Page 52 of Cloudless
BEST FOR YOU
KAM
I grit my teeth as I focus on stacking the turkey on my plate instead of how much I want to strangle my mom.
Aluminum catering trays line the pristine counters of the kitchen that’s never used. The smell of mashed potatoes and corn, that is usually so enticing, now seems dull compared to the intensity of the anger coursing through my veins.
How could she speak to them like that?
The room is silent, save for our footsteps and the clicking of Tilly’s nails against the hardwood floor. I balance two plates in one hand as I fill my plate and Posey’s with two very different things. An array of colors decorate my plate compared to the various shades of tan that fill hers.
Her light footsteps follow mine around the room as she silently points out the two slices of turkey, one scoop of mashed potatoes, and three rolls she wants.
I feel my mom’s eyes digging into the back of my head from where she sits at the dining table that we rarely use.
Ellie’s worried eyes connect with mine as we take our usual seats. Her eyes flick from mine to the half empty wine glass sitting in front of her. The only time my sister touches alcohol is when we’re in this house.
Forks scrape against ceramic plates as the silence grows thick.
Lila jumps in her seat next to me as my mom’s voice breaks the silence.
“I was talking with Camilla Hollingsworth last Monday while I was on my morning walk.
She said Sebastian will be back in town over Christmas break.
She was hoping you would join them for their New Year's party this year. I remember how much you enjoyed going to their get-togethers when you were in high school.”
Those get-togethers were often a source of Ellie’s tears.
Ellie hides her scoff behind her wine glass. “I’m sure Sebastian would love for me to show up at his house unannounced. Great idea, Mom.”
Mom’s beaming smile shows off her snow-white teeth. “Of course, dear. You could wear that red dress I’ve been begging you to wear since your freshman year. That would be perfect for a holiday party.”
A full mouth of mashed potatoes muffles Ellie’s reply. “Yeah, and I’ll sprout some wings and fly through the faerie realm.”
My mom raises a posh brow as Lila and I fight our laughter. “What was that, Ellie dear? You know it’s not proper to talk with your mouth full.”
Ellie swallows her bite as she bats her lashes at our mother. “Oh, nothing. It wasn’t important.”
My mom nods without looking up from her plate. “Lila, tell me about yourself.”
Lila’s fork clashes against her plate as her spine straightens in her seat next to me. “Uh, there’s not much to tell. I, uh, work at The Penalty Box part-time while I’m taking classes.”
“That’s nice. Will you be visiting your parents this evening for Thanksgiving? I sure hope you gave them more notice than my dear son did. It’s the courteous thing to do.”
I cough as a bit of my water goes down the wrong way. Tears rim my eyes as I fight to control the spasms in my chest. “Uh, Mom, they lost their parents over the summer.”
Her eyes actually lift from her plate as she looks at Lila with genuine sympathy. “Oh, I’m sorry. What a terrible loss. Who has taken custody of the children? They are so young to be without a mother and father.”
Lila clears her throat as she tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. My hand finds her thigh under the table. “Thank you. It has been a difficult few months. I am actually their guardian.”
My mom’s brows raise as she steeples her hands in front of her. “I didn’t know the court would give such a difficult responsibility to such a young person. Especially someone still in school like yourself.”
Posey’s eyes trace the path Tilly makes around the table as the twins stay oblivious to the tense conversation around them.
Ellie’s voice holds a hard edge that wasn’t present moments before. “Lila is an amazing guardian, Mom. She takes better care of the twins than some parents I know.”
My mom waves away Ellie’s harsh tone. “It’s just an interesting decision, that's all.” Her eyes blaze as they laser in on Posey.
“I would have thought your parents would have taught you not to feed animals from the table.” I turn in time to watch Tilly shrink away from the turkey in Posey’s outstretched hand.
Lila jerks back like she’s been slapped as Ellie straightens in her seat next to me. My voice is as hard as steel. “Mom, how could you say something like that?”
She just shrugs as she lifts her wineglass to her lips. “What? Is it not the truth?”
Ellie shakes her head in disgust next to me. “How could you be so insensitive?”
Posey’s eyes shine with tears as an angry flush rises along Lila’s neck. Jasper’s eyes narrow on my mom like he might shoot lasers from them.
Mom moves the lettuce around her plate like she didn’t just stab a knife through Lila’s chest. “Have you heard from Richard this week, Kamden? He was hoping to go to lunch next week to discuss your contract.” A smile pulls at her lips as she spears a cucumber slice.
“He was so pleased with what he could offer you. He said it was the best offer he has seen in a long time.”
I take a deep breath as I choose to move on with the conversation, so I don’t say something I might regret. “I actually wanted to talk to you about that.”
She sits up straighter in her seat and lays her fork on the edge of her plate. “You have some changes you want to make to the contract?”
I shake my head as Lila’s fingers dig into my leg under the table. She’ll never know how thankful I am for her silent show of support. “I actually wanted to let you know I won’t be signing with Richard.”
