Page 6 of Chasing My Bliss (Behind The Lens #6)

Felicity

M y heart is racing as I pull into Ezra’s driveway.

I’ve been rehearsing this in my head the whole drive, but now that I’m here, every version sounds like a disaster.

It’s a great opportunity for me to get more exposure and gain more subscribers.

I’m just not sure how he will feel about Lorna wanting me to add someone to the mix.

Turning off my car, I open the door, picking up my overnight bag from the passenger seat before getting out.

I pause for a moment and gaze upon the small two-bedroom house, sitting quietly under the weight of the night.

A soft wind stirs the branches, rustling leaves as if they were whispers.

A soft golden glow spills through the front windows.

I take a deep breath and step onto the wooden porch.

The boards moan gently beneath the weight of my boots.

The cold metal of the house key is heavy in my hand as I grip it tightly in my palm.

My mind wanders back to a month ago when he gave it to me, nestled inside a black jewelry box.

I smile faintly at the memory, then slide the key into the lock and turn it.

The door opens with a familiar click, the heat from the living room and the soft hum of the TV hitting me in the face.

Ezra’s sitting on the couch, papers neatly stacked in his lap as he grades them.

His feet are propped up on the coffee table like he owns the place, which, technically, he does.

A comedy show is playing—some goofy, overacted thing with a laugh track—but he’s grinning like it’s the best thing he’s seen all week. This feels like home.

He glances over at me, not with surprise or shock, but happiness. The same look he always gives me when I step into a room. One that says he’s been waiting this whole time for me to arrive.

“Hey babe.” He smiles widely as he places the papers on the couch beside him and opens his arms for me to join him. A sense of dread overtakes me. God, I hope I’m not going to ruin everything.

I shut the door behind me, dropping my bag on the floor before I move across the room toward him. My fingers tremble as I undo my jacket, taking it off and tossing it on the chair.

“What's wrong?” His voice is sharp, full of concern as he lowers his feet to the floor and sits up.

I should've known he'd sense something's off with me. Do I lie? Tell him nothing’s wrong, then casually bring up the opportunity Lorna offered? Or do I just rip it off like a bandaid? Put everything out there and wait for the fallout?

Neither option is great. Yet, I need to pick one.

“Felicity, what is it? Is it your mom? School?” He angles his body toward me, taking my hands in his as he pulls me down onto the couch beside him.

“Umm… Mom’s good. School’s fine. It’s work.” My voice rises in pitch with the last words.

He raises his eyebrows. “The diner?” he asks.

I shake my head.

“Oh? What happened?” His eyebrows furrow, the worry on his face clear, his hands stiffening in my grasp.

“No, it's nothing like that.” I clear my throat. Bandaid it is. “Lorna met with me before my… um… session tonight. She asked me to be part of this new event she's doing.”

Ezra lets out a breath of air, his body visibly relaxing. “That's great. But why do you look like you're about to throw up?”

“There's more. So she wants me to be part of a calendar put on by Behind the Lens. July actually. It will entail me doing a photoshoot and a video that could be the same as my live streams.”

I pause, not wanting to go on and tell him any more. But I have to. I can't keep this from him.

“Well, that doesn't sound bad. Is she not wanting you to wear your mask? I know how important keeping your anonymity is. You'd have to tell your mother, and I know it's something you never want to do. God forbid someone she knows accidentally stumbles across you.”

God, I love this man.

“Nope. I can keep the mask on. Lorna…” My voice wavers as I suck in a breath. “Fuck, I hate even saying this...”

The television volume grows loud as the canned laughter rings out. Ezra reaches over and picks up the remote, turning it off.

“Just spit it out, babe. You're scaring the shit out of me here. I'm ready to charge over to that place and corner her myself and have her tell me what has you so damn upset.”

The sad part is I know he would absolutely do that. Ezra would endure anything for me. I have no doubt he loves me with his whole heart.

“She wants me to have someone else in the shoot.”

He stills.

“Like... another person. In the video,” I add quickly. “Not just posing. Actually performing.”

The room goes quiet. So still I can hear the soft hum of the refrigerator.

“You could join me.” I rush out the words. “There’s an NDA and the usual test, but—”

“I can’t.” His answer is gentle, but firm. “If the school found out, I’d lose everything.”

“You could wear a mask,” I say, even though I know I’m grasping. “Like me.”

He shakes his head. “It’s still too risky. I love what I do. I love the kids. I can’t give that up.”

