Page 30 of Chasing My Bliss (Behind The Lens #6)
Felicity
“ Y eah,” Ezra smirks, “we took the time while you were, umm… resting, to get to know each other. We’re not besties, but we do have a common desire, and that’s you.”
“We both want to let bygones be bygones and accept that both of us are a part of your life. That is, if you can forgive us and want a relationship that we can share. Each of us has something to bring to the relationship, and that’s our love and psychotic devotion to you.
” Roxy bites her lip, almost as a nervous tic as she waits for my response.
“So, the two of you?” I move my finger between them.
Some form of no, with varying expletives comes from them in unison.
“Fuck no!” Ezra shouts, a look of disdain on his face. “There’s nothing about her I’m remotely interested in.”
“Ditto asshole. I don’t want that meatstick between your legs.”
“Stop. I got it. There’s no attraction between the two of you. It’s only for me, and you have no intention of swapping sexual favors with each other.”
“Never. We want our own time with you. As we get closer and this new grouping progresses further, we will have to frequently talk and adjust. Ezra is purely on a Felicity diet and I’ll die from contact with a dick.
And well, I’m on the Felicity diet as well.
” She winks and I want to smile, to laugh, but I’m still processing.
“But it doesn’t mean we won’t make…” Ezra clears his throat as if his next words are going to burn his throat, “concessions for you. Not the two of us together, but the three of us in bed together. Each of us pleasuring you. Making you feel like the goddess you are.”“But you’ve been so adamant that you couldn’t share Ezra.
Why change now? Especially if you went to the lengths you did. ” I ask.
Ezra leans forward, resting his forearms on his knees, and stares at the floor for a long beat. “This isn’t easy for me,” he finally says. “You know how I am—how I’ve been. I wanted to keep you in this little box, all for myself. I didn’t want to share you with the world, let alone her .”
He glances at Roxy, but it’s not hostile. Just honest.
“But then I saw you with her. And it wasn’t just sex. It was… it was light. You were shining in a way I hadn’t seen in a long time. And it scared the shit out of me.”
He exhales, jaw clenched. “And when I saw you together in the stream, I thought I’d lost you. For good. That made me realize something ugly about myself—about the way I love you. It’s selfish. Possessive. I still want you. Only you. But I want you happy more than I want you just mine.”
He clears his throat, eyes narrowing a little like the words might kill him. The air in the room shifts—thick with intent, warm with anticipation. Are they really saying what I think they are? Each of them is willing to share me, to ensure my happiness. To not make me choose between them.
“Are you okay, Baby?” Ezra scoots closer, his hand reaching out to cup my face.
“No. No, I’m not. My body feels like I’ve been run over by a semi,” I respond.
“You’re proclaiming your love for me, and the willingness to share, but you’ve gone about this all wrong.
” With my hands on my thighs, I push myself up, my balance sure this time as I look at them both.
“I’ve been with Ezra longer, and our connection firm until recently.
What I’ve had with Roxy is almost epic. And both of them are love stories for the ages,” I say with a sad smile.
I take another deep breath as I blink back a tear forming.
“But I can’t do this—I won’t do this—and neither of you get to act like you don’t understand why.
” I walk to the door and begin the descent, heading toward the front door.
The first rays of sunlight stream through the blinds.
I can hear them following me, and before I reach for the doorknob, I turn to Roxy.
“Take me home. I’ll grab a few things and drive to Mom’s and Calvin’s house. ”
Her face crumples, the pain evident, like I kicked her in the gut. There’s a tremble as she stands beside Ezra, a stutter as she breathes in. But she nods and moves to get her keys.
Ezra’s feet remain planted, but he rubs his hands down his face before locking them behind his neck.
He rarely blinks, as if every second is precious, and perhaps it is for him.
But there’s so many memories filling the space in my head that I only give that a fleeting thought.
With a hesitant nod, my lips quiver when he asks for me to call him when I’m ready to talk.
I don’t speak as we pass the blurry landscape in Roxy’s car.
And once we’re home, it only takes a few moments to pack a bag.
She stands just inside the doorway to the cam room, which raises the question in my mind if I still want to do that.
Obviously, I’d have to use the rooms at Behind the Lens again.
But then I’d wonder if every name that pops up on the screen is them.
If they’re finding a way to worm their way into my life.
Could I afford an apartment on just the income from the diner? Maybe I could ask another student if we could split the rent cost. I didn’t want to live with my mom, because, yes, Calvin and Harry were creepy.
But those questions will just have to wait until I go to bed tonight. First, I need to decide what to tell my mom when I show up unannounced so early in the morning.
I lied. Told her I just wanted to visit for the day, maybe have a picnic, and stay the night binge watching a television series like we used to do. She apologized to Calvin for changing their plans for the day, but since she didn’t see me as often, she’d take the opportunity.
Once we turn the TV off, she walks me to the bedroom they’d originally made for me. Beside Harry’s. I hide the shudder from her as she opens the door, and tell her goodnight.
I move across the room, dropping down on the bed, and let the darkness take over. Only the soft hues of moonlight drifting into the room.
Darkness. A perfect shade of betrayal.
I lay down, curling in on myself as the weight of everything settles on my chest. My lungs ache with the effort to breathe past the tightness.
I’m so tired. Not physically—emotionally.
Every part of my being is screaming, confused and torn, trying to reconcile the truth of their actions with the way my heart still beats for them.
They lied. Every bit of this started with a lie. Each of my relationships with them is based on a deception on their part.
They came into my life pretending. Playing parts in their own little story. Hiding behind masks, secret glances, and calculated words. Watching me. Studying me. Not out of affection, not at first—but out of some twisted plan. How can love grow from something like that?
Can I believe them when they say they love me?
Is that just another lie? Just one more way to toy with me, playing games with my heart.
I let out a sigh, pressing the heels of my hands into my eyes, willing the tears to stop. I’ve cried enough. It doesn’t help. It never does.
And yet… I remember Ezra’s arms around me. The way he looks at me affectionately. Roxy and her ability to make me give into my desires. How her touches make my heart skip a beat. The way they both listen when I speak. The way they encourage me, even when I doubt myself.
It wasn’t fake. It couldn’t be.
Even in the lies, there were truths. Even in the chaos, there was love.
I felt it. I still feel it, now that I know the truth.
Their love is there. I can feel it in the way they both supported me, cared for me, and allowed me the space to be me. It doesn’t make what they did right. It doesn’t erase the betrayal. But damn it, my heart still beats for them, even when I want to scream at the insanity of it.
Can I really do this?
Let them in. Forgive them. Choose love over logic.
They’re not killers, just stupid in the way they choose to show love. But in its own sick way, it’s romantic. They love me so much they were willing to go to the extremes that they did.
From what feels like ages ago, my mother’s voice echoes in my mind—stern, disapproving, clipped. “You deserve better than to have someone who plays games with your heart. You’re stronger than this, Felicity. Don’t be foolish.”
But I’m not my mother.
And this—this messy, complicated, soul-aching connection—is mine. This is my story. My heart. My life.
What do I do?