Page 58 of Cloudless

IT WOULD BE MY HONOR

LILA

The snowstorm raging outside is no match for the storm raging in my chest as I stare at the empty bed.

I clear my throat as the click of Kam’s bedroom door closing reverberates through the space like the caulk of a gun. “Thanks for getting the air mattresses set up for the twins. I, uh, I didn’t know you had any.”

Kam’s laugh sends a thrill racing down my spine. “I didn’t. I just bought them a few weeks ago.” Fabric rustles behind me from his shrug. “I figured they might need to stay here at some point, and I wanted them to have their own places to sleep.”

I twist my fingers in front of me as my eyes roam over the neatly made bed.

Kam’s deep voice rumbles right through me. “There’s no expectations. All we’re going to do is sleep.”

I take a deep breath before turning to face him. “What if I don’t want to just sleep?”

His chocolate eyes darken as he clenches his jaw so hard I’m shocked he doesn’t crack a tooth. “You’ve been through hell these past few days. I’m not taking advantage of you, Lila.” He shakes his head as fists form at his sides. “ I won’t be that guy. ”

A small smirk touches my lips as I inch toward him.

“You’re not that guy, Trouble. You’re my guy.

And you can’t take advantage if I’m the one initiating.

That’s not how that works. This isn’t a quick decision for me.

I’ve been thinking about this for a while.

” I lift a brow as I continue my advance.

“Now, if you’re telling me this isn’t what you want, I’ll go into your bathroom, change into my pajamas, and we’ll go to bed.

” The tendons in his neck flex as his eyes bore into mine.

“But if this is what you want, I’m going to need you to take the lead here, cause I have no idea what I’m doing. ”

He swallows thickly as his eyes search my face. “I want you more than my next breath, Sunshine.”

“And I need you more than mine.”

With my words, his mouth collides with mine in a hungry kiss that feels like safety.

That feels like the type of love you only read about in books.

That feels like coming home.

I swallow his moan as his fingers weave through my hair to drag me as close as possible till only thin layers of clothing separate us.

Even so, it’s not close enough. My words are so breathless I don’t even recognize my own voice. “I need you closer, Kam.”

He smiles against my lips as I twist my fingers in the back of his shirt. “Patience. I’m not going to rush this.”

I’m not proud of the whimper that falls from my mouth. “But I need you.”

“And you’ll have me. Let me explore you first, Sunshine.

Let me worship you.” His smile turns wicked.

“And then, after I’ve driven you to the brink of insanity, I’m going to make you mine in every way possible.

That starts with me stripping you bare so I can see every inch of you.

So I can explore every inch of this body that has been the star of my dreams for months.

So I can etch my name on your very soul.

” A liquid inferno consumes his eyes. “Now, are you going to take your shirt off for me, or are you going to be a good girl and allow me the honor of doing it myself?”

A shiver trails down my spine that almost makes my knees buckle under my weight. “Are you sure you’ve never done this before? Those aren’t the words of a virgin, Trouble.”

“Just because I’m a virgin doesn’t mean I don’t know what you need.

Trust me, I’ve had enough experience pleasing you in my dreams to know what I’m doing.

” His fingers tighten in my hair. “Before we get started, I need to know you want this.” I open my mouth, but he’s shaking his head before I have time to utter a single word.

“I mean it, Lila. I’m going to lay you out on my bed and I’m going to fuck you unless you tell me otherwise.

I need more than a nod of your head here.

This isn’t something we can take back once it’s happened. ”

I nod anyway as my legs tremble. “Yes. I need you to strip me bare and explore my body. I need you to lay me on your bed and make me yours. I want to give my virginity to you, Kamden Stryker. And I want you to give yours to me in return.”

His nostrils flare with my words. “If you want to stop, you say so. No judgement. No worries. We just stop. You got that?”

I nod my head again as my breathing grows as rapidly as my pulse. “Yes, Trouble. I’ve got it.”

His nod is strained. “Good. Now lift your arms, Sunshine. I need to see you.”

My arms tremble as I lift them from excitement instead of the nerves I thought I would feel when I imagined this situation. I expected awkward touches and self-conscious thoughts during my first time.

I never imagined I would be consumed with thoughts of love and a burning need for more instead.

Warm fingers graze the delicate skin of my stomach as he digs into the hem of my shirt. His hardness feels like a steel rod pressing against me.

My heart beats like a kick-drum in my chest as I say, “Wait!”

My heartbeat echoes in my ears as his movements halt, and his eyes flick to mine. “We don’t have to do this. We can stop.”

I shake my head as I grasp his fingers so tightly it has to hurt. “No, that’s not why I wanted you to stop.”

His brows furrow as his worried eyes search mine. “Then what’s wrong?”

I can barely find my words for the butterflies taking flight in my stomach. “Nothing’s wrong. I just want, no need , to say something first.”

I hate the worry clouding his eyes as he nods. “Okay.”

I take a deep breath as a splitting smile takes over my face.

“I love you, Trouble.” His eyes flare as my words register.

“With everything going on, it’s never felt like the right time to say it.

I wanted this perfect, special moment to tell you what I’ve been feeling for a while now.

But if I’ve learned anything these past few months, it’s that nothing is guaranteed in life.

There’s no promise for tomorrow, Kam. And I couldn’t waste another second of this life without you knowing how I feel.

” My finger over his lips stalls the words threatening to escape his mouth.

“You don’t have to say it back. I just needed you to know. ”

His smile grows under my finger. “Move your finger, Lila.” My finger slides from his lip with a satisfying pop.

Chills erupt across my skin as his warm fingers glide along my back, under my shirt.

“I love you, too, Sunshine.” He shakes his head as his smile grows.

“You stubborn woman. If you would have given me a few minutes, I would have said it first.”

Now it’s my turn to sport furrowed brows. “You were going to say it first?” I poke him in the chest hard enough to bruise. “And I am not stubborn.”

He nods as his smile shines brightly in his eyes.

“I was really looking forward to saying it first, too.” The warmth from his laugh flows through my body to settle between my legs.

“And you are definitely stubborn. You might not be on Ellie’s level, but you’re still stubborn as hell.

You would have to be in order to fight the way you have. ”

I shake my head as my gaze falls to our feet. “I’m not doing anything special. Anyone in my position would do the same.”

His calloused fingers dig into my chin to force my eyes to meet his.

“You couldn’t be more wrong about that. Most people in your position would have run as far as they could.

But not you. Not my Sunshine. No, you had to prove everyone wrong.

You had to prove you can keep your kindness in the face of adversity.

You had to prove that strength is found in the most unlikely places.

And you look damn good while doing it.” His eyes soften. “It’s amazing to watch.”

His face turns blurry from the tears brimming my eyes. “Take me to bed, Kam.”

His soft eyes turn to molten lava in seconds. “It would be my honor .”