Ezra leans forward, placing his elbows on his legs as he steeples his fingers, resting his head atop them. I can't see his face, but the silence is killing me. Why didn't I just say no?

I don’t know how long we sit like that. Him not looking at me. The tension radiating off of him. Neither of us saying a word until I can't take the silence any longer.

“I'll tell Lorna no. I should've thought about your feelings. You are already so amazing just accepting that I'm a cam girl.”

Ezra doesn't move. Fear takes over that I've fucked everything up. That he's thinking of the best way to break up with me.

Then finally he lifts his head, turning it slightly, locking his gaze on me.

“I can't do it and I can't handle you being with another man.”

“Ezra. I'm so sorry if it seems like that's what I wanted. My only thought was doing it with you. Tomorrow I'll call Lorna and tell her no. I won't risk us.”

“What if there was another option?” he asks.

I raise my brow, confused at what option he thinks there is. Lorna wants me to be with a guy. Ezra can't and he doesn't want me with another man.

“Did she say a man or just someone?”

I think back to our conversation, trying to replay it exactly in my mind.

“Someone,” I whisper, still questioning if that's exactly what she said.

“I don't want you with another man.” He lets out a heavy sigh, pausing for a moment before continuing. “I'm sorry, Felicity, that's a deal breaker for me. But what about another girl?”

“Ezra—”

“Shh, let me finish.”

I take a deep breath. “Okay.”

“You're not gay. There wouldn't be any penetration, at least not by a dick. Most of all, it allows you to do the calendar and video without me being insecure about it.” He pauses, taking my hand in his again, brushing the pad of his thumb over my fingers. “Or putting a strain on our relationship.”

A woman? Could I do that?

“Are you sure?” A small part of me thinks Ezra has to be joking, offering this as a solution.

“Yeah. Plus, imagine how hot it would be to your viewers. Some kissing, a little fondling. But no actual penetration.” Ezra winks.

“And you would be okay with that?” My voice cracks, still not believing this is actually being discussed as an option. “You wouldn't think I was cheating?”

Ezra smiles softly. “No, I wouldn't. It's a girl; you aren’t sexually attracted to women. You wouldn't be fucking her and you still get to do this.”

I lift my fingers to my mouth as I chew on manicured nails. Can I do this? Be with a girl? Just the thought of it is so foreign to me.

If Lorna says no, then I won’t be doing it, so maybe I don’t need to worry.

“I'll ask her tomorrow,” I finally relent.

“Come over here and give me a hug.” He doesn't even wait for me to move before he's pulling me into his arms, and pressing his lips against mine. My knees sink into the cushion on either side of his hips. His hard cock pressing against my core.

My fingers weave through his hair, tugging on the ends just enough to draw a low growl from him. Ezra deepens the kiss. My hips begin to rock, teasing him. Begging for more. Ezra breaks our kiss, letting out a sharp breath.

"You're playing with fire," he says in warning.

I can’t help my smile, one that's innocent and not-so-innocent at the same time, hungry for the challenge he’s given me. "Maybe I like the heat."

That’s all it takes.

His hands grip my hips. His eyes filled with heat.

"Umm. I like that, baby. You think you’re calling the shots, but you forget I’m the one in control."

Before I can snap some witty comeback at him, he leans forward, taking hold of my bottom lip with his teeth, biting firmly. I can’t help but gasp. His hands slip under my ass, gripping each cheek firmly as he stands, lifting me as if I weigh nothing and carries me toward the bedroom.

He doesn’t speak, just looks at me hungrily, like I’m his next meal. Ezra lays me down on the bed, and I reach up wanting to pull him down with me. He catches my wrists and pins them above my head with one hand.

“You stay still,” he commands. “You’ll get what you want when I say you can.”

My breath hitches, every nerve in my body alive with anticipation. He leans down, brushing his lips along my cheek, all the way to my ear.

“I want to hear you beg for my cock. For your orgasm.”

My pussy throbs. “Please Ezra. I need you.”

He growls, letting go of my hands. “You have too much clothing on.”

With careful, steady fingers, he slides his hands beneath the hem of my shirt, his knuckles grazing along my skin as he pushes it upward. He doesn’t rush, he takes his time as if he’s trying to savor every moment.

“You’re mine tonight,” he whispers, flicking his tongue around my pebbled nipple. “I want to see all of you.”

His hands trail down to the button of my jeans, unfastening them with ease. Ezra isn’t just undressing me, he’s claiming me, treasuring me.

