Page 12 of Chasing My Bliss (Behind The Lens #6)

Felicity

I drop my bag on the floor as I walk in my door. Tonight was terrifying and exhilarating all at the same time. Roxy is holding true to her word, making me feel one hundred percent comfortable being with her. The only thing hitting me hard is that she’s stirring up these new feelings inside of me.

She’s a woman. The literal opposite of me. She’s outgoing and flirty. She knows what she wants and goes after it, never afraid of what she wants to say.

I shake my head and make my way across the room, dropping down on the couch. Reaching over to the coffee table, I pick up the remote and turn the television on. Flipping through the channels, I finally land on Game of Thrones and lay back.

I’ve watched the series a dozen times. The current episode is the one where Joffrey dies. Good riddance to the asshole.

My phone vibrates, and I reach into my pocket and pull it out. It’s a text message from Roxy.

Roxy: Tonight was a good start. Tomorrow we’re going to get naked and start to explore.

I gulp. Naked. Explore. That means her hands are going to be roaming my body while I do the same to hers. Suddenly I'm burning up and not just because I'm still wearing my jacket. I quickly remove it, tossing it to the other end of the couch just as my phone vibrates again.

Ezra: Hey baby. How’d it go tonight?

My body lightens and my face heats at his message even though it’s nothing sexual.

Me: Good. We just spent some time getting to know each other, then went to dinner. How was poker night with the guys?

I take off my shoes and put my feet on the coffee table, while pulling a throw blanket over me.

Ezra: Meh. I lost $150. The cards were not on my side tonight.

A notification pops up, alerting me to another message from Roxy.

Roxy: Don’t go quiet on me, Bliss. Just remember our kiss. It’ll be just like that, but hotter. Maybe we can make a video for your man.

Me: I can’t make any promises, but I’ll give it my best shot. I don’t know about sending him a video.

Most men would think that it’s hot watching their woman being pleasured by another woman, but something tells me it wouldn’t be to Ezra.

I could be totally wrong. He doesn’t want me with another man; he made that abundantly clear.

Maybe he would be into it? I just don’t know if I’m ready to push him on it yet.

Voicing his opinion is one thing, seeing it is a whole other thing.

Roxy: LOL

I get another notification as a message from Ezra pops up. I close out of the chat with Roxy and focus solely on Ezra. He’s the person who deserves my time and devotion.

Ezra: Guess I needed my lucky charm.

Me: That would be true if I was ever at your poker nights. So I don’t think that’s the reason for you losing.

Ezra: Semantics. LOL

Ezra: Want to come over?

My face lights up at his offer, but I have to be at the diner at six in the morning and then classes before heading to BTL to meet with Roxy and film my own live stream.

Me: I’d love nothing more than to do that, but I have an early morning and if I come over we’re not going to be sleeping.

Ezra: Yeah, I wouldn’t be keeping my hands off of you. Tomorrow?

Me: Keep the bed warm. I'll be over after my live stream.

Ezra: I will. But I’ll be dreaming about you tonight.

Ezra: Get some rest. I love you, baby.

Me: Love you too.

I do love him. Ten months of knowing each other may be too early to say it for some. But I feel it in my heart and nothing can change those feelings.

My phone vibrates in my hand, and I jump. Fuck me if I’m not acting like a ditzy girl in a slasher movie.

Roxy: Damn girl! You just going to leave me on read?

Me: Sorry I was messaging my boyfriend.

Roxy: Sweet. Going to see him?

Roxy: Winking emoji

Me: No. sad face He has school tomorrow and I have to be up early for work and then school.

Roxy: I’ll be thinking about you as I’m snuggled up in my bed, wrapped in the warmth of my blanket as I have sweet dreams.

Me: Way to rub it in.

Roxy: Ohh, I’ll be rubbing something. Firm tiny circles around my clit while I dream about the most beautiful woman I know.

My face heats at her words. It feels like she’s flirting with me, but I shake it off. The events of the day are just fucking with my head. That's all it is.

Me: Well, I need to go to bed. Tomorrow will be here before I know it. See you tomorrow night.

I don’t wait to see if she replies. Standing up, I head to my bedroom and plug my phone into the charger.

