Page 16 of Chasing My Bliss (Behind The Lens #6)

Felicity

Y esterday was crazy between the photo shoot and then the video.

It was so intense. But leaving the room was the worst. I knew in my heart that would be the last time I ever saw her.

There was going to be no more ‘practice sessions’ to get to know each other.

No more touches, kisses, and definitely no more teasing me with toys.

I came so many times with her yesterday and I’ve committed each and every orgasm to memory. Then, when we were done, I excused myself with a made-up story about having to meet Ezra.

Ezra wasn’t expecting me. He was out at poker night and there was no way I could go to him, not after what I just did.

My alarm goes off again, and instead of hitting snooze like I’ve done for the last hour, I throw the blankets off me and sit up, swinging my legs over the edge of the bed. I sit there, eyes barely open, until the alarm pisses me off enough to snatch my phone and turn it off.

The screen catches my attention and I see missed messages. I swipe the screen, opening them up. The first is from my mom letting me know they changed their flight and will be in tomorrow. She wants me to meet her at her new husband's house for a family dinner.

Great, just what I want to do.

Me: Sounds fun Mom. Time and address.

Knowing that she’ll message back with the information, I move on to the next.

Roxy: Just lying in bed thinking about today. I think the photos are going to come out amazing and the video will be fire.

Roxy: What are you doing tomorrow?

I click out of them, my finger hovering over her name as I debate deleting her contact. But it wouldn’t stop her from messaging me still. I could block her, but I don’t want to. Not just yet. There’s something deep inside of me that just won’t let me shut her out of my life.

I move down to the next one.

Ezra: Goodnight baby. I love you. I know you’re babysitting tomorrow, but how does lunch sound?

Me: I love you too. Lunch sounds amazing. The kids are being dropped off around 6. I’ll just be packing today so anytime is fine.

It’s only seven thirty, so I know he’s still sleeping and don’t expect him to message yet.

Before I can set my phone down, it vibrates in my hand. A message from Roxy. I fight the urge to open it and leave it on read.

This weekend is going to be crazy, and I have a lot to do. Letting out a heavy sigh, I set my phone back on my nightstand and get up. It’s time to get dressed.

I move around the house in a comfortable, half-focused haze. The minutes ticking away as I work. Alexa plays through every song on my playlist as I sing along to it. The only other sound in the room is the ripping of tape and rustling of packing paper as I busily pack up my life.

Somehow along the way, my hair’s become a rat's nest hanging half out of my ponytail, one sock is missing, and my favorite hoodie is crumpled in the corner where I discarded it after getting too hot—but I’m making progress.

At least now, if Mom walks in the door, she won’t be as pissed as she would have been earlier this morning at the amount of work still left to be done.

I’m knee-deep in sorting a drawer when the doorbell rings. Who the hell can that be?

I stand, making my way to the living room as the doorbell rings again, followed by a loud knock. When I pull it open, my heart does a soft, happy flip.

There he is—my gorgeous boyfriend, standing there with that crooked smile that always makes my chest feel too full. He’s got takeout bags in one hand, something delicious already teasing my senses, and in the other, a drink tray.

“You,” I say with a laugh, before reaching out and taking the drink tray from him.

I raise up on my tiptoes as I lean in and kiss him—deep, warm, and maybe a little needy. All the feelings I have for him come rushing to the front and I’m so happy that he’s here. He kisses me back with equal energy, like he’s been waiting for it all day.

When I finally pull away, I grin, glancing down at the food. “I thought we were going out for lunch?”

He shrugs, stepping past me into the house like he belongs there—and he does.

His heart is already rooted deeply within me.

“I knew you’d get caught up packing and lose track of time.

” He makes his way to the kitchen and sets the bags on the table, turning back to look at me with that familiar softness in his eyes.

“This way, you don’t have to change or worry about being gone too long.

I knew you’d worry about it the entire time. ”

He walks back over to me, takes the drink tray from me and places it on the table before slipping an arm around my waist. “Besides...I don’t really feel like sharing you today. I haven’t had enough time with you the last couple of weeks, and I kinda just want you all to myself.”