“Beautiful,” he tells me once he has me naked. Pinned beneath him, at his mercy.

I lift my arm, slipping my hands under his shirt, wanting to shed him of his clothes.

“No,” he says softly, tilting his head as he takes hold of my hand, pulling it away. “You don’t get to touch me yet. I’m not finished with you.”

“You want my cock buried deep inside your greedy pussy?” he asks, pressing his hips into me.

I nod. Wanting nothing more than for him to fuck me. To ease the throbbing between my thighs.

“Use your words,” he orders.

“Yes,” I whisper.

He places his mouth on the hollow of my neck, his lips peppering kisses along my hot flesh. He moves lower, trailing kisses across my collarbone, down the center of my chest, between my breasts. I arch into him, begging for more without using words.

“So needy,” his husky voice chuckles.

His hands and mouth continue to explore my body. Each touch causing me to tremble beneath him. I reach out again, my fingers grazing through his hair before he pulls them away again.

“I said no touching. Do it without my permission again and you won’t be allowed to orgasm.”

His words are a promise, and I don’t want to disobey.

He slides a hand between my thighs, his fingers trailing through my wet seam. I can’t help the gasp that escapes me.

“That’s it,” he says softly. “Let go for me.”

He slips a finger into my hole, spearing me as he presses the heel of his palm onto my clit.

I can’t control it any longer and my body arches, trembling under his control. My orgasm takes over and I come all over his hand.

“So beautiful,” he whispers.

He pulls out his finger, replacing it with his cock as he fucks me over and over. Giving me orgasm upon orgasm.

It feels like déjà vu waiting outside Lorna's office again. I'm just as nervous as I was yesterday, except I think this is worse because I may actually get fired.

Nova smiles at me from her desk as her fingers fly across her keyboard while talking to someone on the phone.

A blonde comes out of Lorna’s office and heads straight to Nova’s desk, propping her hip on it, before picking up a clipboard off her desk.

She pulls a pen out of the canister and writes something on the paper.

She looks over at me, a smile on her face, and I quickly look away. I don’t know why, but something about the way her eyes stayed locked on me had me on edge. Not in a bad way, but a not sure one. Like she knows something I don’t know. A surprise maybe.

The woman is beautiful. Blonde, tan and well, when God was giving out bodies, she must have been first in line. I don’t see a flaw on her.

The whoosh of Lorna's door opening pulls my attention. Instead of Nova telling me to go in, Lorna greets me herself.

“Felicity, come on in.” Lorna holds her hand out, gesturing for me to enter ahead of her.

Once I'm inside, she shuts the door and moves behind her desk. I'm so nervous I'm surprised I'm still standing.

“Please, take a seat,” she says before sitting down herself. “Did you think about our discussion yesterday?”

Lowering down in the chair, I nod at her. When I see her furrow her brow, I realize how rude my gesture was. “Umm, I did. I've got a couple questions, though.”

“Sure. What are they?” She leans back in her chair, resting her arms in her lap, giving me her undivided attention.

“Okay. So, I talked with my boyfriend and he doesn't want me to be with another man. He thought maybe a woman would be okay instead.” Her expression is emotionless and I'm sure the answer is no before I see the corners of her lips lift in a smile.

“That's perfectly fine.”

Holy hell. She said yes. But then it hits me. I have no one to do it with. None of my friends know what I do, so it's not like I can ask any of them.

“You said questions, as in plural. That was only one. Do you have more?” The way her eyes are twinkling, I can tell she’s holding back a laugh.

“Yes, sorry, two more. When would we start filming the shoot? And do you have anyone who could do it with me? A woman?”

“I'd like to start in the next couple of weeks, and I do have someone in mind. I think the two of you would really get along. Did you think of a holiday yet?”

“Honestly, no I haven't. I was too worried about the partner thing to think about it.”

Lorna picks up her phone and starts typing as she speaks. “What's your birthday? I know it's in July, but what's the date again?”

“The thirty-first.”

“Perfect. There just so happens to be a holiday on your birthday. It's destiny for that to be the center of your photo shoot.”

Who am I to say no? Lorna solved my dilemma and helped pick a holiday.

“What is it?”

She gives me a devilish smile. One that says I'm in trouble.

“National Orgasm Day. I'll give Roxy your contact information and let her know the holiday. Chad will get with you about scheduling the shoot, and then you and Roxy can either record the session yourself and give it to us, or the videographer can do it.”

Fucking hell. Orgasm Day.