My bed calls to me, and for just a minute I debate putting off my shower until the morning, but then I falter and give in. Shower it is. That way I can sleep just a little longer in the morning.

It’s as if I'm just going through the motions. Not wanting to deal with drying my hair or going to bed with it wet, dryness wins out, and I put on the shower cap. Taking hold of the knobs, I turn the water on and undress while it warms up.

Stepping into the shower, the water runs hot over my skin, cascading in thick streams down my shoulders and back.

It feels amazing to my aching muscles. I lean forward, pressing my palms flat against the wall, bowing my head forward even further.

The pounding sound of the water against flesh fills the room, securing me in my own private cocoon where I can finally be alone with my thoughts.

Part of me wishes the water could drown them out completely, or at least the ones I don’t want to face.

I close my eyes.

And there she is again.

Roxy!

I can feel the brush of her hand against my face, the way she laughs with her whole body, how her gaze lingered just a second too long on me. Me doing this shoot isn’t supposed to mean anything. It can’t mean anything. But for some reason, I can’t stop thinking about her.

My fingers twitch against the wet tiles. A slow, traitorous heat pooling low in my stomach. Soft guilt pulses through me, causing my breath to hitch. Or is that lust?

I bite my lower lip, pressing my thighs together.

God, what the fuck is wrong with me? Why do I keep thinking about her like this? Why does it excite me when I do?

I try to chase the thoughts away, but they cling to me, stubborn and sweet. Worse, it isn’t just the memory of her face. It’s the thought of what it felt like when she touched me. When she kissed me. All I can think about is what’s to come.

I exhale sharply; the sound lost in the mist from the water.

This isn’t me. This isn’t supposed to happen. I’m not supposed to want this.

I have Ezra, he’s my everything. Roxy shouldn’t even be a blip on my radar. I’m not into women, so why am I so attracted to her? I’ve never been drawn to a woman, not like I am with her, and I just met her for goodness sake!

But under the hot spray, in the solitude of the shower, my body doesn’t seem to care about what I should or shouldn't be feeling. It isn't thinking of who I’m with. All it wants to do, all it craves, is acting on the desires I’m feeling for Roxy without any hesitation.

I look up, letting the water hit my face, scalding my skin as if it could burn the confusion away.

But it doesn’t. It stays like a secret I can’t wash away.

What the fuck am I supposed to do? My hand drops, going right to my center as I press the pad of my fingers against my throbbing clit. Slow and gentle, I rub tiny circles around it. My legs spread apart without question, allowing better access.

Roxy appears in front of me, her long, luscious locks cascading across her shoulders, barely covering her large breasts.

I give a small shake of my head, trying my damndest to toss away the vision of her.

Ezra, that’s who I need to focus on. He’s the one that can tip me over the edge and rid me of this nagging yearning that has me begging for a release.

All I think about is his wavy hair, the way the longer locks fall into his eyes. The dimple in his cheek, his lust filled eyes when he looks at me. But then, in my vision, my fantasy, she steps up beside him. The blonde goddess who doesn’t want to vanish from my thoughts, no matter how hard I try.

Ezra.

Roxy.

Each of them has a hold over me that I can’t deny. My fingers move quicker, the tension in my stomach building as I inch closer to falling over the edge. I shouldn’t be doing this. Not like this. Not with her in my head. But the guilt doesn’t slow me down, it only makes it more forbidden.

Roxy jumps to the forefront again, as Ezra fades away. She lays me down, placing her mouth on my clit, her tongue swirling circles around it as she thrusts a finger inside me.

“Fuck!” I cry out as my orgasm hits me hard.

It’s all I can do to keep my balance as I ride out the waves that are rocking me to my core.

My breathing is fast and heavy and it’s not until the last crescendo of the wave leaves me does my heart drop. I got off to someone other than my boyfriend. To Roxy, the very woman I have to do this damn shoot with.

Fucking hell! What is Ezra going to think when I tell him?

What if I can't? What if this wasn't just a moment? What if something’s changing in me and I can’t put it back the way it was?

I sink onto the edge of the tub, water still pounding down, the ache between my legs already fading, but the weight in my chest? That’s just getting heavier.