My smile softens and I lean into his chest, wrapping my arms around him, letting them slip underneath the hem of his shirt, touching his bare flesh.

“Well,” I whisper, “in that case, I’ll let you feed me dumplings and cuddle me like I’m your emotional support human until you don’t feel that way. Or until I have to start packing again.”

He chuckles against my hair. “Deal. And you are definitely that. I don’t know what I’d do without you in my life.”

“I hope you never have to find out. Now feed me. I’m starving.” Right on cue, my stomach growls, sending us both into laughter.

“Sit down, I’ll get the plates and you can tell me all about yesterday.” He pauses for a moment. “Feel free to leave out all the details.”

I gulp. This wasn’t a conversation I wanted to have. In no way did I ever want to tell him any of the details about the photo and video shoot.

He moves over to the cabinet, taking out two plates and bringing them back to the table. One by one, he pulls the containers out of the bag and begins placing food on the plates. He loads mine with noodles and dumplings, knowing they’re my favorite.

Once he’s done, he sits down beside me, and we eat in silence. My goal is to stay busy eating so that he forgets what he asked me.

“Do you think the one session was enough? Or will they have to do some of the shots over?”

I finish chewing what’s in my mouth and swallow. “Umm, Chad said the photos were good. The video, I don’t know yet because he wasn’t there for that.”

“Hopefully not. I know how hard it was for you to do it. I’m sorry I couldn’t be your partner.” He picks up an egg roll, taking a large bite.

Wanting nothing more than to change the subject, I blurt out, “So my mom messaged me. Apparently we’re having a family dinner tomorrow night at her—” I catch myself, “—our new house.”

“Want to come see me after? Spend the night?”

“More than anything.” I reach out and take his hand in mine, squeezing it gently.

“Well, let’s finish eating, then I’ll help you pack some before the kids arrive. At least move some of these boxes out of the way, so there's room to walk.” He lifts our joined hands, pressing them to his mouth as he kisses mine softly.

“My big strong hero.” I blink my eyelashes real fast as I try to look like one of those women in The Beauty and the Beast fawning over Gaston.

He lets go of my hand and begins flexing his muscles. God, I love him so much.

“But you still haven’t told me about your day. Not all the details, or how she touched you, but how did it go? Did you have a good time? Were you comfortable?”

Do I tell the truth? Lie?

"It was...different," I say hesitantly, a faint blush creeping up my cheeks. "Working with another woman, I mean. I was nervous at first, but both her and the photographer were incredibly professional. They made sure I was comfortable every step of the way."

I pause, searching for the right words. "There was a lot of emphasis on consent and boundaries. Both of them checked in with me constantly, ensuring I was okay with what was happening." Not entirely a lie.

Ezra shifts in his chair, facing me as he leans forward slightly, his eyes meeting mine. "Did you enjoy it?"

I hesitate, gently biting my lower lip. It feels as if the air has been sucked from the room as he waits for me to answer.

"I did," I admit after a moment. "I didn’t expect to, and it caught me off guard."

I can feel his tension rise and he nods slowly, and I can tell he’s processing my words. "Did you... orgasm during the shoot?"

The question hangs in the air between us, heavy and intimate. I look down, my hands fisting in my lap. I think I might vomit.

"Yes," slips softly from my lips. "I did."

He looks at me and I know he’s trying to figure out the words to ask his next question. Fuck, I hate this.

“Umm, there’s more.” I say softly.

“There is?” He questions, placing his hands on the table.

“I don’t want to hurt you, but being with Roxy stirred feelings in me for her. It was more than just performing for the calendar for me. I felt a connection to her—desire. But it doesn’t change how I feel about you. I love you Ezra, with all my heart. Roxy… my attraction to her was unexpected.”

A silence settles between us, thick with unspoken words. My mind races, questioning whether I shared too much, whether honesty had been the right choice.

Just as I’m about to speak, he stands up, collecting our empty plates from the table.

"Okay, thanks for sharing that with me," he says, his voice cold, void of emotion. "We should get to moving those boxes."

He places the dishes in the sink before turning and leaving the kitchen, leaving me sitting at the table alone, and scared.