Page 14 of Cloudless

MARKER WATERFALL

LILA

Throughout the day, I watch Kam’s eyes transform each time he looks up at me. I can see the pity clouding his eyes even from this distance.

He knows.

A hollowness forms in my stomach that threatens to swallow me whole. This is why I didn’t want him to know. I can’t stand the pity that will undoubtedly replace the warmth I’ve grown so accustomed to finding in his eyes.

The warmth that has grown into my only reprieve from the icy chill that blankets my life, gone in a matter of moments.

A familiar, feminine voice breaks me out of my spiraling thoughts as the final whistle blows and the kids pour off the ice. “Is this seat taken?”

Posey jumps out of her seat, not even bothering to move her coloring book and open marker case from her lap. The stairs act like a waterfall as markers tumble to the ground and cascade down each step. Posey throws her arms around Kam’s sister, unbothered by the runaway markers. “Ellie!”

A genuine smile takes over Ellie’s face as she embraces my sister. “Hey there, Posey-Pop!”

Her brown eyes, the same shade as Kam’s, flick to mine and narrow as she examines my face. Her smile dims as I confront the painful reality of the loss of Kam’s warm gaze. “Hey, Lila. How’s everything going?”

She tilts her head as she awaits the reply I struggle to give. My view of her grows blurry as my eyes fill with unshed tears.

“Hi, Sunshine.”

I feel warmth on my face as I realize Kam caught me crying again . I rub my sweaty palms on my pants as I try to reel in my tears. My gaze stays fixed on my hands in my lap as I hear Kam and Ellie moving around next to me.

Kam’s deep voice carries to me like distant music as he whispers to his sister. “Give us a minute. I’ll catch up with you later.”

There’s no hesitation in Ellie’s voice. “Hey! Why don’t you help me pick up these markers so we can go color together?”

The awe in Posey’s voice only grows. “You like to color?”

“Sure do! Can you show me your coloring book?”

Their voices fade into the dull roar of the crowd as they gather the markers further down the stairs.

The row of seats shifts as Kam takes Posey’s place next to me. I lift my gaze from my hands to search for my brother. I find him laughing as Dax, Mace, and even Wyatt chase him around on the ice.

A comfortable silence settles around us while the other kids and their parents pack up.

When we finally have a semblance of privacy, Kam breaks the silence. “Did you know that crows have best friends? They get stressed out when they're separated.”

I can’t help but smile at his attempt to cheer me up. My voice is so quiet, I’m surprised Kam can hear me. “That’s kind of beautiful.”

He’s silent for a moment before he says, “What can I do to help?” I’m stunned into silence by the unexpected question.

I turn so quickly that my ponytail whips violently behind me.

Our eyes lock, and I’m met with sheer determination instead of the pity I feared. “Tell me what I can do to help, Lila.”

I swallow roughly as I try to formulate words in the tangled mess that’s become my mind. “What do you mean?”

He turns toward me in his seat. “I want to help with Jasper and Posey.”

My eyebrows draw down in confusion as I take in the sincerity of his eyes. “You want to help?”

His eyes, so open and honest, search mine as he nods. “Yes.”

“With Jasper and Posey?”

“Yes. And with you.”

“Why?”

“Because that’s what friends do. We help each other.

” He tilts his head. “And I won’t let the clouds taking over your eyes keep us apart.

” A small smile touches the edge of his lips.

“Cause, apparently, I’m a crow. I’m a crow that won’t let something as simple as clouds come between me and my friends. ”

“I’ve not accepted your application yet.” Kam’s determination never falters with my poor attempt at a joke.

His eyes blaze with molten fire as he says, “You will.”

My gaze swivels between my smiling sister, my laughing brother, and the very determined hockey player in front of me.

Kam doesn’t say a word as I watch my brother. A free fall of thoughts rush past me as quickly as Jasper skates around the ice.

The only time Jasper and Posey have smiled has been when Kam is here.

The only time I’ve felt safe since my parents died is when Kam is here.

The only time I feel like I’m not crushed by my life is when Kam’s name pops up on my phone.

It’s obvious, really.

With a relieved sigh, I admit what I should have days ago. “Alright. I accept.”

A lightness takes over his voice that I’ve never heard before as he relaxes his shoulders and slumps his hulking frame into the small seat. “Really?”

I feel a small smile threaten to appear. My breath catches as our elbows bump on the armrest. He doesn’t move, and neither do I. “Yeah, Trouble. Really.”

With a quietness that doesn’t belong in this bustling space, Kam says, “Will you tell me your story, Sunshine?”

I take a deep breath as I prepare for the overwhelming rush of grief that always accompanies thoughts of my mom and dad.

I run my fingers over the cool metal of my mom’s watch as I think back to what I thought would be the worst day of my life. Oh, how I wish that could be true. “My mom received a breast cancer diagnosis two years ago.”

Kam’s silent, stoic presence calms my racing heart as I tell him my story.

“I watched my mom wither away to become a shell of herself while she fought so hard to stay with us. I never understood the devastation that comes with being so helpless to save the person who means the most to you in the world.”

I take in a shaky breath as memories wash over me like a summer rain. “We lived in Chicago then. That’s where I grew up. She fought for two years and won.”

A smile blooms as I think about my mom ringing that bell after her last treatment. Victory had never felt so sweet.

“After she was cancer free, my parents wanted to move back here to be closer to their childhood friends and distant family. I guess cancer really shows what’s important in life.

They both grew up here, but moved to Chicago shortly after they got married.

We’d only been living here two months when my parents went out for a follow up appointment for my mom.

They were running late because my dad couldn’t find his shoes. ”

I huff out a humorless laugh. “Funny how life’s simplest choices can lead to such devastating consequences.”

My voice quiets to almost a whisper as I watch my fingers glide over the smooth glass of the watch face. “They never made it home.”

Kam’s hand covers mine, halting my fingers. The gentle squeeze he gives my fingers is such a contrast to the power he displays on the ice. “I’m here for you. You’re not alone anymore.”

A watery smile is all I can manage as Posey’s giggle drifts to us from where she’s coloring with Ellie several rows ahead. “Thank you.”

A smile lifts his voice as his fingers tighten around mine. “So, I’m going to ask again. What can I do to help?” He holds up a finger to silence my refusal. “I won’t stop asking until you give me a job to do. Even something as simple as taking out your trash.”

That simple question burns away the weight that’s been a constant companion these daunting weeks. My war for independence and self-determination is lost under crushing exhaustion and realization.

I need help.

“Can the twins stay with you tomorrow? It would just be for an hour or two. I have something important I need to take care of.”

The smile that takes over Kam’s face has the power to light up an entire room. “I would love that.”