Page 11 of Chasing My Bliss (Behind The Lens #6)

Felicity

M y leg bounces anxiously as I wait for Roxy to arrive.

It didn’t cross my mind until she messaged me last night wanting to confirm where we’re meeting that we hadn’t picked a spot.

Initially, I wasn’t sure where to meet, then it hit me.

I wanted somewhere familiar that allowed me the opportunity to leave if my anxiety skyrocketed.

There was only one place that fit that bill, Behind the Lens.

Thankfully, when I checked the site, my room was available, and I quickly reserved it.

Now I’m here, wishing that I had just said no to the calendar. I’m sure Lorna would’ve understood. Hell, maybe I still can find some way out of this.

Standing up, I pick up my bag, crossing the room to the door.

Once I get to my car, I’ll message Roxy and let her know that I’ve changed my mind.

I’ll even hint to Lorna that she should replace me.

My fingers grasp the cold metal of the handle, and I let out a sigh of relief.

But it’s just a little too soon. As I pull open the door, I’m greeted by Roxy's face, her bright smile beaming at me.

“Were you going to ditch me?” she asks, popping her hip to the side, her face dropping as if her favorite cat died.

“Ahh, no… thought I heard someone knock,” stumbles from my mouth and I mentally cross my fingers that she believes the lie.

She crosses her arms over her chest, shaking her head as her eyes lower, landing on the bag clutched in my hands. “Are you sure about that, Bliss?”

“Felicity,” I tell her, not sure why I want her to know my real name. “Okay. Fine, I was leaving. You caught me red-handed.”

Roxy reaches out and takes the bag from my hand before gently moving me to the side as she pushes her way into the room. She heads straight for the bed and sits down on the edge, dropping my bag to the floor.

“That’s a nice name, Bliss. I’ll be sure to use it when we’re in public.” She pats the mattress beside her and I shut the door. “Now come sit down and let’s get to know each other.”

“I don’t think that’s necessary. I’ve been thinking about it a lot and I don’t think the calendar is something I truly want to do.

” I hover there for a moment, hand still on the knob.

Maybe I should go—but then I catch the softness in her voice, the way she’s not forcing me, just…

inviting me. It’s disarming. My feet start to move as I talk, as if I’m running on autopilot, decreasing the distance between Roxy and myself until I’m right in front of her.

“But I’m going to tell Lorna she should pick you,” I admit, forcing a smile on my face.

“No.” Her face is expressionless as her eyes stay locked on me.

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me. No. You’re not quitting just because you are scared.

That’s a pussy way out and although you may have one, I don’t see you as being one.

” She reaches out, grasping my hand and cradling it between both of hers, as she pulls me down to sit beside her.

“We’re going to get to know each other and I’m going to help you work through any issues.

July’s going to be the most sought after month in the calendar.

” She gives me a wink as the corner of her lip turns up into a seductive smirk.

“I don’t know.” I drop my gaze to the floor as I bite my lip. Two questions that are burning a hole in my brain… Can I trust this woman and can I really do it?

“Yes, you do. Just give it a try, Felicity.” She uses my real name and my gaze jumps up to meet hers, but I don’t see any contempt in them.

There are no smug or catty vibes coming off her either, I realize as I pull my hand from hers.

My movement catches Roxy off guard, and I swear I see a hint of rejection reflecting back in her eyes. “I promise I won't bite.”

The silence settles between us like dust, thick and unmoving. The room is still, not a sound except for the barely there hum of the building's heating unit. Neither of us look directly at each other. Rather, I don’t look at Roxy.

I sit on the edge of the bed, back straight, my hands clasped together in my lap.

Roxy doesn’t move, doesn’t speak, but I can feel her eyes on me.

She made her stance on this clear. Her exact intention is to make me feel comfortable, and now the tension hangs between us as she waits for me to answer.

I tilt my head up, taking in Roxy completely for the first time.

She exudes confidence, beauty, poise, and kindness.

I’m captivated by her shiny blonde hair, her wide smile and perfect teeth to the tiny speckle of brown in her blue eyes.

My heart beats wildly, the steady rhythm overshadowing everything in the room as I bite on my lower lip.

“There’s no pressure, Bliss. This is a great opportunity. Together we can make an amazing photo shoot for the month and a video that will rake in the money for the both of us. I mean, it’s simple. It’s just sex, and hey, you’re doing Orgasm Day, so it’s a perfect fit.”

“No offense, but I don’t think I can get past my own hangups of being sexual with someone I’m not with. Also, someone who’s a woman.” I exhale as I finally tell her what’s bothering me.

“I can understand that. You have a boyfriend, right? Lorna mentioned it. Is it possible he’s the reason for your reluctance? That you feel like this little team up means you’re cheating on him?” She scoots closer to me, her legging covered legs brushing against my bare ones.

“Maybe.” My answer comes out more confused than sure, as she places her hand on my knee, squeezing softly.

It’s not like he wouldn’t understand — this was his idea, after all — but what if he thought he was okay with it and seeing it makes him feel differently?

What if he resents me for enjoying it? For liking it?

My fingers twitch in my lap. He said I could explore, as long as it was with a woman.

.. but hearing him say the words and actually acting on them are two very different things.

Am I crossing some invisible line? Am I betraying him — or myself?

“Lorna said it was also his idea that if you wanted to do this, you’d be with a woman.

So he knows what you’re doing. He’s obviously okay with it, just with a few restrictions.

So it’s up to you to decide, buttercup. Are you in or out?

