cold water. My heart falls to land on the floor by my feet as a sudden twinge of pain threatens to call tears to my eyes.

Dax tilts his head as he swings his gaze from Kam’s disappearing form back to me. The rhythmic thumping of Kam’s footfalls down the stairs mimics my racing heart.

Dax clears his throat as he straightens. “Jasper and Posey were wondering if they could stay for a rematch. Mace put yours and Kam’s food in the microwave to heat up when you go down.”

A small smile forms as I push off the dresser. “Thank you, Dax. They can stay for the rematch, but we’ve got to get going soon. They have a test to study for tomorrow.”

He nods as his eyes roam over my face. “Cool. I’ll go get the game set up, then. You can throw your dress in the washer downstairs if you want.” He turns to leave, but stops at the last moment. “By the way, Kam’s a really good guy.”

I’m not sure why he feels the need to tell me this, but I’ll go with it. “Yeah, I know. I wouldn’t have let him watch the twins if I didn’t trust him.”

He nods as his face turns somber. Even with our limited interactions, I know the look is entirely out of place for the usual goofy hockey player. “I know. I just meant that he’ll take care of you. If you’d let him.”

He disappears down the hallway. His steps fade until all I can hear are distant voices drifting up the stairs. I grab my sticky dress and straighten my spine after I practically melted into the dresser behind me.

I’m proud of the stability of my legs as I walk down the stairs. I feel Kam’s heated gaze for the rest of the rematch and for the duration of our walk to the car. It’s not until we disappear down the street that I’m finally freed from the weight of his stare.

I miss it immediately.

LILA’S JOURNAL

Hi, Mom.

I have a few confessions to make.

I saw them today. I’m sorry I did, but I felt like I had no choice. The judge says I need a support system, and with you and Dad gone…They’re my only option, Mom. I hope you can forgive me for bringing them into Jasper and Posey’s life.

Also, I’m terrified.

I’m scared to let Maxwell and Victoria in again when you fought so hard to keep them out.

I’m horrified I’m doing the wrong thing. Not just with Maxwell and Victoria, but with all of it.

How do you know when to step in and help and when to stay back and let them make their own mistakes?

I fought so hard today to stop myself from taking over when Posey was doing something as simple as putting ketchup on her plate. I know she needs to learn to do it on her own, but I was right there to help her.

You should be the one to be there for her, Mom. You and Dad should be here to help them.

I’m so scared, Mom.

I’m scared of the overwhelming truth that I could love Kamden Stryker if given the chance. He would be so easy to love.

I can’t give in to something as simple as a crush. Even if my heart craves his companionship. Even if the potential for something more is monumental.

I have no doubt Kam would take care of me. That’s just who he is. He’s the team captain for a reason. The thought of opening myself up to someone who has the possibility to destroy me is terrifying.

I saw how easily he could destroy me tonight when he walked away. The ease with which he walked away was in such contrast to the desperation I felt for him to stick by my side and face Dax together.

Does that make me a fool?

That’s why Kam will stay in the safety of the friendzone, where his destruction potential is limited to that of my trust and not my heart. That’s the only way to protect myself from the inevitable devastation he would leave in his wake when my life proves to be too much for him.

There’s just some things in life that are certain.

The sun rises in the east.

A triangle has three sides.

Everyone dies eventually.

You can’t turn back time.

The vulnerability that comes with loving someone can be devastating.

Someone as amazing as Kam shouldn’t be with someone as damaged as me.

I miss you, Mom.

Love always,

Lila