Mom’s brows crease as much as her Botox will allow.
“I don’t understand. This is a great opportunity for you, Kamden.
” The crease between her brows flattens as the smile returns to her face.
“Don’t worry. Your dad got cold feet before he signed, too.
You still have plenty of time to get everything worked out the way you want.
You can’t even sign until you graduate, anyway.
” Her languid laugh grates against my ears.
I shake my head as my voice slows. “You’re not hearing me, Mom. I’ve already decided what I want to do. I won’t be signing with Richard. The deal he’s offering is pathetic, Mom. I would be a fool to sign with him.”
Her eye twitches as she straightens the napkin in her lap.
Her smile stays firmly secured on her face despite the hardness now visible in her eyes.
“I know this is a lot for you to understand, Kamden. That’s why your dad and I planned all this for you years ago.
This is all your dad wanted for you. It would break his heart to see you turning your back on his wishes like this.
We’ve just always wanted what’s best for you.
You saw what signing with the wrong agent did to him.
” I can practically see the memories floating behind her eyes.
“His first agent practically destroyed this family. Richard was so good for him. That’s all we ever wanted for you. Someone you can rely on.”
My face heats as I fight to cool the rage bubbling within me.
“This is me telling you what’s best for me, Mom.
Richard might have been good for Dad, because he needed someone to rein him in.
He needed someone that would take over and just tell him where to be, and what to do.
That’s not what I want for myself.” I glance at Lila to find fire in her eyes, along with the courage I need to keep talking.
“Who knows, maybe Lila will end up being my agent someday. She’s better at reading contracts than any other agent I’ve ever talked to. ”
My mom’s voice takes on a hard edge that sends a chill down my spine from the memories it brings to the surface.
“I see what’s really going on here. This girl shows up, and suddenly you’re changing the plans that have been laid out for you since you first put a pair of skates on your feet.
Don’t force me to watch as you make unfixable mistakes, Kamden.
I can’t take watching you wither away like your father. ”
The warmth seeping from Lila’s palm is as strong as the fire in her voice. “He’s not forcing you to watch anything. You’re the one who chooses to sit on the sidelines instead of actually taking a role in his life.” A calmness settles in my chest with her words.
Lila’s rage vibrates through me as my mom all but ignores her. With clenched fists, Mom looks down her nose like I’m still the small child cowering in front of her. “I prepared you for this world, so I wouldn’t need to be at the center of yours.”
I’m proud of the calm tone I keep in my voice.
“Maybe instead of preparing me for the world, you should have been giving me a safe place to escape from it. Instead, you forced me out into a world that was just as cruel as the one I was born into.” The tension relaxes from my shoulders as I uncurl my fist to find Lila’s hand under the table.
“So I went out and found my own safe place, Mom. I’m not about to give that up so I can walk in Dad’s footsteps and be just as miserable as he was. ”
I can practically hear the grinding of her teeth. “So you don’t want to play hockey at all? Is that what you’re telling me?”
I shake my head. “No. That’s not what I’m saying. I’m just going to do it my way.”
She crosses her arms across her chest as she leans back in her seat. “Well, don’t come crawling back to me when your grand idea doesn’t work out.”
I stand from my seat without a care for the food on my plate.
“Don’t worry, you wouldn’t be the one I crawl back to, anyway.
” I look at my sister’s shocked face, then at the wide eyes of the twins, only to settle on the beaming smile on Lila’s face.
“Are you guys ready to go? We have somewhere else we need to be.”
Lila gives my hand a last squeeze before she helps the twins from their seats.
My eyes turn to my mom’s to find utter shock on her face. Never one to forget my manners, I say, “Thank you for the lunch. We’ll see you at Christmas.”
I turn toward the front door, feeling lighter than I ever have before. I will never again carry the burden I left at that table.
I hear her scoff behind me. “I can’t believe you’re walking out of our Thanksgiving lunch because of a little quarrel. Ellie, dear, there’s no reason to go along with your brother’s tantrum. It was just as detrimental when you were a child, you know.”
Ellie’s eyes aren’t nearly as silent as her voice. The pain I see written all over her face takes me back to the nights she would cry herself to sleep. Our adjoining walls were thin enough to betray her quiet sobs she never wanted me to know existed.
Tilly’s nails dig into my legs as she jumps around me, begging for attention. She abandons me in favor of my mom's call. I stalk through the front door without a backwards glance.
Lila’s fingers find mine as the door clicks shut with an air of finality. “That was the sexiest thing I have ever seen, Trouble.”
I stare into her crystal eyes as the autumn air flows over my skin. “It was time for me to free myself from a legacy of expectations. I just hate it took me this long to realize how monumental the weight truly was.”
Ellie’s voice reaches my ears for the first time in what seems like hours. “I’m proud of you, little brother.”
Yeah, I’m pretty proud of myself, too.