If you’re in, I’ll help you to make sure our month is pure fire. ”

Roxy doesn’t say anything else. She doesn’t push. Doesn’t plead. She just sits and watches me with those gentle blue eyes. The hope in her gaze is undeniable. Of course, she will benefit from this too. It’s not just me in this predicament. I put her here, too.

The seconds drag on. My chest rises and falls with each slow breath. Finally, I know what I’m going to do. I gaze right into her eyes, my mouth opening as the words flow from it. “Okay. I’ll try. But I can’t make any promises.”

The words are barely out of my mouth before Roxy’s leaping at me, wrapping her arms around me and squealing in delight.

She rocks us both back and forth as she holds me tight. “This is going to be so amazing! First, we need to get to know each other, though.”

“Agreed. But it’d be easier if you let me go.”

“Yep, it would.” She pulls away, her fingertips trailing along my arms as she goes. Goosebumps pop out along my flesh from her touch, confusing me.

“Okay, let’s get the basics out of the way.

My name is in fact Roxy. I’m far too lazy to try and come up with something clever, nor would I have the energy to remember it.

I’m currently tragically single and one hundred percent a lesbian.

I have no desire to try sausage. In fact, I carry an EpiPen because I’m allergic to dick.

” Her face twists—nose wrinkles, upper lip curls, eyebrows pinching together in revulsion.

It isn’t subtle. It’s as if she's performing in a poorly acted movie. Almost as if her body wants to crawl away from whatever horrible thing she’s just imagined.

“Oh my God,” I whisper, fighting to hold back my laughter. “Is a cock really that bad? I mean, I happen to like them.”

Roxy looks at me like she’s about to be sick to her stomach. Like just speaking the words associated with a penis has somehow put a dark taint to the air she’s breathing.

“Felicity. You have no idea. I can feel my throat closing on me as we speak. Here.” She picks up her phone and pushes it into my hand. “You need to go ahead and call 911. I don’t think I’ll be able to breathe much longer; my throat is already tight.”

“Okay, first off, I know you’re being dramatic. So, lesbian? From your reaction, I’m assuming you’ve never been with a man before.”

Her head shakes so fast I’m sure she’s going to give herself whiplash. I can almost feel her brain bouncing off her skull.

“Never. Anything shaped like a phallus is a no go for me. I mean, I’m cool with you liking them, but don’t dismiss a good pussy.” She winks and I can feel my face heating. Why does she keep having this kind of effect on me?

“Umm, okay. So is this all you do? I mean working for Behind the Lens. Do you have another job?” Fuck, why am is so flustered?

“Damn, you’re cute. I’m blessed to make a good living as a camgirl.

My clientele is high and loyal. Money wise, I’ve invested well and could retire today if I wanted and be okay.

But I do have another job, because while I love what I do here, I don’t want to do it forever.

So when I’m not here, I pick up PRN jobs for physical therapy.

Mostly in nursing homes. The old men love me, and I love fucking with them. ”

Roxy’s head falls back as she begins to laugh. It’s the kind of laugh that comes from deep inside you and is contagious. Her shoulders bounce as she lets out a snort, and quickly tries to compose herself. I could listen to it on repeat.

“What about you?” she asks once she’s calmed down.

“Umm, a student,” I say softly. “Psychology. I’m not sure exactly what field I want to go into with it, but it’s what I’m majoring in.”

“Now I get it.” She leans back on her arms as she keeps her focus on me.

“Get what?” I cock my head to the side as I raise my eyebrow in confusion.

“How you’re so good at captivating your audience. You just have this way about yourself. You drew me in last night. The way you engaged with the viewers, how you made me feel as if I was the only one you were talking to. It’s a gift and you have it.”

I don’t know why, but that makes me happy. She thinks I’m good at this, while I still feel like I’m struggling to get by.

“Now to the elephant in the room. I know you said you haven’t been with a woman before. But I just need to know; that means nothing whatsoever? No causal kiss on the lips, saw a hot woman and got a twinge in your cooter?”

No. Of course not. But that’s not exactly true now, is it? There’s something about her . Something that gets me so flustered, nervous and has my body feeling things I don’t know how to explain. But I can’t tell her that. So I lie.

“Nope.”

“Then we need to get you comfortable with me touching you and reacting as if you do.” She reaches out, pushing a lock of hair behind my ear, then trails her fingertips along my cheek. My breath hitches and my heart races. I shouldn’t like this, but my fucking body is reacting as if I do.

Roxy’s eyebrow raises at the same time she smiles. She runs the pad of her thumb along my bottom lip, and before I even realize what’s happening, she leans in to me, pressing her lips against mine, kissing me softly. Her fingers slip through my hair, cradling my head in her hand.

“Cherry chapstick, my favorite,” she murmurs into my mouth. Fuck me, she just tied me to a Katy Perry song.

I don’t know how to answer. When Roxy deepens the kiss, I let her, parting my lips so that her tongue can slip into my mouth. A soft moan breaks free and Roxy swallows just before pulling away.

“See, it’s not so bad.”

“No, I guess it isn’t.” It was a kiss, and I did it.

My heart thuds in my chest like I’ve done something forbidden, but there’s no regret. Just confusion... and maybe the tiniest flicker of curiosity.

Roxy watches me closely, her fingers brushing a stray hair from my cheek before pulling away completely. Her gaze lingers, as if silently asking if I’m okay.

I nod

“In no time, I’ll have you naked and orgasming without you even thinking about me being a woman. Now, let’s talk some more so you get more comfortable with me, then we’ll grab some dinner.” She tosses me a wink as she pulls her hand from my hair.

And right now, all my body is craving is to have her lips back on mine.